We seem superficial?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2016 3:07 AM GMT
    Hello guys!

    Many people that don't understand that homosexuality is a sexual orientation and is not a behavior, are surprised when know about my homosexuality well many tell me that I don't seem gay or that I look very simple for be gay and because I am not arrogant or superficial and because I look serious and a little nerd. I answer that superficiality has nothing to do with be gay and it bothers me think about for some that have the celebrity, narcisus or king ego, the other people believe that everybody are same.

    Really we have gained freehand that stereotype?

    The media and TV will blame?

    In my opinion, I believe that in every place, in every culture and in every people is everything, and should not generalize even if many of we have the fault.

    What do you think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2016 4:16 AM GMT
    tired topic people sterotype people because that's how the world works
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2016 4:31 AM GMT
    Yes and more in a world that is most elemental than sentimental.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Oct 16, 2016 10:51 AM GMT
    Yes there are people who immediately make assumptions about how gay men are supposed to act and dress etc. It's best not to be bothered by this. You have your personality - express yourself however you feel comfortable, and let other gay people express themselves however they feel comfortable. No point in looking for someone to blame for gay stereotypes. If you take a negative attitude towards other homosexuals you can end up isolating yourself more. If people seem narrowminded, just be patient with them and give them a chance to know your strengths. Or ignore them and move onto somebody more worthy of your time. Whatever works better for you.
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    Oct 16, 2016 11:12 AM GMT
    Several generations of gold star gay men will still cling to their show tunes and buy ugly Prada shoes.
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Oct 16, 2016 11:23 AM GMT
    nice_chap saidYes there are people who immediately make assumptions about how gay men are supposed to act and dress etc. It's best not to be bothered by this. You have your personality - express yourself however you feel comfortable, and let other gay people express themselves however they feel comfortable. No point in looking for someone to blame for gay stereotypes. If you take a negative attitude towards other homosexuals you can end up isolating yourself more. If people seem narrowminded, just be patient with them and give them a chance to know your strengths. Or ignore them and move onto somebody more worthy of your time. Whatever works better for you.


    Excellent advice!
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    Oct 16, 2016 3:22 PM GMT
    lcalima said
    I answer that superficiality has nothing to do with be gay...

    The media and TV [to] blame?

    In my opinion, I believe that in every place, in every culture and in every people is everything, and should not generalize even if many of we have the fault.

    What do you think?

    I'm one of the oldest guys posting regularly in these forums. In my youth in the 1950-60s the negative gay stereotypes were commonly assumed by everyone in US society, except maybe by some of the gays themselves.

    And I say "themselves" rather than "myself" because, as veteran RJers will have heard me say before, those period stereotypes were so strong that they convinced me that I wasn't gay myself. I lacked them, so how could I be gay?

    And in US society in that era the media, early TV, movies, and our culture in general were all to "blame" for that. Although kids my age weren't exposed to it like they are today, and the more benign word "gay" wasn't used. It was all homo, fag/faggot, fairy, queer and the entire lexicon of negatives used to demean LGBT.

    I never heard those stronger words, not even gay, in the 1950s. It was more euphemisms, things like sissy and girlie, sometimes effeminate, also artistic and sensitive. I did hear that much, but never suspected they had a sexual orientation component. I just thought these described less masculine men, that even then I knew I wasn't supposed to be, to be avoided by "toughening yourself up".

    And indeed, what did our Boy Scout leaders, our summer camp counselors, gym coaches, our fathers, all the adult male authority figures in our lives, even the older boys yell at us? "What are you, a girl?" "Stop being a sissy!" "Act like a man!" Barked at all of us, not just me.

    With the result that I did toughen up, assuming I really needed it. Learned to fish, hunt & camp on my own, still do them when I can, enjoy sleeping in a tent or just under the stars as much as in any hotel or home, still do challenging athletic tasks despite my severe disabilities. Began a 50-year passion with motorcycling, can fix them myself and cars, too.

