Sep 14, 2016 5:53 PM GMT
So I'm struggling to accept the fact that I am a submissive bottom for several reasons. My first and only boyfriend was physically abusive to me. He would call me unmanly and other names. He made me feel very inferior to him. Other reasons are I was with women so many years and I was the dominant one as far as sex goes. I don't really have any experience as a Top except one time. I did enjoy that one time. I get so nervous though especially hook ups that I would be unable to perform as a Top. I feel like I'm cock focused versus ass so that leads me back to I'm a bottom. I guess I feel confused so I don't want to label myself but there is also shame. I don't want to feel unmanly or controlled. How do gay men get past the internal struggle? I feel like if I wasn't mistreated by an asshole for my first relationship I wouldn't have such a difficult time accepting it. I almost want to feel dominant so I'm not put into a vulnerable position like I was with him. Am I making any sense? please help thanks.