BF wants to bottom but that's my job

  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Aug 19, 2016 10:03 AM GMT
    I'm not a top. Never have been and don't get into it and feel spastic even trying. But he wants to bottom and become versatile. What am I supposed to do to accommodate him?
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    Aug 19, 2016 1:21 PM GMT
    Sometimes in a relationship you have to compromise. What is the worst that could happen? If you're really not a fan of topping, do you completely lose your erection if you try?

    What about using a realistic dildo on him as a half-way house?

    Sexual incompatibility can be a big issue in any relationship, if he was asking you to do something potentially harmful or that would cause physical pain or discomfort then I don't think you should feel obligated but banging him once in a while to keep him happy may just be the price of admission you have to accept for this relationship. Otherwise you may want to explore the option of inviting a third into the bedroom once in a while.
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    Aug 20, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    jayatl56 saidI'm not a top. Never have been and don't get into it and feel spastic even trying. But he wants to bottom and become versatile. What am I supposed to do to accommodate him?

    I had the opposite problem. I wanted to Top and be more Vers. My now ex boyfriend let me once and never again. People can't help the way they are wired and what gets them off. I think if you want a monogamous relationship which is what it sounds like. You have to compromise otherwise it won't work and he's eventually going to cheat on you. You have to be honest though and tell him you know I'm a bottom and topping doesn't do anything for me. I want to make you fulfilled sexually as so I'm willing to compromise. You both have to decide what compromise means. I know for myself as much as I like to bottom sometimes I get the urge to fuck a sweet ass.
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    Aug 20, 2016 6:00 PM GMT
    You said you're a bottom and your BF wants you to top him, but you don't like it

    it could be possible that the guy you are with is someone you wouldn't want to top, maybe he's taller than you, maybe he's hairy or broad or something and you feel smaller. So if that is the case, maybe he's just the wrong guy for you to top.

    so it may be possible that he just doesn't turn you on in that way and it's actually more due to him then it is to you because he's just not your type as regards to topping

    Did you ever try to be with someone shorter than you, lighter than you, someone you view as fragile? try to top them instead, maybe you would like it more than with your BF who may be taller than you, heavier than you etc



  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Aug 20, 2016 8:53 PM GMT
    Not sure you understood me. I'm just not a top. He always has been. Now he wants to try bottoming and I'm not good at it. I was looking for pointers.
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    Aug 20, 2016 9:26 PM GMT
    jayatl56 saidNot sure you understood me. I'm just not a top. He always has been. Now he wants to try bottoming and I'm not good at it. I was looking for pointers.


    Well, this only an idea but since you are adamant on not being a top, but your partner wants you to top....I suppose that means it doesn't turn you on. You could potentially talk to your doctor and ask her to prescribe some Viagra for you. I don't see any shame in it, given your situation. You may not need it, but maybe it will provide some added comfort to you topping. Because topping should be fun. You should be like yeah man let me fuck that ass. But you say you don't have that in you, but your partner still wants to take some dick up his ass so try out the pills idk, just an idea

    or maybe try topping with a but plug in ur ass lol
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 20, 2016 11:42 PM GMT
    As a boyfriend you cary an almost responsibility to give it a shit for him.

    Let him now youre not good at it/ need practice but you will try.

    Getting into topping properly without performance anxiety took 3 months. Vesatile is ffun, will never go back to just one EVER
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 21, 2016 6:11 AM GMT
    I guess you're fucked...
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    Aug 21, 2016 6:21 AM GMT
    mybud saidI guess you're fucked...

    Lmaoicon_lol.gif
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    Aug 22, 2016 9:52 AM GMT
    jayatl56 saidNot sure you understood me. I'm just not a top. He always has been. Now he wants to try bottoming and I'm not good at it. I was looking for pointers.


    OK, so you are open to doing it you just don't feel confident in what you're doing?

    Well there's not much of a secret to it, it's incredibly easy to top - much easier than bottoming in my opinion. Having said that, there is an art to being a GOOD top. Depends how much time you're willing to invest in becoming skilled, since you don't enjoy it that's going to be tough.

    Think about how you like to be fucked and try to adopt a similar style to start with, see how it goes. Everyone is different though and a truly skilled top is able to switch things up and adapt to his partner and read the signals. When you're new to it, just slide it in and hold it still for a few moments, get used to the feeling of being in his ass, then start to fuck him gently in a consistent speed and position - would recommend doggy style for a beginner. As you get into it more you can start to vary speed, depth, angle of penetration and eventually different positions. Start with the basics though and work up! You never know, you may come to realise topping can be a whole lot of fun!
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Aug 23, 2016 10:26 AM GMT
    Thanks Pulsefit. That's exactly what's needed. I know. I have to devote time to this. The only downside to this right now is that he's sooo tight. And any pressure causes him pain - and me too to be honest. His sphincter is REALLY tight and hard to get passed. I think we need to work with toys first and then move on to the real thing. For some reason, I don't remember this when I first bottomed. It just happened - like I was wired for it.
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    Aug 23, 2016 1:00 PM GMT
    jayatl56 saidThanks Pulsefit. That's exactly what's needed. I know. I have to devote time to this. The only downside to this right now is that he's sooo tight. And any pressure causes him pain - and me too to be honest. His sphincter is REALLY tight and hard to get passed. I think we need to work with toys first and then move on to the real thing. For some reason, I don't remember this when I first bottomed. It just happened - like I was wired for it.


    Yeah take it slow and use toys, tongue and fingers to get him loosened up. A bit of alcohol too might help, but not so drunk he's not capable of controlling himself!
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    Aug 23, 2016 3:17 PM GMT
    jayatl56 said- like I was wired for it.


    the male anus was not biologically intended to be penetrated by another mans cock, rather than being "wired" for it you have conditioned yourself to it, by years of jacking off to dicks and never ass more than likely. if your gonna top your boyfriend you should also change the pornagraphy you watch.
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    Aug 23, 2016 5:18 PM GMT
    Viagra/Cialis/Levitra to stay hard

    Lots of lube (try olive oil?)

    Get a dildo/vibrator to use if things don't work out.