I don't even know what to say to that...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2009 2:36 AM GMT
    Okay I won't make this a long thread so I'll just write the jist of it.So my best friend and I, its a girl, were arguing since we lost touch over some time. She starts yelling and suddenly throws out that I am a , "worthless fucking faggot".

    She later had an away message on aim that read "Never be friends with a fucking faggot, they think their better than everyone else..."

    I'm very forgving, but I feel she has crossed the line and then some.

    Advice is cool, but I really want to know what any of you would do.
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    Feb 15, 2009 3:36 AM GMT
    Cut her off. Do you really need such hate and anger in your life?
  • Freddo

    Posts: 246

    Feb 15, 2009 3:44 AM GMT
    Wow... she has issues. She isn't worth being friends with. Dump her.
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    Feb 15, 2009 4:03 AM GMT
    I agree...negativity is infectious icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 4:03 AM GMT
    Been in the same situation with a straight friend online who knows I'm gay. He just threw out 'faggot' in the middle of an argument.

    That was it. I cut off the conversation and blocked him. He apologized the next day. Straight people often don't know that 'faggot' is the worst possible insult they can say to us. However in your case... she knows but she still probably doesn't get it exactly. In the same way a white person will never fully appreciate why the N word (said by a white person) is the most demeaning thing they can ever say.

    Try and see if she'll apologize. Depends on how serious the fight was really.
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    Feb 15, 2009 4:07 AM GMT
    not worth it... If she was truly your friend she would realized how hurtful that comment would be.
  • upsguy68

    Posts: 270

    Feb 15, 2009 4:08 AM GMT
    I'm with Sed. She needs to apologize, first, for saying the F word. Then, secondly, for posting the defamation on aim! If she doesn't sincerely apologize, you definitely don't need her as a friend!
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    Feb 15, 2009 4:54 AM GMT
    I would blow it off and realize her comment is just her frustration and hurt coming out. I don't know the whole story but in general it's rough on a straight woman to be close friends with a gay guy, especially if there is some sexual attraction there. I may go months without talking to my closest woman friends and to me, the friendship is right where I left it when i come back but it's often not so with them. I'd give her a week or two and then make a friendly joke to get a smile out of her and see if I could figure out what it eating her. Chances are she'll apologize but that's not something I need to move on.

    I think a lot of gay guys are WAY too thin skinned on homo-epithets.
    Faggot Shmaggot - I've been called far worst than that - and what do I care - it's true! hahaha I am a faggot and damn proud of it.
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:18 AM GMT
    Yah, I had a faghag that went down this route. Just recently she wanted to try to be friends again. I ignored the request. A nutjob is a nutjob! Don't waste your time. If you must say something to her, say this: "FUCK OFF YOU NASTY BIGOT BITCH!!!!!!!!" Sure, she may just be saying all of this out of anger, but it's the same with other bigots. AND sometimes being nice just drags things out. So make it short and clear if you must!
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:50 AM GMT
    First, get her drunk. Then, when she's passed out, have a lesbian pose with her in incriminating positions while you take pictures of her. Then post it on myspace (i'm sure everybody has one!), or you tube, or wherever else so everybody she knows sees it!
    That'll teach that bitch not to mess with you. icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    She seems to be hurting about something, and then lashed out over AIM. You two clearly aren't on the same page about something, and she is pissed.

    I think your next step depends on how close you were, and how close you want to be.

    Me? I'm with a lot of the other guys on here; drop her. In my opinion, what she did in the AIM status more than crosses the line. If she was pissed about something, then she should have found a more constructive way of dealing with it than acting like that.

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    Feb 15, 2009 7:16 AM GMT
    My take is that she crossed a line. In my book, she'd be history after that.

    One of my goals for 2009 is to be even kinder to all the good people in my life - and be rid of the one or two that I need to be rid of. What you learn as you get older is that there are so many really good people - truly amazing people. I hardly have enough time to spend with the good people in my life - I sure as hell don't have time for the other kind.

    Best of everything to you as you decide which category she belongs in.
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:32 AM GMT
    She crossed the line and owes you an apology. Be ready to forgive but explain why you weren't willing to throw the friendship away, so ask, "why is she?" She's at two strikes. Hopefully, when she comes back, she'll never reach the third. good luck.
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:34 AM GMT
    If that's what she really thinks of you, then you don't need her in your life....

    The important thing is that you don't say anything nasty or hurtful to her..be the better person.
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:42 AM GMT
    Maybe you could punch her in the face?icon_idea.gif j.k.



    Don't pay attention to the girl who is a four letter word starting with C.. not worth your time. Move on, be happy.icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:43 AM GMT
    Well first off all, she just (I hope) embarassed herself to all of the people who have her as a "buddy" on your online instant messenger. She really is a baboon for that but it is good people get to see what she is like.

