Bullying within the LGBT community

  • Joshthegaymer

    Posts: 83

    Aug 07, 2016 1:01 AM GMT
    Hey y'all, I have a couple questions:
    1. How do you feel when you see someone from our community picking on someone else who is also from the same community because of their race or just because of how they look?
    2. How do you feel when you see someone from our community picking on someone else who is also from the same community because of their religious or non-religious beliefs?
    3. What advice do you have for people who have been bullied because of their looks, their race, their religious/non-religious beliefs, or anything else that they can't control?
    4. What are some ways that we can help stop this in-fighting among ourselves and peacefully fight against those who want to force us all back into the closet?
    5. Should posts and comments on any form of social media be closely monitored for the safety of anyone who uses said social media?

    The reason why I have asked these five specific questions is because I have been made fun of in the past and even now because of my ethnic heritage, my religion, my beliefs about chastity until marriage, my looks, and other stupid reasons and it really hurts. It also hurts because I suffer from clinical depression and I at one time was in a very dark time in my life. Sometimes I feel as if I can't ask a simple question without having someone being snarky with me just for asking a question. icon_sad.gificon_cry.gif
  • Joshthegaymer

    Posts: 83

    Aug 07, 2016 4:02 PM GMT
    Would anyone like to start the conversation? icon_confused.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 07, 2016 4:08 PM GMT
    If you enter an open forum asking for people's opinion, you will get them. Just because their answer doesn't conform to your preferences, you are not being bullied. You asked. If all you want is confirmation of whatever you think, don't ask. Only you agree with you on every subject.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Aug 11, 2016 5:19 PM GMT
    I think that, with age, especially if one was born waaaaay back in the Pleistocene Age (the 1940s and 1950s), one has lived long enough to understand people (if you don't just live inside your own thoughts and make an effort to observe people objectively) and you realize that in this era (the Internet Age), people act out their pain and anger on their keyboard. There's no backlash, they don't have to deal with the consequences, so they just lash out. Unfortunately, they stay in that state of anger all the time because they encourage it by writing nasty things. So it propagates endlessly. Given that few of us actually know anything about the other person, it is wisest to not let a disembodied response unhinge us. I always ask myself, "Is there any validity in this response" before I allow my emotions to respond.
    You cannot keep people from being who they are. They've been this way most of their lives (whatever stage they're at when they post a response) and nothing you say or do can change them. To use a scene from Legally Blonde, when Reese Witherspoon is helping defend a woman she once met who owned an aerobics studio and has been accused of killing her husband, and she's talking to a roomful of (socially maladaptive) colleagues: "I met her. She's happy." Response from the tableful of socially awkward co-workers: Silence. Reese, again: "She's happy." Table: Silence. Reese, yet again: " She's happy." More
    silence. Reese, finally : "Happy people don't kill people." Table: Silence. Reese: "Well, they don't." End of Scene.

    They also don't spend time typing nasty responses continuously. If someone's does this frequently, just recognize that as maladaptive behavior, usually depression (not that you would act this way, but many do...), but unlike some, who keep it inside, it is manifesting as its outward opposite: anger. This way, they don't have to acknowledge their seething rage and pain: they can hurl it out into the world on a forum and inflict it on others. You've simply got to see past the mere words and see the pattern in their posts. Then, just feel sorry for them. Don't internalize it and go into shame. You can only change your reaction to something, you cannot affect the person saying or writing it. If they are THAT damaged, nothing you say will change a thing.

    The other thing is this: do you place more stock in people who criticize you than in people who compliment you, and if so, why? I understand why, but it's a question that people need to be asking themselves. And given that you know how debilitating depression is, you already know which voice you're listening to: the first one, the one that says "I'm unworthy", and the nasty posts confirm what we fear most about ourselves: that they're right - even if we actually happen to be very kind. I have a friend like that: he's clinically depressed (I think he knows this, but sometimes I wonder), but is the kindest man I've met in ages. Always helpful, but not so good to himself. And no matter how many times I tell him, "P____, you are a sweetheart, despite your anxiety," I know it doesn't invalidate that tape he (and we) run(s) in our minds that got implanted there from around 2 years old, when we had no defenses against ugly things our parents/guardians said to us. But those messages stuck and they're louder than the voices of even our friends, so...

    The Gold Medal way of dealing with people (strangers whom you've never met, and are never likely to meet because it's a virtual reality) with anger management issues is to learn to value yourself. There isn't even a Silver Medal for that. If you wouldn't open your door to a stranger, why do you let strangers harm your mind and heart? You open the door when you feel it is safe to do so. Do in your mind what you do in the real (non-virtual) world: learn who to give the time of day and who not to. And when you see others being bullied, just write the person (privately, which works better, because you took the time out to PM them, which makes most people feel good) and say, "don't pay so-and-so any attention. He says mean things to everyone. He's an unhappy person." That's all you can do. Throw Love at Meanness. Sometimes it makes that person feel better. Sometimes, it just can't: they believe they're unworthy and only a professional can help them see otherwise. Hoping for an entire board to turn into, as George Bush put it, a "kinder, gentler" people? It's a beautiful dream, but it's a dream. People change on their own schedule (usually in the face of a crisis that crashes their world, not when things are going well for them). Not on our schedule, otherwise, we'd have World Peace by now. if it was on my schedule, We'd have had it by 1964.
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Oct 15, 2016 2:27 AM GMT
    Joshthegaymer saidHey y'all, I have a couple questions:
    1. How do you feel when you see someone from our community picking on someone else who is also from the same community because of their race or just because of how they look?

