Has someone u ever chatted with on a consistent basis online just died?

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 09, 2016 11:41 PM GMT
    Happened to me today-- Someone, who I chatted with on and off for years online (he lived in Australia) died yesterday. I just chatted with him just this past Saturday...and then today, I wake up and as im sitting in my car at the drive-through of a Starbucks scrolling through Facebook on my phone, I noticed someone say "RIP" on his wall.... Upon further investigation, I learned he passed away yesterday. . .

    So fucking strange. Because I knew him and chatted with him, etc... yet I didnt really even know him, I guess. I probably started chatting with him online back in 2004 or so... give or take a year. On Saturday when I last chatted with him--all seemed well, nothing weird, no health issues that I knew of, etc, just POOF...he's dead.. Don't even know why. Made me feel kinda weird all day today.
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    Aug 10, 2016 12:02 AM GMT
    I hope you over come your dread.

    Myself; I made a decision long ago not to get bent out of shape about events i can not control. There a good many things you can control in life.
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    Aug 10, 2016 12:07 AM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss. It has never happened to me but I imagine it will become a common occurrence as the social media age progresses.
  • Import

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    Aug 10, 2016 12:09 AM GMT
    pellaz saidI hope you over come your dread.

    Myself; I made a decision long ago not to get bent out of shape about events i can not control. There a good many things you can control in life.

    I wouldn't say im experiencing "dread"..... Sadness..yes, but more shock and surprise.... almost blindsided? Just a combination of sad and surprised.
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    Aug 10, 2016 12:48 AM GMT
    Import said
    I wouldn't say im experiencing "dread"..... Sadness..yes, but more shock and surprise.... almost blindsided? Just a combination of sad and surprised.

    Sorry for your loss.

    As for the shock, yes, it can be, if it happened suddenly, with no long prior serious illness. There was an RJ member some years ago who was killed in a car crash. I never chatted much with him directly, it was others who learned of it. Confirmed with the online obituary within a few days.

    And I had chatted with a gay AOL guy who died suddenly, also confirmed. The confirmation is actually important, because I've also encountered cases where guys faked their deaths online. Announced by their "friends". Obviously a sick cry for attention & sympathy. And I guess to erase all the screw-ups & negativity their old personas had racked up.

    They'd later return to those same chat rooms with a new account. But similarities in personal characteristics would soon expose them. Rather pathetic. Causing me to remain skeptical of such "deaths" without evidence.

    When my own first partner died I announced it on his AOL account, which I could access. Providing links to his funeral home obit. That had a way to send flowers and remembrances online. Remembrances that are still in their archives.

    And yah know what? Many of them sent actual flowers to his memorial service a week later! WOW! I was just overwhelmed. So many gay guys are genuinely decent in times like those.
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    Aug 10, 2016 12:55 AM GMT
    I know that feeling... In the 3rd grade, we all got set up in class with a pen-pal from a 3rd grade class on the west coast. My pal and i really clicked, and stayed pen-pals for years, progressing to email and IM chats in college. We never once met person to person, or even spoke on the phone.

    He was ROTC thru college, and got deployed out to the Middle east. I reached out to him electronically a few times with no answer, then went old school and sent him a letter.

    I got the letter back, marked "return to sender-deceased".

    Not sure how, or when he died. I still have that letter somewhere, still unopened.

    It's a bizzarre kind of sadness... We were close, but only as close as you could be over email and letters. On one hand i felt i should be sadder than i was, but on the other hand i didn't think we were close enough to justify what sadness i felt.

    So, i'm sorry for your loss. I truly know what you're going through.
  • Tritimium

    Posts: 261

    Aug 10, 2016 12:47 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear this. This happened to me, too - from someone I had been chatting to on here. We had been in fairly frequent contact for several months; then a few messages went unanswered; I thought nothing of it, figuring we all have busy periods (and online friendships are notoriously fickle); a month or so later I found a memorial page for him on Facebook! Was stunned, saddened, and struggled to process it for a while.
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    Aug 10, 2016 2:28 PM GMT
    Sorry for the loss of your online friend of many years. Maybe a sudden illness or accident caused his death? Or maybe he was suffering with a terminal illness he chose not to disclose?

    I think I know how you feel - learning that someone suddenly passed away. Saturday I read that someone I knew very well and dated exclusively during my undergrad years had died in 2014. We hadn't spoken in 3 decades, but the news stunned me just the same.

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    Aug 10, 2016 4:23 PM GMT
    The takeaway message for me here is that if you don't Facebook friend someone (and don't know anyone in common) you won't know if someone died.

    The exception being when you google someone, typically a person you've been out of touch with for awhile. I felt like someone stepped on my grave doing that a few times, learning for example that two sets of old neighbors I used to entertain - one in their 80s, and another in their 50s - died within a year of their spouses.

    When I take an unannounced several months at a time off RJ I wonder whether anyone thinks I died, or even notices my absence.
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    Aug 11, 2016 12:59 AM GMT
    There was a guy on RJ profile name Terra. Real great dude. I really miss him.
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    Aug 11, 2016 1:30 AM GMT
    You have feelings?

    lol
  • Jeepguy2

    Posts: 161

    Aug 11, 2016 5:39 AM GMT
    Yes, I hadn't heard from the dude in a while and googled him and found out he had been killed in an accident. He was by a car while crossing the street.
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    Aug 11, 2016 4:10 PM GMT
    No, but I wish some of them would.
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    Aug 11, 2016 4:17 PM GMT
    jimib saidThere was a guy on RJ profile name Terra. Real great dude. I really miss him.


    Wasn't that the Asian guy that was into all the spiritual stuff?
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    Aug 11, 2016 5:32 PM GMT
    CODY4U said
    jimib saidThere was a guy on RJ profile name Terra. Real great dude. I really miss him.


    Wasn't that the Asian guy that was into all the spiritual stuff?


    I don't think so