I can't find a boyfriend in the gayest city in the country!!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2009 12:20 AM GMT
    ok so i'm only 18 and still have a lot to learn about "love" and all that good stuff but how am i going to learn if i can't get a boyfriend? i live in san francisco which is teeming with a bunch of guys but i still can't manage to find someone. i mean i'm fairly attractive (i will post a pic up soon), friendly,outgoing and funny, yet i still find it difficult to find someone. i don't mean to sound like a whiner because thats the last thing i want to be pinned as, but it's just hard. what am i doing wrong??

    any tips on how i can find someone will be GREATLY appreciated
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 17, 2009 12:46 AM GMT
    Haha, i know exactly how you feel sometimes. my logic is you now how you always have that favorite, local band. Everyone who hears them loves their music, they have a fan base, and you know they would be so popular if they could only get on the radio. But they can't seem to land a record gig while Avril Lavigne does. It's just not fair/makes any sense some times.

    In my past experiences, the relationships that lasted came when I was least expecting them, but open to the possibility. That means I went on dates with people I hadn't originally thought I'd end up crazy about and opened myself to the possibility of meeting new people. Love often comes when you're least expecting.

    P.S. You're still young! I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 icon_eek.gif
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    Feb 17, 2009 12:49 AM GMT
    You're only 18. Quite worrying about it, you have plenty of time!
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:06 AM GMT
    key word is "find". you should never be "finding" a boyfriend. in my past it just happens, i never put myself out there. plus you don't want to look desperate either.
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:08 AM GMT
    calibro saidHaha, i know exactly how you feel sometimes. my logic is you now how you always have that favorite, local band. Everyone who hears them loves their music, they have a fan base, and you know they would be so popular if they could only get on the radio. But they can't seem to land a record gig while Avril Lavigne does. It's just not fair/makes any sense some times.

    In my past experiences, the relationships that lasted came when I was least expecting them, but open to the possibility. That means I went on dates with people I hadn't originally thought I'd end up crazy about and opened myself to the possibility of meeting new people. Love often comes when you're least expecting.

    P.S. You're still young! I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 icon_eek.gif


    haha yup that's a pretty good comparison because thats exactly how i'm feeling and i know i'm young so i guess i shouldn't be tripping so much on it. he will come soon enough lol
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:09 AM GMT
    I agree with Aqua. The 3 relationships I've been in all blossomed out of something else, not because I "found" them. It will happen icon_biggrin.gif
  • jlly_rnchr

    Posts: 1759

    Feb 17, 2009 1:11 AM GMT
    I sympathize with you. I can't explain it, but I am certain I would feel so much pressure and anxiety being single in San Francisco than anywhere else.

    Good luck, my advice would be don't dwell on it, and don't try too hard, it will happen eventually.
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:32 AM GMT
    Good topic. I was 18 and in Minneapolis, which had/has the 4th highest gay population in the United States and never found anyone. Then I came back to Duluth and found someone right away (it didn't last but still...) and he was what I wanted. The kinds of guys in Minneapolis (or 'gayest cities' seem to be there because they could never survive the hostility in the cities they are from. I am just not attracted to those kinds of guys because I find them to be very effeminate, immature, and I guess when I think about what I am attracted to males, that's not the first image of 'male' that comes into my head. Basically, I learned two things about being in highly gay populated cities: one, you will find the most stereotypical guys over and over and over again; if that's not your thing, you won't be very happy (and those cities are tremendously expensive and snotty); two, I'm not sure about gay women but with gay men, the more of them you put in one city, the higher and more ridiculously unrealistic their expectations become (but they themselves don't have to live up to the expectations they have for other guys). I always find that part hilarious.

    The other thing is that many of these guys will do whatever it takes to break you up if they find out you're happy, you have someone who doesn't act like a girl, and you seem to be having a good time together. Even though the relationship I found in my hometown didn't last, we didn't have any interference from these queens that would have definitely tried to ruin what we had. Because of that I feel that we had one great year together without anyone trying to sabotage it. Yes, you are kind of in an awkward place when you're the only gay couple that you know of for miles, but in a way I think that we are toxic for each other - it's like so many gay guys get pleasure in seeing each other fail - so in a way it's good to be off on your own and leave the 'community' do their thing in the gay cities. Don't let them try to ruin your happiness because if you allow them they will do it!
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Feb 17, 2009 1:33 AM GMT
    Probably the competition is greater
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:41 AM GMT
    love is so over rated

    love yourself first
  • DrStorm

    Posts: 185

    Feb 17, 2009 3:16 AM GMT
    In 'g-moes' defense, SF IS a hard city, I'm not 18 and I am not unattractive. Getting someone from the city to cross the Golden Gate Bridge for a little slap and tickle is damn harder than it was finding my last boyfriend....

    Nonetheless, "looking" for it anywhere won't get you to your goal any time soon. Let it find you. Just know what you're looking for in the first place.

