Wanting someone you can't have!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2016 3:36 PM GMT
    So there's this guy who's in a relationship.. and he's straight. You really like him, you think about him day and night. How do you deal with wanting someone you can't have?

    I'm sure we have all been in that situation a few times right? It doesn't help if you spend a lot of time with that person too. Gone through the denial of pretending you don't like him but those feelings are still there.

    For those of you who know what I'm talking about, could you please share how you deal with it?

    T
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Aug 19, 2016 4:19 PM GMT
    You just do. Time helps but the truth is it is tough. But good training for later in life. When you partner with the guy you love, you still get crushes on other guys. You learn to just stuff it down until it goes away. And believe me, you'd better learn-- there's a lot of great straight guys out there.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 283

    Aug 19, 2016 5:50 PM GMT
    Be happy for him that he has a relationship with a woman that makes him happy.

    Know that a big part of the reason you got along so well with him and had such admiration for him was because he did not see you as a sexual partner, he saw you as a friend/colleague/brother he never had, and be grateful that you have had someone like that in your life.

    Remove him from your facebook or any other social media you've used to keep in touch with him. the last thing you want to see is photos of him having romantic holidays with his girlfriend popping up in your news feed.

    Have casual sex with lots of hot gay guys until you no longer give a shit about him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2016 6:41 PM GMT
    "Have casual sex with lots of hot gay guys
    until you no longer give a shit about him."

    NOT the best advice from a self-esteem development point of view
    but Yeah, you need to get laid to get over a crush.
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    Aug 19, 2016 7:34 PM GMT
    Good advice above me here - from each guy. I want to amplify on the suggestion that you get involved with a good number of other guys. That's what has worked well for me, whenever I might encounter someone I want - but cannot have. What I learned is that there are a great bunch of other hot, quality guys out there who will really be into us. We just need to focus on available guys and not on guys who are off limits.
  • DannyLugo

    Posts: 62

    Aug 19, 2016 7:57 PM GMT
    @ my retail job I was major crushing on the stock room manager. He was tall and uber buff. I was told he had a girlfriend but he never mentioned her in the 2 years I knew him. I gave him hints I was infatuated with him and he was okay with the crush even though he was religious cause he brought the bible 2 work. Every time we were close and especially if I was upset with him he would flex his pecs making them bounce which would make me blush and melt. Since I'm a virgin this was made the more thrilling and erotic 4 me. After hearing he was now single and all the desire we felt 4 each other I came out 2 him certain we would be together, but he just said...No I'm not like that. I came 2 believe I was worthless, he made me think he felt the same. I think its best 2 simply enjoy your crush and life will show U if its ment 2 be. Funny that even 2 this day I still want him. A kind of Madame Butterfly...Un bel di vedremo.
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    Aug 19, 2016 8:17 PM GMT
    This is the pleasure of life and its pain!
  • nick773

    Posts: 16

    Aug 20, 2016 8:12 AM GMT
    happened to me plenty of times sucks when they are married.
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    Aug 20, 2016 9:03 AM GMT
    Thanks for all the reply's guys, nice to hear other people's experiences + know that it's not just you icon_biggrin.gif

    nice_chap He's the type of man that always has a girl by his side. Always talks about sex too and he clearly thinks he's The Man, which to me is a bit of a turn off but he is still an all round good mate! So I'm still happy for him and grateful for having his friendship for sure icon_smile.gif

    DannyLugo thanks for sharing! I imagine it must be difficult if you work with a man you have crush on, especially if you're both working full time icon_eek.gif

    Life's a bitch teasing us with these buff men we can't have icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 20, 2016 10:49 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidKnow that a big part of the reason you got along so well with him and had such admiration for him was because he did not see you as a sexual partner, he saw you as a friend/colleague/brother he never had, and be grateful that you have had someone like that in your life.


    I agree. If this guy was gay he would possibly not even be your friend because he would notice your ulterior interest and back off in due time.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Aug 21, 2016 2:37 AM GMT
    bachian said
    nice_chap saidKnow that a big part of the reason you got along so well with him and had such admiration for him was because he did not see you as a sexual partner, he saw you as a friend/colleague/brother he never had, and be grateful that you have had someone like that in your life.


    I agree. If this guy was gay he would possibly not even be your friend because he would notice your ulterior interest and back off in due time.


