Everyone's trying to steal my boyfriend from me!

  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Oct 03, 2016 2:59 AM GMT
    I mentioned before how I'm just very average looking. Despite that and my proclivity towards making extremely violent porn drawings icon_lol.gif, I'm actually quite high functioning in real life and managed to snag a really hot guy 2 months ago. It would be the 4th relationship for the both of us. We have started meeting each other's friends and going to parties together - mostly parties of my friends and acquiantances since he's relatively new in town. On one hand it's been fun - by association with him, I'm now automatically the life of every party ... except only because everyone wants to get to know him through me. By the end of one night, 15 of my friends added him on facebook (I haven't even added him myself!) The host of one party literally told him in front of me that 6 other guys there have expressed a desire to sleep with him (2 of them are easily hotter than me). Short of completely removing myself from the gay community, is there any way this won't end badly lol.

    I know some people are gonna say "if he really likes you for you then it won't matter", but man, the laws of supply and demand can really mess with people's feelings! It's like a meat market!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 03, 2016 3:09 AM GMT
    you are living in the shadow of another man you view as superior to yourself with regards to the way he appears.

    everywhere you go, he will always outshine you and he will starve you inadvertently of any due adoration.

    because he is in a league out of yours, and inherently you are inadequate to him, he will be in a position of power that extends past the bedroom and into real life.

    you will always worry about him finding another
    your worries will be justified
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Oct 03, 2016 3:20 AM GMT
    ^^Wow, that's pretty gloomy!

    Maybe there's some truth in Ekho's buzz kill, but here's a more likely version of reality:

    Your boyfriend is fresh meat. He touched off a feeding frenzy only because he's new in town and they don't know him yet.

    As soon as they're used to him being around, they'll ignore him. Because they're shallow idiots.

    I can't promise your guy won't be swayed by their cheesy moves - it feels good to be the center of attention. But if you do your best to be a man of substance instead of a skin-deep queen, you're more likely to come out on top.

    Oh, and - this isn't just confined to gay men. More than once I've had a new str8 friend "stolen" from me by other "str8" guys who tried their best to cut me out of his life so they could be his "best buddy".
  • BambiBoy98

    Posts: 52

    Oct 03, 2016 3:41 AM GMT
    Well I know you said you expected to see this. But if he truly cares for you he'll stay loyal. If not he'll probably be unfaithful. Just saying. Self esteem is important as well. If you feel as if you're average looking, that is how you'll appear to others as well. I know when i'm asked how I view myself I always respond with " I'm flipping sexy.". Not because i'm an egotistical narcissist but because self confidence goes a long way.icon_cool.gif
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Oct 03, 2016 3:46 AM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidI mentioned before how I'm just very average looking. Despite that and my proclivity towards making extremely violent porn drawings icon_lol.gif, I'm actually quite high functioning in real life and managed to snag a really hot guy 2 months ago. It would be the 4th relationship for the both of us. We have started meeting each other's friends and going to parties together - mostly parties of my friends and acquiantances since he's relatively new in town. On one hand it's been fun - by association with him, I'm now automatically the life of every party ... except only because everyone wants to get to know him through me. By the end of one night, 15 of my friends added him on facebook (I haven't even added him myself!) The host of one party literally told him in front of me that 6 other guys there have expressed a desire to sleep with him (2 of them are easily hotter than me). Short of completely removing myself from the gay community, is there any way this won't end badly lol.

    I know some people are gonna say "if he really likes you for you then it won't matter", but man, the laws of supply and demand can really mess with people's feelings! It's like a meat market!


    Gay men do this sort of thing. Perhaps since he his hotter and you are average, they think you are just friends or something. You need to let them know that you are together. I don't know you nor him so I am not assuming anything. Perhaps you have some quality that attracted him to you outside of appearance.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Oct 03, 2016 9:01 PM GMT
    have fun while it last,never put anyone on a pedestal. what kind of people do you associate with though? problem is not that boyfriend of yours,it is the people you call your friends. Everyone has insecurities including that mighty bf. why do you think he agreed to be your boyfriend? Obviously you have your own qualities, don't be scared of the world!
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Oct 07, 2016 1:28 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidI mentioned before how I'm just very average looking. Despite that and my proclivity towards making extremely violent porn drawings icon_lol.gif, I'm actually quite high functioning in real life and managed to snag a really hot guy 2 months ago. It would be the 4th relationship for the both of us. We have started meeting each other's friends and going to parties together - mostly parties of my friends and acquiantances since he's relatively new in town. On one hand it's been fun - by association with him, I'm now automatically the life of every party ... except only because everyone wants to get to know him through me. By the end of one night, 15 of my friends added him on facebook (I haven't even added him myself!) The host of one party literally told him in front of me that 6 other guys there have expressed a desire to sleep with him (2 of them are easily hotter than me). Short of completely removing myself from the gay community, is there any way this won't end badly lol.

