How to find downlow/discreet guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2016 3:35 PM GMT
    I'm a masculine and very discreet young professional looking to meet other guys in the same position. I've tried Adam4Adam and Criagslist and they both suck in the city where I live...midsized southern city, not like the big northeastern city where I used to live. I know that most guys here are out and might question my decision to stay discreet, but it's just my preference. Any suggestions on where I could look (both online and offline)?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 14, 2016 3:37 PM GMT
    have you tried looking up your ass?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 14, 2016 4:37 PM GMT
    Much tougher closeted because you generally will be seeing other closeted guys and it's pretty hard to tell much about them as a result. And vice-versa. I wouldn't think it would be all that tough in Nashville in a college. Start there just be sorta out. You're probably trying so hard to look straight that you're putting out negative signals. Take a chance on some guy you think is gay. The sky won't fall. Promise. Why the closet? Parents?
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    Oct 14, 2016 4:50 PM GMT
    Just make friends like any other guy would, and be aware of body language after you've gotten to know them a while. Many guys are bi and simply don't say anything in public about it.
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    Oct 14, 2016 5:37 PM GMT
    dumb the obvious answer is stop being a pussy and come out or download grindr and fuck with the other downlow pussies
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 275

    Oct 14, 2016 7:52 PM GMT
    Plenty of discreet guys in the sauna. They're not likely to bump into their girlfriends or straight mates in a bath house full of naked gay men, and its not as loud as a gay club. I often get asked if I'm in or out when I hook up with someone in the sauna, so plenty of closeted guys go there. And many out gay guys I've met online and offline have never been to a sauna.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 14, 2016 8:25 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidPlenty of discreet guys in the sauna. They're not likely to bump into their girlfriends or straight mates in a bath house full of naked gay men, and its not as loud as a gay club. I often get asked if I'm in or out when I hook up with someone in the sauna, so plenty of closeted guys go there. And many out gay guys I've met online and offline have never been to a sauna.

    Ya, this is really true. Hadn't thought of it. And not gay bath houses, either, just saunas in gyms, hotels, even colleges.
  • bmm50ott

    Posts: 10

    Oct 14, 2016 8:33 PM GMT
    hey mclark93 - it seems that wanting to meet someone and get to know them for some degree of comfort before getting naked and exchanging bodily fluids is being a pussy. All we need is an app and go get fucked. I myself, being somewhere between straight and gay, probably am not going to do that, and other guys, gay or not, may not either. So discreet get together is the only way. And that leaves the internet, unless walking around "cruise" spots or gay clubs is your thing. Doesn't sound like it. Patience my friend, and try different sites. I am not the most experienced in that regard, Squirt was good. And this seems okay.

    And noting remarks, below, who doesn't like a nice suana now and then.
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    Oct 14, 2016 10:31 PM GMT
    Bonaparts saidhave you tried looking up your ass?


    Wow, all I did was ask a question. I didn't judge anybody who is out, so I'm not sure where that comment came from.
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    Oct 14, 2016 10:34 PM GMT
    It's not easy to be seen and not seen at the same time. It's not easy to see guys who are trying not to be seen. Why not come out and engage with other out and proud guys?
  • charlitos666

    Posts: 290

    Oct 14, 2016 11:07 PM GMT
    Yoga class? Never been but sounds downlow/discreet
  • jeep334

    Posts: 407

    Oct 14, 2016 11:25 PM GMT
    mclark93 said
    Bonaparts saidhave you tried looking up your ass?


    Wow, all I did was ask a question. I didn't judge anybody who is out, so I'm not sure where that comment came from.


    As a member of this site, I apologize for the arrogant and ignorant people who not only promote their own agenda but do so in such a mean and spirited way. And as far as the pussy word, that should be left to the name of the situation that one of our presidential candidates has to deal with aka: Pussygate.

