Helpppppp :)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2016 11:59 PM GMT
    So I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?
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    Nov 18, 2016 12:43 AM GMT
    It's not 0% or 100%. Are you possibly shy, uncomfortable with casual conversation so you consider it small talk that you can't be bothered with?

    You would be surprised how easy it is to have conversations. Simply start with a Hi, how are you doing? and you would be surprised at how things might go.

    I read of a poll a long time ago on who people thought the best conversationalists were. Turned out to be game show hosts. They analyzed what typical game show hosts said and it was generally nothing more than prompts to get the other person to talk. They'd say things like "you don't say". Show an interest in your co-workers, ask them about their day, get them to talk and they will think you are the best at conversations. Showing an interest in your co-workers is really is an important part of being viewed as a team player.
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    Nov 18, 2016 12:50 AM GMT
    bayguy saidIt's not 0% or 100%. Are you possibly shy, uncomfortable with casual conversation so you consider it small talk that you can't be bothered with?

    You would be surprised how easy it is to have conversations. Simply start with a Hi, how are you doing? and you would be surprised at how things might go.

    I read of a poll a long time ago on who people thought the best conversationalists were. Turned out to be game show hosts. They analyzed what typical game show hosts said and it was generally nothing more than prompts to get the other person to talk. They'd say things like "you don't say". Show an interest in your co-workers, ask them about their day, get them to talk and they will think you are the best at conversations. Showing an interest in your co-workers is really is an important part of being viewed as a team player.


    I'm not reay shy per se...I'm just very focused....too focused I guess. My boss wants me to mingle with the people in the office more but that's never been my style. I go to work to work....not make friends lol
  • Genre

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    Nov 18, 2016 1:17 AM GMT
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    You could buy them ice cream. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2016 1:18 AM GMT
    Genre said
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    You could buy them ice cream. icon_biggrin.gif


    icon_evil.gif

    That is an INSIDE joke!!!!
  • Genre

    Posts: 11

    Nov 18, 2016 1:21 AM GMT
    BlackCat said
    Genre said
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    You could buy them ice cream. icon_biggrin.gif


    icon_evil.gif

    That is an INSIDE joke!!!!


    eating.gif~c200
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2016 1:27 AM GMT
    Davie...I'm never gonna let you live that down icon_lol.gif

    Soooo disrespectful. See??? This is why Theo replaced you as my favorite icon_lol.gif in London my bus pass stopped working and he bought me a ride lmfaoo you wouldn't even DRIVE for ice cream!!! icon_mad.gif
  • Genre

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    Nov 18, 2016 1:33 AM GMT
    BlackCat saidDavie...I'm never gonna let you live that down icon_lol.gif

    Soooo disrespectful. See??? This is why Theo replaced you as my favorite icon_lol.gif in London my bus pass stopped working and he bought me a ride lmfaoo you wouldn't even DRIVE for ice cream!!! icon_mad.gif


    tumblr_n79phbj1xK1rk8a9ko1_r1_500.gif
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    Nov 18, 2016 1:41 AM GMT
    I thought you posted something like, "I''m going to get my degree/credential and get out of here ASAP," in response to election drama. Not you? An excited utterance??

    But if you want to stick around in your job/career (we have no idea what kind of work you do, or what your career aspirations are), as long as you are with your current employer (one should always be looking for the next job), your goal should be to please your boss - make him happy. (This is something I never found easy, so I left the job world and went off to work for myself.) This gets you good recommendations for your next position.

    So don't become "friends" with co-workers, but be "friendly". Water-cooler chat? Brief convos to and from meetings? Humerous remarks? But bite your tongue and avoid politics, religion, and sarcasm (at which you are do good) at all times.
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    Nov 18, 2016 2:22 AM GMT
    MA3000 saidCo-workers at any job, and career are not your friends. Don't you forget it!


