Fighting Back The Depression From Realizing I've Suddenly Aged In Appearance

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    Aug 23, 2016 10:36 PM GMT
    It's not like it was unexpected. A family tradition. Look good through your 50s, even early 60s, and then take a quick dive.

    Today I met a guy who's 63. I almost cried for shame. Looks like he's in his 40s.

    Last week age came up in a conversation. "So what are you, about 71?" (An odd number to choose) "No, I'm 67" icon_mad.gif

    In my 50s everyone guessed I was 40s, even late 30s. Hell, I got carded for age at 53 in Texas! I had been dating a guy 11 years younger, and people thought **I** was younger. Or else that we were the same age. He hated when he heard that, and blamed me for it.

    Well, now the shoe's on the other foot. I just look old, period. And I gotta adjust & adapt to that. You younger guys don't laugh or mock, please. This is what's ahead of you, if you're fortunate enough to survive this long.

    I just gotta do a head adjustment. Maybe our seniors here have some advice for me. Because right now I'm coming up short on a response. I knew I was old, I can count, but almost overnight I LOOK really old. Not a place I wanna be, but what choice do I have?
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    Aug 23, 2016 10:47 PM GMT
    If you are white stay out of the sun. If you are Asian, you are Asian!
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    Aug 24, 2016 12:31 AM GMT
    You've had a really good run.

    I've often said there are two ages from which there are no escape - 55, the age when no one can any longer pass as a kid, and 90, when even the most athletic begin to stoop and shrivel.

    There's not much time before I wake up finding my own face in my lap.
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    Aug 24, 2016 12:51 AM GMT
    eagermuscle saidYou've had a really good run.

    I've often said there are two ages from which there are no escape - 55, the age when no one can any longer pass as a kid, and 90, when even the most athletic begin to stoop and shrivel.

    There's not much time before I wake up finding my own face in my lap.

    Interesting you mentioned 55. That was the age I predicted, when I came out at 45. Having lost 30 years of not living gay, from about 15 as I estimated would have been normal, when I should have known and been doing stuff. I was damned determined to make up for it.

    But knowing my family history, I figured I only had 10 "good" years ahead of me until about 55. Military to my dying day, I made my plan, and followed it. I was gonna have a helluva good 10 years, try to make up for lost time. And guess what? I did! Or at least I'm not complaining.

    Actually I got a grace period until my late 50s. Then I got cancer, and some other medical problems, and I just caved. Today I look, well, about 67. And some guy the other day thought 70s. I don't get a pass anymore. I'm willing to admit it, not deny it. But I still hate it. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 24, 2016 3:02 AM GMT
    BigJess said
    Art_Deco said
    eagermuscle saidYou've had a really good run.

    I've often said there are two ages from which there are no escape - 55, the age when no one can any longer pass as a kid, and 90, when even the most athletic begin to stoop and shrivel.

    There's not much time before I wake up finding my own face in my lap.

    Interesting you mentioned 55. That was the age I predicted, when I came out at 45. Having lost 30 years of not living gay, from about 15 as I estimated would have been normal, when I should have known and been doing stuff. I was damned determined to make up for it.

    But knowing my family history, I figured I only had 10 "good" years ahead of me until about 55. Military to my dying day, I made my plan, and followed it. I was gonna have a helluva good 10 years, try to make up for lost time. And guess what? I did! Or at least I'm not complaining.

    Actually I got a grace period until my late 50s. Then I got cancer, and some other medical problems, and I just caved. Today I look, well, about 67. And some guy thought 70s. I don't get a pass anymore. I'm willing to admit it, not deny it. But I still hate it.


    A psychiatrist would have a field day with you.


    Hehe.....yeah, starting with heavy meds and a padded cell.
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    Aug 24, 2016 3:16 AM GMT
    BigJess said
    Art_Deco said
    eagermuscle saidYou've had a really good run.

