I Hate Credit Cards!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 22, 2016 3:37 PM GMT
    I just found out my husband had a credit card debt of nearly $5000. I was furious!

    We normally only use bank debit cards, limited by our immediate balance on hand. I don't even have a credit card myself, no credit or time payments of any kind whatsoever. Everything paid cash.

    But I remember last year the interim branch manager at our local Wells Fargo bank approached us with offers for immediate credit cards. Some kind of Black or Platinum level, I forget what. I declined, but my husband accepted one, telling me it was just for "emergency back-up". At least Wells Fargo spoke to us first, because I now understand there's a big scandal about them cramming cards on people without their knowledge.

    So today I went into his online WF account, which is linked to mine. I normally don't do that, unless he asks me for technical advice. But I saw something that looked strange, and his account has been hacked before.

    I had to link to get to his credit card info, but there it was. And he's been paying it off with the minimum monthly required, which costs him interest, and never really reduces the amount. I didn't look to see how he was using it, or how, that would be prying too much.

    So I immediately did the $5000 online transfer from my own funds to zero it out. I haven't asked him to destroy the card, that would be insulting. But I did make it clear that I didn't expect him to use it again except in a dire emergency, as he originally said. Like if I go into the hospital incapacitated, and he faces some immediate medical bills or other bills that I can't address myself.

    I'll tell yah, these credit cards are a drug and a trap. If he needed to buy things outside his own income why didn't he tell me? Pride, perhaps? I'm still shocked by this incident.
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    Sep 22, 2016 9:30 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidIs it a joint account or in his own name? If it's in his own name, Hell, let him run it up to the max. and just pay the minimum. At his age what does he care about his credit rating? Let him live large. If he dies in debt and you are not his legal spouse, you are not responsible for his debts.

    The accounts are not joined, but with legal Power of Attorney the bank gave me the ability to view and access his. I learned over 20 years ago the dangers of a couple co-mingling their finances.

    And it's not an issue of credit rating. If he gets in over his head I'll still have to bail him out.
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    Sep 22, 2016 9:33 PM GMT
    WestCoastJock said
    More evidence that he's not mentally competent. I am sure he will be thrilled that you went in and did the $5,000 transfer and also I am sure he immediately saw things your way when you humiliated him that you don't expect him to use the card again.

    He's very competent. Just irresponsible with money sometimes. I regret if he may be humiliated, but we had an understanding when he got that card. Emergencies only!
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    Sep 22, 2016 9:35 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said
    WestCoastJock said
    UMayNeverKnow saidIs it a joint account or in his own name? If it's in his own name, Hell, let him run it up to the max. and just pay the minimum. At his age what does he care about his credit rating? Let him live large. If he dies in debt and you are not his legal spouse, you are not responsible for his debts.

    He said it was his husband so he must be his legal spouse.

    Gay men of a certain age and era (before legal gay marriage) often referred to their long term partners as husbands although not under the bindings of legal marriage.

    Thank you for understanding and appreciating that. It's a mark of our great love for each other.
  • leanandclean

    Posts: 271

    Sep 22, 2016 9:52 PM GMT
    Until very recently, I only had one and I pay it off every month. Amex is a pretty responsible corporation (as far as it goes) and it is good for buying online. Also, a rewards program.
  • metta

    Posts: 39118

    Sep 22, 2016 9:59 PM GMT
    I find credit cards to be a very useful tool. It is safer and cleaner than carrying cash, and safer than using a debit card and the ones I have earn points which I turn into cash. The trick is to never keep a balance so that the credit card company pays me to use them.

    If someone steals a debit card, it can cause a hold on the account and can take time for the funds to be available again. If someone steals a credit card it just gets canceled and reissued.
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    Sep 22, 2016 10:45 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    I just found out my husband had a credit card debt of nearly $5000. I was furious!
    So today I went into his online WF account, which is linked to mine. But I saw something that looked strange, and his account has been hacked before.
    I had to link to get to his credit card info, but there it was. And he's been paying it off with the minimum monthly required, which costs him interest, and never really reduces the amount. I didn't look to see how he was using it, or how, that would be prying too much.
    So I immediately did the $5000 online transfer from my own funds to zero it out. I did make it clear that I didn't expect him to use it again except in a dire emergency.
    I'll tell yah, these credit cards are a drug and a trap. If he needed to buy things outside his own income why didn't he tell me?


    He wasn't paying for meals for two?
    He wasn't paying for vacation transportation or rooms?
    You're not aware of any gifts to you? You're not aware of any gifts he gave himself--furniture, exercise equipment, weekly chiropractic/acupuncture?
    Wracked up $5,000 in one year without your knowledge?

