Hate being a submissive bottom.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2016 5:53 PM GMT
    So I'm struggling to accept the fact that I am a submissive bottom for several reasons. My first and only boyfriend was physically abusive to me. He would call me unmanly and other names. He made me feel very inferior to him. Other reasons are I was with women so many years and I was the dominant one as far as sex goes. I don't really have any experience as a Top except one time. I did enjoy that one time. I get so nervous though especially hook ups that I would be unable to perform as a Top. I feel like I'm cock focused versus ass so that leads me back to I'm a bottom. I guess I feel confused so I don't want to label myself but there is also shame. I don't want to feel unmanly or controlled. How do gay men get past the internal struggle? I feel like if I wasn't mistreated by an asshole for my first relationship I wouldn't have such a difficult time accepting it. I almost want to feel dominant so I'm not put into a vulnerable position like I was with him. Am I making any sense? please help thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2016 2:48 AM GMT
    It sounds like you lack self-confidence in general. I second the opinion that you should see a therapist. Therapy is often looked down upon in our society but truly, it sounds like you experienced emotional trauma as a result of your relationship and it will benefit you greatly to work through it with a professional.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 15, 2016 5:41 AM GMT
    I don't know if I agree. "Professional help" for some reason takes thirteen years to begin to help and even then, the addiction to "Professional help" seems to be the most important thing they've instilled. Are you seeing anyone regularly? If not, are you mainly cruising Grindr and other sex-only websites? My experience prior to meeting my guy was always through a profile-based site and generally I was interested in the guy as a human being even if I was mainly looking for nsa sex. And I never felt like I had to do anything but just have fun with the guy. Try meeting up with someone whose profile you like and seems like a nice guy to you. Tell him you've been wanting to try being a top but have some misgivings. if he's a good guy, if you've picked well, it will all be cool no matter what happens. Most guys are nice guys and looking to have some human contact in addition to sex. That assumes your profile suggests that about you. Just stop and take a deep breath. We're all just doing the best we can. That applies to the guys you meet with as well as yourself. The sub/dom thing is mostly a feature of porn, not real people. And just to be clear, I trust you're not confusing being a bottom with being submissive. I've been an exclusive bottom in a couple of relationships that lasted a while and I was never submissive. Or a "power bottom" or any of those roles. I was just me. And as a top, I've never considered the guy I was with as "sub" even if he liked me to control and even be a bit rough. Sometimes we play games with sex and it can be fun but that should never over-ride mutual respect.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Sep 15, 2016 5:42 AM GMT
    I'm sorry-- just looked at your profile. Are you partnered in a monogamous relationship?
  • Eleven

    Posts: 150

    Sep 15, 2016 6:08 AM GMT
    Ok the answer is simple, the penultimate thing you can do is just don't date or hook up with anyone for as long as it takes for you to forget your ex boyfriend and all the hurt you associate with him, if you date anyone now you will constantly refer back to him.....

    In this period of celibacy go to the gym and just work on you and do things that will build your confidence up....join a club, sport get a job get creative...

    Now the first thing you need to come to terms is, BE HAPPY THAT YOU ARE A BOTTOM and accept that....get vibrators and dildos and throw them all in until you want the D so bad you will scream it from the mountains.....the world needs bottoms......the world also needs versatile men so if you have any need to dominate find a twink or someone skinnier than you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2016 8:52 AM GMT
    The complexities of bisexuality. Thank Gword one was born a Bona Fide Homosexual.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Sep 15, 2016 9:10 AM GMT
    A submissive bottom usually likes being a submissive bottom.
    Nobody is forced into that role..
    If you didn't like it you wouldn't do it.
  • venue35

    Posts: 4644

    Sep 15, 2016 8:55 PM GMT
    What i meant was that nobody is forced into that role unless you are in prison...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2016 11:02 PM GMT
    zoltar saidI feel like I'm cock focused versus ass so that leads me back to I'm a bottom. .


    Well, if you are "cock focused," why not concentrate on the cock, and practice oral sex instead of anal. A sizeable percentage of gay men never engage in anal sex. It is not a qualification for having a gay card.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 23, 2016 3:51 PM GMT
    zoltar I feel like I'm cock focused versus ass so that leads me back to I'm a bottom


    u need to stop jacking off to dicks, switch to jacking off to ass & twinks or guys u view as inferior, think abot them as a whore a slut a bitch a faggot who's not good for anything but taking dick up his ass cus that's his main sexual organ and function in life to be a bottom bitch until he learns how to be a man, if he's a bottom somewhere deep down he hates his masculinity his identity as a male and he wants you to puncture and penitrate the opening and gateway to his very being his body and soul with your cock and he's just a walking talking fleshlight with feelings and emotions you need to allow yourself to relax and enjoy your cock annd using it and being a dominant force in nature, and btw I assure u when men fuck they aren't thinking about how much they love that bitch Cus when hes taking dick up his ass like a girl hes a pathetic excuse for a "man" his penis is a fraud it's useless good for nothing and if you're not comfortable viewing men as a bitch then you said you used to be with women and be the dominant one so go back to that if you don't have what it takes
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 23, 2016 4:22 PM GMT
    Ekho said
    zoltar I feel like I'm cock focused versus ass so that leads me back to I'm a bottom


    u need to stop jacking off to dicks, switch to jacking off to ass & twinks or guys u view as inferior, think abot them as a whore a slut a bitch a faggot who's not good for anything but taking dick up his ass cus that's his main sexual organ and function in life to be a bottom bitch until he learns how to be a man, if he's a bottom somewhere deep down he hates his masculinity his identity as a male and he wants you to puncture and penitrate the opening and gateway to his very being his body and soul with your cock and he's just a walking talking fleshlight with feelings and emotions you need to allow yourself to relax and enjoy your cock annd using it and being a dominant force in nature, and btw I assure u when men fuck they aren't thinking about how much they love that bitch Cus when hes taking dick up his ass like a girl hes a pathetic excuse for a "man" his penis is a fraud it's useless good for nothing and if you're not comfortable viewing men as a bitch then you said you used to be with women and be the dominant one so go back to that if you don't have what it takes


    You for sure have a romantic side ....lol...
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Sep 25, 2016 4:21 AM GMT
    Ekho said
    u need to stop jacking off to dicks, switch to jacking off to ass & twinks or guys u view as inferior, think abot them as a whore a slut a bitch a faggot who's not good for anything but taking dick up his ass cus that's his main sexual organ and function in life to be a bottom bitch until he learns how to be a man, if he's a bottom somewhere deep down he hates his masculinity his identity as a male and he wants you to puncture and penitrate the opening and gateway to his very being his body and soul with your cock and he's just a walking talking fleshlight with feelings and emotions you need to allow yourself to relax and enjoy your cock annd using it and being a dominant force in nature, and btw I assure u when men fuck they aren't thinking about how much they love that bitch Cus when hes taking dick up his ass like a girl hes a pathetic excuse for a "man" his penis is a fraud it's useless good for nothing and if you're not comfortable viewing men as a bitch then you said you used to be with women and be the dominant one so go back to that if you don't have what it takes

    Uhhh...Alpha male so confident, so dominant, so sure of himself, so HOT!
    I am sure all bottoms and even women fall at your feet...