BF wants to bottom but that's my job

  • jayatl56

    Posts: 473

    Aug 19, 2016 10:03 AM GMT
    I'm not a top. Never have been and don't get into it and feel spastic even trying. But he wants to bottom and become versatile. What am I supposed to do to accommodate him?
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    Aug 19, 2016 1:21 PM GMT
    Sometimes in a relationship you have to compromise. What is the worst that could happen? If you're really not a fan of topping, do you completely lose your erection if you try?

    What about using a realistic dildo on him as a half-way house?

    Sexual incompatibility can be a big issue in any relationship, if he was asking you to do something potentially harmful or that would cause physical pain or discomfort then I don't think you should feel obligated but banging him once in a while to keep him happy may just be the price of admission you have to accept for this relationship. Otherwise you may want to explore the option of inviting a third into the bedroom once in a while.
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    Aug 20, 2016 5:43 PM GMT
    jayatl56 saidI'm not a top. Never have been and don't get into it and feel spastic even trying. But he wants to bottom and become versatile. What am I supposed to do to accommodate him?

    I had the opposite problem. I wanted to Top and be more Vers. My now ex boyfriend let me once and never again. People can't help the way they are wired and what gets them off. I think if you want a monogamous relationship which is what it sounds like. You have to compromise otherwise it won't work and he's eventually going to cheat on you. You have to be honest though and tell him you know I'm a bottom and topping doesn't do anything for me. I want to make you fulfilled sexually as so I'm willing to compromise. You both have to decide what compromise means. I know for myself as much as I like to bottom sometimes I get the urge to fuck a sweet ass.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 473

    Aug 20, 2016 8:53 PM GMT
    Not sure you understood me. I'm just not a top. He always has been. Now he wants to try bottoming and I'm not good at it. I was looking for pointers.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 711

    Aug 20, 2016 11:42 PM GMT
    As a boyfriend you cary an almost responsibility to give it a shit for him.

    Let him now youre not good at it/ need practice but you will try.

    Getting into topping properly without performance anxiety took 3 months. Vesatile is ffun, will never go back to just one EVER
  • mybud

    Posts: 12388

    Aug 21, 2016 6:11 AM GMT
    I guess you're fucked...
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    Aug 22, 2016 9:52 AM GMT
    jayatl56 saidNot sure you understood me. I'm just not a top. He always has been. Now he wants to try bottoming and I'm not good at it. I was looking for pointers.


    OK, so you are open to doing it you just don't feel confident in what you're doing?

    Well there's not much of a secret to it, it's incredibly easy to top - much easier than bottoming in my opinion. Having said that, there is an art to being a GOOD top. Depends how much time you're willing to invest in becoming skilled, since you don't enjoy it that's going to be tough.

    Think about how you like to be fucked and try to adopt a similar style to start with, see how it goes. Everyone is different though and a truly skilled top is able to switch things up and adapt to his partner and read the signals. When you're new to it, just slide it in and hold it still for a few moments, get used to the feeling of being in his ass, then start to fuck him gently in a consistent speed and position - would recommend doggy style for a beginner. As you get into it more you can start to vary speed, depth, angle of penetration and eventually different positions. Start with the basics though and work up! You never know, you may come to realise topping can be a whole lot of fun!
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 473

    Aug 23, 2016 10:26 AM GMT
    Thanks Pulsefit. That's exactly what's needed. I know. I have to devote time to this. The only downside to this right now is that he's sooo tight. And any pressure causes him pain - and me too to be honest. His sphincter is REALLY tight and hard to get passed. I think we need to work with toys first and then move on to the real thing. For some reason, I don't remember this when I first bottomed. It just happened - like I was wired for it.
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    Aug 23, 2016 1:00 PM GMT
    jayatl56 saidThanks Pulsefit. That's exactly what's needed. I know. I have to devote time to this. The only downside to this right now is that he's sooo tight. And any pressure causes him pain - and me too to be honest. His sphincter is REALLY tight and hard to get passed. I think we need to work with toys first and then move on to the real thing. For some reason, I don't remember this when I first bottomed. It just happened - like I was wired for it.


    Yeah take it slow and use toys, tongue and fingers to get him loosened up. A bit of alcohol too might help, but not so drunk he's not capable of controlling himself!
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    Aug 23, 2016 5:18 PM GMT
    Viagra/Cialis/Levitra to stay hard

    Lots of lube (try olive oil?)

    Get a dildo/vibrator to use if things don't work out.