Trying to date someone who's still on Grindr

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 20, 2017 7:01 PM GMT
    Hey guys! This is my first post on here. I've been trying to find a relationship (which seems to be difficult nowadays) and met this really sweet and handsome guy on Grindr (horrible I know). We ended up chatting and I had him over at my place where we ended up having sex and he stayed overnight. We both seemed to really like each other and exchanged phone numbers and stayed in contact. We met 5 days later and hooked up again but also met several times later after that where we would just hangout, cook, and get to know each other. He told me about his previous encounters and how he recently broke up with someone who he was considering marrying. He told me he is not a fan of hooking up with people and told me he wanted to consider being in a relationship and stressed to me how he wants us to be sexually exclusive with one another.

    So fast forward to a couple days later where he returns to his hometown (I live on the West Coast and he is from the East Coast) where he is currently at now. I still have my Grindr account and have him saved as a favorite just to see if he would still be on there. He also has me as a favorite and I make it very clear in my profile that I am absolutely not looking for sex and only want genuine friends, but he on the other still has his picture and profile. He writes in his profile “If I say chill, don't assume sex. Won't”. However, last night I logged on and on his headline he wrote “Looking for now” which disappointed me and made me really sad. I feel like I am stressing over this too much, however, given the fact that he wrote this at 3 a.m (east coast time) and removed it in the following morning, I feel as if he is being dishonest and only wants me for sex. I have talked to him about this previously and he urged me how he meets people without having sex and that he wants us to remain exclusive and eventually be in a relationship when he gets back to where I am living. I have not discussed this recent issue with him yet and am thinking it's time to move on and stop any contact with him.

    I feel really stupid for typing this, but I don't have that many people where I can talk about this with. I appreciate honest opinions and would like to know what someone else would do in my situation. Thanks in advance!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 20, 2017 11:47 PM GMT
    TALK TO HIM!!!!! If you do eventually have a relationship with him and a major problem arises (which it will) are you simply going to walk out on him? If so, then you're the one that is not relationship material...not him. A long distance relationship...one coast to the other...is difficult. You and he have just talked about a relationship...I didn't hear any words of commitment.

    BTW, even though I'm really old, I've been in a relationship for forty-seven years!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2017 12:03 AM GMT
    rigsby saidTALK TO HIM!!!!! If you do eventually have a relationship with him and a major problem arises (which it will) are you simply going to walk out on him? If so, then you're the one that is not relationship material...not him. A long distance relationship...one coast to the other...is difficult. You and he have just talked about a relationship...I didn't hear any words of commitment.

    BTW, even though I'm really old, I've been in a relationship for forty-seven years!




    I think I should have clarified a bit but he lives in the same town as me but is on vacation back on the East Coast. He found a job in the same town as me. Additionally, your 100% right in that there is no official commitment and I should not walk out of it without at least communicating my feelings. But at the same time, especially after being cheated on in the past, I have a hard time of trusting people and don't want to invest more energy in him if it ends up with me having a broken heart again. It's just weird because he was the one who wanted to be exclusive together and then does something like that? Idk man..

    By the way, its so awesome that you've been in a relationship for forty-seven years! Kudos to you! I hope to have something like that one day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2017 12:27 AM GMT
    GrindR is for sex and hook-ups.... Facebook is for friends and chatting. I would promise NO exclusivity until he demonstrates his, apps that allow you to know where he is, all texts and emails are forwarded to you via app that cannot be removed or bypassed. 6 month lie detector test by both parties. If he is the type to play.... he will agree to none of this and say "you don't really love/trust me".
  • AdamHeath

    Posts: 4

    Mar 21, 2017 2:49 AM GMT
    The first gentleman gave you great advice -- talk to him.
    There is never a guarantee in any relationship -- 2 months or 20 years -- and any romantic relationship (gay or straight) lasts only as long as both people in it continue to WANT it to work. There are a hundred different options ( open or monogamous, working or stay at home, high or low libido) with no "right or wrong." If you each want commitment, and have respect for the other, there is a strong chance you can have that 47 year relationship.
    Best wishes!
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 127

