When Your Date Is Being Critical And Negative About HIV Not Knowing That You Are Positive

  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Aug 12, 2016 6:28 AM GMT
    My friend has been talking with this other guy for a while. Everything was going really well,calling everyday and texting all the time. My friend went over to his place,they spent long weekend together since Monday was a holiday. In their conversation they talked about HIV, then my friend said" he just feel lucky that he was negative and thought most of the positive guys got infected in their early 20s because they were kind of naive". Then this guy was like" yeah,but it doesn't matter because there are medications so its not a death thing anymore". Then my friend kept on being critical and said" those medications will still give you side effects" and just being critical and negative about it. My friend doesn't mind dating someone who is positive, he was just speaking his mind. Monday came and the guy promised to call but he never did, when my friend called he never picked up. Now my friend regrets how he was speaking cause he suspect this guy might be positive. So will you date someone who is being negative about HIV?
  • FitBlackCuddl...

    Posts: 802

    Aug 12, 2016 3:23 PM GMT
    AnonymKOIA saidMy friend has been talking with this other guy for a while. Everything was going really well,calling everyday and texting all the time. My friend went over to his place,they spent long weekend together since Monday was a holiday. In their conversation they talked about HIV, then my friend said" he just feel lucky that he was negative and thought most of the positive guys got infected in their early 20s because they were kind of naive". Then this guy was like" yeah,but it doesn't matter because there are medications so its not a death thing anymore". Then my friend kept on being critical and said" those medications will still give you side effects" and just being critical and negative about it. My friend doesn't mind dating someone who is positive, he was just speaking his mind. Monday came and the guy promised to call but he never did, when my friend called he never picked up. Now my friend regrets how he was speaking cause he suspect this guy might be positive. So will you date someone who is being negative about HIV?


    I agree with the HIV-negative person, thinking that people in these days who contract HIV via sexual contact are being foolishly irresponsible. But I would not INITIATE a dialog of attacking the attitudes and behaviors of those with HIV. If it came up in some other way and I was asked, I would have no problem being clear about my position. Once stated though, there is no reason to continue harping on the issue. And if someone just went on and on about it, I'd say as much.
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    Aug 12, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    AnonymKOIA saidMy friend has been talking with this other guy for a while. Everything was going really well,calling everyday and texting all the time. My friend went over to his place,they spent long weekend together since Monday was a holiday. In their conversation they talked about HIV, then my friend said" he just feel lucky that he was negative and thought most of the positive guys got infected in their early 20s because they were kind of naive". Then this guy was like" yeah,but it doesn't matter because there are medications so its not a death thing anymore". Then my friend kept on being critical and said" those medications will still give you side effects" and just being critical and negative about it. My friend doesn't mind dating someone who is positive, he was just speaking his mind. Monday came and the guy promised to call but he never did, when my friend called he never picked up. Now my friend regrets how he was speaking cause he suspect this guy might be positive. So will you date someone who is being negative about HIV?


    I'm POZ, from my perspective:
    The meds don't give you side effects to most people, for ART or PrEP. I doubt the POZ guy said HIV "doesn't matter" anymore. If he did he was wrong....it certainly does matter even if it's a manageable disease.

    "Naive" is apt, many were. Most on here are moralistic and will say "careless" or other pejoratives, stigmatizing them. Your friend is paraphrasing what he said, and what the POZ guy said. He may have softened his words in retrospect. I don't think he said anything bad, but I don't know what he really said. I'm guessing there was more than that. For me to block him like that it have to be a lot more negative.
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    Aug 12, 2016 5:50 PM GMT
    I know two guys that have become Poz recently, one is white and a recent graduate of an Ivy League school. That is impossible according to the gay PC establishment.
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    Aug 12, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidI know two guys that have become Poz recently, one is white and a recent graduate of an Ivy League school. That is impossible according to the gay PC establishment.


    WTF is wrong with you? 50,000 new cases every year. Most are 13-24. Many are black, certainly not all. Nothing you said is contrary to the "PC" establishment.