    Made the Army my career for 25 years. A career that kept me so engrossed due to my workaholic nature that I never thought about homosexuality, or any sex, really. Also being the ruin of my marriage, a wife meaning nothing more to me than a family, social & career obligation.

    And what finally made me open my eyes about myself was exactly what you're describing. The reality that gay men can be many things, and can lack many of the gay stereotypes that have been used to commonly define us.

    And yes, as with you many people are surprised to learn I'm gay. My deep voice being a factor, contrary to the girl's voice many presume all gays have. In fact, even some fellow gays are surprised to learn I'm gay. But it also didn't hurt me with attracting guys who want a "real" man, who's every bit as gay sexually as they are. LOL!

    Stereotypes are all around us, but fading now since I was a kid. Unless it's just my own mellowing attitudes affecting my perceptions. But in any case I'm glad you're discovered this truth about gay men and about yourself. And at an earlier age than I had managed to do.
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    Oct 16, 2016 3:25 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow said

    You can't change it no matter how much you rage against it. Accept it and move on with your life.


    Typical gay Republican attitude: Just play the doormat and hope that your fellow conservatives will eventually get tired of wiping their feet on you.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Oct 16, 2016 4:34 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidYes there are people who immediately make assumptions about how gay men are supposed to act and dress etc. It's best not to be bothered by this. You have your personality - express yourself however you feel comfortable, and let other gay people express themselves however they feel comfortable. No point in looking for someone to blame for gay stereotypes. If you take a negative attitude towards other homosexuals you can end up isolating yourself more. If people seem narrowminded, just be patient with them and give them a chance to know your strengths. Or ignore them and move onto somebody more worthy of your time. Whatever works better for you.

    Well said! Very insightful.
  • nice_chap

    Posts: 277

    Oct 16, 2016 6:16 PM GMT
    Heh! Well I've done my share of moaning about how superficial and stereotypical a lot of gay men are, and it didn't do me any good, it just made me look like a stroppy bitch. I can't be bothered to criticise people any more.

    And if somebody is surprised to find out you're gay, it's not such a bad thing. You've just taught them that they can't judge a person just by looking at them, and they need to make an effort to really understand people. One day, you might be pleasantly surprised to learn that somebody else is gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:25 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidYes there are people who immediately make assumptions about how gay men are supposed to act and dress etc. It's best not to be bothered by this. You have your personality - express yourself however you feel comfortable, and let other gay people express themselves however they feel comfortable. No point in looking for someone to blame for gay stereotypes. If you take a negative attitude towards other homosexuals you can end up isolating yourself more. If people seem narrowminded, just be patient with them and give them a chance to know your strengths. Or ignore them and move onto somebody more worthy of your time. Whatever works better for you.


    I totally agree with you. Thanks man icon_smile.gif
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:26 PM GMT
    pellaz saidSeveral generations of gold star gay men will still cling to their show tunes and buy ugly Prada shoes.


    It's true, but I consider our comunity and our men is changing, even if it is depend.
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:28 PM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidStereotypes exist because enough people within a particular group exhibit a particular trait that enough people outside and inside the group recognize it to the point others understand what they mean when they reference it in jokes, parodies, conversations.

    I'm amazed at how universal these traits are as evidenced in gay-themed movies and documentaries I've seen.

    You can't change it no matter how much you rage against it. Accept it and move on with your life.

    P.S. "are surprised when know about my homosexuality" I have to take your word for it, but I'm a bit incredulous.


    Yes, all is acording to someone own believe and accept.
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:42 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 said
    UMayNeverKnow said

    You can't change it no matter how much you rage against it. Accept it and move on with your life.


    Typical gay Republican attitude: Just play the doormat and hope that your fellow conservatives will eventually get tired of wiping their feet on you.

