Should a Friend Have Been Told That His Date Was H.I.V. Positive?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 16, 2016 12:59 AM GMT
    01mag-01ethicist-t_CA0-master180.jpg

    NYT: From Dave, Location Withheld: More than 30 years ago, five years or so into a world shaped by AIDS, I had two friends. One of them, “Dean,” was coming to New York City for a job interview; he didn’t know anyone in the city and was planning on being there for a few days near Christmas. He was 24, smart and ambitious. The other man, “Bill,” was the last lover of a man named “Colin,” who was my first love. Colin didn’t tell Bill that he was H.I.V. positive; when Bill became positive, Colin “discovered” he was, too. Colin had died by the time Dean was visiting New York.

    Bill called me to ask if I wanted to go to Lincoln Center. I couldn’t, but I mentioned that my friend Dean was coming to town and that they worked in related fields. They talked; they went to Lincoln Center. I felt I was doing the “correct” thing in not revealing Bill’s status to Dean. You can guess where this is going. They had sex, dated briefly, broke up, didn’t talk. Years passed; Bill died. One night, I had dinner with Dean and told him the Colin/Bill story. Dean’s reaction made it clear that he hadn’t known Bill’s status. Dean looked at me, and our friendship, which had cooled for other reasons by this time, stopped. Dean died a year or so later of AIDS. Was it my fault?

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/01/magazine/should-a-friend-have-been-told-that-his-date-was-hiv-positive.html?
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 269

    Aug 16, 2016 1:32 AM GMT
    If I care about the person I'd tell him (unless i'm the other guy's doctor). I've heard about way too many guys who don't disclose. Stuff like "not my responsibility", "consenting adults", etc are legalistic excuses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 17, 2016 6:10 PM GMT
    It wasn't Dave's personal health information to disclose, so why would he be at fault? Ultimately, as adults it's our responsibility to protect ourselves. I do believe, however, that it is our responsibility to truthfully disclose our own HIV and STI status to our sex partners.
  • smegnificient

    Posts: 269

    Aug 19, 2016 3:12 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidSo if you didn't care about them you'd fuck 'em and hope to give 'em HIV?


    No I'm speaking from the position of the friend of the guy sleeping with the poz man, so I don't know him well enough to care, I'd do the standard gay guy legalistic response, which is "not my responsibility" lol