Married Men, how to accept?

  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 27, 2016 12:48 AM GMT
    So I've been doing a lot of introspecting on my lack of intimate life. I know it has to do with me being fem (or race but that's not important to me anymore). I totally understand that the average gay man is not going to be attracted to a feminine guy. I get it, I understand it, and I'm not going to guilt a guy for not wanting to be with a feminine guy. It's preference after all.

    But in saying that, I have noticed that on gay sites/apps like on Grindr, Adam4Adam, or Craigslist, whenever I do message a guy, I never get a response. However on Craigslist, if I do put an ad out where I'm honest about my less than masculine personality, I do get some responses but a very prominent thing I see is that most, if not all the guys who respond are "DL married".

    Now, I've always been against meeting/hooking up with married men. I could never understand how a guy can justify to try cheating on his unsuspecting wife. So much to the point that I really didn't have a good view of Bisexual or Bi-curious men. But as the years go by and I notice that odds are against me. Heck, I even tried to meet other feminine gay guys but most if not all of them are only wanting to look for Masculine men. Another telling thing that I've noticed with a lot of fem guys in my area who place ads out are actually okay with married or men with girlfriends, in fact, some even encourage it! icon_eek.gif

    I still can't wrap my head around that but as I look at my own odds, I'm thinking that maybe these fem guys just accept the situation and roll with it. And... I want to learn how they do it. I mean, thinking about my own future, I know I'm never going to be in a relationship. There's just too many obstacles for it and I'm just done and tired. I try to keep busy, I exercise, and I try to get out more but it's just not enough and it's at a point where I can't see myself having a relationship with anyone anymore. And I've had no luck with single guys anyway. But yet, here are quite a few men who are interested in me. Who don't mind me being feminine. Who aren't repulsed by it and in fact, like or even love it. The only hurdle is that they're married or have a girlfriend.

    If these other fem guys (and even some masculine guys) can be okay with being nothing more than side-piece for these married or "DL" men and be fulfilled, then there has to be a way for me to conform as well. I mean, if it's only sex, is it really that big of a deal at this point?

    My question is for those who have gotten with married/attached guys or knew someone who has. How did you/they get used to it? What is their opinion on the situation? I would try talking to the other fem guys in my area about this but they never reply or are up to talk so gay-oriented sites are the only other insight options I have. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2016 7:48 AM GMT
    BloodFlame said... My question is for those who have gotten with married/attached guys or knew someone who has. How did you/they get used to it? What is their opinion on the situation?...
    You are not responsible for the other man's relationship. If they decide to cheat on their wives or husbands it really is none of your business. There is a thin level of indifference that you need to put in place.

    Than again you will need to deal with:
    -your partner's guilt. You will not experience an optimistic relationship and the sex will represent his failed marriage.
    -all cheaters get caught
    -you will never be number one in the relationship, at best a distant second or third.
    -cheaters can not really can stop cheating and in time you will be on the other end of it


    there are no visible lines that define Masculine Feminine guys. Consider what you bring to the table and what you would appreciate in return. For those people who choose who they love there is an infinite combination of personalities that will form a stronger bond than just dating your self
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 27, 2016 12:53 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    BloodFlame said... My question is for those who have gotten with married/attached guys or knew someone who has. How did you/they get used to it? What is their opinion on the situation?...
    You are not responsible for the other man's relationship. If they decide to cheat on their wives or husbands it really is none of your business. There is a thin level of indifference that you need to put in place.

    Than again you will need to deal with:
    -your partner's guilt. You will not experience an optimistic relationship and the sex will represent his failed marriage.
    -all cheaters get caught
    -you will never be number one in the relationship, at best a distant second or third.
    -cheaters can not really can stop cheating and in time you will be on the other end of it


    there are no visible lines that define Masculine Feminine guys. Consider what you bring to the table and what you would appreciate in return. For those people who choose who they love there is an infinite combination of personalities that will form a stronger bond than just dating your self


    I wouldn't consider getting in a relationship with these guys. I know that I wouldn't be able to trust them but I just don't think I'll ever have a relationship anyway, odds are too against me so it'd most likely just be a sex thing.
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 67

    Aug 27, 2016 6:10 PM GMT
    I don't really understand what people mean when they say they're fem or masc. I've met plenty of "fem" guys who I held in great regard because they were emotionally strong and plenty of "masc" guys I found to be children. For me it's just about finding a man. You can sashe all you want but at the end of the day if something horrible happens and you can take a deep breath and forge forward that's fantastic. If not then you're a child and I think I speak for most of us that we don't want to sleep with/date children.
  • Nhlakz

    Posts: 149

    Aug 27, 2016 10:11 PM GMT
    as humans we r wired to want more..and thats whats goonna hurt u badly..eventually the guy will always go back in the closet no matter how much you guys love each other..u cant force him to b out.he wont b there wen u need him all the tym..being in a "normal relationship"is fun..theres no schedule around it
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 27, 2016 10:18 PM GMT
    Nhlakz saidas humans we r wired to want more..and thats whats goonna hurt u badly..eventually the guy will always go back in the closet no matter how much you guys love each other..u cant force him to b out.he wont b there wen u need him all the tym..being in a "normal relationship"is fun..theres no schedule around it

    Yeah, well maybe a relationship just isn't in the cards for me. I wouldn't try to have a relationship with the guy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2016 10:35 PM GMT
    BloodFlame saidYeah, well maybe a relationship just isn't in the cards for me.

    You need to get out of Henderson. There's nothing there (unless you're going to UNLV).
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Aug 28, 2016 2:06 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    BloodFlame saidYeah, well maybe a relationship just isn't in the cards for me.

    You need to get out of Henderson. There's nothing there (unless you're going to UNLV).


    Just not a possibility right now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2016 10:49 PM GMT
    If your profile is accurate, you're 24. That's pretty damn young to be abandoning all hope.

    But otherwise, I feel like playing the role of the "other person" negates your own value and self-worth. More importantly, the spouse or significant other doesn't deserve to be treated that way, regardless of the circumstances. Are you hurting them directly? No, but you're certainly complicit. The *vast majority* of cheaters are selfish juveniles who care more about satiating their baser desires than in taking personal responsibility for their actions. Nine times out of ten, it ends up being a mess for everyone involved. I know that I couldn't handle a partner's infidelity, so why on earth why I play a part in someone else's? I'd rather be single for the rest of my life, honestly.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Aug 30, 2016 5:10 PM GMT
    The odds are never against anyone,it is just blessings. You will be shocked when you get to the age of 30,just work on your life and make sure when you hit 30 age mark you are self-sufficient. Do gym and bla bla. Hooking up its hooking up though,sooo?