    The decent answers are valid. It becomes pretty frustrating when nothing ever seems to happen that you want to happen. I do suggest that you simply be yourself. Back in 1971 there was a movie titled, Some of My Best Friends Are. The Wikipedia blurb says "On Christmas Eve 1971 in Manhattan's Greenwich Village, a group of gay men and lesbians meet at the Blue Jay Bar to talk about their lives and relationships" which is a good description of the story line of which I remember almost nothing (and as a side note, never use Wikipedia for a source of movie review - message bon_pan or Bro4bro here on this site for superb info on movies/music). But I have used that title since to describe my own friendships. While folks tend to be known by the company they keep, that's not always a bad thing. Some of those people will be the down low guys that you want to meet anyway. Besides, the devout Catholics and the conservative folks now know not to even broach the subject with me because they understand that I appreciate all that life has to offer. I suggest you do the same. Be natural and friendly and not so secretive. No one needs to know who you go to bed with and quite frankly, I don't really think most decent people want to know what others are doing in bed anyway. None of anyone's business. Just like the guys in the locker room who don't what stip completely in front of everyone - what you have is really not the business of the general public (see http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/4243233). This is America (even in Tennessee) where the 1st Amendment is still part of the law of the land. You are in a different culture than D.C. so you need to keep that in mind as well. A sauna, being cognisant of body language as have been suggested as well as simply enjoying the company of people to whom you are attracted are good venues. Although I so have Scruff on my phone, I really hesitate using it because you are communicating to someone you have no idea who it is. When I see the message: "250 feet," I think that's cool. Even better when I look around and see the person and his picture is a good likeness. But then I realize that he can see the same "250 feet" message. Then reality sets in quickly and I realize that I would rather simply build a trusting relationship (somehow) and go from there. Most of us are here for you and most guys will write back if they are messaged and will do so with encouragement.

    Good luck. Life ain't easy sometimes.
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    Oct 15, 2016 3:26 AM GMT
    Ekho saiddumb the obvious answer is stop being a pussy and come out or download grindr and fuck with the other downlow pussies


    Ekho,
    It is your right to judge those of us who desire to be discrete and not out, but just keep in mind it makes you exactly the same as those who judge you for not being.
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    Oct 15, 2016 6:53 AM GMT
    mclark93 said
    Bonaparts saidhave you tried looking up your ass?


    Wow, all I did was ask a question. I didn't judge anybody who is out, so I'm not sure where that comment came from.



    It came from me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 15, 2016 7:40 AM GMT
    Bonaparts saidhave you I tried looking up your ass? deleting my profile? I am too stupid to know how...


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    Oct 15, 2016 7:59 AM GMT
    Sam27 said
    Bonaparts saidhave you I tried looking up your ass? deleting my profile? I am too stupid to know how...



  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 15, 2016 5:39 PM GMT
    Btw, my partner and I were both closeted when we met (online- Outpersonals- not even sure if it still exists). After dating exclusively for two years, we both came out to everyone. Our relationship had gotten to be the most important one in our lives so we refused to hide it any longer. Nine years together now. Good luck!
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    Oct 15, 2016 8:01 PM GMT
    --Shouldn't have any problem picking up some Rough Trade in Printer's Alley...
    If you butch it up a bit you could check out http://www.g0ys.org/
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    Oct 15, 2016 8:14 PM GMT
    mclark93 saidWow, all I did was ask a question. I didn't judge anybody who is out, so I'm not sure where that comment came from.

    The problem could be from the title of your post. In the black community guys on the downlow aren't simply discreet but firmly in the closet and even to the point of marrying a woman or having a girlfriend.

    I don't read them very much any more but I'm on some yahoo mailing lists/groups from where I collected porn pictures; some of the groups are for black guys on the downlow. I joined them before I knew what being on the downlow meant. (Back then I was also clueless about what bareback meant.) It was interesting to discover that in the black gay community being on the downlow is largely unremarkable and acceptable, in particular the part about getting married or having a girlfriend. In the non-black gay community that type of behavior is definitely frowned on, so that could be what's behind some of the negative remarks.
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    Oct 15, 2016 8:43 PM GMT
    a lot has changed, even the last few years. If you post the down low issue anywhere, say on a straight forum, you will get everything from condemnation to whatever. Same here. Likely people close to you, partner, co-workers, already figure your gay. How much is it worth to you
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    Oct 15, 2016 9:49 PM GMT
    mclark93 saidI'm a masculine and very discreet young professional looking to meet other guys in the same position. I've tried Adam4Adam and Criagslist and they both suck in the city where I live...midsized southern city, not like the big northeastern city where I used to live. I know that most guys here are out and might question my decision to stay discreet, but it's just my preference. Any suggestions on where I could look (both online and offline)?


    For contributing to the lie and the Black culture pigeon hole perspective on the diversity of sexuality, the diversity of life, and the diversity of spirituality to the disadvantage of your Black brothers who prefer "life needs expression rather than self-imposed prison," I choose not to share this real jock experience with you by way of clicking block your profile and clicking ignore your forum posts.