Suicide by masculine middle aged gay men

  • Whipmagic

    Posts: 1481

    Aug 14, 2016 11:14 PM GMT
    This post is borne out of anecdotal evidence, as I had three sad examples over the last year: All of them gay men, in good shape, in their thirties or forties. One of them my ex, the other aquaintences. They all took their lives, no explanation left behind, leaving everyone guessing. I know there is nationwide evidence that middle aged men are killing themselves at record numbers, but for me personally this is now beyond a statistic. Is there something toxic about our community that drives men as they get older - and not even that old - to this step? Or is it a case of "the plural of anecdote is not data"?
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    Aug 14, 2016 11:28 PM GMT
    Interesting - sounds like anecdote. Unhappy coincidences for you. What is much publicized is an increasing rate of suicide among youth. Have not heard anything about more suicides among men in 30s-40s.
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    Aug 14, 2016 11:31 PM GMT
    prolly cause gay love doesn't exist but who knows
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    Aug 15, 2016 12:12 AM GMT
    Whipmagic said
    All of them gay men, in good shape, in their thirties or forties. One of them my ex, the other aquaintences.


    30s or 40s is not middle age. That starts around 50 or more.
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    Aug 15, 2016 12:21 AM GMT
    Ann Arbor, Michigan is not a big positive adventure in the winter?
    Unemployment can be a big stress.
    the social isolation of gay men might not help
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Aug 15, 2016 12:25 AM GMT
    I read an article about 6 months ago that middle-aged white men are killing themselves at a rate never seen before. It mostly touched on financial despair, addiction, and those being the main factors in the increase in suicide rates in middle-aged males.
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    Aug 15, 2016 12:46 AM GMT
    Import saidI read an article about 6 months ago that middle-aged white men are killing themselves at a rate never seen before. It mostly touched on financial despair, addiction, and those being the main factors in the increase in suicide rates in middle-aged males.

    Wbat age range are you talking about? "Middle Age" is very broad.
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    Aug 15, 2016 1:11 AM GMT
    Haven't seen gay broken out of the stats but I doubt our rate any higher than theirs. Rather, by the stats, they do show rates down for black middle aged men so it could be they've more practiced coping mechanisms (dealing with all the shit society throws their way) and so we might "benefit" similarly. On the other hand, they might have family structure (kids for the str8s or downlows that we don't have--family that hasn't thrown them away like ours might) to help sustain them.

    Of my group from grade school (many of us still in touch) we had a suicide that made the news, an attempted suicide of a real nice guy and of course my own pending suicide should ever I notice Alzheimer's kicking in. I only hope I then have the balls for it as now I've no intention of allowing that damned disease to be my fate. We've plenty of other deaths (we've buried a bunch of us already--sucks) but by different causes and I've had a number of other suicides in my life but these would be classified middle ages. There might be others that were explained away but my group has been pretty open about discussing things so while I'd think I'd know the score, a few might have slipped through.

    So on the one hand I don't have a sense that my peers are offing themselves at an accelerated rate, but that might be tough for me to judge because we all check up on each other and it helps to know you have someone in the world. It's probably unusual that I have this group but we were from a smallish town and we all went through all the grades together. People didn't move as much then as they do now. But as this world turns more into a place where people don't stay in place, as people throw each other away like toilet paper, and just by communicating with this stupid as fuck computer, those factors alone can add up to a sense of: why bother.

    Anyway, I'm sure there's lots of other factors involved. Here's the research that got the conversation going...

    http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/products/databriefs/db241.htm
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    Aug 15, 2016 1:21 AM GMT
    sickofthis.PNG
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Aug 15, 2016 1:30 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    Import saidI read an article about 6 months ago that middle-aged white men are killing themselves at a rate never seen before. It mostly touched on financial despair, addiction, and those being the main factors in the increase in suicide rates in middle-aged males.

    Wbat age range are you talking about? "Middle Age" is very broad.

    mid-40s
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    Aug 15, 2016 1:59 AM GMT
    Whipmagic said
    This post is borne out of anecdotal evidence, as I had three sad examples over the last year:
    All of them gay men,
    in good shape,
    in their thirties or forties.

    One of them my ex, the other acquaintances.

    They all took their lives, no explanation left behind

    leaving everyone guessing. I know there is nationwide evidence that middle aged men are killing themselves at record numbers, but for me personally this is now beyond a statistic. Is there something toxic about our community that drives men as they get older - and not even that old - to this step? Or is it a case of "the plural of anecdote is not data"?