    He told you he owed WF $5,000? "I just found out..." How?
    How is he taking responsibility in this situation? What did you learn about your husband's interests which are financially costly?
    Was he building up to a gift for you? Was it one big gift for you? How did he defend his financial autonomy?


    As explained, I'd say, "This isn't a parent-child relationship, this is a child-doll relationship."
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    Sep 23, 2016 1:05 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidDoes power of attorney make you legally and personally responsible for his debts?

    I don't believe so. Nor is he for my debts. He also has Power of Attorney for me.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Sep 23, 2016 1:21 AM GMT
    What do u think he was spending all that money on? I would have totally pryed.
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    Sep 23, 2016 1:34 AM GMT
    metta saidI find credit cards to be a very useful tool. It is safer and cleaner than carrying cash, and safer than using a debit card and the ones I have earn points which I turn into cash. The trick is to never keep a balance so that the credit card company pays me to use them.

    If someone steals a debit card, it can cause a hold on the account and can take time for the funds to be available again. If someone steals a credit card it just gets canceled and reissued.

    We've individually lost our debit cards in the past, and I put a temporary freeze on the card. I think it's like 72 hours. After which it automatically cancels unless we stop the action, should we find the card under circumstances that suggest it wasn't compromised.

    I hate getting cards reissued with a new number, because then I have to change all the automatic fixed-amount debits. And also the memorized numbers (with iMacs they're contained in "Keychain") when I pay recurring utility bills online. I always forget at least one automatic withdrawal, then get a nasty-gram saying I failed to make a payment.

    He apparently gets some value for using the credit card, but it's minor. And outweighed by the interest he was paying. I'll keep a sharper eye on it from now on.

    I hate snooping on him. but even he admits he's always been terrible with money. It's not like he's suddenly gone senile. He says his former late partner always did their finances for them. But I usually had the other guy (or wife) in my own life handle money things for me, so I can empathize. Now the roles are reversed, and I'm not at all good at it.
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1051

    Sep 23, 2016 1:53 AM GMT
    You're mad at a CREDIT CARD?
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    Sep 23, 2016 2:06 AM GMT
    JackNNJ saidYou're mad at a CREDIT CARD?

    Art_Deco saidI now understand there's a big scandal about them cramming cards on people without their knowledge.


    Obviously it's the bank's fault.   icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Sep 23, 2016 2:13 AM GMT
    Import said
    What do u think he was spending all that money on? I would have totally pryed.

    I had no idea he was spending ANY money like that. And I still don't want to know the details.

    I thought he was using cash, and the debit card for his own bank account. I think most of it was for food. He loves elaborate restaurant dinners. If I don't pay attention he'll take the tab for all our friends' dinners, typically going into 3 figures. He used to criticize his late brother for doing that, and his brother's son, but apparently it's a male family trait to which he's also prone.

    Plus he loves to make food for others. He just did 4 quiches, and 6 cakes over the weekend. The cakes all infused with alcohol (he seldom drinks anything himself at restaurants or clubs, and almost never at home, so I know he's not drinking the money away).

    But I kinda suspected all that food he's been giving away to friends hadda be costly. I just didn't know how much, and how he was paying for it. And I never intrude on his kitchen when he's working, so I wasn't keeping close watch on exactly how much food this was actually involving.

    Well, turns out he wasn't keeping up with his credit card, the debt just kept growing over the last year. It turns out that **I** was the one who ultimately got to pay for it all. Which I certainly could have been doing all along.

    I guess he felt I would have objected to his gifting our friends (and even casual acquaintances) to that degree. Many of them with much more money than we have. And I can't think of any instances where any of them shows US such generosity.

    Oh, well, I just had to vent here after getting such an unexpected shock. I'll see what I can do to monitor this a little more closely in the future.
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    Sep 23, 2016 2:30 AM GMT
    JackNNJ said
    You're mad at a CREDIT CARD?

    Mad at our having one. Because it's a temptation to overuse it.

    I don't hate alcohol, either. But I know for some people it's a temptation to have it around the house. And can also lead to overuse.

    One nice feature about bank debit cards is that you can only spend as much money as you have in your checking account (at least how I have ours set up). And I keep relatively little money in checking at any given time. That also provides some security against card theft and hacking. Sure, we have some built-in theft protections, but I don't want the hassle of a complete account lock-down while things get resolved.
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    Sep 23, 2016 2:35 AM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    JackNNJ saidYou're mad at a CREDIT CARD?