    I agree with this. Many times the straight guy is unaware that you want them and if and when they do, things will change dramatically. Of course I have had attraction to straight guys but it is meaningless and going nowhere. Why don't you find a gay man to date? At least they are aware of what is going on. For instance, I was contacted by this guy on OK Cupid I know, but he doesn't not remember me. I know his intentions and I am not interested. Questions like "tell me about yourself?' or "are you single?" tells me his intentions and I am not interested so I don't respond.
  • gymnerd

    Posts: 136

    Aug 21, 2016 9:12 PM GMT
    I recommend you shrug it off and move on. Not meaning that as callous as it sounds I know crushes aren't something you can control but if hes straight he's not a match for you and there is no way it can end well.

    So let it go. There are literally BILLIONS of people on earth; remember that the idea there isn't someone out here perfect for you (or thousands actually) is mathematically ridiculous icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2016 1:34 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidBe happy for him that he has a relationship with a woman that makes him happy.

    Know that a big part of the reason you got along so well with him and had such admiration for him was because he did not see you as a sexual partner, he saw you as a friend/colleague/brother he never had, and be grateful that you have had someone like that in your life.

    Remove him from your facebook or any other social media you've used to keep in touch with him. the last thing you want to see is photos of him having romantic holidays with his girlfriend popping up in your news feed.

    Have casual sex with lots of hot gay guys until you no longer give a shit about him.



    Well, I need to thanl you for this advice even when it is not me who post the message. I am kind of a similar situation but the difference is that we were lovers at one point and I know he is not happy with his wife he just need to keep thinks in perspective. We erase each other from Facebook because you are right I was getting upset every time he would post something with his wife. You are so right in all you said. Now he still want me close and keep me as a friend. Hard for me because I fall in love for him but I think that if I can't have him anymore in my bed at least I have a friend. BTW I am bi too and married. So kind of convenient but at some point I was ready to change mymlife because of him. But thanks for your advise again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2016 2:02 PM GMT
    A six-pack.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2016 2:04 PM GMT
    north_t said... Gone through the denial of pretending you don't like him but those feelings are still there...
    so how is your 5 year life plan going?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2016 8:46 PM GMT
    >OP
    Well, if he's a friend, get him really drunk at your house, and then make your move. If he's drunk enough, he'll go along and not remember in the morning.

    Rinse and repeat (after a week).
  • Samika

    Posts: 3

    Sep 11, 2016 11:20 PM GMT
    Hi, good evening!

    Yes, it is quite similar to something that happened to me.
    I recommend you more to love him, you stay away from him.
    It will be difficult, but not impossible ...
    I think sometimes we humble ourselves for wanting to be happy and wrong, because you know you deserve someone better.
    It's hard to think maybe away from your best friend, but eventually you'll understand.
    Success.
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 306

    Sep 14, 2016 7:44 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidGood advice above me here - from each guy. I want to amplify on the suggestion that you get involved with a good number of other guys. That's what has worked well for me, whenever I might encounter someone I want - but cannot have. What I learned is that there are a great bunch of other hot, quality guys out there who will really be into us. We just need to focus on available guys and not on guys who are off limits.


    I would amend that further to getting involved with a number of good guys. Having a consistent experience of dating unhappy guys does not bode well for anyone. Two really good guys are worth 30 mediocre or bad dates. It's not the number, it's the quality.
  • BambiBoy98

    Posts: 52

    Sep 15, 2016 5:46 AM GMT
    Well I've had a few hopeless crushes in my life. The most recent was in my senior year of highschool. There was this guy in my gym class that I really liked. And I had it bad for him. Just him being in my line of sight would make me blush and trip over my words. But the sad thing is that I knew he was straight. So I respected that. I did however tell him I liked him on the last day of school. Of course I was turned down but in the end I was ok with it. As by that point I had accepted it just wasn't meant to be. Now I just avoid thinking of straight guys or guys in relationships that way and basically friendzone them as well as myself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 09, 2016 9:02 PM GMT
    Go out and sleep with other hot guys! Lol, best remedy to get over someone is to find someone new who's cuter, and hotter
    than the last one! And find a gay hot man, I'm sure there are tons out there.
  • rvmj_05

    Posts: 36

    Nov 13, 2016 7:13 AM GMT
    thats just life, its like a toy that u want but u cant have, coz its too expensive or u dont know if its worth it.. but still u would eventually learn that there are still much better toy than the previous one.. and u have to move forward to not be face smacked down on the floor
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 14, 2016 12:48 PM GMT
    Hey North_T,

    Being as fit, good looking and HOT man as you are, I would think you would get 97% of the guys out there, gay or str8.

    Seriously, there are plenty of fish. If a goal is totally unattainable, find a new target for your interests :-)