    I responded to a forum post earlier today about a 19 year old who wants to commit suicide because his penis is less than 5 inches long OR he'll hang in there until he can move to Spain where he can find a man with a penis 5 and three quarters long--and life would be worth living.

    Now, there's a forum post about three masculine gay men committing suicide.
    No explanation means they had good bodies but not good religious upbringing and not good at communicating the meaning of Life.

    They fell on their own sword.

    Haven't you noticed there are headless profiles with good bodies that do not participate in forums.
    Those are the silent masculine type/s.
    That's what that means.
    It means the blue, indigo, and violet chakras were not developed for social interaction, interaction with dead ancestors, guardian angels, Savior Entities, Astrology, demi-Gods, and God, were an embarrassment to them, were under-valued.
    That's what happens when people are not valued by extended family and community. "I don't need to be welcomed into your family. I cannot stay monogamous. I don't want strings attached." "I can only date White Men, Asian Men, Hispanic Men but not Black Men." "I choose sex over love." I do not want a fem guy." "I don't want psycho-babble." "I don't want to go to a therapist over a sex partner NSA relationship, What? relationship? There's no relationship. There's just sex. Trust?" I'm not introducing my sex partner to my minister, my siblings." "What, someone will care for me when I'm between jobs? I do not care for people who are between jobs."

    It could be any of that or other when isn't a home-builder with another. Does ManHunt or Grindr or SnapChat or Skype help people build long, strong, strings of attachment? And if they do, how many men explicitly say they want that?

    How many men have done a synastry chart and a composite chart with their sex partners?
    Did these guys have adequate experience in spinning their chakras and aura balancing?
    What about the white beams of the aura?

    All of that, they turned off by suicide.
    Look at what they turned off:
    https://www.pinterest.com/pin/498281146242188294/

    Look at this: http://www.chakra-anatomy.com/chakra-colors.html

    Throat Chakra - Blue Color

    The throat chakra is the fifth chakra and its color is blue. It is one the three primary colors. The main energy of blue is communication and it is the color used to soothe the soul. Explore this Divine color in depth, learn what blue color of the throat chakra means and how it manifests on all levels of your being.


    third eye chakra colorsThird Eye Chakra - Indigo Color

    Indigo is the color of the sixth energy centre - your third eye chakra. It is the color that opens the consciousness and brings awareness to higher planes and connects us with the spiritual world. Discover the hidden meanings of the third eye chakra indigo color.


    crown chakra colorsCrown Chakra - Violet Color

    Violet is the color of the crown chakra and it is the color of cosmic awareness and cosmic consciousness. It is a unifying color, the color of oneness and spirituality. The energy of this color is very healing and can soothe away pain. Learn more about this spiritual color and its manifestation at the crown chakra.
  • jock5827

    Posts: 52

    Aug 15, 2016 4:04 AM GMT
    Whipmagic saidThis post is borne out of anecdotal evidence, as I had three sad examples over the last year: All of them gay men, in good shape, in their thirties or forties. One of them my ex, the other aquaintences. They all took their lives, no explanation left behind, leaving everyone guessing. I know there is nationwide evidence that middle aged men are killing themselves at record numbers, but for me personally this is now beyond a statistic. Is there something toxic about our community that drives men as they get older - and not even that old - to this step? Or is it a case of "the plural of anecdote is not data"?


    First of all, I'm very sorry that this happened to people so close to you. Losing any community member to suicide is tough, and when it is someone with whom you were once close, it can be that much harder. If you know someone who is in a very tough place, please point them towards the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-8255).

    Weather can play a role (there are parts of Scandinavia with very high suicide rates) but I think that other factors (frustration with career, friends, love, some combination of above) may be influencing things as well. It's that much more important for people to provide support for one another and to dig past the superficial pleasantries to see how folks are really doing. Thanks for sharing your story.
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    Aug 15, 2016 4:12 AM GMT
    Our community needs to treat this epidemic like HIV. Too many of us are single.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1149

    Aug 15, 2016 5:24 AM GMT
    Whipmagic saidThis post is borne out of anecdotal evidence, as I had three sad examples over the last year: All of them gay men, in good shape, in their thirties or forties. One of them my ex, the other aquaintences. They all took their lives, no explanation left behind, leaving everyone guessing. I know there is nationwide evidence that middle aged men are killing themselves at record numbers, but for me personally this is now beyond a statistic. Is there something toxic about our community that drives men as they get older - and not even that old - to this step? Or is it a case of "the plural of anecdote is not data"?