    You're a Gay Republican (or whatever using the "PC" crap term) living in San Francisco, you must be very alone.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Aug 12, 2016 6:41 PM GMT
    im negative and dont wish to contract any type of illness in future..its not nice to live on meds daily..never mind the stigma..dont like making life changing adjustments
  • Eleven

    Posts: 150

    Aug 13, 2016 11:11 AM GMT
    I wouldnt date someone so closeminded and superficial to begin with
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    Aug 13, 2016 3:08 PM GMT
    Eleven saidI wouldnt date someone so closeminded and superficial to begin with


    said the person who would cut off someone's dick!
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    Aug 13, 2016 3:24 PM GMT
    Are you kidding?
    Why are you even going on a DATE with someone when you haven't already informed him
    you are HIV positive?
    Clearly you're hiding that highly relevant fact, because you know it's a potential deal-breaker.

    He's not the bad guy in this scenario, he's just ignorant, and insensitive to the plight of others,
    not being sensitive to the fact that it could just as easily be him, as you.

    But you're the informed one, willfully exploiting his ignorance, of your condition.
    I say, shame on you, for not being upfront with him, before going on a "date".
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    Aug 13, 2016 6:01 PM GMT
    Tallnmuscled saidAre you kidding?
    Why are you even going on a DATE with someone when you haven't already informed him
    you are HIV positive?
    Clearly you're hiding that highly relevant fact, because you know it's a potential deal-breaker.

    He's not the bad guy in this scenario, he's just ignorant, and insensitive to the plight of others,
    not being sensitive to the fact that it could just as easily be him, as you.

    But you're the informed one, willfully exploiting his ignorance, of your condition.
    I say, shame on you, for not being upfront with him, before going on a "date".


    Wow dude, it's a DATE! Or maybe all POZ people should wear tattoos? Pink triangles with a toxic symbol? That way we go to the gas chamber first!

    Really? Willfully exploiting his ignorance of your condition? People go on dates to sound them out on many levels. For some POZ isn't an issue, like the OP's friend. You wouldn't waste your time if you knew beforehand. That says a lot about you: a POZ person shouldn't even have the right to privacy, apparently. Your need to know comes first. They aren't even people to you, they are immediately discarded.
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    Sep 17, 2016 3:40 PM GMT
    AnonymKOIA saidMy friend has been talking with this other guy for a while. Everything was going really well,calling everyday and texting all the time. My friend went over to his place,they spent long weekend together since Monday was a holiday. In their conversation they talked about HIV, then my friend said" he just feel lucky that he was negative and thought most of the positive guys got infected in their early 20s because they were kind of naive". Then this guy was like" yeah,but it doesn't matter because there are medications so its not a death thing anymore". Then my friend kept on being critical and said" those medications will still give you side effects" and just being critical and negative about it. My friend doesn't mind dating someone who is positive, he was just speaking his mind. Monday came and the guy promised to call but he never did, when my friend called he never picked up. Now my friend regrets how he was speaking cause he suspect this guy might be positive. So will you date someone who is being negative about HIV?


    icon_eek.gif

    This complacency is exactly why so many guys continue to contract and spread the virus.
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    Sep 17, 2016 3:55 PM GMT
    TIMinPS saidOr maybe all POZ people should wear tattoos? Pink triangles with a toxic symbol?


    That's a great idea, Timmy. Actually, some poz guys have already started getting the biohazard symbol as a tat to publicly declare their "pozhood". I hope many more consider it. Don't hide your pride!
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    Sep 18, 2016 10:21 AM GMT
    TIMinPS said
    Tallnmuscled saidAre you kidding?
    Why are you even going on a DATE with someone when you haven't already informed him
    you are HIV positive?
    Clearly you're hiding that highly relevant fact, because you know it's a potential deal-breaker.

    He's not the bad guy in this scenario, he's just ignorant, and insensitive to the plight of others,
    not being sensitive to the fact that it could just as easily be him, as you.

    But you're the informed one, willfully exploiting his ignorance, of your condition.
    I say, shame on you, for not being upfront with him, before going on a "date".


    Wow dude, it's a DATE! Or maybe all POZ people should wear tattoos? Pink triangles with a toxic symbol? That way we go to the gas chamber first!

