Seems like we lack something...

  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 12, 2016 8:53 AM GMT
    Hi guys! I’m Mike and I’m 37. Sometimes I think that I’m too old…especially during autumn depression… I have partner and we are together for 5 years already.. think that it is pretty long… sometimes it seems like we are ideal couple and sometimes he drives me really crazy…think we lack something but what?....really need friends..
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    Sep 12, 2016 9:43 AM GMT
    does your partner feel the same way; the autumn thingy?

    friends:
    -Just like a straight married guy has difficulty being only friends with the ladies the gay men dont mix well either.
    -I never found friends able to give me relationship advice worth a dam. That includes this post?
    dont know the situation but:
    -your partner drives you crazy; at least you have someone you value. remember the the ideal times and put aside the crazy. you know be together enough time and most everything will have gone wrong at some time. You have skills; fix it. Every day choose to be together... or not.
    -turn them over and they all look the same no exception. how is it going to be any different but the same with someone else
  • orome

    Posts: 30

    Sep 12, 2016 11:24 AM GMT
    Mike_37 saidHi guys! I’m Mike and I’m 37. Sometimes I think that I’m too old…especially during autumn depression… I have partner and we are together for 5 years already.. think that it is pretty long… sometimes it seems like we are ideal couple and sometimes he drives me really crazy…think we lack something but what?....really need friends..


    It sounds like you are experiencing a normal relationship; you have places you get along well and other places you don't.

    That is normal and perfectly fine. Hold onto him.
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 13, 2016 8:51 AM GMT
    pellaz saiddoes your partner feel the same way; the autumn thingy?

    friends:
    -Just like a straight married guy has difficulty being only friends with the ladies the gay men dont mix well either.
    -I never found friends able to give me relationship advice worth a dam. That includes this post?
    dont know the situation but:
    -your partner drives you crazy; at least you have someone you value. remember the the ideal times and put aside the crazy. you know be together enough time and most everything will have gone wrong at some time. You have skills; fix it. Every day choose to be together... or not.
    -turn them over and they all look the same no exception. how is it going to be any different but the same with someone else


    I can agree with you that it is probably impossible to find a friend who can give good relationship advice...but think at least we can try...i try to remember the good days but it seems like the worst time came...we argue about the trifles and sometime i think that he has found another guy...some of my friends say that 5 years is pretty long time and it is said that the 5th year is probably the most difficult one...hope it is true...maybe we should change anything in our life???
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 13, 2016 8:53 AM GMT
    [quote]It sounds like you are experiencing a normal relationship; you have places you get along well and other places you don't.

    That is normal and perfectly fine. Hold onto him.[/quote]
    i hope you are right and everything will be alright and it is just a bad mood and some trifles that spoil everything...maybe we should go on some trip together? how do you think?
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    Sep 13, 2016 10:26 AM GMT
    Mike_37 said
    Hi guys! I’m Mike and I’m 37. Sometimes I think that I’m too old…especially during autumn depression… I have partner and we are together for 5 years already.. think that it is pretty long… sometimes it seems like we are ideal couple and sometimes he drives me really crazy…think we lack something but what?....really need friends..

    Hi Mike! A few questions, if I may ask:

    - Do you have any friends as a couple, with whom you socialize? Go out to dinner with them, attend events, meet at a bar?
    - How much time do you spend together? All the time, or not too much, somewhere in-between? Mealtime & bedtime only?
    - Do you both work? And do your schedules match or keep you apart?
    - Do you live and sleep together? I've known partners who lived apart in the same town, or had separate bedrooms.
    - Are you both openly out? Or do social norms (or even the law) where you live require you to both hide your relationship?
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    Sep 13, 2016 6:43 PM GMT
    Mike_37 said... we argue about the trifles and sometime i think that he has found another guy...
    takes two to argue so feeling an argument coming on tell him you love him and go to another room. You know; next week you two would have forgotten what the argument was about. Not worth the effort.

    if you feel your being cheated on you need to address this asap. maybe some guys here can have ideas on this. Likely they will tell you to leave immediately and not look back. With 5 years invested in the relationship i would keep options open what to do. Use protection.

    yes 5 years is a long time. we are up to 7 years. Either 5 or 7 dont the arguments seem less of a personal affront.
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 14, 2016 9:13 AM GMT

    [/quote]Hi Mike! A few questions, if I may ask:

    - Do you have any friends as a couple, with whom you socialize? Go out to dinner with them, attend events, meet at a bar?
    - How much time do you spend together? All the time, or not too much, somewhere in-between? Mealtime & bedtime only?
    - Do you both work? And do your schedules match or keep you apart?
    - Do you live and sleep together? I've known partners who lived apart in the same town, or had separate bedrooms.
    - Are you both openly out? Or do social norms (or even the law) where you live require you to both hide your relationship?[/quote]