    I've often said there are two ages from which there are no escape - 55, the age when no one can any longer pass as a kid, and 90, when even the most athletic begin to stoop and shrivel.

    There's not much time before I wake up finding my own face in my lap.

    Interesting you mentioned 55. That was the age I predicted, when I came out at 45. Having lost 30 years of not living gay, from about 15 as I estimated would have been normal, when I should have known and been doing stuff. I was damned determined to make up for it.

    But knowing my family history, I figured I only had 10 "good" years ahead of me until about 55. Military to my dying day, I made my plan, and followed it. I was gonna have a helluva good 10 years, try to make up for lost time. And guess what? I did! Or at least I'm not complaining.

    Actually I got a grace period until my late 50s. Then I got cancer, and some other medical problems, and I just caved. Today I look, well, about 67. And some guy thought 70s. I don't get a pass anymore. I'm willing to admit it, not deny it. But I still hate it.


    A psychiatrist would have a field day with you.



    Yup, you're Southbeach alright! LOL
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    Aug 24, 2016 3:26 AM GMT
    First of all, I never give fake compliments just to make someone feel better because I don't think it's beneficial. I would be happy to either confirm or deny your opinion about how you look but you don't show your face in your pics so that's not possible. I will say this though: To base how you feel about yourself on ONE person guessing your age wrong is silly. Many people are not good with guessing age so it's always baffled me why they even try. Secondly, calling yourself "old" is a horribly self destructive thing to say to yourself. The minute you start thinking you're old, well.....you're instantly old. A 75 year old would love to trade places with you so stop being so negative. You're doing this thing mental health professionals call "Distorted Thinking." Specifically, you're discounting the positive and amplifying the negative. For example, due to my childhood and a bad relationship, I was convinced I was ugly. No one could convince me otherwise. And my life produced my expectations. It wasn't until I learned to challenge my negative thoughts that my life turned around. Keep telling yourself you're "old" and your life will gladly bring you all things old. Go join a gym and start eating well. Do things a young person might do.
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    Aug 24, 2016 3:31 AM GMT
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    Aug 24, 2016 4:22 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidWhenever I'm asked to guess someone's age I always go higher than I think they are.

    Doesn't surprise me.
  • coolarmydude

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    Aug 24, 2016 4:30 AM GMT
    aBYRwoO_460sa.gif
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    Aug 24, 2016 5:10 AM GMT
    Radd said
    First of all, I never give fake compliments just to make someone feel better because I don't think it's beneficial. I would be happy to either confirm or deny your opinion about how you look but you don't show your face in your pics so that's not possible. I will say this though: To base how you feel about yourself on ONE person guessing your age wrong is silly. Many people are not good with guessing age so it's always baffled me why they even try. Secondly, calling yourself "old" is a horribly self destructive thing to say to yourself. The minute you start thinking you're old, well.....you're instantly old. A 75 year old would love to trade places with you so stop being so negative. You're doing this thing mental health professionals call "Distorted Thinking." Specifically, you're discounting the positive and amplifying the negative. For example, due to my childhood and a bad relationship, I was convinced I was ugly. No one could convince me otherwise. And my life produced my expectations. It wasn't until I learned to challenge my negative thoughts that my life turned around. Keep telling yourself you're "old" and your life will gladly bring you all things old. Go join a gym and start eating well. Do things a young person might do.

    First, thanks for your comments. They are thoughtful & helpful.

    It wasn't just this one guy who caused this. I could see it for myself for a while now. And I still know arithmetic. 67 is 67, no matter how you slice it, or rationalize it.

    But I'm bouncing back, getting this off my chest helps, part of the process. So thanks for listening to it, and responding.

    BTW, I don't show my face because I've had bad experiences online with all kinds of misuse of my image. I've got a lot of Private pics here, but only share them with guys I really trust, mostly those I've met in person.

    As far as distorted thinking, I'm kinda familiar with it. For one thing, I appear to have some kind of distorted view of my appearance. I look one way in a mirror, kinda like the younger me, a lot better, and just dreadful and old in my photos.

