Talking to BF about dick size; effects on sex life?

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    Feb 18, 2009 7:48 AM GMT
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    I am a bottom. My current boyfriend is a little over 7 inches long and moderately thick. He is the largest man I have ever been with, since my past sexual partners have been around 5 inches and not very thick. I have enjoyed sex with the partners of my past, but having sex with a man who was much larger was a completely different experience.

    He was able to go deeper inside me than anyone before, which shocked me. During sex I feel him hit/rub/touch parts of my walls that no one else has before. Sometimes this is really great, but the majority of the time, it's discomforting. I have to sort of mentally "get myself there," tell myself, "You're getting fucked, you love this man, make it the best."

    Before my boyfriend, I enjoyed a rough romp, but now, his bigger penis leaves me with more damage and more soreness. I have to work harder to relax for him too. I enjoy how he stretches me because I've maintained my tightness (call it youth, but I say I'm just uptight and always stressed) so I know he enjoys it.

    I really love him. We've been together for over for a year and I love that he wants me as often as he does, but his penis really does hurt me a lot more than I tell him. I'm not shitting blood in any alarming sense, but every so often there is blood is my stool--something I'm honest about, which he takes as a sort of "accomplishment," as if to say, "Yeah...I did that." He backs off for a while, giving me time to heal.

    I'm not so worried about asking him to change our sex life as I am about wearing down the quality of my anus or doing permanent damage to my sphincter.

    1) Is it normal to bleed sometimes after anal sex? Should I be worried even if it's only a little?
    2) Can I be damaged by having my prostate roughly pressed? I will admit, I push him to "enjoy" me the way I know he likes it because I find it sexy--and I also hope that we'll accomplish those instances where he can make me orgasm simply by being inside me.
    3) Is there a good way to talk to my boyfriend about his penis without making him feel bad? I feel responsible for allowing him to receive the same message that I enjoy our sex the way we have it.

    We have a method of starting and like to try new positions. I prefer being on top of him because I like the control and I can usually get off better; but he likes taking control by having me on my knees or on my back where he can control his thrusts and how deep it goes. I guess what I really wish it that we could have slower sex, since it's less painful.

    Plus, even though he won't let me top him, I feel like I'm in a sense "fucking him" by controlling how much of me he gets when I'm riding him. I'm not dissatisfied, just worried for my body. If I have nothing to worry about and I'm still being fulfilled sexually, then I guess I shouldn't complain. I just wish he was smaller and I can't think of a positive way to communicate that to him. In the past. I appreciate the new experiences that having sex with a man with a large penis has provided me, but I really miss the safety of a smaller cock. There really isn't a difference in pleasure for me--there's just a higher rate of being hurt...and I guess I'm a little louder as a result.

    ALSO: I'm a lot smaller than he is. I'd say pushing 5 inches but not quite. He has bottomed in the past but will not let me top him. Do you think that it's a matter of me not being big enough? I know he misses it and it makes me feel insecure that we can't be versatile for one another. Should I feel insufficient? Should I worry that he might seek someone else? Or do you think that he's satisfied with our sex and our roles as is and I should not worry as much? I just don't want our "sex life" to be something complicated; I want it to be fun--and something only we get to do with one another, since I am not the sharing type.


    Any advice? Sorry for writing a novel!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2009 2:28 PM GMT
    To answer your questions:

    1) Is it normal to bleed sometimes after anal sex? Should I be worried even if it's only a little?

    If you are bleeding, you aren't using enough lube and/or he is being too rough and/or you aren't relaxed enough. Small tears in the anal wall could become larger if you repeatedly have sex over a short period of time. It also puts you at greater risk of infection from HIV and other STDs.

    2) Can I be damaged by having my prostate roughly pressed? I will admit, I push him to "enjoy" me the way I know he likes it because I find it sexy--and I also hope that we'll accomplish those instances where he can make me orgasm simply by being inside me.

    It is unlikely that he could damage your prostate with anything other than his penis. However if you feel discomfort, find a different position or stop all together. You're not doing either of you any good by tolerating pain.

    3) Is there a good way to talk to my boyfriend about his penis without making him feel bad? I feel responsible for allowing him to receive the same message that I enjoy our sex the way we have it.

    Let him know you love him, but be straightforward. You can say something like, "I love having sex with you, but I'm finding that I need more foreplay to get relaxed so that I can comfortably take your cock." or "I find it hot that you are so turned on by me, but when you really get going, it can hurt me -- sometimes more than others -- when you fuck me. Do you have any suggestions that might help with this?" Apparently he is unaware that there is a problem with you, although he may have experienced it with other people in the past. If he's unaware of the problem he can't help fix it -- and the problem does belong to BOTH of you, so he has to own up to his share.

    ALSO: I'm a lot smaller than he is. I'd say pushing 5 inches but not quite. He has bottomed in the past but will not let me top him. Do you think that it's a matter of me not being big enough?

    That's something we can't answer. You will have to have a heart-to-heart with him at some point when you're not being sexual together and find out for yourself. Is he telling you outright that he won't let you top him, or is he just picking up "vibes" from you that you prefer to bottom? Have you ever asked him if you can top him? No matter what answer you get, make sure you get a satisfactory one. If you feel he's holding back, gently pursue the issue another time, but don't nag him with "Are you sure that's it?",

    Best of luck. Let us know how things turn out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2009 3:16 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have some of these same issues...he is about 7 1/2 inches and pretty thick, and he has made me bleed while fucking me, especially when he gets little "wild". (I have only had one cock bigger inside of me, and it was about 9 inches, and caused less bleeding) One time, while cleaning up, there was some blood on the towel, and he nearly freaked out. I told him that it was okay...i do bleed, but not much, and not for long...

    He, on the other hand, has more trouble with my cock, which is about 6 inches and fairly thick. He has told me that my smaller cock causes more damage for him, than a bigger one. he has taken 11 thick inches before, and not had the pro-longed bleeding that he has with me. We are only together for couple days each week, so that gives us both time to heal. And when he is still sore and having trouble back there, we do not have anal sex.

    As far as your boyfriend not wanting to have you inside of him...have a talk with him to find out his reasoning. There is nothing that you two should not be able to discuss. Hell, he has his dick inside of you...talk.
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    Feb 19, 2009 4:11 PM GMT
    So, if your boyfriend wanted, would you just let him slam his fist up your ass? Of course not, you (presumably) have not had the training needed to do that.

    So why are you letting him do the same thing with his cock? No, it is not okay to bleed after sex. You pride yourself on being tight, but it is being so damn tight that is making him rip up your intestines.

    Get a few toys and slowly work your way up to being able to accommodate his penis. Use plenty of lube. And if it hurts, stop.
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    Feb 19, 2009 6:56 PM GMT
    MunchingZombie saidSo, if your boyfriend wanted, would you just let him slam his fist up your ass? Of course not, you (presumably) have not had the training needed to do that.

    So why are you letting him do the same thing with his cock? No, it is not okay to bleed after sex. You pride yourself on being tight, but it is being so damn tight that is making him rip up your intestines.

    Get a few toys and slowly work your way up to being able to accommodate his penis. Use plenty of lube. And if it hurts, stop.


    thanks doc... icon_wink.gif
    You make me wanna open wide for that tongue depresser icon_wink.gif