    Really? Willfully exploiting his ignorance of your condition? People go on dates to sound them out on many levels. For some POZ isn't an issue, like the OP's friend. You wouldn't waste your time if you knew beforehand. That says a lot about you: a POZ person shouldn't even have the right to privacy, apparently. Your need to know comes first. They aren't even people to you, they are immediately discarded.


    Leaving aside the morbid joke about pink traingle ect., Timm does have a good point about POZ guys right to privacy. That right to privacy ends abruptly a soon as the POZ guy becomes involved in sexual activities. Some people are ignorant sure but they have the right to make that choice. Oh and Timm, my mother was born in one of those camps at the end of WWII so don't think making reference to POZ guys privacy is akin to how the Nazi's treated people who opposed them it's insulting even for you
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    Sep 18, 2016 10:21 AM GMT
    TIMinPS said
    Tallnmuscled saidAre you kidding?
    Why are you even going on a DATE with someone when you haven't already informed him
    you are HIV positive?
    Clearly you're hiding that highly relevant fact, because you know it's a potential deal-breaker.

    He's not the bad guy in this scenario, he's just ignorant, and insensitive to the plight of others,
    not being sensitive to the fact that it could just as easily be him, as you.

    But you're the informed one, willfully exploiting his ignorance, of your condition.
    I say, shame on you, for not being upfront with him, before going on a "date".


    Wow dude, it's a DATE! Or maybe all POZ people should wear tattoos? Pink triangles with a toxic symbol? That way we go to the gas chamber first!

    Really? Willfully exploiting his ignorance of your condition? People go on dates to sound them out on many levels. For some POZ isn't an issue, like the OP's friend. You wouldn't waste your time if you knew beforehand. That says a lot about you: a POZ person shouldn't even have the right to privacy, apparently. Your need to know comes first. They aren't even people to you, they are immediately discarded.


    Leaving aside the morbid joke about pink traingle ect., Timm does have a good point about POZ guys right to privacy. That right to privacy ends abruptly a soon as the POZ guy becomes involved in sexual activities. Some people are ignorant sure but they have the right to make that choice. Oh and Timm, my mother was born in one of those camps at the end of WWII so don't think making reference to POZ guys privacy is akin to how the Nazi's treated people who opposed them it's insulting even for you
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    Sep 19, 2016 7:57 PM GMT
    Wow dude, it's a DATE! Or maybe all POZ people should wear tattoos? Pink triangles with a toxic symbol? That way we go to the gas chamber first!

    Really? Willfully exploiting his ignorance of your condition? People go on dates to sound them out on many levels. For some POZ isn't an issue, like the OP's friend. You wouldn't waste your time if you knew beforehand. That says a lot about you: a POZ person shouldn't even have the right to privacy, apparently. Your need to know comes first. They aren't even people to you, they are immediately discarded.



    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERELeaving aside the morbid joke about pink traingle ect., Timm does have a good point about POZ guys right to privacy. That right to privacy ends abruptly a soon as the POZ guy becomes involved in sexual activities. Some people are ignorant sure but they have the right to make that choice. Oh and Timm, my mother was born in one of those camps at the end of WWII so don't think making reference to POZ guys privacy is akin to how the Nazi's treated people who opposed them it's insulting even for you.


    Look, we are all Gay here. We would have all worn Pink Triangles in Auschwitz. Being a homosexual in Germany in 1941 could send you to the gas chamber.........that is the ultimate affront to the right to privacy. They were exposed, tattooed, no rights what so ever. It was a GRAPHIC form of public humiliation. No doubt some homosexuals turned in other homosexuals under torture or threats. If some homosexuals were "infected" with something I'm sure other closet homos would turn them in more readily.

    I've been demeaned on this site for being openly POZ. I've been dismissed on a human level. Inter-gay stigma is rampant. I'd be thrown under the bus (or the train to Auschwitz) by many on this site. For that reason I don't expect or demand that every POZ person be open about it. Some gay people don't want to out of the closet. The POZ closet is the similar...........it's only on a need to know basis. That is the right to privacy we all have.

    And going on a DATE still isn't meeting that threshold. A date is when you decide what someone is like, if you even like them. If I don't like them why would I expose myself to someone who could vilify me? If I met someone like the OP's friend who is critical of people with HIV, and doesn't know I'm POZ, I'm sure as hell not going to tell him I am!

