unsure about going to a gay bar

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2016 9:33 AM GMT
    new to the gay scene/lifestyle. just not sure if i want to be in a gay bar with sleezy people. or gays that are really out and proud. i'm not one of those guys. is there anywhere to meet just nice laid back guys with none of the gay scene pressure or having to be "identified" like that?
  • helloandgoodb...

    Posts: 620

    Aug 10, 2016 11:24 AM GMT
    Just like any other business, there are online reviews. Google gay bars in your area and look for sites that list where people talk about their experiences. Then you will know which ones are for you. I have used this whenever I travel and it usually works out
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2016 3:44 PM GMT
    and the OP says he is from NYC.

    Bboy84 said... pressure or having to be "identified"...
    identify as your self and there will be no pressure.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 10, 2016 4:01 PM GMT
    You want to know if there's a group of gay men pretending to now be gay men? Try a Trump rally. Seriously, I know it seems a bit scary when you've spent your entire life pretending to not be gay to then walk into a place where everybody knows you're gay, but I think you'll find your heart will race a bit and you'll be about 50% turned on and also terrified. Just summon up some man-courage and go in. 90% of the guys in gay bars are no different than anyone else except that they're gay. You'll see. If the bar scene is the issue, there are bars that are quieter with pool tables and such. If even that is too much glitter for you, you'll have to find a gay sport association or group but the ultimate answer is to stop hiding and come out. Truthfully, it is the only way to not end up a scared little rabbit always afraid of everything. Ya want to be a man, ya gotta act like one. Be careful to not be disrespectful of your fellow gay breatherin. At least they're not hiding.
  • mladri

    Posts: 264

    Aug 10, 2016 7:11 PM GMT
    Bboy84 saidnew to the gay scene/lifestyle. just not sure if i want to be in a gay bar with sleezy people. or gays that are really out and proud. i'm not one of those guys. is there anywhere to meet just nice laid back guys with none of the gay scene pressure or having to be "identified" like that?


    I thought that I'm the only one!
    My first experience in gay bar was terrible. I was new in the city so I decided to give it a go.
    Place was filled with really, really weird individuals and I wasn't feeling comfortable at all. Biggest mistake was that I haven't read the reviews on yelp.
    Anyway, it is really hard to find gay bar with good craft beer (at least for me)...or gay guys doesn't like craft beers? icon_question.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2016 7:29 PM GMT
    Bboy84 saidIs there anywhere to meet just nice laid back guys with none of the gay scene pressure or having to be "identified" like that?

    The men's restroom at the Greyhound bus station.
    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Aug 10, 2016 7:52 PM GMT
    If you're seriously in NYC, then you'd be hard-pressed to find "sleezy people" in any gay bar. Second, you need to erase the propaganda about the gay scene that you've been fed. There is far more complexity and diversity than what an ad promoting a circuit party would lead one to believe.

    Think about this... if you went to a place where there were "laid back" AKA shy guys who are also new to being out, how do you suppose anyone would talk to anyone? Those "out and proud" guys you're so intent on avoiding tend to be the guys most welcoming in a bar scene. And usually the ones who are the most fun. Some had rough coming out stories; some had very supportive family and friends. There's so much to learn from interacting with people that you wouldn't think you have much in common with.

    You identify you. The establishment that you're in doesn't identify you. You've already placed pressure on yourself to avoid things that you don't really know about. Let it all go. Walk in with an open mind; don't judge.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2016 8:10 PM GMT
    kentucky-louisville-troll-pub-sign-down.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Aug 10, 2016 9:03 PM GMT
    mladri said
    Bboy84 saidnew to the gay scene/lifestyle. just not sure if i want to be in a gay bar with sleezy people. or gays that are really out and proud. i'm not one of those guys. is there anywhere to meet just nice laid back guys with none of the gay scene pressure or having to be "identified" like that?


    I thought that I'm the only one!
    My first experience in gay bar was terrible. I was new in the city so I decided to give it a go.
    Place was filled with really, really weird individuals and I wasn't feeling comfortable at all. Biggest mistake was that I haven't read the reviews on yelp.
    Anyway, it is really hard to find gay bar with good craft beer (at least for me)...or gay guys doesn't like craft beers? icon_question.gif


    Try Seattle - you can't avoid twenty-five types of local IPA! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Trevor_B

    Posts: 35

    Aug 10, 2016 9:39 PM GMT
    tazzari said
    mladri said
    Bboy84 saidnew to the gay scene/lifestyle. just not sure if i want to be in a gay bar with sleezy people. or gays that are really out and proud. i'm not one of those guys. is there anywhere to meet just nice laid back guys with none of the gay scene pressure or having to be "identified" like that?


    I thought that I'm the only one!
    My first experience in gay bar was terrible. I was new in the city so I decided to give it a go.
    Place was filled with really, really weird individuals and I wasn't feeling comfortable at all. Biggest mistake was that I haven't read the reviews on yelp.
    Anyway, it is really hard to find gay bar with good craft beer (at least for me)...or gay guys doesn't like craft beers? icon_question.gif


    Try Seattle - you can't avoid twenty-five types of local IPA! icon_biggrin.gif


    Twin cities gays are into their craft beer too. Unfortunately I don't have the taste for it, but there are a lot of great options in the area if that's what you're into
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 10, 2016 9:47 PM GMT
    Try joining a gay sports team like Frontrunners or Ski Buddies.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 280

    Aug 10, 2016 11:05 PM GMT
    I don't know about the area you live in, but perhaps it would be worth looking for gay pubs that are open and active during the day, preferably places that serve food, so you can stop in there for lunch or an afternoon drink just to get a feel for it. There are gay pubs that have a night life and drag acts and all that, but also function as a quiet chilled out pub during the day, and it won't feel as sleazy. If people are going there for a bite to eat or an afternoon coffee, then they are not looking to get pissed and laid (at least not for a few more hours!)
    And do chat with the regular customers while you're there, even if they are not your type. they'll be happy to tell you what the place is like at certain times of the day and what goes on certain days of the week. And if you still decide you don't like the place, don't go back there, no harm done.
  • Dynamo_spark

    Posts: 224

    Aug 11, 2016 7:20 AM GMT
    All types of guys go to Gay Bars, some sleazy; some just for a pick-up; some to get drunk and some to meet new people. Others go to meet with friends after a week at work. You can spot the sleazy one's a mile away and you can spot those looking for a chat too. You never know till you've tried.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Aug 13, 2016 2:31 AM GMT
    Of course there are sleazy people in bars. You just have to learn to ignore them. As far as the out and the proud, you simply wouldn't enjoy the rights you do now without out them. You couldn't go to a gay bar at all without being harassed.