Is it bad thing to tell 'Don't smoke!' ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 7:41 AM GMT
    Well i met this guy tonite ( it was first date with this guy)
    I met him online and I figured that he smokes!

    and I dont like smoking ! so I'm thinkin about to tell him that to stop smoking. or at least tell him that please don't smoke at least when you are with me.

    but idk if it's rude or not. cuz he is not really my boy friend yet and we just met one time. so well idk lol

    if you have experiences just tell meee icon_biggrin.gif

    (Oh well i think smoking is really bad. I'l never smoke.:/)


  • junknemesis

    Posts: 682

    Feb 12, 2009 8:57 AM GMT
    DISCLAIMER!!! The following post WILL be offensive to some people. Stop reading NOW. If you don't I am NOT responsible to any offense, insult, or whatnot. Do not flame me.


    I dispise smoking. Not smokers, just the act. I think anyone has the right to ask their friends to stop smoking. I would, cause if any of my friends (you included, reader) are doing something to hurt themself I would try to help them, or get them help, or at least give them advise on how to fix the problem.

    Smoking is a deliberate act of hurting yourself AND others. If I were to go down the street with a knife putting small cuts on myself and then lashing out and nicking people as I pass, would that be horrible and illegal? HECK YES!!!

    When you choose to smoke you are doing the EXACT SAME THING. Deliberatly hurting yourself and everyone around you. My mother smoked all through my early childhood. When I was in 7th grade, I asked her to stop. I was so happy when she put down her cigerette and never smoked again. (I never saw her do it anyway) Shortly the house smelled better, and she didnt smell of it anymore. I however went through withdrawls because I had been addicted to her smoking. Didnt do me any good in 7th grade that's for sure.

    Smoking is not only harmfull to yourself, it is deliberatly hurting others... and many smokers know it and don't care. I get yelled at in my hotel I work at cause we don't have smoking rooms. The people say we're descriminating. Yes. We are. I would discriminate against anyone who knowingly hurt others and didnt care. There is NO denying what I have said. We all know the effects dangers, and risks of smoking, and that 2nd hand smoke is just as deadly, if not more so, then direct. You know it. I know it. There is no denying it. This is a black and white issue here. There is no grey to smoking.

    If you are a smoker, I respectfully ask you for your sake, and for thoes you love to try to kick the addiction. It's not a habbit... it's an addicton. You are too beautiful to do this to yourself, and to thoes you love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 9:02 AM GMT
    My boyfriend of over three years admitted that he was a smoker on our first date.

    I nagged him for one year and he didn't stop.

    I stopped nagging him for the second year, and he did stop icon_wink.gif

    He was the nicest boyfriend in the whole world for that month, great to his mother, great to his sister, AWESOME to me, and then he had a mental breakdown.

    He started smoking again.

    My advice to you if you do not like smokers - don't go past the first date. You can't and shouldn't try to change someone, but by god you deserve someone who doesn't stink. I sure as hell do! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 9:06 AM GMT
    When, if you like him... and want a second date, I would keep your thoughts to yourself. Unless he is smking around you then say something like "cough cough* Sorry I'm an asthmatic"

    If you tell him smoking is bad and he should stop... you may possibly lose him. And he probably alreayd knows it is noit good for him.

    I don't think I could date a smoker... I see it analogous to being overweight and "content with that weight," excessive drinking, drugs, and/or promiscous unsafe sex.

    I want a lifetime partner. I do not what to be caring for my sick partner when he is only 40 years old. I want to life a long and happy life with him.

    However, if I would def try dating a guy who was working on bettering himself--trying to quit smoking in your case.

    Just realize that YOU cannot change him. Only he can. And understand how complex and serious addiction is... all humans are prone to it. So try not to seem like you are lecturing him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 9:08 AM GMT

    Dump him and feel good. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 9:51 AM GMT
    Smocking may not be good for you, but then nor is a lot of foods we eat, or a lot of Cities we live in.

    Sex can also be deadly, and bad for your health too. We all die of something, all of us. It's all about quantity, or qulity. But then some-one who does all the right this, doesn't protect then from being hit buy a bus.

    If I wanted to smock. No-one would stop me.

    I had a Christain friend ask me to not have homosexual sex, as it was not good for my health, and they cared for me. There's not much difference.

    But you can ask.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Feb 12, 2009 11:20 AM GMT
    you LIE Brian, LIAR!!!!!!

    icon_razz.gif


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 11:39 AM GMT
    My personal experience is that he has to want to quit and and he has to make the effort to quit.

    The last guy I dated smoked. I said in no uncertain terms that I wouldn't get into a committed relationship with someone who is smoking. (That wasn't the only caveat, but they were all reasonable and doable.) Needless to say, he did everything from bending the truth to outright lying. He seemed to believe that I'd eventually 'get over it.'

    My recommendation is simple: If you don't want to date a smoker, then tell him that you'll be glad to go out with him after he's quit for at least a month. Otherwise move on or get used to the smell and keep your mouth shut.
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    Feb 12, 2009 11:43 AM GMT
    It is probably best not to go out with him. You can't ask anyone to change. They have to want to change themselves.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 12, 2009 11:44 AM GMT
    You just met the guy

    This isn't like he means anything to you or that he's gonna listen to you at all
    better spend the time and energy for a better use
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    Feb 12, 2009 11:53 AM GMT


    Hi junknemesis,

    I'm going to argue with you. Smoking is bad for you. No debate there. The knife analogy is too extreme. If smoking was really that toxic, few of my generation would be alive today as most of us were raised in smoking households, as well as our parents. The boomer generations are huge still. If it was that lethal it would be about as legal in this country as DDT. I'm now seeing claims of third hand smoke on TV, which means the smell of the second hand smoke on someone's clothes is now lethal. Just like the fabled magic bullet for all ills, people tend to look for a magic scapegoat for all ills too. Let's face it, just about all combustion fumes are bad for you.

