Dating an Adult service provider

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 4:53 PM GMT
    Need suggestions on how to deal with the following:

    I replied to a posting to get a massage. The RMT was very nice, professional and we hit it off. A couple of weeks later I went back
    for my 2nd massage. Had a great time, laughed, and I felt we had
    some kind of a connection. Not sure what kind, but there was something there. We continued to exchange emails. He mentioned was going to
    audition and I offered him my cd. Finally, mailed it to him since we could
    agree on time. In a email, I got the feeling he was down. I reached out to
    help him, comfort him, etc. For Valentine's Day I sent him some flowers to cheer him up. Afterwards I found he had recently broken up with his bf.
    This past weekend we made plans to meet at a local bar for drinks, never
    met, when I texted him, he was at a different bar. Needless to say I was pissed. He did send an apology email and promised to make it up to me.
    Well I am still waiting.
    Am I just being an infatuated fool? Should I run away as fast as I can?
    Not sure if he considers me a friend, client, or what.
    Any suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
    yeah
    time to move on,
    sad but true

    he may just be "being nice" and just isn't that interested and doesn't have the balls to fess-up.
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    Feb 18, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    Eh, people can be wrecks after a break up. He recently broke up. The flowers might have been a little too relationshippy for him and he is just making a little space, albeit with little tact.

    You two are not in a relationship. Feel free to pursue and date other people while he gets his act together and either reciprocates or disappears.
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    Feb 18, 2009 6:02 PM GMT
    He sounds flaky. You tried. He didn't. Get someone who will.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Feb 18, 2009 6:07 PM GMT
    Give it some time and not stress it too much.It's best to back off and let him come to you.If the connection was real it will still be there.(and by the way not call and tell him youare backing off)
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    Feb 18, 2009 6:16 PM GMT
    The thing about him going to a different bar, when you had arranged to meet him, would be enough to make me move on....
  • Rookz

    Posts: 947

    Feb 18, 2009 6:20 PM GMT
    Don't hang unto the hope he'll call you back and make it up to you.

    Don't wait.

    If he was into you, he wouldn't make you wait.

    Life is meant to live and keep on moving; he has his own problems and he just needs to stop and take a breath. If his into you, he'd catch up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 6:32 PM GMT
    I would move-on, unless you want to be the "Rebound Guy"...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 6:33 PM GMT
    He's on the rebound move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 6:38 PM GMT
    I agree w/ Tiller66 & Ducky45...

    Back off, don't hold your breath...

    R
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Feb 18, 2009 7:10 PM GMT
    One of the great lessons of life : Don't try to make something out of nothing.
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    Feb 18, 2009 7:15 PM GMT
    Ok let me point out mistake number 1:

    YOU'RE TRYING TO DATE A "MASSUER"

    Mistake number 2:

    YOU CONTINUED TALKING TO HIM AFTER YOU FOUND OUT THIS GUY JUST BROKE UP WITH HIS BF, EVEN THOUGH HE WAS FLIRTING WITH YOU WHILE HE WAS TAKEN.

    Ok let me put it to you like this. Massuers themselves may not be bad people, however it's universal knowledge they don't have good reps. This element unto itself makes it hard for "lmt"s to have and sustain a mature relationship, even where both partners trust each other implicitly. There is no telling why this guy broke up with his bf or vice versa, but I betcha it had something to do with his job. Most massuers are perpetually single, and no offense to any reading this but most guys who want a serious relationship wouldn't bother trying to date a man who sees other men (a lot of them hot) and actually has a personal and intimate (no matter what you say rubbing oil on a man with your bare hands in a private setting is VERY intimate) encounter with them. I say obviously the guy is a flake and probably a player as I'm sure he probably comes on to ALL his clients that way they'll all be in the same boat as you, thinking omg maybe he's interested in me, so they'll continue assigning appointments with him. It's probably all a bait and catch game, keeping you eternally wondering and nipping at his heels, and I'm sure you're not the first nor the last, to fall for it.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Feb 18, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    i can't help but be amused by the term 'adult service provider'
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 7:40 PM GMT
    Yeah, I thought it was going to be a guy who changes grandpa's diapers.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 7:49 PM GMT
    sounds like he's just a masseur who's a genuinely friendly guy. obviously, he's nice to all his clients because with so many choices out there, he'd like to keep you as a client. i think you may have misread some of the signs, and he may have ditched you at the bar because, like bodywork said, he doesn't have the balls to fess-up to the fact that he doesn't want anything more than a professional relationship. move on. you'll feel much better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 7:55 PM GMT
    HMMM. Take it with a grain of salt and just move on.

    Why should you be the one who has to chase?
    In his particular line of work I'm sure many people are as friendly to him as you are I bet he thinks nothing of it other then it as an act of sheer kindness.

    By this point you should know yourself and what you're willing to deal with. I say let know what you want and if he can't reply back witht he same feeling then count it as a lesson learned and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 8:21 PM GMT
    How was the massage? if it was good, and he's hot, dont do anything else to piss him off. It aint easy to find a good massage by a hot guy, dude...

    you can always find a boyfriend...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2009 10:29 PM GMT
    here's a question. why is it a mistake to date a masseur, or a gogo boy, or other adult service provider?

    are they not permitted to be in love with anyone?
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    Feb 18, 2009 10:37 PM GMT
    dfw54 said
    Am I just being an infatuated fool? Should I run away as fast as I can?
    Not sure if he considers me a friend, client, or what.
    Any suggestions?


    There's a psychological term called "transference." What can end up happening with a massage therapist, or a personal trainer, or someone who is "looking" after you (and, who probably looks good too), is for you to transfer your longings for someone else, who looked just as good, and who either treated you as well, or you wanted him to treat you well, to another person who appears to be "being nice" to you. Maybe I've got that messed up a bit, and perhaps someone who has psychiatric background can comment.

    On the other hand, the therapist, or trainer, or whomever, should be used to this. He has many other clients. He may like you a bit. But the fact that he does like you a bit doesn't mean that he's transferring any emotions in your direction.

    I think you may be barking up the wrong tree.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2009 9:13 PM GMT

    a masseuse is just a hooker trying to give himself an upgrade.

    move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    thanks guys for all your comments/feedback.
    Just to give you an update. I called him last night,
    we talked, he is taking me to a play this weekend.
    His treat. And so it continues. film at 11. lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2009 2:48 AM GMT
    when I get a massage the guy is nice and friendly, but I know that it is nothing more than a client relationship. We may talk about marriage and life, but it does not mean either of us is interested in the other.