    Another example I've mentioned involves my wrist, of all things. It looks thin and spindly to me. But I have to get larger watch bands to go around it.

    With my late partner I wanted to borrow one of his wrist watches for an event we were attending. I was worried it would be too large, and be slack on me. He was a bigger guy than me. But when I tried it the thing wouldn't close!

    I tried again & again, same result. I asked him to come over and put the watch on himself. Fit perfectly. We put our wrists down side-by-side, mine clearly looked thiner than his. I tried his watch again, and the band was still too small! I was going crazy. How could this be?

    Some kind of mental-visual distortion, I think there's a term for it. But it taught me to be wary of what I think I see, especially about myself.

    Well, now I know I look a lot older than I previously thought I did. Not a pleasant realization, and I'm going through the adjustment period.

    One day I think I continue to look younger than my age, and the next I realize I look a lot older. I'm not terribly vain about my appearance in other ways. I've actually always thought myself unattractive, if not outright ugly. But looking young (or relatively younger) I was kinda clinging to, one thing I thought I had. Now that's gone, too. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 24, 2016 5:26 AM GMT
    Your old now and married so why do you care?

    Just continue to eat yourself to death and everything
    will be fine!
  • highforthis

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    Aug 24, 2016 5:45 AM GMT
    coolarmydude saidaBYRwoO_460sa.gif


    Oh my
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    Aug 24, 2016 5:52 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said
    Boo, you're agonizing over nothing. At your age ain't nobody looking at ya. Just chill out. Enjoy what time you have left. The worms eat the pretty corpses just the same as the ugly ones.

    What comforting words. I don't need anyone to be looking at me. I've got a husband, the man-hunt is over.

    But there is some little matter of image and self-respect. Without which I could neglect having my hair cut, shave, or washing my clothes or my body, and looking like I've been living under a bridge. I suppose I do have that choice, too. Which option do you choose for yourself?
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    Aug 24, 2016 5:57 AM GMT

    At least on line RJ, you are one of the very few to 'make it' this far in our community. You are like the same age as Bruce Caitlyn Jenner and Elton John

    I have noticed A LOT of celebrities or musicians are reaching the 70 mark, I mean a lot. They have the money to take care of themselves which may of course include surgery. If the celebrity or musician didn't die young (younger than 50), anyone who is at least 50+ and still with us, should probably be one, thankful and two, wonder why. We are definitely living longer, people are smoking less, hitting the gym more, info on better nutrition. Todays young generation is what we have to worry about. Most people still with us that are over 50, HAD REQUIRED PHYSICAL EDUCATION, K-12. When we were young, we played and ran outside "until the street lights came on". Todays youth, obesity is a problem, they sat on a couch and played video games and most K-12 PE class has been axed for at least a decade

    We lost a complete generation through Hiv Aids. Those people that if they survived, should be part of the 50-60 year old crowd today. I am sure most of us gay men fear growing old in our youth focused community. I think its reflective of the most recent phenom, the addition of the bear community, when for the most part, young twink was the 'norm'. I see it myself, a lot of our own and known dance DJ's have already hit 50. I am sure they see it too among the "new crop" of LBGTQ's. It definitely sucks, but if you can positively spin the age issue, such as becoming a trailblazer for the younger generations. There has not been many of us out, LGBTQ's of a certain older age because 'we don't seem to live long enough'. With marriage legal for everyone is the US, and advances in Aids meds or even a cure, I am sure LGBTQ's living longer will become more and more prevalent as time goes on

    So just think of yourself as a trailblazer Art and look to some celebrities your age to see what they are doing to stay young



    One of my favorite movies of all time, because I LOVE classic movie quotes, especially from Goldie Hawn who is 70 herself icon_lol.gif



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    Aug 24, 2016 6:21 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said
    Seriously! Do you think if I make it to Art's age I'm going to worry about what I eat? Fuck no! My death is going to be suicide by chocolate. There will be no need to embalm me because the ants will have eaten my sweet ass.

