Why Do Gay Men Like To Be Friends With Their Ex-Boyfriends, And Keep Them In Their Lives?

  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 401

    Oct 16, 2016 6:56 PM GMT
    I think it's really strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life, not be friends with them, and still talk to them. I've noticed more gay men like to have their ex's in their life more than straight men do. If I'm dating a guy then all of his ex-boyfriends, and anyone he's had sex with before has to go.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 401

    Oct 16, 2016 6:57 PM GMT
    It's not right dating a guy who has people in his life that know what is dick looks like and how's he's like in the bedroom, that's what makes dating a guy who has his ex's in his life wrong, and disrespectful.
  • trvlmscl

    Posts: 136

    Oct 16, 2016 8:15 PM GMT
    Brock700 saidIt's not right dating a guy who has people in his life that know what is dick looks like and how's he's like in the bedroom, that's what makes dating a guy who has his ex's in his life wrong, and disrespectful.


    Most dicks look the same. As do most catfish.
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    Oct 16, 2016 9:35 PM GMT
    An ex is ideal for emergency sex.
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    Oct 16, 2016 9:42 PM GMT
    Maybe because some really are friends. And their sexual relationship may have faded, but their underlying friendship did not. I would think that some gay guys are sophisticated enough to allow for that distinction. I know I've done that.
  • orome

    Posts: 30

    Oct 17, 2016 12:59 AM GMT
    Art_Deco saidMaybe because some really are friends. And their sexual relationship may have faded, but their underlying friendship did not. I would think that some gay guys are sophisticated enough to allow for that distinction. I know I've done that.


    +1 to this. I have exes I'm wonderful friends with (it's a girl but nevermind that). We were in a relationship but That didn't work out.

    Okay.

    But we still care for each other and we are both clear that we don't work well romantically together.

    I think that is a normal thing and that gay people can have endings to relationships that are nuanced like that bc gay people are... well... normal.

    If there's still clear signs of desire to rekindle that relationship, then that's another matter, but otherwise. Eh.
  • greyarbiter

    Posts: 32

    Oct 17, 2016 3:23 AM GMT
    Usually because I'm an idiot.

    As a person grows older, it's harder to find lasting, dependable friends. The ones that will sit with you when your sick, the ones that laugh with you instead of at you, the ones that take you to the hospital on a Tuesday at 3AM after you OD'd on... wait, scratch that last one.

    Anyway.

    I tend to stay with my exes because there's a certain comfort and familiarity. It could be the emergency sex but it's also about the fact that this person had previously spent an enormous amount of time with you and invested emotionally, mentally, and physically in the relationship before it failed. Of the past four relationships, I've only had a clean break from one of them and that one was a total psychopath who stole a necktie and fountain pen. And drank my good wine.

    That said, the friendship itself ends up being pretty unstable and prone to fail. But that's for another time.

    Oh, and if they're attractive, I'm shallow and I like to be surrounded by pretty people.
  • Brock700xChar...

    Posts: 401

    Oct 17, 2016 3:58 AM GMT
    greyarbiter saidUsually because I'm an idiot.

    As a person grows older, it's harder to find lasting, dependable friends. The ones that will sit with you when your sick, the ones that laugh with you instead of at you, the ones that take you to the hospital on a Tuesday at 3AM after you OD'd on... wait, scratch that last one.

    Anyway.

    I tend to stay with my exes because there's a certain comfort and familiarity. It could be the emergency sex but it's also about the fact that this person had previously spent an enormous amount of time with you and invested emotionally, mentally, and physically in the relationship before it failed. Of the past four relationships, I've only had a clean break from one of them and that one was a total psychopath who stole a necktie and fountain pen. And drank my good wine.

    That said, the friendship itself ends up being pretty unstable and prone to fail. But that's for another time.

    Oh, and if they're attractive, I'm shallow and I like to be surrounded by pretty people.

    Do you like to surround yourself with pretty people because it makes you look more attractive?
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    Oct 17, 2016 4:23 AM GMT
    Brock700 saidI think it's really strange and wrong how a lot of gay men like to still be friends with their ex-boyfriends, and have them in their lives. When you break up with someone they should be immediately gone out of your life, not be friends with them, and still talk to them. I've noticed more gay men like to have their ex's in their life more than straight men do. If I'm dating a guy then all of his ex-boyfriends, and anyone he's had sex with before has to go.