    Art_Deco saidI now understand there's a big scandal about them cramming cards on people without their knowledge.

    Obviously it's the bank's fault.   icon_rolleyes.gif

    No, not in our case. We both agreed he could take that card when it was offered. I declined a card for myself, but he really wanted one for "emergency" purposes as I explained. I never expected that baking run and kahlua cakes as gifts would be an emergency.
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    Sep 23, 2016 2:38 AM GMT
    WestCoastJock said
    With husbands like you, who needs enemies!

    You're certainly all the enemy that **I** need here.

    Because no matter what I post, you'll always find a way to criticize me. Which means your remarks are meaningless to me. icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 23, 2016 4:05 AM GMT
    metta saidI find credit cards to be a very useful tool. It is safer and cleaner than carrying cash, and safer than using a debit card and the ones I have earn points which I turn into cash. The trick is to never keep a balance so that the credit card company pays me to use them.

    If someone steals a debit card, it can cause a hold on the account and can take time for the funds to be available again. If someone steals a credit card it just gets canceled and reissued.


    I use credit cards for everything, but pay it off at least monthly. If I've been traveling heavily for business, I'll go in mid-month and zero it out. Which now that I think about it, I'll do now

    It just makes expense accounting so much easier if I use it for everything all of the time. And then there are the reward points, which 'bought' me a new i7, 16 gb, laptop. And then on another card the reward points will take of the drive off and then some on a car I have ordered. I find it well worth it. I still carry a lot of cash for antique shops and used record stores.
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    Sep 23, 2016 8:19 AM GMT
    People's hate for credit cards is misplaced. I'm cash only hookah and even i use credit cards.

    But, the catch is to not only not carry a balance, just get a SECURED credit card. With a secured card, you can't spend more than your limit. My credit cards work just like a debit card. I can't spend more than i have. Plus my credit ain't the best so i would certainly not approve for $5,000 in debt.

    You can't hate credit cards if you travel. You can't rent a car without a credit card these days. If you use debit, they may hold $200-300 bucks. My friends used to get so jealous when i was renting cars. But non of them had credit cards to understand why i was able to.

    Debit cards are worse: overdraft fees, automated payments coming out of accounts, etc. People get sued and jailed over a bounced check, but with a credit card or debit card, that doesn't happen.
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    Sep 24, 2016 12:11 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidI just found out my husband had a credit card debt of nearly $5000. I was furious!

    We normally only use bank debit cards, limited by our immediate balance on hand. I don't even have a credit card myself, no credit or time payments of any kind whatsoever. Everything paid cash.

    But I remember last year the interim branch manager at our local Wells Fargo bank approached us with offers for immediate credit cards. Some kind of Black or Platinum level, I forget what. I declined, but my husband accepted one, telling me it was just for "emergency back-up". At least Wells Fargo spoke to us first, because I now understand there's a big scandal about them cramming cards on people without their knowledge.

    So today I went into his online WF account, which is linked to mine. I normally don't do that, unless he asks me for technical advice. But I saw something that looked strange, and his account has been hacked before.

    I had to link to get to his credit card info, but there it was. And he's been paying it off with the minimum monthly required, which costs him interest, and never really reduces the amount. I didn't look to see how he was using it, or how, that would be prying too much.

    So I immediately did the $5000 online transfer from my own funds to zero it out. I haven't asked him to destroy the card, that would be insulting. But I did make it clear that I didn't expect him to use it again except in a dire emergency, as he originally said. Like if I go into the hospital incapacitated, and he faces some immediate medical bills or other bills that I can't address myself.

    I'll tell yah, these credit cards are a drug and a trap. If he needed to buy things outside his own income why didn't he tell me? Pride, perhaps? I'm still shocked by this incident.


    Your hate is misplaced. I love my credit card. I use it to pay every single thing I possibly can.
  • KevinTruong

    Posts: 20

    Sep 24, 2016 4:32 AM GMT
    i never use my credit card although i have 1. My bank always send me a message to ask to use it to get more benefit but i know that the more i use the more i get depth. so i only use my debit card
  • interesting

    Posts: 573

    Sep 24, 2016 4:38 AM GMT
    Come on now, it's not the credit card's fault your husband went on a spending spree. It exists, so do a lot of other things in the world, it doesn't mean we have to indulge in it. Why not talk to him and find out WHY he did what he did and what he spent it on. He is your husband and if you can't freely communicate at this point, something else is afoot no?
  • metta