    Fucking facts.
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    Nov 18, 2016 2:36 AM GMT
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    Don't act like you're mother Teresa because you're NOT!
    Autistic? I seriously doubt!
    Congeniality takes practice. Sometimes a simple hello is a good thing.
    Also, in this day of HIGH ESTROGEN, men need to cater to the occasional "oh that's a cute babe you have there"<<< I did this today and she didn't even notice something I was trying to cover up!! lol
  • RadRTT

    Posts: 18

    Nov 18, 2016 3:02 AM GMT
    Davie, change your pic, it's over 2 years old!!!!! icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif
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    Nov 18, 2016 3:49 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidDavie, change your pic, it's over 2 years old!!!!! icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif


    Leave my baby alone!! icon_mad.gif
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    Nov 18, 2016 4:18 AM GMT
    etch saidUr boss sounds annoying like how they tell the employees at the bank to ask you a bunch of shit about your day and where you doing where u been what's going on now how is this how is that STFU and give me my money


    He's actually a really nice guy who wants the best for me...so I'm really grateful that he was so honest with me. I like to try and rise to the occasion, so I highly encourage constructive criticism from him. I'm not in jeopardy of my job, but we have performance evaluations every quarter where we lay it all out on the table. I'm pretty close to my boss!
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    Nov 18, 2016 4:25 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidI thought you posted something like, "I''m going to get my degree/credential and get out of here ASAP," in response to election drama. Not you? An excited utterance??

    But if you want to stick around in your job/career (we have no idea what kind of work you do, or what your career aspirations are), as long as you are with your current employer (one should always be looking for the next job), your goal should be to please your boss - make him happy. (This is something I never found easy, so I left the job world and went off to work for myself.) This gets you good recommendations for your next position.

    So don't become "friends" with co-workers, but be "friendly". Water-cooler chat? Brief convos to and from meetings? Humerous remarks? But bite your tongue and avoid politics, religion, and sarcasm (at which you are do good) at all times.


    Lol I'll try the last part....It's very hard for me not to be outspoken though haha
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    Nov 18, 2016 4:32 AM GMT
    UMayNeverKnow saidDon't have any advice but I know that you can be the most productive person in the organization but lack people skills you will languish in your current position for your tenure with your current company.

    Once I worked with a guy who was very intelligent and good at what he did but he lacked people skills. He locked himself away in his office and rarely had a words with anyone outside of a meeting. When he applied for a managers job he was turned down. In fact he wound up with a supervisor who was much younger and was once a coworker. She was also quite capable but she was also well liked by everyone. No man is an island. You need to be able to work with others. That starts with building a rapport with coworkers.

    If you are as smug and aloof with the people you work with as you come across here in the forums your career will stall out soon, I don't care how good you are or how productive.


    +1. I know it sounds like high school but it is always better to be popular with people you work with. It helps in many different ways over the course of your career. For example, they may come to your defense when you are not present against others who speak ill of you. It would be easier for your boss to promote you. If people leave, they may let you know of other better job opportunities. And so on. So it is good to be kind.

  • orome

    Posts: 54

    Nov 18, 2016 1:14 PM GMT
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    Since you're focused on your job, consider it part of your job. Soft skills like that are considered as a large factor in determining who to move through the ranks.
  • Genre

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    Nov 18, 2016 4:45 PM GMT
    BlackCat said
    RadRTT saidDavie, change your pic, it's over 2 years old!!!!! icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif


    Leave my baby alone!! icon_mad.gif

    But it's from when we went to NYC for comic con!!! icon_cry.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4913

    Nov 18, 2016 5:10 PM GMT
    I've managed tons of people over the years and a happy office is a productive office. And I've had people be the way you describe yourself and I can tell you, it doesn't add to the collective productivity. You don't have to small talk, but you certainly can smile, look a coworker in the eye and say good morning. You can occasionally act like you consider your coworkers as colleagues by joining them in a conference room for lunch. You can small talk on the way to the elevator at the end of the day. You can disclose something about yourself to let them know that you're human. You can ask them about their plans for the holiday or vaca or whatever occasionally. You can apologize for having tunnel vision at work and being aloof. People will tun on a dime and become a friend if you let your guard down. It's part of your job. do it. You may find it isn't so bad. Believe me, the nanoseconds of work time you lose as a result will not crash the company. Workaholics always overestimate their importance and never need all that much time to get the job done. Everyone knows it and it it isn't an attractive label. Two workers doing the exact same job, one works like hell and long hours, the other gets the same work done in half the time. Which do you think is the more highly though of?
  • k15thelement

    Posts: 483

    Nov 19, 2016 12:11 AM GMT
    Tough question. I also hate small talk and developed a habit of compartmentalization at work. I've always been distant outside my inner circle, even on forums. I also understand not wanting to come off as fake by forcing yourself to be sociable if you don't think you can be consistent with it. Hot/Cold behavior can be a bigger turn off.