    I feel that it is totally inappropriate. It makes me angry and disappointed at the perpetrator.

    2. How do you feel when you see someone from our community picking on someone else who is also from the same community because of their religious or non-religious beliefs?

    Same as above.

    3. What advice do you have for people who have been bullied because of their looks, their race, their religious/non-religious beliefs, or anything else that they can't control?

    Respect yourself and stay optimistic about yourself. Try to surround yourself with people who respect, care for and love you. Exclude those who don't. Bullying should never happen, but, if it happened to you, remember it, think about it, "come to terms" with it, but don't accept it. Your bad experiences can give you insight into how to live well. In one form or another, just by walking out your door or going online, there will always be the potential for getting bullied. In my opinion, the best defense against this is simply a network of supportive friends, family and others in your life.

    4. What are some ways that we can help stop this in-fighting among ourselves and peacefully fight against those who want to force us all back into the closet?

    At least in the U.S. and other advanced democracies, there's no longer much public pressure to get people back into the closet. There is still some though. Citizen participation in politics in general, communication/media, and nonviolent protest seem to me to be the best ways to maintain gay rights (or any rights and liberties) or advance them in countries that oppress gay people. The infighting is a tougher question. In my opinion, when people organize and demand the right to be treated fairly, whoever is in the opposition will eventually come to their senses. It seems to have worked that way in the civil rights and gay rights struggles in the U.S. But, perhaps, there is no way to end "the infighting" once and for all -- maybe there will always just be some people who prefer unfairness to fairness.

    5. Should posts and comments on any form of social media be closely monitored for the safety of anyone who uses said social media?

    In my opinion, yes, by moderators from the same forum. No, if by law enforcement -- with the exception of social media devoted to criminal activity (like prostitution, drugs, or pedophilia, etc.)

    This forum is unmoderated. And that is the reason for the constant racism and other forms of bullying/trolling.

    "The next time you encounter a troll online, remember:
    1. These trolls are some truly difficult people.
    2. It is your suffering that brings them pleasure, so the best thing you can do is ignore them." (check out the article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/your-online-secrets/201409/internet-trolls-are-narcissists-psychopaths-and-sadists)

    I would add a number 3: You can ban them. But, unfortunately, that to doesn't happen here. And that is why a huge amount of what is written in these forums is an absolute disgrace.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 30, 2016 4:56 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidIf you haven't learned how to handle bullies by the time you are out of high school, I don't know what to tell you.

    This right here is all you will ever need to know.
    First, adult bullies in any form are to be shunned and mocked, except be, because I'm classy.
    People have become pussies and every little thing that hurts their super important feelings needs to be legislated. Get over it.
    So many people with sand in their vaginas.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2016 8:28 PM GMT
    Thing is, we've never been one community, not even with the creation of the American alphabet soup; GLBTIQ. BUY shoving many diffrent tribes under the same teepee. We have factions everywhere, thus division. Diffrent wants and agendas. NOT all Bona Fide Homosexuals vote Democrat, or left wing independent. There are Bona Fide Homosexuals who put country before self when they vote, and others who stay out of it all together. We are not one community and never have been.
  • eM_Jay

    Posts: 90

    Nov 04, 2016 1:16 AM GMT
    mcbrion said
    The Gold Medal way of dealing with people (strangers whom you've never met, and are never likely to meet because it's a virtual reality) with anger management issues is to learn to value yourself. There isn't even a Silver Medal for that. If you wouldn't open your door to a stranger, why do you let strangers harm your mind and heart? You open the door when you feel it is safe to do so. Do in your mind what you do in the real (non-virtual) world: learn who to give the time of day and who not to.


    This entire post is great but this^^^ is pure gold!
    Thumbs up
  • k15thelement

    Posts: 84

    Nov 08, 2016 5:14 PM GMT
    eM_Jay said
    mcbrion said
    The Gold Medal way of dealing with people (strangers whom you've never met, and are never likely to meet because it's a virtual reality) with anger management issues is to learn to value yourself. There isn't even a Silver Medal for that. If you wouldn't open your door to a stranger, why do you let strangers harm your mind and heart? You open the door when you feel it is safe to do so. Do in your mind what you do in the real (non-virtual) world: learn who to give the time of day and who not to.


    This entire post is great but this^^^ is pure gold!
    Thumbs up


    2nd that.