Remembering Lost loved ones

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    Feb 15, 2009 8:12 AM GMT
    Well valentines days is almost over (here in California) and I find myself thinking about a former boyfriend that took his life last summer. He was very sentimental and took any holiday (like valentines day) as an opportunity to shower me with affections and gifts. He loved music and had more CD's than anyone I knew, so I am constantly remembering his when I hear songs that he liked of CD's he bought me. He was one of the sweetest guys I knew. But he always had a broken heart as he was verbally abused by his father as he was growing up and had low self esteem.

    He could never be loved enough and was always hard to comfort, even though in retrospect I don't think I realized how much comfort I gave him -- he always carried a torch for me even after we had broken up. We had broken up many years ago but kept in contact even after I had moved to San Diego from Atlanta where he lived. He had been going through some rough times with his current boyfriend (who had died). I talked to him a few months before I got the news of his suicide.

    So anyway I find myself thinking of him and our unfinished business after seeing one of his favorite groups "Our Lady Peace" on youtube ..



    Has anyone else been thinking of lost loved ones recently?
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    Feb 15, 2009 1:02 PM GMT
    Truly beautiful. In my time working for the gay community in the 80s I developed many great friendships. But when I move leave. I do it quickly and silently. Like decide today I'm leaving, and within a week I'm gone. I even walked out of my apartment once, fully furnished, packed a bag and just left. I had to get away.

    So when I left Melbourne in the 80s, to go bush and work as a lumber jack. Here one day, gone the next. By the time I moved back to the City many years latter. Many of my old gang, had died, from AIDS, and moved on.

    On the rare occasion I may go out to a club. It is rare for me to see one of the old gang, or a familiar face, and I once had and, knew many. It saddens me. But it also reminds me of the era I was young in and in my 20s, and how diffrent it all would of been if AIDS never come along. How diffrent I would of been and my meriories would of been. I've lost so many loved ones.
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    Feb 15, 2009 7:51 PM GMT
    Pattison said It saddens me. But it also reminds me of the era I was young in and in my 20s, and how diffrent it all would of been if AIDS never come along. How diffrent I would of been and my meriories would of been. I've lost so many loved ones.
    Yes, I have another former boyfriend who lost so many to the early aids epidemic. It was very traumatic for him and I think he is still affected by it -- he suffers abandonment issues and depression. I too tend to move on, forward, but in the case of Roger (mentioned above) I find it especially tragic just because of the kind of person he was .. sweet and fragile .. though outwards a big goofy guy.
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    Feb 15, 2009 8:37 PM GMT
    VDay comes with a lot of mixed emotions. The one that stands out is related to death. My first love had sent me 14 dozen roses (one for each day we had known each other by the time VDay came around). I had to give them away to a ton of people - I had no room for them all and those freaking vases (all of them were different, but what would I do with them). He died about four months after that. I have one vase and made sure I bought a single rose, for him, to put in it last night.
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    Feb 15, 2009 10:01 PM GMT
    ActiveAndFit. Shhh, Don't tell anyone here, because they will think it's a weakness, and try to use it too attack. But I'm well known for being, a big goofy guy too. I was born way to soft for this world. But my experiences in life have toughened me up. Some people here may see that, as me being strong like a steamroller. But I truly understand what you have said, and I have a heart of gold. But since this is the net. You don't get to see that side of me either, and it's well protected too.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Feb 15, 2009 10:22 PM GMT
    I have to say of all the sites that I spend/waste time on, the guys on here are some of the sweetest people with the biggest hearts. I think our people really do have a change. Happy Valentines Day to everyone.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 15, 2009 10:49 PM GMT
    looknrnd saidVDay comes with a lot of mixed emotions. The one that stands out is related to death. My first love had sent me 14 dozen roses (one for each day we had known each other by the time VDay came around). I had to give them away to a ton of people - I had no room for them all and those freaking vases (all of them were different, but what would I do with them). He died about four months after that. I have one vase and made sure I bought a single rose, for him, to put in it last night.


    That is saddening, but still such a beautiful image. Thanks for sharing.
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    Feb 15, 2009 11:06 PM GMT
    looknrnd saidVDay comes with a lot of mixed emotions. The one that stands out is related to death. My first love had sent me 14 dozen roses (one for each day we had known each other by the time VDay came around). I had to give them away to a ton of people - I had no room for them all and those freaking vases (all of them were different, but what would I do with them). He died about four months after that. I have one vase and made sure I bought a single rose, for him, to put in it last night.
    Yes that is very sweet. The people we love but are gone deserve to be remembered I think. I have a similar story. My younger brother died in Aug 1995 and after the funeral I kept a small dish garden with several plants in it. All the plants but one eventually died - it was some kind of leafy vine or something. I actually kept that plant alive and well till I moved from Atlanta to San Diego in 2005. I had to give to someone to take care of because they don't let you bring live plants into California icon_sad.gif I need to talk to my friend to see if it is still alive
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    Feb 16, 2009 12:58 AM GMT
    Pattison saidActiveAndFit. Shhh, Don't tell anyone here, because they will think it's a weakness, and try to use it too attack. But I'm well known for being, a big goofy guy too. I was born way to soft for this world. But my experiences in life have toughened me up.
    It is good to endure even when you have a "soft" heart .. I call that strength not weakness. The natural world has substances that are soft like water and hard like stone .. it's because they are both needed. And tears are like water that can wear down and carve stone. Even people with hearts of stone will eventually have tears .. don't let the tough guys fool you.
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    Feb 16, 2009 1:20 AM GMT
    yeah, my grandfather just passed away this monday night. i've also been thinking of one of my best friends who killed himself this past summer. It's bittersweet, but I'm talking to my friend's sister who's doing well. Talking to her and seeing her doing well is rewarding and healing in and of it self. My grandfather was surrounded by his (large) family and friends, and died hearing them telling stories and reminiscing. It was a good way to go, and he had a long and full life. My aunt actually built a website for him here:

    http://web.me.com/vicdenisewallaceAlaska
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    Feb 16, 2009 3:07 AM GMT
    north_runner saidMy aunt actually built a website for him here:

    http://web.me.com/vicdenisewallaceAlaska
    That sounds like a cool way of remembering someone, but the link didn't work for me!
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    Feb 16, 2009 3:59 PM GMT
    Well..I'll never love anyone as much as my Dad (that includes a very long LTR)..so I think of him everyday,not just Valentine's day. My first partner died in the 90s,years after we borke up..still..he was my first big love.......I think of him on occasions like this....