learning to move on

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2016 4:44 AM GMT
    Why do I feel the need to overthink, everything? Lol so typical, its four a clock in the morning, I'm wide awake because he's not next to me, even the loud snoring lol that drove me up the walls, I spent 28 years pretending not minding being just another single guy, and then this stunning soul stroles in the one day; you joke, he laughs. And you think to yourself "What just happened? " Did he actualy notice me? Then you start bumping into each other, first its just random encounters, a glance, a wave, but everytime it happens this feeling grows inside you, is it hope, denail,loneliness? But you don't mind: the emptiness seems more distant. And the best thing is engaged to someone, so you do what you have to, you write it off, close the fake fantacy and you move the hell on. You move out of town, life goes on, and then one day you answer the phone, he got your number from one of your friends. You get to know him, chat trough the night, weeks turn to months,always chatting away, he tells you he's not happy, Your always there, he shares his feelings and opinions, you confide in him, tell him how you feel about him. He feels the same. So you move back.....

    He breaks his engagement, he follows through with self acceptance, he comes out with you by his side, you start spending more time together, you help him set up his new life. You take care of his mother while he works away. You spend time planning romantic dinners for two, driving through the night, just to be there when he gets home after work. You get there, set up, candles the whole nine yards. He gets home five hours later, tells you he's got to go back to work, lol two days later, he phones you. He's not interested anymore, he's met the right Girl he's moving on.

    Lol I gues I'm a sucker for punishment, but when you open yourself up, to the core, when you commit to someone, lol I wish he could have felt what just our little time together ment to me. I've moved on, moved away, and the thing I miss most is waking up next to a warm boddy. In someones arms. Contact. The feeling of not being alone.

  • Sep 01, 2016 5:21 AM GMT
    Martin30 said...and the thing I miss most is waking up next to a warm boddy. In someones arms. Contact. The feeling of not being alone.


    You can find all of these things in your next NSA hookup.
  • badbug

    Posts: 800

    Sep 01, 2016 7:37 AM GMT
    The feeling of not being alone

    It's a lie though.

    That feeling is just us tricking ourselves. So you can always pretty easily go back to fooling yourself into thinking you've found something lasting with another person, or you can just start to see relationships for what they are and maybe learn not to value you them so much, so you can actually enjoy them more.

    If you want to believe someone, is so much above someone else, that you can only really have happiness with them, that's just living in fantasy land, which is fine if it's working for you.

    Learning to move on is good, it's much easier when you don't idealize what you've been forced to move on from.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2016 10:12 AM GMT
    go figure:
    every day both people choose to be together

  • Sep 01, 2016 4:01 PM GMT
    I'm sorry that happened to you! That guy sounds like a fucking mess! As you may know you don't need him in your life. It takes a lot of darkness before we get to the light. Someone better will come around. You may not think that now, but it will. Good luck!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 01, 2016 4:34 PM GMT
    Guys like that are doomed to a false life. Clearly he's attracted to men but can't live without the outward appearance of straight. He has a different road to follow than you want and frankly, you're better off letting him find his own way. I will say that it sounds a bit like you set yourself up to be his wife, not his partner. If that's the kind of relationship you want, you're going to be repeatedly disappointed because the kind of guy who wants that usually has some issues, as you found out. Find your own strength and be selective. You need to be complete to find a strong man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 01, 2016 11:40 PM GMT
    All this attraction stuff is not imaginary but it is not exactly real in terms of how most people define reality. It's not real in that it's not cerebral. However, there is another underlying reality that is hormonal. Your hormonal chemistry will toy with "you" like a yo-yo on a string. Do you really need to cuddle? No, but your mamallian chemistry will certainly cause you to think you do. Hormones will drive to do all kinds of crazy stuff. LOVE IS A DRUG!
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    Sep 02, 2016 3:42 PM GMT
    All of us will find ourselves alone at some point. The trick is to manage it and not to be bitter about it. What I've found to be true in the gay community is that we often harbor anger (sometimes even rage) for being alone, and that emotion is generally reflected in everything that we do and say. It contaminates our interactions with people. Just look at the posts on RJ and you will see what I mean. Being alone is not the worst thing that could happen to a gay person. Sometimes we need to be alone so we can step back and take stock of our life.