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    Sep 19, 2016 9:54 PM GMT
    I no longer date, but when I did, and when I simply socialize today with guys who are critical or even hostile to HIV men, I try to learn more. Why they think & believe as they do about poz guys.

    I'm not poz, but my late partner died of AIDS. I lived with it daily. And my current partner also lost his previous guy to AIDS. We do charity work for HIV/AIDS causes, we think partly as a consequence of that.

    So that while I have no dating stake in guys who say these things, I nevertheless have some interest, on several levels. Even if I can't persuade them, I want to know their reasoning, the source of their attitude. It might provide me with some guidance on where education efforts should focus. That I can share with others who also deal with these issues, and who formulate policy.

    I already learn some things from RJ. Although I have to separate the private agendas and personal cat fights (of which I am not guilt-free) from the meaningful & useful information.
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    Sep 19, 2016 10:13 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said Although I have to separate the private agendas and personal cat fights (of which I am not guilt-free) from the meaningful & useful information.


    Not guilt free is an understatement!

    You have made some of the most outrageous anti-POZ statements on RJ.....all because of your lack of knowledge of ART and PrEP. The most horrendous, you accusing me of spreading HIV.......intentionally.


    NASTAD Joins Global HIV Experts: People Living with HIV on effective antiretroviral therapy (ART) cannot transmit HIV.

    https://www.nastad.org/blog/nastad-joins-global-hiv-experts-people-living-hiv-effective-treatment-cannot-transmit-hiv

    I've been saying this for at least 3 years, only to be accused of an agenda, by YOU.
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    Sep 20, 2016 5:20 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI'm not poz, but my late partner died of AIDS. I lived with it daily.


    Maybe other guys don't want to live with AIDS daily. For guys that are dating guys who are poz, whether they eventually get infected or not, they definitely have to take on the responsibility of their partner's infection. It's a big deal, and it's a lot to ask of someone, which is part of why a lot of poz guys come of very demanding and entitled whenever this topic is discussed. A lot of heterosexual men don't want to deal with women with kids because they don't want the responsibility of being a father, particularly to someone else's kid(s). It's the same thing here.
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    Sep 20, 2016 11:41 PM GMT
    CODY4U said
    Art_Deco saidI'm not poz, but my late partner died of AIDS. I lived with it daily.


    Maybe other guys don't want to live with AIDS daily. For guys that are dating guys who are poz, whether they eventually get infected or not, they definitely have to take on the responsibility of their partner's infection. It's a big deal, and it's a lot to ask of someone, which is part of why a lot of poz guys come of very demanding and entitled whenever this topic is discussed. A lot of heterosexual men don't want to deal with women with kids because they don't want the responsibility of being a father, particularly to someone else's kid(s). It's the same thing here.


    Read the TITLE!



    When Your Date Is Being Critical And Negative About HIV Not Knowing That You Are Positive


    The issue is obviously one that you will ever understand. It's isn't a question of a POZ guy demanding or being entitled to anything.

    A date is a fact finding mission. It's akin to finding out if the prospect is racist, or a Republican. There will not be a second date. There's nothing "demanding" or "entitling" to it. Similarly if someone says ignorant things about Undetectable or POZ in general......no second date. If I even stay for the entree.
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    Sep 21, 2016 12:15 AM GMT
    TIMinPS said
    CODY4U said
    Art_Deco saidI'm not poz, but my late partner died of AIDS. I lived with it daily.


    Maybe other guys don't want to live with AIDS daily. For guys that are dating guys who are poz, whether they eventually get infected or not, they definitely have to take on the responsibility of their partner's infection. It's a big deal, and it's a lot to ask of someone, which is part of why a lot of poz guys come of very demanding and entitled whenever this topic is discussed. A lot of heterosexual men don't want to deal with women with kids because they don't want the responsibility of being a father, particularly to someone else's kid(s). It's the same thing here.

    Read the TITLE!

    When Your Date Is Being Critical And Negative About HIV Not Knowing That You Are Positive


    The issue is obviously one that you will ever understand. It's isn't a question of a POZ guy demanding or being entitled to anything.

