Being gay

  • hayman_AU

    Posts: 5

    Sep 07, 2016 6:15 PM GMT
    Sometimes I wonder why I have this life of being gay and why I ever decided to come out, ever since that time nothing good ever happened. Its been about 10 months now and I have gone from bad to worse not having a relationship with my family anymore being in a situation I can't seem to get out of and just loosing who I am as a person. I actually hate myself I don't know how to explain this its just I wish I was never gay maybe I've just not been surrounded by the right people in my life its just something I can not deal with anymore.
  • Eleven

    Posts: 150

    Sep 07, 2016 6:50 PM GMT
    Get a grip, its not the end of the world.

    Our sexuality is just a small fraction that makes us what we are, acknowledge and accept your sexuality then move onto things about you that make you proud.

    We are not naturally meant to dwell and focus on one thing for too long so that it makes us upset, people think its natural but it's not.

    Just be you without embarrassment or judgement and eventually you will attract the people the right people and the folks who arent right will move on.

    As for your family, could it be that youre pushing them away?
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 62

    Sep 07, 2016 8:10 PM GMT
    Stay strong dude. I've always hated platitudes so I'm not gonna say shit like things get better etc. But I've found in my coming out process that being honest to myself about who I am was the most important step in becoming someone that I can respect and without that self respect I'm lost.
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 62

    Sep 07, 2016 8:11 PM GMT
    What sort of people r u finding yourself surrounded by?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2016 10:37 PM GMT
    It is pointless to focus on the negative in any circumstance . It is stupid to focus on the negative when you look like a super model and the world unfairly treats you far kinder than any fat, old , ulgy , disabled person. Read Eckhardt Tolle's The Power of Now.
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    Sep 08, 2016 12:29 AM GMT
    I was out before my teens at the end of the 1960s. Out in the Aussie bush, where people go beat up for wearing white socks, as only a poof would do that. Yes I paied a price. But I also refused to stop down too. Albeit I gave back my gay card at 25 and went out and lived back in the real world. After all the things one witnessed and survived in the gay community during the Gay Plauge Era. But I get to look back on my life with pride, and Oz is not a bad place to be a Bona Fide homosexual, or out.
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 62

    Sep 08, 2016 3:27 AM GMT
    Alpha13 saidIt is pointless to focus on the negative in any circumstance . It is stupid to focus on the negative when you look like a super model and the world unfairly treats you far kinder than any fat, old , ulgy , disabled person. Read Eckhardt Tolle's The Power of Now.


    Lol clearly not the op's photos. A quick search brings up some dude in Cape Town who looks actually late 20s early 30s.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1032

    Sep 08, 2016 4:08 AM GMT
    OK, listen closely. There is someone nearby you, right now, who can make your life better. I don't know who it is - maybe a family member, a friend, neighbor, someone you haven't even met yet - but he or she is out there, and can make a world of difference in your life. I guarantee it. All you have to do is ask.

    Your job is to find that person.

    Get going.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2016 4:26 AM GMT
    hayman_AU saidSometimes I wonder why I have this life of being gay and why I ever decided to come out...
    the OP is the same person before and after being out as a gay man.
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Sep 08, 2016 4:46 AM GMT
    It sounds like you could use a couple of good friends. The easiest way to do that is to join one or two organizations that interest you. If you can't find what you are looking for, create the organization.

    Some examples:

    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/brisbane-hustlers-rugby-club/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/boyzout/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/gay-surfers/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/gay-outdoor-club-australia-sunshine-coast/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/tropical-fruits-inc/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/team-brisbane/
    http://www.qgroups.com.au/listing/touch-football-team-brisbane-rugby/
    https://groups.yahoo.com/neo/groups/xyqld/info

    There are a few more here:
    http://www.gaycu.org/directory-1/sport#TOC-Queensland-Brisbane

    Hope that helps.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2016 4:47 PM GMT
    hayman_AU saidSometimes I wonder why I have this life of being gay and why I ever decided to come out, ever since that time nothing good ever happened. Its been about 10 months now and I have gone from bad to worse not having a relationship with my family anymore being in a situation I can't seem to get out of and just loosing who I am as a person. I actually hate myself I don't know how to explain this its just I wish I was never gay maybe I've just not been surrounded by the right people in my life its just something I can not deal with anymore.