    PEACE

    daWeatherMan icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 17, 2009 3:36 AM GMT
    I remember trying to date when I lived in that area. I think I dated one guy that actually lived in the city itself and the few others in the rest of the bay area. The guy from SF I met through a gay speed dating thing and not the bars and clubs. Come to think of it in the four years I was there I think I only had two people I dated for a while and the few others I only had one date with. I think I'm forgetting someone...
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    Feb 17, 2009 9:23 AM GMT

    Mehbeh you're not gay enough? icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 17, 2009 9:24 AM GMT
    Well what are you looking for in a guy?
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    Feb 17, 2009 10:33 AM GMT
    Blah, don't get tied down... have some fun, go out with friends, flirt with lots of boys, get your self emotionally/physically/financially stable, have some life experiences. You gotta know yourself before you can love somebody else. There's not a lot of things more attractive than a man who has it together (for the most part) and doesn't sweat the small stuff...

    Anyway, just keep on learning and keep your possibilities open.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Feb 17, 2009 10:55 AM GMT
    You're 18 ....
    So don't get caught up in the "I don't have a BF" madness
    it'll just drive you crazy
    You'll have plenty of time for that later
    Just enjoy yourself ... have fun
    do the things you like to do
    and the boys will come ..... there is nothing more attractive than a
    man who knows how to have fun
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    Feb 17, 2009 11:39 AM GMT
    GQjock saidYou're 18 ....
    So don't get caught up in the "I don't have a BF" madness
    it'll just drive you crazy
    You'll have plenty of time for that later
    Just enjoy yourself ... have fun
    do the things you like to do
    and the boys will come ..... there is nothing more attractive than a
    man who knows how to have fun


    dude 18 is old man,life isnt long i always thought i would be married and have kids by 21 and now im 18 and like what the hell happened to my childhood.
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    Feb 17, 2009 11:43 AM GMT
    L0NEvvolf said
    GQjock saidYou're 18 ....
    So don't get caught up in the "I don't have a BF" madness
    it'll just drive you crazy
    You'll have plenty of time for that later
    Just enjoy yourself ... have fun
    do the things you like to do
    and the boys will come ..... there is nothing more attractive than a
    man who knows how to have fun


    dude 18 is old man,life isnt long i always thought i would be married and have kids by 21 and now im 18 and like what the hell happened to my childhood.



    Lol.. life is long. It's the longest thing you'll ever do. 18 is old? LOL.. that's new to me. What happened to your childhood? You're still living it! Jeez, you can't even drink legally yet, lol.
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    Feb 17, 2009 11:46 AM GMT
    IMAGE HTTP ADDRESS GOES HERE
    lilmann said
    L0NEvvolf said
    GQjock saidYou're 18 ....
    So don't get caught up in the "I don't have a BF" madness
    it'll just drive you crazy
    You'll have plenty of time for that later
    Just enjoy yourself ... have fun
    do the things you like to do
    and the boys will come ..... there is nothing more attractive than a
    man who knows how to have fun


    dude 18 is old man,life isnt long i always thought i would be married and have kids by 21 and now im 18 and like what the hell happened to my childhood.



    Lol.. life is long. It's the longest thing you'll ever do. 18 is old? LOL.. that's new to me. What happened to your childhood? You're still living it! Jeez, you can't even drink legally yet, lol.


    haha like the law ever stoped anyone

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    Feb 17, 2009 11:47 AM GMT
    Yea, that's why I put "legally" icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 17, 2009 1:49 PM GMT

    I live now in the gayest city in my country too .. It was a long way until I managed to get to my dream city ...
    But it's not what I expected... No BFs , No sex ..

    And let me tell you something ... It's all about you .. you are the only one who can control this .. it doesn't matter if you live in SF or in Iran ..
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 17, 2009 2:16 PM GMT
    I would take some time and enjoy yourself, what some have said above... why rush?

    I acknowledged my sexuality long after you have and I've never NOT had a bf. Whats single? I'm sure you'll find a number of them in years to come.
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    Feb 17, 2009 2:17 PM GMT
    GHoSTa said
    I live now in the gayest city in my country too .. It was a long way until I managed to get to my dream city ...
    But it's not what I expected... No BFs , No sex ..

    And let me tell you something ... It's all about you .. you are the only one who can control this .. it doesn't matter if you live in SF or in Iran ..


    No sex in Tel Aviv? mmm are you sure that place has pretty nice and ready guys there.icon_wink.gif

    I live in San Francisco too and you get tired of another day another man. j/k

    and it was hard to land my boyfriend. He had alot of younger guys chasing him. For the first time I felt like that old bitch in the club. lol Of course If I were you I would start to get out alittle more. I was in union square today and it was so cruisy in the dressing room at Zara's I was like hell these young guys are really hungry! lol

    I would go places were young guys are like the mall or haight street. If you want an older guy that won't be hard for you in this city. Being 18 and all your pretty much top trade here. Don't let anybody tell you different! I wouldn't date a guy too much older than you because you should date someone you have things in common with.If you need advice let me know because I think of myself as pretty much a love guru,
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    Feb 17, 2009 2:50 PM GMT
    3 words JUST STOP LOOKING
    everything else will fall into place
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    Feb 17, 2009 3:03 PM GMT
    dreamdrop said
    GHoSTa said
    I live now in the gayest city in my country too .. It was a long way until I managed to get to my dream city ...
    But it's not what I expected... No BFs , No sex ..

    And let me tell you something ... It's all about you .. you are the only one who can control this .. it doesn't matter if you live in SF or in Iran ..


    No sex in Tel Aviv? ,



    Well ,, there is .. but not outdoors .. only in gay bars and internet ... besides, it's just me ... As I said it depends on the person ...