    Hi!!! and thanx for your post! so many questions and i will try to answer them all.
    -yes we have friends, but not as a couple, we are friends with one heterosexual couple.
    - we spent much time together. all our free time...but now i do something in one room, and he in the other...we even have sex rarely now...
    -yes. we work on different jobs and it keeps us apart.
    - yes, we live together and sleep in one room. now we have sex rarely and this is not normal for our couple if to tell the truth...
    -usually we do social norms. not all people except us like we are...not all people whom we know know about our relations...
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 14, 2016 9:15 AM GMT
    [quote]takes two to argue so feeling an argument coming on tell him you love him and go to another room. You know; next week you two would have forgotten what the argument was about. Not worth the effort.

    if you feel your being cheated on you need to address this asap. maybe some guys here can have ideas on this. Likely they will tell you to leave immediately and not look back. With 5 years invested in the relationship i would keep options open what to do. Use protection.

    yes 5 years is a long time. we are up to 7 years. Either 5 or 7 dont the arguments seem less of a personal affront. [/quote]
    i think we should fight for what we have now...i love this guy and it seems like he loves me...we need to change something...i will try to invite him to change the surroundings this weekend and hope that will work...
    otherwise i think we should have serious talk on what is going on...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 14, 2016 10:32 AM GMT
    could attend a 1 or 2 day gay men's Couples Retreat. Incorporate it into a vacation. If both guys are into this type of thing could be fun.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 88

    Sep 14, 2016 12:54 PM GMT
    If you both love each other, you can both decide to be proactive and develop a level of sexual and emotional intimacy that will provide you both with heightened gratification and security. Consider a couples therapist, take a course in tantric massage together then invest in a massage table, the gay weekend retreat sounds useful too, maybe each of you in separate gay men's therapy groups to better understand yourselves. Consider that you have seasonal affective disorder. If so, get a therapeutic light. A good one is the sadalight, northernlightstechnologies.com.
    Best
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Sep 14, 2016 7:34 PM GMT
    Mike_37 saidHi guys! I’m Mike and I’m 37. Sometimes I think that I’m too old…especially during autumn depression… I have partner and we are together for 5 years already.. think that it is pretty long… sometimes it seems like we are ideal couple and sometimes he drives me really crazy…think we lack something but what?....really need friends..


    Relationships, around 3-4 years, reach a point of change. It's called the make-or-break years. You've been together long enough that you realize, "this is who he actually really is. Do we have what it takes for another 40 years?" If you'll check divorce statistics (not that you're headed there), a significant number of relationships, both average person and celebrity, break up around the 4th year.
    It sounds like you need to be very honest with each other. And no offense, but 5 years is not a particularly long time to be with someone. Unless you're unhappy. People tend to notice time as "we've had 5 great years together''; otherwise it's "it's been 5 LONG years together." Only you know which you think it is, but only in the second case will it seem "long." Happiness doesn't look backward over 'how long' it's been: it stays in the present and only occasionally looks forward to how many more years it can stay this wonderful.
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 16, 2016 6:45 AM GMT
    Edepic saidIf you both love each other, you can both decide to be proactive and develop a level of sexual and emotional intimacy that will provide you both with heightened gratification and security. Consider a couples therapist, take a course in tantric massage together then invest in a massage table, the gay weekend retreat sounds useful too, maybe each of you in separate gay men's therapy groups to better understand yourselves. Consider that you have seasonal affective disorder. If so, get a therapeutic light. A good one is the sadalight, northernlightstechnologies.com.
    Best

    Thank you for the advice. think it is worth of following. i will try to book the room in some spa hotel for several days. maybe we really got tired and need some relax.
  • Mike_37

    Posts: 7

    Sep 16, 2016 6:47 AM GMT
    [quote]Relationships, around 3-4 years, reach a point of change. It's called the make-or-break years. You've been together long enough that you realize, "this is who he actually really is. Do we have what it takes for another 40 years?" If you'll check divorce statistics (not that you're headed there), a significant number of relationships, both average person and celebrity, break up around the 4th year.
    It sounds like you need to be very honest with each other. And no offense, but 5 years is not a particularly long time to be with someone. Unless you're unhappy. People tend to notice time as "we've had 5 great years together''; otherwise it's "it's been 5 LONG years together." Only you know which you think it is, but only in the second case will it seem "long." Happiness doesn't look backward over 'how long' it's been: it stays in the present and only occasionally looks forward to how many more years it can stay this wonderful.[/quote]
    You are right...happy people do not notice time...i stressed on the amount of time because the situation makes me sad and not happy any more...i would like to be with this guy till the end of my days...i am happy with him...