    A date is a fact finding mission. It's akin to finding out if the prospect is racist, or a Republican. There will not be a second date. There's nothing "demanding" or "entitling" to it. Similarly if someone says ignorant things about Undetectable or POZ in general......no second date. If I even stay for the entree.

    I was about to post something similar. Choosing to actually live with a poz guy is something different from what the thread topic asks. Although I did in fact knowingly choose to live with a poz guy myself.

    We're talking about dating any guy who's openly disparaging about those who have HIV. If you're poz yourself I can understand how that's gonna strike home and hurt. It also rubs me the wrong way because I was partnered for the first time in my life with a wonderful guy, who happened to be poz, and who told me that before we even actually met.

    His HIV status didn't diminish from the fact he was the love of my life. And I knew what I was potentially getting myself into.

    But if I hear someone become openly critical of those with HIV, I get very angry. Not someone who's a date, because I no longer date, I mean ANYONE who says that. That's an attack on my late partner, on my husband's late partner, on our friends who are living with HIV (some beyond 30 years), and on those my husband & I help who have HIV/AIDS.
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    Sep 22, 2016 4:44 PM GMT
    TIMinPS said
    CODY4U said
    Art_Deco saidI'm not poz, but my late partner died of AIDS. I lived with it daily.


    Maybe other guys don't want to live with AIDS daily. For guys that are dating guys who are poz, whether they eventually get infected or not, they definitely have to take on the responsibility of their partner's infection. It's a big deal, and it's a lot to ask of someone, which is part of why a lot of poz guys come of very demanding and entitled whenever this topic is discussed. A lot of heterosexual men don't want to deal with women with kids because they don't want the responsibility of being a father, particularly to someone else's kid(s). It's the same thing here.


    Read the TITLE!



    When Your Date Is Being Critical And Negative About HIV Not Knowing That You Are Positive


    The issue is obviously one that you will ever understand. It's isn't a question of a POZ guy demanding or being entitled to anything.

    A date is a fact finding mission. It's akin to finding out if the prospect is racist, or a Republican. There will not be a second date. There's nothing "demanding" or "entitling" to it. Similarly if someone says ignorant things about Undetectable or POZ in general......no second date. If I even stay for the entree.


    Unlike you, I can READ! I was clearly responding specifically to Art Deco's post, which went off into points that were different from the Anonym's QUESTION! I replied directly to the OP on the title subject PREVIOUSLY!

    However, good for you for still having some dealbreakers. That's so special. I'm sure it takes a lot for a guy like you to say no to someone that seems interested.
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    Sep 23, 2016 6:45 PM GMT
    CODY4U said
    AnonymKOIA saidMy friend has been talking with this other guy for a while. Everything was going really well,calling everyday and texting all the time. My friend went over to his place,they spent long weekend together since Monday was a holiday. In their conversation they talked about HIV, then my friend said" he just feel lucky that he was negative and thought most of the positive guys got infected in their early 20s because they were kind of naive". Then this guy was like" yeah,but it doesn't matter because there are medications so its not a death thing anymore". Then my friend kept on being critical and said" those medications will still give you side effects" and just being critical and negative about it. My friend doesn't mind dating someone who is positive, he was just speaking his mind. Monday came and the guy promised to call but he never did, when my friend called he never picked up. Now my friend regrets how he was speaking cause he suspect this guy might be positive. So will you date someone who is being negative about HIV?


    icon_eek.gif

    This complacency is exactly why so many guys continue to contract and spread the virus.


    This doesn't make sense either. I doubt the quote "this guy was like" (an obvious paraphrase by the OP) "it doesn't matter" is out of character for someone who is POZ. Becoming POZ is a monumental change for people. While I agree that it is not a death sentence anymore.

    So your ire is raised by something he "like" said. HIV is NOT spread by Undetectable POZ people or people on PrEP. What you perceive as complacency is Neg people being comfortable with POZ people.

    What is complacency is Neg guys with other Neg guys.......without being tested. Sersorting Neg/Neg is "inherently dangerous" as ACON says. Not knowing and assuming IS how HIV is spread.