What to do/not to do :P

  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 24, 2016 1:06 AM GMT
    Some advice here:

    I met a guy and we hit it off well and even talked about a second date. He went away for the weekend but said he could meet the following week. We talked on Scruff first but after we met I msged him me number and he txted me the morning after we met. I texted him the this past Monday about his trip and he didn't answer. He said he'd return Tuesday (today) So I txted him to confirm if we were meeting tomorrow or Thursday for a date. He responded a while later stating that he didn't want to lie to me or lead me on and said he had been casually hanging out with someone before we met and they moved forward a bit in the relationship-what that really means, IDK. I asked if we could talk and be friends and he said absolutely. He then asked how my week was and a follow up question about something we talked about on the first date. I was hurt but didn't say anything and just talked to him a bit. So what should I do with him now? As much as I want to keep talking to him should I wait and let him make the first move for conversation? Am I on the back burner or forever friend zoned? It wasn't clear. I don't wanna push him and ask and seem forward or he may not even answer these things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2016 2:45 AM GMT
    This article provides some insights although it is about a man and a woman. Basically the gist is that be a friend to him and go on one non-date at a time until he chooses. But I think you need to set an internal timeline too for yourself to move on.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/21/fashion/modern-love-single-mom-dating.html
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2016 7:29 AM GMT
    I don't understand why you would want to be "friends" with someone for whom you have an unrequited desire. Sounds like he made it clear he is unavailable (to you) right now. To be "friends" with a guy, is to talk to him, spend time with him, do things together, have conversations about intimate thoughts - and you think you can be happy doing this, all the time wanting to have sex with him, when he doesn't want sex with you? That sounds like a good recipe for misery. Move on. I'll bet if you don't contact him, you won't hear from him again - at least as long as his other guy is still in his life.
  • ANTiSociaLiNJ...

    Posts: 1123

    Aug 24, 2016 7:41 AM GMT
    You only went out on one date. I think what too many people do is heavily invest too much of themselves too soon. He chose someone else over you. I think that says a lot. If I were in your shoes I would have no hard feelings and move on. If someone wants to be with you or be your friend he will make the effort. It all sounds like it isn't meant to be.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 24, 2016 10:06 PM GMT
    Ugh I think I'm reacting so harshly because it may be a compilation of many things that just ended up coming out all at once and this was the thing that topped it off. I've met guys once and it went well and i wanted to meet again but they said no and didn't even want to really be friends and there were numerous ones like that with different reasons but it didn't hurt me like this. Crazy I know. Maybe it did but I swept it away good or i truly did accept that it wasn't meant to be and was really ok?


    I guess I attached my self to something that happened that was positive and bet on it as a sure thing and that made it hurt more. But at the same time i don't wanna be too jaded and pessimistic. I just feel like there's underlying issues at play here.
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Aug 24, 2016 10:11 PM GMT
    So

    Should I ask if he would want to meet as friends? If he says no would that mean he might like me more and want to keep a distance and focus on the other guy? I feel like I'm never at the right place at the right time
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Aug 25, 2016 4:51 AM GMT
    Dude...

    He let you know he's not interested.

    You asked if you could be friends.

    Now you want to ask him if he wants to meet up "as friends".

    But you also say you don't want to be "forever in the friend zone"?

    You put yourself there.

    You had one date and you thought it went well, and you thought you'd made a connection. He didn't see it the same way. From there on, he was just being polite and trying not to hurt your feelings. It's happened to all of us. I'm sorry that's the way it is, but that's the way it is. Move on.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Aug 25, 2016 10:11 AM GMT
    Do get hurt my friend so that you won't fantasize about him after you are whole again. He is not interested for some reason , so he let you down easily. I'll say be friends and let him initiate conversations (which i don't think he would). Its not even you,its him going through his own things. I bet he told you he was not seeing anybody when you met. Friends yes, and let it be like that forever cause you got your own worth, rare product on the shelves that must be taken first time. He snoozed so let him lose.