    Best thing to do is to try and humanize them. Remind yourself that they're not just placeholders in the office. A more nerdy suggestion is to consider yourself in your own tv series. You're the main star in your show with your own recurring cast. Your fellow coworkers are a guest member in your show but they too are stars in their own show. Every meeting is a chance for a crossover. (Arrow/Flash) and imagine how interesting that would be.

    It's silly but that line of thinking has helped me take a more genuine interest with people even though I still prefer solitude.
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    Nov 19, 2016 2:07 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI've managed tons of people over the years and a happy office is a productive office. And I've had people be the way you describe yourself and I can tell you, it doesn't add to the collective productivity. You don't have to small talk, but you certainly can smile, look a coworker in the eye and say good morning. You can occasionally act like you consider your coworkers as colleagues by joining them in a conference room for lunch. You can small talk on the way to the elevator at the end of the day. You can disclose something about yourself to let them know that you're human. You can ask them about their plans for the holiday or vaca or whatever occasionally. You can apologize for having tunnel vision at work and being aloof. People will tun on a dime and become a friend if you let your guard down. It's part of your job. do it. You may find it isn't so bad. Believe me, the nanoseconds of work time you lose as a result will not crash the company. Workaholics always overestimate their importance and never need all that much time to get the job done. Everyone knows it and it it isn't an attractive label. Two workers doing the exact same job, one works like hell and long hours, the other gets the same work done in half the time. Which do you think is the more highly though of?

    This is pretty good advice.

    Like this dude said, sometimes u gotta look Karen in the fucking face and say "Good morning, Karen!" "it'snt it simply gorgeous outside today? Oh my, please do tell me more about your weekend plans with your husband who is nearly dead!" "pray tell, girl"....and proceed to stroke her hair and ask her what kind of conditioner she uses.
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1343

    Nov 19, 2016 4:53 AM GMT
    BlackCat saidSo I got my quarterly evaluation at work today and my boss said that I'm doing an amazing job productivity wise......however, he says I could improve on my interaction with coworkers. He said I can come off as somewhat standoffish towards others who try to engage with me. I knew this about me and it's always been an issue....I have extreme tunnel vision and really can't be bothered with others about 80% of the time. icon_lol.gif Essentially, if I get up from my desk, I'm focused on getting to where tf I need to get to and getting back to my desk. Small talk is rarely included. He said it would be useful to extend myself to co-workers (for networking purposes) but I'm not exactly sure how to do that without sacrificing my work ethic...In my eyes, I feel like it has to be one or the other, be focused and productive or be unfocused and unproductive. Any advise on how to be less reserved towards my coworkers?


    The gift of gab, and somehow having full respect and concern of another person as you talk to them, is a capacity, or neurochemical state only available for a small number of people (and that number includes myself). This neurochemical state is the opposite of being in a "tunnel vision", or being hyperfocused, and one needs to actually step out of this in order to start noticing the people around them. At best, and rather unfortunately, you can always fake a concern in other people if you can't really notice anyone but yourself as done by many people looking for a promotion (I have noticed though that some level of drinking, or even ecstasy, have lessened the bubbles that people wrap themselves in).

    I've hung out with packs of dude bros, prissy girls, or even murderers at times, and for the most part know that my own capacity to notice/talk to/relate/respect the people around me is a "you either have it or you don't issue" or at least have this particular capacity/neurochemical state activated in the other person. So you being the way you are is no real fault to yourself and the instant you start trying to engage others, you will come off as fake but nonetheless successful within your organization...
  • Unnamed6

    Posts: 1343

    Nov 19, 2016 5:22 AM GMT
    The white American corporation/organization, and the people who follow such an organization, black, brown, or blue in skin color, is built upon high levels of pretense. This pretense somehow maintains and sustains the flow of that organization. But communication beyond pretense, to otherwise make others aware of a problem, solve the problem, help another person, etc, within an organization, is usually welcomed at the end of the day (thus the collective American advantage we have against other countries) . So I think this manager is asking that you become aware and communicative of issues that arise within your organization but that you don't become pretentious or even become interested in your fellow coworkers (as one just can't start being fake, empathetic, or even talkative). So when there is an occasion to communicate issues as you see them, especially when it can help another person out, take a deep breath and go talk to them.
  • JackNNJ

    Posts: 1536

    Nov 19, 2016 5:29 AM GMT
    honesty.png
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    Nov 19, 2016 5:40 AM GMT
    I tried being more social today....lasted 3 minutes. Felt like a forced conversation because I knew that I had so much to do...guess it's progress though...