Oct 02, 2016 3:46 PM GMT
So I went to my first gay clothing optional resort. It was eye opening to say the least. Porn playing on TVs everywhere. Condoms outside the steamroom. Apparently I missed the people just having sex right out in the open. When you check in they tell you how to have your hook up check in at the front desk and not to use Silicone lube because it stains the sheets. This is a bit overwhelming for an introvert such as myself. Of course not everyone was a sex crazed fiend. I did talk to a few nice people but I also met a bunch of nasty Queens too. I'm glad I had the experience although it's left me even more confused as to my purpose in life. I want a partner to share my life with. My entire life I've never felt like I fit in. I tried to play the Dad with wife and kids. I'm still a Dad of course and I love being a Dad but I'm gay. I couldn't live that life anymore. Then I come to this gay world and I dont feel right here either. I feel awkward and ironically not gay enough. Maybe I'm in the wrong places. BTW I tried to just relax and hit the spa and lay outside and that was nice. I guess I need to stop worrying and just enjoy what I like to do and not worry what others may perceive of it. It's the wanting to be accepted. The longing to fit in. Not so much because I need everyone to be my friend but because I want that partner someday.