I answer that superficiality has nothing to do with be gay...
The media and TV [to] blame?
In my opinion, I believe that in every place, in every culture and in every people is everything, and should not generalize even if many of we have the fault.
What do you think?
I'm one of the oldest guys posting regularly in these forums. In my youth in the 1950-60s the negative gay stereotypes were commonly assumed by everyone in US society, except maybe by some of the gays themselves.
And I say "themselves" rather than "myself" because, as veteran RJers will have heard me say before, those period stereotypes were so strong that they convinced me that I wasn't gay myself. I lacked them, so how could I be gay?
And in US society in that era the media, early TV, movies, and our culture in general were all to "blame" for that. Although kids my age weren't exposed to it like they are today, and the more benign word "gay" wasn't used. It was all homo, fag/faggot, fairy, queer and the entire lexicon of negatives used to demean LGBT.
I never heard those stronger words, not even gay, in the 1950s. It was more euphemisms, things like sissy and girlie, sometimes effeminate, also artistic and sensitive. I did hear that much, but never suspected they had a sexual orientation component. I just thought these described less masculine men, that even then I knew I wasn't supposed to be, to be avoided by "toughening yourself up".
And indeed, what did our Boy Scout leaders, our summer camp counselors, gym coaches, our fathers, all the adult male authority figures in our lives, even the older boys yell at us? "What are you, a girl?" "Stop being a sissy!" "Act like a man!" Barked at all of us, not just me.
With the result that I did toughen up, assuming I really needed it. Learned to fish, hunt & camp on my own, still do them when I can, enjoy sleeping in a tent or just under the stars as much as in any hotel or home, still do challenging athletic tasks despite my severe disabilities. Began a 50-year passion with motorcycling, can fix them myself and cars, too.
Made the Army my career for 25 years. A career that kept me so engrossed due to my workaholic nature that I never thought about homosexuality, or any sex, really. Also being the ruin of my marriage, a wife meaning nothing more to me than a family, social & career obligation.
And what finally made me open my eyes about myself was exactly what you're describing. The reality that gay men can be many things, and can lack many of the gay stereotypes that have been used to commonly define us.
And yes, as with you many people are surprised to learn I'm gay. My deep voice being a factor, contrary to the girl's voice many presume all gays have. In fact, even some fellow gays are surprised to learn I'm gay. But it also didn't hurt me with attracting guys who want a "real" man, who's every bit as gay sexually as they are. LOL!
Stereotypes are all around us, but fading now since I was a kid. Unless it's just my own mellowing attitudes affecting my perceptions. But in any case I'm glad you're discovered this truth about gay men and about yourself. And at an earlier age than I had managed to do.