    You don't pull any punches, do you? I love the ability of Brits to see through the political smokescreen. Why do so many of us Yanks lack that? icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:45 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    lcalima said
    I answer that superficiality has nothing to do with be gay...

    The media and TV [to] blame?

    In my opinion, I believe that in every place, in every culture and in every people is everything, and should not generalize even if many of we have the fault.

    What do you think?

    I'm one of the oldest guys posting regularly in these forums. In my youth in the 1950-60s the negative gay stereotypes were commonly assumed by everyone in US society, except maybe by some of the gays themselves.

    And I say "themselves" rather than "myself" because, as veteran RJers will have heard me say before, those period stereotypes were so strong that they convinced me that I wasn't gay myself. I lacked them, so how could I be gay?

    And in US society in that era the media, early TV, movies, and our culture in general were all to "blame" for that. Although kids my age weren't exposed to it like they are today, and the more benign word "gay" wasn't used. It was all homo, fag/faggot, fairy, queer and the entire lexicon of negatives used to demean LGBT.

    I never heard those stronger words, not even gay, in the 1950s. It was more euphemisms, things like sissy and girlie, sometimes effeminate, also artistic and sensitive. I did hear that much, but never suspected they had a sexual orientation component. I just thought these described less masculine men, that even then I knew I wasn't supposed to be, to be avoided by "toughening yourself up".

    And indeed, what did our Boy Scout leaders, our summer camp counselors, gym coaches, our fathers, all the adult male authority figures in our lives, even the older boys yell at us? "What are you, a girl?" "Stop being a sissy!" "Act like a man!" Barked at all of us, not just me.

    With the result that I did toughen up, assuming I really needed it. Learned to fish, hunt & camp on my own, still do them when I can, enjoy sleeping in a tent or just under the stars as much as in any hotel or home, still do challenging athletic tasks despite my severe disabilities. Began a 50-year passion with motorcycling, can fix them myself and cars, too.

    Made the Army my career for 25 years. A career that kept me so engrossed due to my workaholic nature that I never thought about homosexuality, or any sex, really. Also being the ruin of my marriage, a wife meaning nothing more to me than a family, social & career obligation.

    And what finally made me open my eyes about myself was exactly what you're describing. The reality that gay men can be many things, and can lack many of the gay stereotypes that have been used to commonly define us.

    And yes, as with you many people are surprised to learn I'm gay. My deep voice being a factor, contrary to the girl's voice many presume all gays have. In fact, even some fellow gays are surprised to learn I'm gay. But it also didn't hurt me with attracting guys who want a "real" man, who's every bit as gay sexually as they are. LOL!

    Stereotypes are all around us, but fading now since I was a kid. Unless it's just my own mellowing attitudes affecting my perceptions. But in any case I'm glad you're discovered this truth about gay men and about yourself. And at an earlier age than I had managed to do.


    Hey, is interesting your topic, because, I always answer me. How was the gay life in the 50's or 60's or much before, and evidently with your testimony, I confirm the hard that was fight with the comparison between a homosexual man and a girl, a debil person or a mentally ill by disinformation. Now is worst in Latin America and in countries like mine (Colombia) in where right now yet domain the machismo and the appearances and the religion manipulation. And in the gay world, the gay have the label of be promiscous, extravagant, gossip, arrogant and that we have works like show bussines, mode design, prostitution or in hairdressing. Is really a sad reality.

    I am glad, you can be one of the man that can represent us as a real man, a worker and reasonable person, because people like you demonstrate that the world and their veredicts are constantly wrong.
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:50 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 said
    UMayNeverKnow said

    You can't change it no matter how much you rage against it. Accept it and move on with your life.


    Typical gay Republican attitude: Just play the doormat and hope that your fellow conservatives will eventually get tired of wiping their feet on you.


    Hey guys, don't discuss for politics things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 17, 2016 10:58 PM GMT
    nice_chap saidHeh! Well I've done my share of moaning about how superficial and stereotypical a lot of gay men are, and it didn't do me any good, it just made me look like a stroppy bitch. I can't be bothered to criticise people any more.

