Holiday question

  • surfin

    Posts: 5

    Aug 14, 2016 8:54 AM GMT
    Hey guys

    I was browsing for a topic like this and I couldn't find one, so here goes..

    I could really use your insight/experience/opinion on this: to put it simple, is it wrong, when one is in a relationship, is it disrespectful to go on holidays without your boyfriend (like, you go on holidays with your friends and he goes on holidays with his or he does not go at all)? If one wants to do it, does it mean they love their partner less?
    And would the answer depend on the stage of the relationship (like, in the beginning that is acceptable but as the relationship progresses, that becomes not cool)?

    How do you guys feel about it or have you had to deal with it and, if so, how did you?

    Thanks!
  • TombRaider

    Posts: 94

    Aug 14, 2016 2:23 PM GMT
    In my opinion your boyfriend should always be invited to come along, wherever you go. If he doesn't want to go ask him if it's okay if you go without him. It can also depend how long you two have been dating if it's just a few weeks go but still ask him to join you. It's just simply polite and considerate to ask the person your dating to join you. It shows you care about them and want to share experiences with them.

    Just my opinion
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    Levels of gay relationships, and commitments, vary, are not well-defined by terms, at least not in English.

    I see you are in Portugal. Here in the US, when a guy has been "raised" to the special level of Boyfriend, you would at least invite him to accompany you on your holiday trips.

    And more than simple courtesy, I would WANT him to be with me. I couldn't imagine a pleasure trip without him. And so it has been with every guy I've ever called BF. In fact, I've postponed or canceled trips when he couldn't arrange to accompany me. It would be meaningless & empty to take a pleasure trip without my guy by my side. And what am I gonna do afterwards? Show him the picture slide show of what he missed? icon_rolleyes.gif

    So it begs the question: is this guy really your BF, or in some other category?
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 268

    Aug 14, 2016 2:41 PM GMT
    Fine with mutual agreement
  • surfin

    Posts: 5

    Aug 14, 2016 3:46 PM GMT
    Guys, thank you for taking the question seriously and sharing your mind and/or experience.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 4:50 PM GMT
    I have a close friend who's a doctor who's in a relationship with his boyfriend for 3 years now. With his income my friend travels several times a year, something his lower income boyfriend would never afford. So my friend just travels on his own most of the time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 5:13 PM GMT
    bachian said
    I have a close friend who's a doctor who's in a relationship with his boyfriend for 3 years now. With his income my friend travels several times a year, something his lower income boyfriend would never afford. So my friend just travels on his own most of the time.

    Well that raises another issue: wouldn't your doctor friend WANT to travel with his "lower income" BF? I know I would. Even if that meant paying for much of his expenses.

    Otherwise, what is the "boyfriend" other than a glorified fuck buddy? Yah know, you take a guy for a BF, or a partner, and you've bought him lock, lock & barrel. His income limitations and all. You should've known that up front, and understood that.

    I guess I'm hopelessly old fashioned, old world. But in MY world, if you bring a guy into your life, he IS your life, not some sexual accessory. Please forgive an old guy's attitude. I guess I'll never adapt to a millennial point of view on things like this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 5:36 PM GMT
    It's common for couples to have separate interests and thus vacation plans that don't necessarily match your partner's interests. It's also sometimes difficult to match vacation schedules. As others have mentioned, it's polite to at least ask. You might need to compromise a bit by finding side trips that are of interest to him so that it's not just about you.

    I happen to much prefer mountains over beaches, but if I had a partner ask me to go to the tropics, I'd grin and bear it, and say yes, but with the understanding that he would later take a weekend or vacation to my preferred location.

    So just ask. And plan together rather than by yourself.
  • surfin

    Posts: 5

    Aug 14, 2016 5:48 PM GMT
    Thanks for the replies!

    The thing is - we live in different countries, so holidays are pretty much the only time we see eachother. But I have other friends with whom I have always had the habit of going on holidays with and I don't want to lose that. I want that this guy I am seeing - true Art_Deco, maybe I am pushing it by calling him my boyfriend, but I have no doubt I want him to be a part of my life now and in the future - but I am having a hard time in balancing both. I cannot see all my friends during worktime and I want to be with them too, as much as I want to be with this guy..

    The other day I told him I was thinking about going on holidays with him later this year and, in some other time, with my heterossexual best friend (putting jealousy issues aside) and he flipped because he thinks I should spend all my holidays with him.

    I don't know but this makes me feel a bit caged in... Is it normal? Should I forget about holidays with friends for now and, later on, resume holidays with friends AND my boyfriend? Is he being too overwhelming since we are in the beginning of things?

    Damn, I am really confused.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 8:00 PM GMT
    @Art_Deco

    Even if one offers the other the possibility of travel with all expenses paid, the other might refuse it to avoid being in someone's debt or just for being too proud.

    I don't know if you're old school, maybe you're the reflection of better economic times. Millennials will be the first generation worse off than their parents and may decide not to have relationships if that means yet another economic burden.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 14, 2016 10:59 PM GMT
    bachian said... and may decide not to have relationships if that means yet another economic burden.
    off topic but having two none related incomes in the house covers the sit where one guy looses his employ.

    I choose not to tag along when my husband visits his 80years old parents in Boise ID. Out side that we go everywhere together.