    It really all depends on the situation. I understand where you are coming from and I don't know if I could handle having a boyfriend and hang out or allow him to hang out with a previous boyfriend. On the flip side not everyone is the extroverted type who has 500 friends. Some people such as myself are more introverted and have a few really good friends losing that treasured friendship is much more difficult than saying goodbye to acquaintance #486. Not saying you are like this but I never understood that either. How can anyone have that many friends? They're not really friends, anyways another topic lol.
    I had a boyfriend and it didn't work out. I would have liked to have remained friends but for many different reasons that couldn't happen. For me that was devastating.
    You have to know what you want however and whomever you end up with may or may not feel the same way as you do about this topic. Of course each one of you would have to decide if it's a deal breaker or not.
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    Oct 24, 2016 6:48 AM GMT
    It depends on how the break up went. If it was an ugly bitter break up, then no, do not keep in touch with him.
    If it was amicable, then yes. My ex and I split amicably, we live in different cities now, I don't talk to him for a couple years.
    Yet somehow on Facebook, I noticed that he kept liking all of my status and photos. And yes, sometimes I do
    remembered the good times being with him. I mean, I do have love for him but we both moved on and the break up was
    so long ago. I guess it's better to be friends than to have an enemy?? icon_rolleyes.gificon_redface.gif
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    Oct 24, 2016 10:58 AM GMT
    My ex and I still Stay in touch. He says I'm a good listener still! Attraction was lost but still get on
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3525

    Oct 25, 2016 4:54 AM GMT
    think of it like your parents. love em to death...not gonna live with them. but awesome to have around sometimes.
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    Oct 25, 2016 8:31 PM GMT
    Brock700 said... If I'm dating a guy then all of his ex-boyfriends, and anyone he's had sex with before has to go.


    If that happens, then he'll probably be friendless.
  • BambiBoy98

    Posts: 52

    Nov 02, 2016 12:48 AM GMT
    Me and my ex started out as good friends. So when we ended our relationship, that friendship was strong enough to survive that. Now we aren't friends just because its a fwb situation we just still value one another as friends. And neither of us have those same feeling for each other. Then again I can't speak for other guys that still are friends with their exes.
  • MuscledHorse

    Posts: 53

    Nov 02, 2016 3:57 AM GMT
    I would point out that many str8 people stay friwnds after they divorce. For myself, the friends thing is tenuous since we brokeup andit was because he is a functional alcoholic in denialand I couldn't put up with it any more. Part of me is relieved he and his drama machine of denial and ailments is gone to his mother's house. And the other part of me, probably, the larger percentage of me, that is angry, frustrated and filled with sorrow that no one, including me, could reach him. I will stay in contact with him on some level just because I still care about him and worry about him and what will happen to him even though i have no control over it. Hopefully under his mother's watchful eyes following his latest week long hospital stay, which included detoxing, he will remain vodka free.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Nov 17, 2016 5:56 PM GMT
    Hmmm. Interesting topic. I was with my ex for 5 years and now almost 5 years from our break up we're still friends. Granted we're separated by an ocean but we still Face time a few times a month. Lord knows I tried ending it early on but he refused going that far. Personally I think he realized that the age difference was too great for him and that he needed to get out. He did but not before cheating a few times. Anyway, I think it might be possible to remain friends but the two of you have to realize that it is a friendship and nothing more. It pains me when he tells me about his recent break up with the love of his life making me wonder what I was to him. He says I'll "always be my first " - whatever that means.
  • Bruiserwood

    Posts: 4

    Nov 17, 2016 6:23 PM GMT
    I always figured I was one of the exceptions, as most people around home tend to think it is weird that I've stayed friends with most of my exes. My latest even lives with me. It's nice to have someone around the house I get along with, and it's hard to find a roommate one can trust.

    As far as the penis component, well, I'm sure even guys who are no longer friends with their exes are still friends with people who know what their penises look like.