Relationship Advice

  • david_lane

    Posts: 22

    Aug 30, 2016 1:54 AM GMT
    I'll try to keep this as short as possible while still being thorough.

    So a few months ago I met this hot guy in a bar. I had just arrived and was stone cold sober. He was drunk as hell. He hit on me...was very handsy and flirtatious. I thought he was hot as hell...but didn't retaliate considering the difference in sobriety. He got his drink and disappeared.
    Fast forward 3 weeks and I'm in a bar with a couple of guys and in walks this guy from before. I walk over and say hello and reintroduce myself. He is sober this time but still very flirtatious. I was conscious not to flirt too much because one of the guys I was with liked me (it wasn't mutual) and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by being so overt with someone else. Anyway, me and the hot guy exchange numbers and start hanging out on the weekends with his friends.
    Since then we have had several conversations and he knows that I am VERY interested in him. I would go so far as to say that I'm crushing pretty hard. But, other than a couple of times where we were both drunk and got a little handsy and made out VERY briefly, we have never been physical (in the biblical sense). He claims that he finds me attractive but that he now sees me as a good friend and that that is all he wants between us. He says that he feels that us hooking up would just complicate things and that it would jeopardize our friendship. He also says that I'm not the "hook-up" type and that I'm more of the "dateable" kind of guy.

    I often hear about couples who started out as friends and later got together. How do I get out of the friend zone and get him to see me differently?
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    Aug 30, 2016 2:38 AM GMT
    This article provides some insights although it is about a man and a woman. Basically the gist is that be a friend to him and go on one non-date at a time until he chooses. But I think you need to set an internal timeline too for yourself to move on.

    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/21/fashion/modern-love-single-mom-dating.html
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    Aug 30, 2016 5:52 PM GMT
    david_lane said
    I often hear about couples who started out as friends and later got together. How do I get out of the friend zone and get him to see me differently?


    Not my experience - I have encountered couples like this - but only very rarely. It's possible he might come around. How long are you willing to wait?

    And my own bias - but I would not get involved emotionally with an adult who was "drunk as hell" in public - (except maybe if he were attending an English soccer match.)
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    Aug 30, 2016 6:06 PM GMT
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    Don't hold your breath. Likely if he friendzone's you, consider it a black hole, no way to escape it. He's already resigned the fact that he doesn't see himself with you. I've used the "we are better as friends" line with guys I've been plenty handsy with when I was out having fun, but upon reflection I wouldn't considered dating.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Aug 30, 2016 6:56 PM GMT
    I wouldn't waste much time on it. A couple of weeks, max. Sounds like the chemistry isn't there, at least for him. If he wants to put you on a pedestal and date, well, it's possible he's honoring you in some recess of his mind but good relationships start with heat. Give him the week or two and then grab him and kiss like crazy some evening when you two are parting. Tell him you want more of that. See what happens. He may have to digest it for a night to shift gears but the next time you meet, you'll know if there's a future.
  • clarksburgman

    Posts: 3

    Aug 31, 2016 9:43 AM GMT
    You should think how will your life be without him in it at all. Is having that friendship that can grow to be an everlasting friendship or something even more just as good if not better than not having him in your life at all? I say let that friendship grow and let him see how great you are as a friend and maybe one day he will look past that friendship and see how great you are as more than a friend. People change as they get older and start to settle down and have ran the race of dating to find the right one was actually always right there. It wouldn't be easy being around someone you have more than just a friendship for, but that friendship is the basic building block to keeping him in your life for when/if he wakes up and see what he has right in front of him. All the best guy.
  • Aleco_Graves

    Posts: 708

    Aug 31, 2016 12:15 PM GMT
    david_lane saidI'll try to keep this as short as possible while still being thorough.

    So a few months ago I met this hot guy in a bar. I had just arrived and was stone cold sober. He was drunk as hell. He hit on me...was very handsy and flirtatious. I thought he was hot as hell...but didn't retaliate considering the difference in sobriety. He got his drink and disappeared.
    Fast forward 3 weeks and I'm in a bar with a couple of guys and in walks this guy from before. I walk over and say hello and reintroduce myself. He is sober this time but still very flirtatious. I was conscious not to flirt too much because one of the guys I was with liked me (it wasn't mutual) and I didn't want to hurt his feelings by being so overt with someone else. Anyway, me and the hot guy exchange numbers and start hanging out on the weekends with his friends.
    Since then we have had several conversations and he knows that I am VERY interested in him. I would go so far as to say that I'm crushing pretty hard. But, other than a couple of times where we were both drunk and got a little handsy and made out VERY briefly, we have never been physical (in the biblical sense). He claims that he finds me attractive but that he now sees me as a good friend and that that is all he wants between us. He says that he feels that us hooking up would just complicate things and that it would jeopardize our friendship. He also says that I'm not the "hook-up" type and that I'm more of the "dateable" kind of guy.

    I often hear about couples who started out as friends and later got together. How do I get out of the friend zone and get him to see me differently?


    It sounds like he wants to wither keep you as a friend or not ruin the chance of dating you long term, which it sounds like what hes hinting you could be for him.

    It sounds good either way
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    Aug 31, 2016 1:31 PM GMT
    you know nothing about his life outside the bar and the pending federal warrant for his arrest. Both you guys leave the bar and hit reset.