Feb 15, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
So I had an interesting experience that I wanted to share on here. I'm not serious often, I'm usually writing ridiculous shit because it's fun, but I feel the need to put out there what I've been thinking, because of how good it's made me feel.
Last night I had a reunion with 20 people I went to high school with. For the first time in almost 5 years, everyone in a room was calling me by my high school nickname. Wierd. We all were catching up. I am on facebook, and it openly says I'm interested in men and have a boyfriend. Pretty much everyone there had seen it, and they wanted to know all about it. Mind you, I went to Catholic school, and going there was extremely traumatic for me, and I was terrified of what people would think. But they were all genuinely interested in what it was like to be gay in catholic school, coming out in college, what my love life has been like, and they were all thrilled that I have a boyfriend.
I guess it was a cathartic experience concerning my adolescence that I sorely needed. These people like me, and they don't give a shit about my sexuality, and for me, it's a big deal. I finally feel like I can let got of my anger and bitterness over going to that school and growing up gay in what I consider to be a Catholic subculture in America.
It got me thinking that I've made so much progress emotionally these past 8 months. Yes I couldn't find a job, but maybe I needed to work on myself so that I would be a better employee once I find one. I'm not bitter anymore. I'm not angry at the Church anymore. I'm not angry at my parents for making me go to Catholic school. I don't believe people who call me an idiot (you don't get into grad school and get an internship at the Smithsonian by being an idiot) and don't internalize people's shitty actions towards me by thinking I somehow deserve it. I guess I finally feel that I like myself, that I'm not ashamed anymore, and that I'm not pissed.
It feels really good. I don't have a lot of material things. But I've got a great education, no debt, a family that loves me, I'll be on a gay crew team competing in the OutGames in Copenhagen this summer, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend who is sleeping next to me as I type this after fucking my brains out on Valentine's Day.
I just wanted to write this. I'm usually complaining about life. For once in my life, I think I'm starting to enjoy it. That's a big deal.
Anyway I hope everyone in RJ-Ville is doing well. If not, take it from me, things get better.
--Mike
Last night I had a reunion with 20 people I went to high school with. For the first time in almost 5 years, everyone in a room was calling me by my high school nickname. Wierd. We all were catching up. I am on facebook, and it openly says I'm interested in men and have a boyfriend. Pretty much everyone there had seen it, and they wanted to know all about it. Mind you, I went to Catholic school, and going there was extremely traumatic for me, and I was terrified of what people would think. But they were all genuinely interested in what it was like to be gay in catholic school, coming out in college, what my love life has been like, and they were all thrilled that I have a boyfriend.
I guess it was a cathartic experience concerning my adolescence that I sorely needed. These people like me, and they don't give a shit about my sexuality, and for me, it's a big deal. I finally feel like I can let got of my anger and bitterness over going to that school and growing up gay in what I consider to be a Catholic subculture in America.
It got me thinking that I've made so much progress emotionally these past 8 months. Yes I couldn't find a job, but maybe I needed to work on myself so that I would be a better employee once I find one. I'm not bitter anymore. I'm not angry at the Church anymore. I'm not angry at my parents for making me go to Catholic school. I don't believe people who call me an idiot (you don't get into grad school and get an internship at the Smithsonian by being an idiot) and don't internalize people's shitty actions towards me by thinking I somehow deserve it. I guess I finally feel that I like myself, that I'm not ashamed anymore, and that I'm not pissed.
It feels really good. I don't have a lot of material things. But I've got a great education, no debt, a family that loves me, I'll be on a gay crew team competing in the OutGames in Copenhagen this summer, friends, and a wonderful boyfriend who is sleeping next to me as I type this after fucking my brains out on Valentine's Day.
I just wanted to write this. I'm usually complaining about life. For once in my life, I think I'm starting to enjoy it. That's a big deal.
Anyway I hope everyone in RJ-Ville is doing well. If not, take it from me, things get better.
--Mike