    I once had a VA doctor tell me that I had to give up motorcycling. And no more clubbing at night and drinking. It would extend my life.

    Well I just HATE being talked down to by doctors. So I said: "You mean if I do this I'll live forever?"

    He was taken aback. Then said: "No, everyone dies, but you might live a few years more."

    "Well," I replied, "I'm willing to give up a few years so I can have some fun, rather than sitting in an armchair at home. What kinda life is that?"

    "But, but...." he started to say. "No, doctor, it's my life, and I appreciate your advice. But I'll make the choices for myself. I choose active fun, because an armchair at home is worse than death to me. I'm willing to give up a few years for continuing to do what I like doing. Thank you for your input."

    He was stunned and speechless. I just got up and left the office. I'm not intimidated by anyone, and definitely not by doctors. I'm still hanging in there about 20 years later. And if I knew I was gonna die tomorrow I really couldn't complain. Yeah, I'd like to live another 20 years, but I've already done everything, been everywhere.

    These days I just seem to be repeating myself. I wouldn't be missing much. Except maybe all the new technology coming down the road, I'd like to see that. I remember a few parlor games where we were asked to state what we would miss most if we died that night. And my answer was: "Tomorrow's newspaper headlines".
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    Aug 24, 2016 6:39 AM GMT

    This lady is 20 years older than you. Do you think she thinks of herself as "old?" I hardly think so.
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    Aug 24, 2016 7:43 AM GMT
    There's something deeper here?

    All those years of being closeted catching up with you?
    Not living the life you want....NOW?
    Self Loathing and hateful jealous thoughts of hotties young, hung, married?
    Traveling the world in a speedo and your stuck with illness & a wheelchair?

    Get off your fat ass and make the change! You can at any age

    Have a nice life.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1168

    Aug 24, 2016 7:54 AM GMT
    ^ That was a bit harsh. icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 24, 2016 8:02 AM GMT
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior said^ That was a bit harsh. icon_neutral.gif


    Oh no.....lol

    100 push ups would do him in!
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    Aug 24, 2016 8:07 AM GMT
    Perhaps some disco to bring back the memories of yesteryear

  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

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    Aug 24, 2016 8:16 AM GMT
    2BFree said
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior said^ That was a bit harsh. icon_neutral.gif


    Oh no.....lol

    100 push ups would do him in!


    Telling a sixty-seven year old man to get off of his "fat ass" just seems a bit mean. Especially when he's making himself vulnerable with this thread he created.

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    Aug 24, 2016 8:21 AM GMT
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior said
    2BFree said
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior said^ That was a bit harsh. icon_neutral.gif


    Oh no.....lol

    100 push ups would do him in!


    Telling a sixty-seven year old man to get off of his "fat ass" just seems a bit mean. Especially when he's making himself vulnerable with this thread he created.



    He's not a nice person. I have seen his sour rancid ways and I am giving him some MARRY POPPINS! He can dish it, but can he...or any of you TAKE IT? Wake up!
    He's begging for attention...so I gave it to him!
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

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    Aug 24, 2016 8:24 AM GMT
    I will admit, he has his moments and can be condescending at times. But overall I think he's rather innocuous. Specially compared to some of the people around here.
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    Aug 24, 2016 8:29 AM GMT
    ANTiSociaLiNJUSTICeWarior saidI will admit, he has his moments and can be condescending at times. But overall I think he's rather innocuous. Specially compared to some of the people around here.


    Overall, consider this?
    More walks, better attitude, proper diet, less time talking shit on RJ. and maybe having a softer, kinder heart? Ummm he will rot a slow, painful death....JUST like my dad. Old school dude who only knows the joy of The Price is Right!!

    DO ANY OF YOU WANT TO END LIKE THAT??