    There's something toxic to all communities, and not just to gays, and that's acetaldehyde. I'm actually going to contact the Lee Baca defense team (he's being indicted on various corruption charges related to abuse of LA County prisoners during his time as sheriff) and suggest that Baca's suspected onset of Alzheimers may in fact be from acetaldehyde poisoning and that if Baca removes himself towards clean air, his symptoms may also alleviate and will show that for close to a decade now, his exposure to acetaldehyde, and his subsequent poisoning, had impaired his judgement and made him careless, and that he was essentially incapacitated throughout his tenure, thus less culpable of what he's being indicted on (the only clean air in the LA Basin would be Malibu, as a place like Santa Monica is too close to car traffic in spite of the sea breeze). I also suspect acetaldehyde poisoning, of a few other reasons, of why posting on RJ has gone down. Simply put, the overexposure of acetaldehyde among hundreds of millions of Americans, and their subsequent poisoning, will sedate, and very much cause or exacerbate whatever symptoms people may have.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1149

    Aug 15, 2016 5:34 AM GMT
    Acetadehyde poisoning is a real phenonmenon since we transitioned to using ethanol as a fuel blend, and I'm the only idiot to realize this besides a few individuals in Maine... And Maine doesn't even breathe as much as this shit as the people in the LA Basin do. These individuals have the governor's ear but here in LA we're far from preventing more acetadehyde exposure, in fact, it's only going to increase as California always set's the standard for "environmentally friendly" policies.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1174

    Aug 15, 2016 5:49 AM GMT
    Why does "masculine" have to be in the title? We're talking about human life. I can see how "middle-aged" can be a factor since it's a demographic. But being a masculine male isn't.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 283

    Aug 15, 2016 9:23 AM GMT
    I think a lot of people are not taking their psychological well-being seriously enough. It could be there's a stigma to it. Some people use the words "get therapy" as an insult, or take it that way. Or maybe it's handled badly in the media. TV shows use the image of someone sitting in a chair talking to a psychologist with a clip board as a comedy sketch, or people associate the word "psychology" with "psychotic" and have visions of being locked up in a mental asylum or something for talking about their emotional struggles. Maybe people are put off by hyped up celebrity stories about what they go through and have posted all over the internet and in magazines. In the real world, psychological treatment is not that extreme.

    And even if we do have family members and friends who are supportive of us and have our best interests at heart, they don't always know the best advice to give. That's another reason why it is necessary to seek help from a professional.

    It is important to take care of our minds as well as our bodies. If you have a physical problem, you see a doctor and get it treated before it gets worse. We should do the same if we have emotional problems. Admitting that you have a problem and seeking a solution to it is the first step to recovery.
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    Aug 15, 2016 10:36 AM GMT
    Import said
    Art_Deco said
    Import saidI read an article about 6 months ago that middle-aged white men are killing themselves at a rate never seen before. It mostly touched on financial despair, addiction, and those being the main factors in the increase in suicide rates in middle-aged males.

    Wbat age range are you talking about? "Middle Age" is very broad.

    mid-40s

    Thanks for the reply. I'm not sure mid-40s qualifies as 'middle aged'. Maybe in the gay world, where anything over 35 is considered old.

    Rather, that's more the range for mid-life crisis, that some men experience. That in turn might lead some to suicidal thoughts, I dunno.

    I came out at 45. Instead of a mid-life crisis, I had a mid-life Renaissance. That I'm still enjoying. Although approaching 70 and not quite enjoying things in the same ways, needless to say, I'm still having fun and loving my gay life, and loving my gay husband.

    Best thing I ever did was realizing I'm gay, very long overdue. Guess I skipped the crisis and went right into the reward. I had more fun beginning at 45, more socializing, more partying, more sex and even more dancing than I ever had in my previous life. You wanna know how happy I became? icon_biggrin.gif

    But I do understand how some guys in a genuine middle-age crisis might get despondent, even suicidal. I've seen some of them. I knew a local 40-something gay guy, created an entire real estate group named for him. We often had breakfast together.

    Then one day I learned he had killed himself. His real estate group continues, so I guess he wasn't hurting in business.

