When to come out to your children?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2016 9:20 PM GMT
    My children are very young 4 and 2. I always thought I really wouldn't have to explain my sexuality to them because they wouldn't know any different. I made the mistake of introducing my first boyfriend to them after we were together for 6 months at the request of my ex wife. He was around them for a year until he started abusing me. Now that relationship is over I would be very careful about introducing someone else into their lives. It could be years from now. It got me thinking about explaining my sexuality in an age appropriate manner and talking about it slowly so they aren't surprised. They are probably still too young to understand but my daughter is very intelligent. What do you guys think?
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2929

    Aug 27, 2016 9:55 PM GMT
    Be honest and open. They'll remember that and respect it a good deal more than if you hide things. You don't have to "explain" your sexuality to them any more than their mother does - as they get older they'll ask the right questions and/or find out the answers. If you have a significant other, introduce him and let it be a natural part of their lives. That you had a bad one - that's unfortunate, but don't let the jerk effect how you relate to the kids.
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    Aug 28, 2016 4:00 AM GMT
    Your sexuality is a fact of your existence. They'll have questions, but answer them. "Where does Daddy put his pee pee," won't come up for awhile. "Your mom and I are seeing other men," will be fine for them.
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    Aug 28, 2016 7:30 AM GMT
    the question was when to come out to your children?
    you never have to come out to your children if you live an honest life.

    I would not hide your love affairs from your children but be aware to see your relationships from your children's perspective.

    you guys live in San Diego, not a backward situation. There is clinical professional information out there so do your research on a family style that fits your and their mother's philosophy.
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    Aug 28, 2016 10:01 AM GMT
    Given your circumstances I would just introduce a new boyfriend as a friend until the kids are old enough to fully understand what a gay relationship is. You'll know when they can handle it. In the meantime, if the kids ask if you're lovers or partners, be truthful. Since your ex is obviously involved in their lives, discussing when and how with her is probably a good idea. Completely hiding a relationship would lead to some trust issues after they find out.
  • CincyBOJ

    Posts: 306

    Aug 29, 2016 5:36 AM GMT
    I facedar this when my children were ages 2,5,6. My partner and I sat them down and explained to them the we are partners, just like their mother and I used to be. And that there are different types of couples. They were fine with it. Had to answer a few questions over the years. Just always keep an honesty policy. They're all very accepting adults now.