    Just to reiterate.

    1.) She owes you an apology (as long as there isn't any serious piece of the story we are missing). If she gives it to you and it is sincere, go from there.
    2.) Other than that, get rid of her.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2009 8:15 AM GMT
    Is she upset that you are, in fact, better than her?
  • pcsean28

    Posts: 161

    Feb 15, 2009 8:30 AM GMT
    Oooh sounds like she's in lurve with you!!

    In all seriousness though, she seems to be at a place in her life where she can't really be a good friend to you. She's obviously dealing with some personal issues that have nothing to do with you, and that you can't control. It's less about what she specifically said than it is about the kind of anger she's capable of inflicting on a close friend. So you might choose to forgive her for your own sanity, but I wouldn't leave myself open to her madness anymore. Again, this is a sign that she cannot be the friend that you deserve so it's best to move on.

    Teen years are tough, man. The best you can do is make sure you make it out alive! You have to realize that you're probably ahead of the game compared to your peers (it's part of being gay) and not to let them hold you back, even if it means fighting it out alone.
  • EricPrado

    Posts: 206

    Feb 15, 2009 8:54 AM GMT
    I probably wouldn't be friends with her. Calling someone what she called you is never okay! and then she goes and puts that on aim? She definitely has some issues. Wait to see if she apologizes. Even if she did, I wouldn't see her the same anymore though.
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    Feb 15, 2009 8:56 AM GMT


    I think she's kinda right ... we do think we are better than other people, especially girls (I mean they have only holes,no poles, we got both!) .... Actually we are better .. icon_biggrin.gif

    I think you don't need her, you need a friend to accept you first ... in this moment of anger she exposed some hidden thoughts ... you don't need someone with such thoughts ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2009 10:55 AM GMT
    Well I call myself a fag. But non of my str8 friends will!

    I would deem that as the friendship is over.
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    Feb 15, 2009 11:26 AM GMT
    WOW... I can't believe how many people here would just drop your friend.

    A few things to keep in mind

    1. How long has she been friends with you?

    2. How old is she? *important*

    3. Was it "that time of the month?"

    4. What did you say to her and she you?

    "To ere is human; to forgive devine." (Sorry.. just watched Sister Act lol)

    Anyways, give her time before you drop her immediately. Do not make any rash decisions based on anger or hurt. When you are both calm, try to sit down and have a civil conversation, and tell her how that made you feel... especially posting it for everyone to see. Explain your situtaion... let her do the same.

    But control the convo... don't let emotions get in the way.

    Give her another chance.
  • Hunter9

    Posts: 1039

    Feb 15, 2009 11:29 AM GMT
    that's it. it's over. she crossed a line that simply cannot return to where things were. if she literally came back to you begging and pleading for forgiveness, perhaps you could consider some form of relationship, but it would never be the same
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    Feb 15, 2009 11:37 AM GMT
    i tend to agree with cjscuba...

    i don't know that you should forgive her, per se... but rather to at least talk.

    things have to be taken into consideration.. how close/good a friend was she? and think if you would be happier with or without her in your life... because friends are supposed to make you feel good.

    for me, i had a falling out with one of my, well, formerly, my BEST friend, (also a girl) this winter break. mind you, she did something much worse than call me a faggot... i didnt speak to her for a week, and then told her i was ready to talk, and basically put her on probation.. said that the friendship has changed, but that it isnt over... it just needs to go a different direction, and we arent going to be as close for a while.

    you have to talk to her... lay it out on the table. explain that what she said and did was unacceptable to you, and if there is any chance of a friendship... she has to realize that.

    so... i guess i'd say, wait... to calm down.... talk... to say what must be said... and listen... to decide what must be done.

    don't be rash, be rational.

    good friends are worth keeping, and good people make bad mistakes... but the point of mistakes is to learn from them. if she can't do that, i guess its time to reassess the friendship.

    good luck, and trust me... i know it isnt fun
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 15, 2009 12:23 PM GMT
    Just move on. True friends do get angry with you, but they don't take advantage of you.


    Several years ago, I had a really good friend that I lived across the street from in FT Benning, GA, but didn't know, was in the same unit with in Germany, and was stationed together in Missouri. In Missouri, he and I had a falling out because I increased the amount of college courses I was taking, on top of working full time, and started playing rugby on a regular basis. On top of rugby, my circle of friends grew. Twice, my buddy told me that I was becoming too distant and etc. and his wife actually sided with me because of all the activities I was doing. He eventually left the army and never returned any letters or phone calls when I tried to get in touch with him.

    I just moved on. There's nothing one can do with blind stubbornness.