    I know some people are gonna say "if he really likes you for you then it won't matter", but man, the laws of supply and demand can really mess with people's feelings! It's like a meat market!


    Confidence is sexy, and insecurity creates its own hell, so rather than focus on others, ask yourself why he likes you enough to be your boyfriend? If he does like you for more than superficial reasons, they will not go away over time. If he likes you because of a fetish he has, than possibly he will. But if he LOVES you? Love CANNOT be stolen just by its very nature: it's a giving emotion not a 'taking' emotion. Which is why 'stolen' is a misnomer in relationships.
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 713

    Oct 07, 2016 3:02 PM GMT
    Well he's not dating me for my looks lol. It probably because I'm funny and a chill masc bro. I don't know how strong those feelings are, but all relationships take time and work and are weak in their infancy. Hence I'm so put off by this "highest bidder takes all" thing that guys do to taken guys. There's no respect!


    BambiBoy98 saidWell I know you said you expected to see this. But if he truly cares for you he'll stay loyal. If not he'll probably be unfaithful. Just saying. Self esteem is important as well. If you feel as if you're average looking, that is how you'll appear to others as well. I know when i'm asked how I view myself I always respond with " I'm flipping sexy.". Not because i'm an egotistical narcissist but because self confidence goes a long way.icon_cool.gif


    Haha that would be denial in my case. I'm pretty confident (some would say arrogant) but have a pretty good grasp of reality
  • BambiBoy98

    Posts: 52

    Oct 07, 2016 7:08 PM GMT
    theonewhoknocks saidWell he's not dating me for my looks lol. It probably because I'm funny and a chill masc bro. I don't know how strong those feelings are, but all relationships take time and work and are weak in their infancy. Hence I'm so put off by this "highest bidder takes all" thing that guys do to taken guys. There's no respect!


    BambiBoy98 saidWell I know you said you expected to see this. But if he truly cares for you he'll stay loyal. If not he'll probably be unfaithful. Just saying. Self esteem is important as well. If you feel as if you're average looking, that is how you'll appear to others as well. I know when i'm asked how I view myself I always respond with " I'm flipping sexy.". Not because i'm an egotistical narcissist but because self confidence goes a long way.icon_cool.gif


    Haha that would be denial in my case. I'm pretty confident (some would say arrogant) but have a pretty good grasp of reality


    Yeah I see your point lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2016 12:22 AM GMT
    I can't help without knowing how your boyfriend is but...normally attractive people know they are and tend to be very confident. Some turn the confidence into cocky and feel it gives them the right to think less of others and not treat people right. With that said I'm going to assume he's an upstanding nice guy who loves you to pieces and wants to be with you.
    Everything you mentioned is really your insecurities which you have to work on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 08, 2016 1:29 AM GMT
    I once had this happen to me. On top of him being fairly attractive physically, he was the wealthiest guy in our gay community. I had snagged the catch of all catches, the guy everyone else wanted, and at first I didn't even know it.

    It wasn't until after we'd dated a few weeks that he told me how wealthy he was. I didn't have a clue before that. I liked him because of his looks and personality. His bank account was unknown to me. Which later tangible revelations confirmed without doubt. This guy had many millions, and lots of guys knew it, the talk of our gay community. I had snared the "pick of the litter" without realizing it, the big tamale.

    For me it became almost a curse. For one thing there was the competition, of course. EVERYONE wanted to take my place it seemed. Even some women. And went to the most outlandish extremes to push me aside. I've previously described here some of their antics. I'd never had to fight to keep a guy before, but now I did.

    For a second thing it was bankrupting me. I refused to be supported by him, I would pay my own way. But he was living a millionaire's lifestyle. And even just paying my own share to keep up with him was ruinous to me.

    The final straw for me was his refusal to be monogamous. He insisted on an open relationship and playing around. I was still his steady BF, the one to whom he always returned, but he wanted to sample other guys. Which his stories back to me, in sordid detail, told me it wasn't entirely safe sex. And he wouldn't get himself tested.

    OK, that was enough for me. That's when I broke it off, and relocated down here to South Florida, a place familiar to me. Six months later he phoned me, and said he realized his mistake. I was better than any other "option" he had. Yeah, until his next option appeared on the scene.

    And by then I had already committed myself to the guy I've been with for over the last 9 years. I do NOT break my word or a commitment. I don't care if you're a good-looking multi-millionaire or not.

    And I'm sure I'd continue to have to be fighting off the "home breakers" trying to move in on me. I really don't want that. So I rejected him, and his money.