    Mar 21, 2017 12:32 PM GMT
    If uou don't want to see his Grindr status block him,
  • thisguy023

    Posts: 207

    Mar 21, 2017 3:45 PM GMT
    Yes, talk to him.
    And I think you should try to show some more courage and commitment. If you're not willing to risk it all, it will be difficult to find true love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2017 4:06 PM GMT
    Sometimes i just do not get it !!
    Why if someone is looking to form a LTR , that person is having sex on the first date ..
    What about knowing and discover each other for a month before being intimate ....

  • Mar 21, 2017 7:59 PM GMT
    AdamHeath saidThe first gentleman gave you great advice -- talk to him.
    There is never a guarantee in any relationship -- 2 months or 20 years -- and any romantic relationship (gay or straight) lasts only as long as both people in it continue to WANT it to work. There are a hundred different options ( open or monogamous, working or stay at home, high or low libido) with no "right or wrong." If you each want commitment, and have respect for the other, there is a strong chance you can have that 47 year relationship.
    Best wishes!

    wise man is adam, hope to meet you both some day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 21, 2017 11:34 PM GMT
    Eddy12free saidGrindR is for sex and hook-ups.... Facebook is for friends and chatting.


    I've made my best, most loyal, long lasting gay friends through apps and sites (like manhunt) The app is whatever you make of it.

    Let's not forget in the old days there were folks using the extinct chat feature of this very site for the same things you say grindr is for, while at the same time other folks were just participating on the forums, whereas other folks treated it as a convoluted Manhunt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Mar 22, 2017 1:02 AM GMT
    La Roux's "Sexoteque" comes to mind:

    He wants to know
    What it feels like to mess around, mess around
    She wants to know
    What it feels like to settle down, settle down
    He's got the money but, oh it's not enough
    He wants to pounce, he wants to pounce
    Never knowing if he's given you up
    Or if you're just not good enough
    Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh

    She wants to know why he's not home
    Oh I bet money, money, money I bet
    He's at the Sexotheque
    He never answers the phone
    Oh I bet money, money, money I bet
    He's at the Sexotheque
  • RuvikSyn

    Posts: 29

    Mar 23, 2017 1:10 AM GMT
    Two things.

    One. You should feel comfortable talking to him about this. If you are truly compatible and capable of having a meaningful relationship you should never have an issue coming to each other with any concerns you have. Further, he should be able to remedy these concerns. He should be *happy* to rest your mind. If you feel like he'll get upset, be defensive or walk out on you at the moment you express a criticism then that in of itself is a red flag. Nothing of meaning or value can come from a relationship where both parties can't communicate. Or a relationship you fear can die at the moment there's a disagreement. *Yes, I'm coming from personal experience here.*

    Two. I really hope I'm wrong about this one but I don't buy for a moment that gay men who are truly monongous and happy feel the need to go on gay apps or sites like Grindr. For any reason whatsoever. The only reason these things exist is to find a FWB, a boyfriend, have a one night stand, get off on other people drooling over your dick, or sext dudes. My straight male friends are just as valuable as my gay male friends. If I am in a committed relationship and want friends I'll take to real life, not a specifically sexualized gay dating app. I think you have to be naive to think your boyfriend is on Grindr for mere friends or a chat. The only exception I can think of is if he's an artist networking, but even that is suspicious.

    I digress.

    I have very high standards and a very low tolerance for bullshit, and I'd prefer to say you should just go find someone else but I also know how it feels to really like someone that isn't going to work for you. I hope it all works out, but if there's anything you take from this please never be in a relationship where you have to suffer and worry in silence. Being single is better than that.

    Talk to him. Tell him your concerns. Decide if the pleasant feelings he gives you are worth all the other ones.