    Sounds like you could benefit from professional help - and your mental situation has nothing to do with being gay.

    If you want to meet other gay guys - well there are thousands in Brisbane. Maybe follow Metta's advice in finding some.
  • TeenIdle

    Posts: 5

    Sep 08, 2016 9:00 PM GMT
    Listen, if your family doesn't accept you now that you're out, then screw them. I know it's hard to accept, but it's the people like that in your life that are making it so much harder than it was before. All you need to do is decide who the toxic people are in your life, the people making you feel worse about yourself, and then find the people who will accept you, and help you with this rough patch.

    Just remember, you didn't choose this life. You could either live a lie all your life, or you could accept who you are and say goodbye to the people who refuse to accept you. I personally would much rather go with the latter.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2016 9:20 PM GMT
    Every gay man has their story. Many have struggled before you. I've been through hell and back for two years. You know what people tell me. Focus on the positives and realize it could be a lot worse. And they are right. If this is fresh and raw allow yourself to feel the emotions, cry, throw yourself a pity party and then move on. I get where you're coming from believe me so I'm not trying to be insensitive. I often wonder why my life turned out the way it did too. But too much is self loathing is bad for you
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    Sep 08, 2016 11:34 PM GMT
    Tawrich said
    Alpha13 saidIt is pointless to focus on the negative in any circumstance . It is stupid to focus on the negative when you look like a super model and the world unfairly treats you far kinder than any fat, old , ulgy , disabled person. Read Eckhardt Tolle's The Power of Now.


    Lol clearly not the op's photos. A quick search brings up some dude in Cape Town who looks actually late 20s early 30s.


    Another troll - Pics are fake.

    Photos by terrancehay.
  • Tawrich

    Posts: 62

    Sep 09, 2016 4:48 AM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    Tawrich said
    Alpha13 saidIt is pointless to focus on the negative in any circumstance . It is stupid to focus on the negative when you look like a super model and the world unfairly treats you far kinder than any fat, old , ulgy , disabled person. Read Eckhardt Tolle's The Power of Now.


    Lol clearly not the op's photos. A quick search brings up some dude in Cape Town who looks actually late 20s early 30s.


    Another troll - Pics are fake.

    Photos by terrancehay.


    Well photos are fake but msg seems real
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 09, 2016 5:33 AM GMT
    Here are a few things to do and to consider:

    1. Stop thinking about it.
    2. Don't talk about it with those who don't understand
    or who WILL never get it. My parents STILL don't get it or me.
    3. Look around, you're not alone. We all have dealt with this!
    4. I see so many others who have far worse situations. BE grateful you
    are gay and be thankful you don't have an emotional woman to deal with.
    5. Live for the now! DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY!!!
  • jeep334

    Posts: 407

    Sep 09, 2016 11:56 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidOK, listen closely. There is someone nearby you, right now, who can make your life better. I don't know who it is - maybe a family member, a friend, neighbor, someone you haven't even met yet - but he or she is out there, and can make a world of difference in your life. I guarantee it. All you have to do is ask.

    Your job is to find that person.

    Get going.


    As usual, bro4bro makes total sense. Yes, there is a person or a whole community of people close by, that care. And in the end, you are responsible for you. Mom and Dad, friends and relatives are not responsible for you - you are the one responsible. My older brother told me once that if most of our relatives were not related to us, we would probably not be friends. I think that's true. It's amazing how truth and honesty (on your part in coming out) can be turned into hatred and disdain (from your family). Too bad for the ones who don't care - they are the ones who are lost. Stand firm. You will make it.