    Posts: 39118

    Sep 24, 2016 8:19 AM GMT
    KevinTruong saidi never use my credit card although i have 1. My bank always send me a message to ask to use it to get more benefit but i know that the more i use the more i get depth. so i only use my debit card


    You don't get in debt if you pay off the balances every time you make a payment. Using a credit card helps your credit rating. High credit ratings can help you get lower payments on car leases, purchases, home purchases, etc.
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    Sep 24, 2016 1:18 PM GMT
    interesting saidCome on now, it's not the credit card's fault your husband went on a spending spree. It exists, so do a lot of other things in the world, it doesn't mean we have to indulge in it. Why not talk to him and find out WHY he did what he did and what he spent it on. He is your husband and if you can't freely communicate at this point, something else is afoot no?

    No, I'm pretty satisfied I know what he was using it for. Nothing secret, it was for all the food he cooks & bakes, and mostly gives away to others. To both friends and for charity auction fundraisers. And this is over a year's time. I certainly saw him using it at home, even wrote here how I encouraged this as his hobby & passion, bought him kitchen appliances & utensils to use.

    He also has a bad habit of taking the check for everyone's meals behind my back, something his late brother and the son did, as well as my own father, for that matter. Plus he's an outrageously high tipper. And I'm partly to blame, because I hate dealing with money, happy to let him handle it, right in front of me while I look the other way. Sometimes he'll ask me if I wanna cover it, and then I'll give him my card to use. It has both our pictures together on it. I don't even wanna know how much OUR 2 meals cost.

    And we probably eat too many restaurant meals, lunch & supper, and sometimes breakfast, too. Although I often get nothing for myself, just pick off his plate. But when I was much more physically active, and ate most of my big lunches and dinners at the Army Officer's Club, my monthly tab ran about $500-600, back in 1981. Imagine that for 2 people, plus friends, and his cooking, accumulated over about 10-12 months. I'm surprised the credit card bill wasn't larger, but then he was also using his bank debit card for some things, and paying off some of the card, just not enough.

    I've seen before how he doesn't realize the way costs accumulate. It's how other people get into these credit card binds, apparently. We always go out shopping & socializing together, and in fact neither of us rarely uses the car alone for any reason. My being pretty sick yesterday & Thursday resulted in one of the rare times he went out by himself. And then he kept phoning me to see how I was doing. (I still may be mostly at home again today, continue to feel kinda wobbly). So I know he's not out secretly partying or having affairs.

    But he knows I wasn't pleased about this. And said without raising my voice that he can't be using the card for routine expenses anymore. Just for any emergencies as he had promised. He also knows learned how to view his card account online. He won't be able to buy a book of stamps without my being able to see it when I choose.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14351

    Sep 24, 2016 1:34 PM GMT
    WestCoastJock said
    Art_Deco said
    Import said
    What do u think he was spending all that money on? I would have totally pryed.

    I had no idea he was spending ANY money like that. And I still don't want to know the details.

    I thought he was using cash, and the debit card for his own bank account. I think most of it was for food. He loves elaborate restaurant dinners. If I don't pay attention he'll take the tab for all our friends' dinners, typically going into 3 figures. He used to criticize his late brother for doing that, and his brother's son, but apparently it's a male family trait to which he's also prone.

    Plus he loves to make food for others. He just did 4 quiches, and 6 cakes over the weekend. The cakes all infused with alcohol (he seldom drinks anything himself at restaurants or clubs, and almost never at home, so I know he's not drinking the money away).

    But I kinda suspected all that food he's been giving away to friends hadda be costly. I just didn't know how much, and how he was paying for it. And I never intrude on his kitchen when he's working, so I wasn't keeping close watch on exactly how much food this was actually involving.

    Well, turns out he wasn't keeping up with his credit card, the debt just kept growing over the last year. It turns out that **I** was the one who ultimately got to pay for it all. Which I certainly could have been doing all along.

    I guess he felt I would have objected to his gifting our friends (and even casual acquaintances) to that degree. Many of them with much more money than we have. And I can't think of any instances where any of them shows US such generosity.

    Oh, well, I just had to vent here after getting such an unexpected shock. I'll see what I can do to monitor this a little more closely in the future.


    Once again you write about him as if he's a total mental vegetable. Do you think he would appreciate reading all these things youare publicly posting about him?

    With husbands like you, who needs enemies!
    Boy ain't that the truthicon_cool.gif

  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14351

    Sep 24, 2016 7:49 PM GMT
    Credit cards don't cause debts, people cause debts. Got iticon_question.gif