    And if somebody is surprised to find out you're gay, it's not such a bad thing. You've just taught them that they can't judge a person just by looking at them, and they need to make an effort to really understand people. One day, you might be pleasantly surprised to learn that somebody else is gay.


    Thanks friend, I wish maybe possible that pleasantly surprised day can get specially in Latin America. And I think, that we as gay people have to demonstrate our true good values.
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    Oct 17, 2016 11:20 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    lcalima said
    I answer that superficiality has nothing to do with be gay...

    The media and TV [to] blame?

    In my opinion, I believe that in every place, in every culture and in every people is everything, and should not generalize even if many of we have the fault.

    What do you think?

    I'm one of the oldest guys posting regularly in these forums. In my youth in the 1950-60s the negative gay stereotypes were commonly assumed by everyone in US society, except maybe by some of the gays themselves.

    And I say "themselves" rather than "myself" because, as veteran RJers will have heard me say before, those period stereotypes were so strong that they convinced me that I wasn't gay myself. I lacked them, so how could I be gay?

    And in US society in that era the media, early TV, movies, and our culture in general were all to "blame" for that. Although kids my age weren't exposed to it like they are today, and the more benign word "gay" wasn't used. It was all homo, fag/faggot, fairy, queer and the entire lexicon of negatives used to demean LGBT.

    I never heard those stronger words, not even gay, in the 1950s. It was more euphemisms, things like sissy and girlie, sometimes effeminate, also artistic and sensitive. I did hear that much, but never suspected they had a sexual orientation component. I just thought these described less masculine men, that even then I knew I wasn't supposed to be, to be avoided by "toughening yourself up".

    And indeed, what did our Boy Scout leaders, our summer camp counselors, gym coaches, our fathers, all the adult male authority figures in our lives, even the older boys yell at us? "What are you, a girl?" "Stop being a sissy!" "Act like a man!" Barked at all of us, not just me.

    With the result that I did toughen up, assuming I really needed it. Learned to fish, hunt & camp on my own, still do them when I can, enjoy sleeping in a tent or just under the stars as much as in any hotel or home, still do challenging athletic tasks despite my severe disabilities. Began a 50-year passion with motorcycling, can fix them myself and cars, too.

    Made the Army my career for 25 years. A career that kept me so engrossed due to my workaholic nature that I never thought about homosexuality, or any sex, really. Also being the ruin of my marriage, a wife meaning nothing more to me than a family, social & career obligation.

    And what finally made me open my eyes about myself was exactly what you're describing. The reality that gay men can be many things, and can lack many of the gay stereotypes that have been used to commonly define us.

    And yes, as with you many people are surprised to learn I'm gay. My deep voice being a factor, contrary to the girl's voice many presume all gays have. In fact, even some fellow gays are surprised to learn I'm gay. But it also didn't hurt me with attracting guys who want a "real" man, who's every bit as gay sexually as they are. LOL!

    Stereotypes are all around us, but fading now since I was a kid. Unless it's just my own mellowing attitudes affecting my perceptions. But in any case I'm glad you're discovered this truth about gay men and about yourself. And at an earlier age than I had managed to do.

    But Bobby Boo boo, our half brother, does that justify you looking down on us as being dirty and beneath you. You have lived most of your life in denial and lie, using women for your own self advancement, becomes you have trouble with the truth. What would Mami think if she could come back for one day to discover how common her little boy had growing into. Thus you need the facade of lady Mack, to ignore the truth.

    Bobby Boo boo, you post here as a bisexual, a male who's lived most of his life as a breeding hetrosexual. Very diffrent to us Bona Fide Homosexuals, who have never hid be hide wives and children.
    Forgive o n e, but as a Bona Fide Homosexual, one sees you as nothing more than a pompous narcissistic coward, hiding behind women, children and a uniform.