Finally letting go of the past feels good.

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    Feb 15, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    So I had an interesting experience that I wanted to share on here. I'm not serious often, I'm usually writing ridiculous shit because it's fun, but I feel the need to put out there what I've been thinking, because of how good it's made me feel.

    Last night I had a reunion with 20 people I went to high school with. For the first time in almost 5 years, everyone in a room was calling me by my high school nickname. Wierd. We all were catching up. I am on facebook, and it openly says I'm interested in men and have a boyfriend. Pretty much everyone there had seen it, and they wanted to know all about it. Mind you, I went to Catholic school, and going there was extremely traumatic for me, and I was terrified of what people would think. But they were all genuinely interested in what it was like to be gay in catholic school, coming out in college, what my love life has been like, and they were all thrilled that I have a boyfriend.

    I guess it was a cathartic experience concerning my adolescence that I sorely needed. These people like me, and they don't give a shit about my sexuality, and for me, it's a big deal. I finally feel like I can let got of my anger and bitterness over going to that school and growing up gay in what I consider to be a Catholic subculture in America.

    It got me thinking that I've made so much progress emotionally these past 8 months. Yes I couldn't find a job, but maybe I needed to work on myself so that I would be a better employee once I find one. I'm not bitter anymore. I'm not angry at the Church anymore. I'm not angry at my parents for making me go to Catholic school. I don't believe people who call me an idiot (you don't get into grad school and get an internship at the Smithsonian by being an idiot) and don't internalize people's shitty actions towards me by thinking I somehow deserve it. I guess I finally feel that I like myself, that I'm not ashamed anymore, and that I'm not pissed.

    It feels really good. I don't have a lot of material things. But I've got a great education, no debt, a family that loves me, I'll be on a gay crew team competing in the OutGames in Copenhagen this summer, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend who is sleeping next to me as I type this after fucking my brains out on Valentine's Day.

    I just wanted to write this. I'm usually complaining about life. For once in my life, I think I'm starting to enjoy it. That's a big deal.

    Anyway I hope everyone in RJ-Ville is doing well. If not, take it from me, things get better.

    icon_cool.gif

    --Mike
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    Feb 15, 2009 4:48 AM GMT




    SWEET!
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:21 AM GMT
    Happy Valentine's Day! Glad you got some love - lots of love!!!!! The best kind is complete love for yourself. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:44 AM GMT
    Glad to hear things are looking up for you!

    Its been a rough couple of weeks for me... your last line cheered me up a bit. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:51 AM GMT
    congratulations! that is fantastic. having gone through catholic school, i understand exactly where you're coming from. keep up the great work. the more you love yourself, the more you can love others and the more they can love you.
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    Feb 15, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    i c
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:14 AM GMT

    Wow, great post. I enjoyed reading that.

    Having been around the block a few times now, I can tell you that (at least IMO) that you have everything. Congratulations.

    Cheers.

  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Feb 15, 2009 10:21 AM GMT
    Mike,

    Congrats! Thanks so much for sharing your experience. Everyone should get a chance to experience something similar.

    Eric
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    Feb 15, 2009 11:10 AM GMT
    I'm sorry... you lost me after you wrote:

    TheIStrat said and a wonderful boyfriend who is sleeping next to me as I type this after fucking my brains out on Valentine's Day.


    What was this about again? lol

    Good for you! I think the new Catholic generation, for the most part, is more accepting.

    Even in the evangelical community... young adults don't care about the things that Falwell cared about... they care about peace, climate change, making a more respectable America, poverty, world hunger, etc.

    Most young religious people also know more gay people than their parents... they see we are not all that different.

    These are obviously generalizations... but i believ them to be true for the most part

    ...now back to the fucking ... I'm going to DC this March... is your boy into 3-somes?


    JK!!!!! lolicon_wink.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 11:23 AM GMT

    Now this is some positive energyicon_smile.gif ... I'm glad to hear this !
    and I like the way you write, you really are weird .. erm... I mean special icon_wink.gif

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    Feb 15, 2009 2:20 PM GMT
    Well the fact you went to a HS reunion is admirable to me. I have never had any desire to see anyone from HS since I left in June 1979.
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    Feb 15, 2009 2:48 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidWell the fact you went to a HS reunion is admirable to me. I have never had any desire to see anyone from HS since I left in June 1979.


    As ThelStrat points out, your teen years are a nightmare of peer pressure, self-doubt, and lack of self-knowledge. It was hell for you but it was hell for your classmates too. Shared adversity forms a bond!
    After many years of avoiding the whole thing, I went to a high-school reunion 3 years ago. It was deeply rewarding. Those shallow and. obnoxious teens had matured into gracious and accomplished men and women. Try it, you'll find you'll feel better about yourself, your classmates, and your adolescence.

    And congratulations to ThelStrat. Life does get better!
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    Feb 15, 2009 2:57 PM GMT
    What a great post! Congratulations!
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    Feb 15, 2009 3:01 PM GMT
    Excellent post. Thanks for sharing that.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Feb 15, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    Wow man congrats! I hope I get to have an experience like that some day. Sounds like things are going pretty well for you right now! Keep it up!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 15, 2009 3:05 PM GMT
    Thanks for taking the time to be so open and deliberate about where you are at! I think anyone here can appreciate (at least to some degree) what you have gone through. Glad to hear you are more accepting of all around you.. and most of all, glad you are much more happy with yourself! Thats all any of us can ask for.

    Congrats and be well!

    icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 15, 2009 3:14 PM GMT
    Well Congratulations Thel icon_wink.gif

    Sounds like you made a pretty significant breakthrough
  • tailgaytor

    Posts: 41

    Feb 15, 2009 3:21 PM GMT
    Glad you posted TheIStrat. Always good to see something from the heart written here instead of those "the guy above you" strands.

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    Feb 15, 2009 3:42 PM GMT
    Good for you Mike. It sounds like you've hit a turning point. Once I started coming out it dawned on me that people couldn't care less. I'm the only one who thought it would be a big deal.

    P.S. I'm envious of your Valentine's Day! icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 3:49 PM GMT

    Mike

    Great post. Hopefully it will remind all of us that no matter how dark the night, morning will come - eventually.

    Like you, I came to the realization a year or so ago that my hang ups over my sexual orientation were, for the most part, all mine. When I came out to family, friends, former classmates, etc, no one was really surprised or judgmental. That puts you and me in the fortunate group. There are some people whose families, etc would be, to put it mildly, less supportive.

    Rock on!

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    Feb 15, 2009 3:52 PM GMT
    Glad to hear you're enjoying life and that things are better for you!
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    Feb 15, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    Yay!

    What an elegant and quaint post. Reading it made me feel happy for you, and it also inspires me. Congratulations ThelStrat, it must've been very cathartic.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 15, 2009 6:13 PM GMT
    It's always refreshing to hear about how someone takes responsibility for their own life and refuses to let circumstance and others interfere with genuine happiness. Kudos icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 15, 2009 8:37 PM GMT
    *sigh* icon_smile.gif

    Thank you for posting this. Someday... hehe
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    Feb 15, 2009 8:39 PM GMT
    Outstanding post! Well done!icon_biggrin.gif