    But middle-age at 40s or even 30s? No, add about 10 or 20 years to that. 40s is when the mid-life crisis hits a lot of guys, and they buy red sports cars, start dressing like kids, get a boy's haircut, try to date much younger women or guys.

    In a vain attempt to turn back the clock. Unable to accept that time has passed them by. And failing to recognize that a new kind of world is ahead of them, that they need to explore. Because time is cruel. It only moves forward, never back. And they may need to follow one of my little personal mottos: 'Thrive where you are planted'. You don't have any choice about your age, so make the best of it. Exploit it, rejoice in it.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14395

    Aug 15, 2016 1:06 PM GMT
    Import said
    Art_Deco said
    Import saidI read an article about 6 months ago that middle-aged white men are killing themselves at a rate never seen before. It mostly touched on financial despair, addiction, and those being the main factors in the increase in suicide rates in middle-aged males.

    Wbat age range are you talking about? "Middle Age" is very broad.

    mid-40s
    Middle age includes anyone in their 30s, 40s, and even 50s.
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    Aug 15, 2016 3:00 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidOur community needs to treat this epidemic like HIV. Too many of us are single.


    Too many have unrealistic expectations of a relationship.
  • ChicagoSteve

    Posts: 1284

    Aug 15, 2016 3:24 PM GMT
    Whipmagic saidThis post is borne out of anecdotal evidence, as I had three sad examples over the last year: All of them gay men, in good shape, in their thirties or forties. One of them my ex, the other aquaintences. They all took their lives, no explanation left behind, leaving everyone guessing. I know there is nationwide evidence that middle aged men are killing themselves at record numbers, but for me personally this is now beyond a statistic. Is there something toxic about our community that drives men as they get older - and not even that old - to this step? Or is it a case of "the plural of anecdote is not data"?


    I don't think it's all necessarily about finding "the one" or being in a relationship with someone. Yes, that's part of it, but not the whole picture. I think what also factors in, are at middle age, you assess where you are, compared to where you thought you would be at that age when you were younger. Financial stress and the thought that maybe some of those dreams you had when you were younger will never materialize, it all plays into the thought process.
  • Eleven

    Posts: 175

    Aug 15, 2016 3:26 PM GMT
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior saidWhy does "masculine" have to be in the title? We're talking about human life. I can see how "middle-aged" can be a factor since it's a demographic. But being a masculine male isn't.


    God bless you and your camp pug lol and your comment hahah.

    Hes just stating that his masculine gay friends passed away, it doesn't matter that they are masc just accept that he lost someone
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 15, 2016 4:21 PM GMT
    I don't think many fully understand how the Great Recession combined with the suppression of the middle class is grinding down the ability of the average American male to simply live a life that remotely reflects expectations. The GR chopped the feet out from under a lot of guys and many haven't been able to recover. And a lot of good jobs have been replaced by machines or sent overseas. Even college educated guys are finding the jobs available are jobs that would not have required a college degree some years ago and if that is true, god help those without a degree. Add to this the increase in households with guns and even temporary setbacks can sometimes become suicide.
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    Aug 15, 2016 5:17 PM GMT
    A very nice gay man from my gym committed suicide last year. I'm guessing he was in his early 50's. He worked in one of the high rises downtown. One day at work, he said he was taking his break, casually took the elevator up to the rooftop and jumped without hesitation. His friends say he never gave any clue he was depressed or would do something like this. In fact, his behavior was so normal no one could believe he did this intentionally until they reviewed the surveillance video.

    Not sure about the reasons straight men do this but I think with gay men it's got a lot to do with how we are ostracized by the gay community. Just look at all the members here who choose to hide our age. People hide their age because everyone knows the minute someone here disagrees with you, the next thing out of their mouths is to call you an old fart or something equally degrading. I've witnessed MANY times members telling other members "well, you'll be dead soon" or things similar to this. Even if an apology is made afterwards, the effects of these words last a lifetime. Gay men are very quick to make older gay men feel worthless and unimportant. To think this doesn't have an effect on their emotional health is absurd.
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    Aug 15, 2016 5:39 PM GMT
    roadbikeRob said
    Import said
    Art_Deco said
    Import said

    Wbat age range are you talking about? "Middle Age" is very broad.

    mid-40s
    Middle age includes anyone in their 30s . . .

    20-somethings would think that