    What happens when you go to a bar where people are smoking? You come home, you smell bad, you have to shower and do laundry because of the stench. Now, let's put one single car on idle in that bar. No one goes home. Everyone's dead in about a hour or so unless fresh air is pumped in.

    Like Pattison referred to, there's a lot of bad stuff out there. Crap food is one. Polluted drinking-water another. Like Bisphenols in plastic water bottles, used as the white lining in cans of soup etc.


    KoreanBrian, you should tell the guy you don't smoke and that the smoke bothers your breathing. Be sweet about it. Begin any relationship, friendship or otherwise with some honesty and go from there.

    -Doug of meninlove

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 12, 2009 12:04 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    Like Pattison referred to, there's a lot of bad stuff out there. Crap food is one. Polluted drinking-water another. Like Bisphenols in plastic water bottles, used as the white lining in cans of soup etc.


    Difference is though, you can choose to eat the crap food or drink the polluted water or consume food from plastic containers or not. But someone blowing smoke in your face? Tell him to take it outside.
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    Feb 12, 2009 12:09 PM GMT


    I concur. Now apply that to car and diesel exhaust. I've been told that though they're far more lethal, they're a necessary evil. Smoking is bad for you - we have strict laws about where you can smoke and I'm all for that.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 12:31 PM GMT

    whoa man, careful not to fall from that high horse. if you just met the guy it's none of your business whether he smokes or not. If you dont like it, dont date him. It's simple.
  • LeeBee

    Posts: 26

    Feb 12, 2009 12:41 PM GMT
    I smoke; but i don't judge. Don't like it leave me alone.

    I remember one guy tried to tell me to stop smoking on the first date and i couldn't help but laugh in his face; safe to say we didn't get far.

    I plan to stop when i'm 20 because i've always said that since i was 10 but i hope to god it doesn't make me think im better than other people.

  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 12, 2009 1:00 PM GMT
    LeeBee saidI remember one guy tried to tell me to stop smoking on the first date and i couldn't help but laugh in his face;


    Did you blow smoke in his face? Lots of smokers do.
  • LeeBee

    Posts: 26

    Feb 12, 2009 1:05 PM GMT
    Nah, i was too busy crying with laughter. I really did get a reet bad case of the giggles
  • LeeBee

    Posts: 26

    Feb 12, 2009 1:06 PM GMT
    Ah, but i did blow smoke in my managers face when he started to talk to me about work during my break; but thats allowed icon_cool.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 12, 2009 1:12 PM GMT
    Don't worry about it Lee, lots of smokers are bad mannered icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 12, 2009 1:12 PM GMT


    LeeBee and Mike, I want to share this story with you. Off-topic, but hey, it happens.
    A friend of mine had a job interview at a large call center. During the interview she was presented with fifty million rules, regulations, sheets of monitoring stats on employees etc. She was also shown the crying room, which was of all things a glass chamber in the middle of the office where you could go to freak out when it all got too much for you.

    That last did it for her. In the target portion of the interview they peppered her with questions about her personal life. She decided she didn't want the job but thought they should be the ones to pull the plug, so when they asked how she dealt with stress she said,

    "I smoke cigarettes." ...and that was the end of that.icon_lol.gif


    -Doug
  • LeeBee

    Posts: 26

    Feb 12, 2009 1:16 PM GMT
    MikePhilPerez saidDon't worry about it Lee, lots of smokers are bad mannered icon_razz.gif


    Thanks for that; i'll think about thinking about thinking about it when i know you.

    LIKE I SAID BEFORE I SMOKE BUT I DON'T JUDGE.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2009 2:12 PM GMT
    First of all you knew that he smoked to begin with. This bigotry of smokers just kills. I'm not a smoker never have smoked and never will smoke. I grew up around smokers. You can to tell this guy to stop smoking at the very least you can say is not to smoke around you and to smoke out side when he comes to visit you at your place. If you visit him at his place it would be rude to tell him to go out side. You knew he smoked. It is what it is.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Feb 12, 2009 2:13 PM GMT
    LeeBee said
    MikePhilPerez saidDon't worry about it Lee, lots of smokers are bad mannered icon_razz.gif


    Thanks for that; i'll think about thinking about thinking about it when i know you.

    LIKE I SAID BEFORE I SMOKE BUT I DON'T JUDGE.


    It was a joke Lee.

    I know so many smokers that don't give a shit about people around them. From smoking in there face to leaving buts everywhere. I was just drawing you out to see if you had a view on it. I'm not saying you are like that.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 12, 2009 2:17 PM GMT
    If I were single, I wouldn't date a smoker.
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    Feb 12, 2009 2:29 PM GMT

    My ex was a smoker and I had no idea when we met first met. He did not smell like smoke, when we kissed he did not taste like an ash tray.

    I had not idea until after our third date and he said I'm going to go out side and have a cig do you mind and sure go right ahead. I was at his place.

    He NEVER smoked in doors nor could anyone else.

    Just like there are sloppy drunks, there are also sloppy smokers! Like the ones you mentioned.

    To say that someone is un-datable because they smoke without even knowing their smoking habits.

    Is like someone saying that they won't date a person because they are a social drinker.

    Just like there are light drinkers there are also light smokers.

    I'm just saying.