a VERY confusing situation

  • thisismynow1

    Posts: 6

    Aug 09, 2016 8:34 PM GMT
    So I’ve been dating this same guy for almost 2 months now. He’s pretty much an introvert and isn’t very “outgoing”. The situation started out great. We met through a dating app. He messaged me first and we talked through texting almost every day throughout the week. We finally met up and the date went great. Fast forward a little and he’s slept over, we’ve had sex and we’ve seen each other once or twice a week on going for about two months. I really like him a lot.

    About a couple of weeks ago, I started to notice that our conversation through texting and even stuff like Snapchat has diminished. I live in a different city than him and it takes him about an hour to come see me when we meet up. (For some reason he always wants to come to me versus me coming to him. I’ve asked and asked and that’s what he wants to do). I do take it as a good sign that he travels all this way to come see me and I think ultimately, that’s a huge plus that he is interested. Anyway, since we see each other only once or twice a week, texting and snapchat is really our only other means of communication and since it’s diminished, I felt like he was losing interest. So about a week ago, I asked him in person if he was enjoying us being together as much as I was and he said he was. I then went on vacation for a week and a half and he didn’t text me first or initiate anything at all. I missed him, so I text him to ask how his day was, start a conversation, etc.. and I got such short responses back. I feel like we haven’t talked at all. We maybe had 3 very short conversations during my whole week and a half vacation. I feel like I’m now bothering him whenever I text him.

    I hate to say it, but I’m really trying not to be clingy and follow certain boundaries. Yes, I firmly believe and know that communication is the most important thing, but I don’t want to show desperation and weakness. Since the last thing we talked about before I left for vacation was a talk on if he was enjoying our being together, I don’t want to keep bringing it up. He gave me verbal confirmation, yet his actions through technology now are completely the opposite. That to me is what makes this a very confusing situation. If this is how he is with technology after he knows a person, I’m completely fine with that and can live with it. But if these are signs that I’m losing him with really no warning or clue why, then I don’t know what to do.

    I’m also very lost on if two months is also too soon to bring up a talk about making this an official relationship. I would like to be able to call him my boyfriend and to take a next step, but I again don’t want to come off as too strong or scare him away. I also just read an article https://www.territrespicio.com/dont-have-the-relationship-talk/ and a lot of it made sense to me. But it did talk about how you should delay the DTR talk as much as possible. I’m not sure what to think of that. Do you guys agree? Do you think that this article isn’t necessary aimed at gay relationships? I also would like to bring up the conversation sooner than later because I don’t want to be going through this confusion for another two months and then find out he’s not even looking for a relationship.

    Again, I know every relationship is different and there isn’t a timeline on anything really, but I’m just trying to get any sort of opinion on this specific situation. I’m trying to see if he’s being flaky, if it’s all in my head, or if I did something to make the situation turn out this way. Again, I would not like to have yet another conversation with him about if he’s into me still. At least not anytime soon.

    Any advice?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 09, 2016 9:26 PM GMT
    I think it would be fair to simply ask him why he's been so quiet lately, that you miss your frequent contact. Keep the question light and non-threatening. You may find he's had something totally innocent consuming him, anything from a project to a family situation. He may lie. He may confess. He may answer your question. The key in situations like this is to not be suspicious--- and I didn't say not act suspicious. If a relationship is there and growing, you have to start with true trust. If it isn't to be, you'll find out soon enough but at least you'll not have caused its demise. Believe me, being trusting of people you care about is the way to go. Sometimes you'll be disappointed but that's better than living life always worried. If you trust your own judgement, and you think the guy's a good guy, always assume the best. And go visit him. Tell him you just want to see his life, his home turf. And whatever his reluctance, know that his circumstances have made him who he is today and be happy to learn about him, even if you don't meet people. He may have his reasons and eventually he'll fill you in. People are complex.
  • Jawne

    Posts: 1

    Aug 16, 2016 6:13 PM GMT
    Ok first off if he won't let you visit him then obviously he isn't ready to be in A comitted relationship. 2 months is too short a time to really get to know someone especially if you only see each other 1-2x a week.

    I think he is prob seeing other people this the reason you can never visit him.

    I would just let it go. Don't stress over it. Iet things just happen. I would curb your desire to consider him a boyfriend.

    I hope things work out for you but from what you're saying I don't think your the only person he is seeing. Sucks to hear I know.

  • jackp0t

    Posts: 50

    Aug 17, 2016 1:23 AM GMT
    Relax. Texting has ruined so many potential relationships. You should not let him not texting you make you insecure, especially if he gave you verbal confirmation that he is into you and still wants to see you.

    That  being said, it should be easy to communicate and if you feel he is not interested in you when you are together, then you should let him know how you feel about your communication when you are apart and when you are not apart.

    You should never be unsure of his feelings for you, if you are then you should leave.