How do you deal with insults, and then a day later be asked for a favor?

  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1183

    Jun 18, 2017 2:35 PM GMT
    I see this kind of social interaction among friends and co-workers alike!
    when I am in that situation, the silent treatment and keeping
    yourself busy seems to work for me! how about you?
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    Jun 18, 2017 2:44 PM GMT
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    I see this kind of social interaction among friends and co-workers alike! when I am in that situation, the silent treatment and keeping yourself busy seems to work for me! how about you?

    Dear LEANDRO: I usually decline their requests for favors. I may use a contrived reason, or simply turn then down cold, with no explanation.

    It's based on the many variables of the situation. Now sometimes I do provide the favor, to judge if they'll now stop their insults, or other slights. A small favor. And if they continue being nasty to me as before, then never again. Not if they were bleeding to death at my feet.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1183

    Jun 18, 2017 2:56 PM GMT
    art_deco said
    LEANDRO_NJ said
    I see this kind of social interaction among friends and co-workers alike! when I am in that situation, the silent treatment and keeping yourself busy seems to work for me! how about you?

    Dear LEANDRO: I usually decline their requests for favors. I may use a contrived reason, or simply turn then down cold, with no explanation.

    It's based on the many variables of the situation. Now sometimes I do provide the favor, to judge if they'll now stop their insults, or other slights. A small favor. And if they continue being nasty to me as before, then never again. Not if they were bleeding to death at my feet.


    Agree! I have never turned down a favor when a rude person's life is in danger! I used to work with an epileptic who wasn't the nicest person in the world, but I always make sure to looked after him every time he suffered an attack, no regrets!

  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19965

    Jun 18, 2017 4:00 PM GMT
    I generally live by the motto "If you don't enhance my life, you're not in it". I try to keep negativity at arms length whenever possible. That being said, if someone is truly in a jam, I'm generally there to lend a helping hand if I can --- unless, of course, it's blatantly obvious that I'm just being used. My true friends know I'll be there for them for whatever whenever.

    However, one of my pet peeves is people asking me to help them move something. Any of you who drive a truck know what I mean. Just because I have a pickup truck doesn't make me your go-to-guy to move your old couch to your cousin's house. I always have the number of U-Haul handy when I get that request icon_wink.gif
  • transient

    Posts: 266

    Jun 19, 2017 11:46 AM GMT
    I am the kindof person who is generous. Prefering to give rather than take and like to share either feast or famine.

    Living in the country its expected to help your neighbour and its mostly reciprocal.

    I have a three strikes and your out rule to make sure nobody can take advantage.
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    Jun 19, 2017 12:23 PM GMT
    Well it depends on the politics around me. If I know, that by staying offended I am only causing myself harm or if reaching out with a hand of help can certainly open up a corridor to a better relationship then why not help? People can make judgements about you based on preconceived notions and it can be nasty but Gandhi said, eye for eye will only make the whole world blind so being the bigger person in situations can sometimes buy you a good amount of mutual faith.

    Besides, you are talking in context of co-workers who are amongst others, the people we share most amount of time with. So acting tactfully is better in the long term.
  • argus

    Posts: 550

    Jun 19, 2017 12:51 PM GMT
    I respond with lethal force.

    They don't ask again.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1910

    Jun 19, 2017 3:06 PM GMT
    I'm a generous guy - BUT,
    I don't seem to get insults. But if someone acts against me, I never forget, and I never forgive.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4597

    Jun 19, 2017 4:41 PM GMT
    I simply cut unpleasant people out of my life. If it is a situation where I can't avoid seeing someone who has been unpleasant, I simply ignore them, even if they speak. They get the message soon enough though usually those are the same people who will buddy up if they want something. Again,I just ignore. No unpleasant person has a right to any piece of my life.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1183

    Jun 19, 2017 9:22 PM GMT
    Great answers guys! and like Ricky1987 stated' you'll be surprise how effective is being tactful, calm, and collected in situations like that, especially in the workplace! is all about being a better person to yourself! it may take a while but I had rude people at some point end up apologizing!!
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    Jun 20, 2017 12:44 AM GMT
    Suetonius said
    I'm a generous guy - BUT, I don't seem to get insults. But if someone acts against me, I never forget, and I never forgive.

    Yeah, my Sicilian-Italian husband is that way. He NEVER forgets a serious insult. I'm a little more pragmatic.

    A local guy we had gone way overboard in helping, when he was facing becoming homeless under a bridge, had subsequently, suddenly, and strangely turned against us. Inexplicably badmouthing us all around the community.
    I took it as symptomatic of his mental & physical decline, due to severe alcoholism, and perhaps other physical health issues. His rapidly deteriorating performance & appearance seemed to substantiate that possibility. But my husband's Sicilian soul had no sympathy.

    The guy died over our Pride weekend at 60, very quickly after a collapse. I initially understood he would be cremated, and a local memorial held. I was considering attending, a politic decision. Even after my husband refused to attend with me, I might still have gone alone.

    But today I learned the remains were embalmed for an open-casket wake this coming weekend, when his son can arrive from another State. Followed by the cremation his will specifies. And oddly at a distant Florida church with whom the deceased had no connection, to my knowledge. He had lived locally here for decades.

    Well, I hate those kinds of viewings. And I won't drive my car that far all alone. I now think both of us will be no-shows. I can't imagine what the son was thinking. The turn-out will likely be very small.
  • Apparition

    Posts: 3729

    Jun 20, 2017 2:28 AM GMT
    exactly why do so many of you have so much drama in you lives? I mean i have never had enemies, or people who would bother insulting me....I dont usually ask anything of anyone and rarely get asked anything in return.
  • transient

    Posts: 266

    Jun 21, 2017 11:11 AM GMT
    Theres forest fire burning uncontrollably in the surrounding mountain villages and isolated valleys where i live in Serra do Acor.

    The closest is 4 km away now. I have no jeep to leave my place in a rush and I have a herd of goats reliant on me to help them to safety.


    Everybody's pulling together.

    Friends have lost there farms, homes burnt to the ground​, people burnt alive in cars trying to escape.

    Its times like this that being generous with time and resources is essential - even if its a neighbour who has caused you problems - we must help without holding back.

    A friend opened her guesthouse for me and 3 friends lastnight to ensure none of us return seperatly​ to our isolated propertys.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1183

    Jun 21, 2017 11:48 AM GMT
    transient saidTheres forest fire burning uncontrollably in the surrounding mountain villages and isolated valleys where i live in Serra do Acor.

    The closest is 4 km away now. I have no jeep to leave my place in a rush and I have a herd of goats reliant on me to help them to safety.


    Everybody's pulling together.

    Friends have lost there farms, homes burnt to the ground​, people burnt alive in cars trying to escape.

    Its times like this that being generous with time and resources is essential - even if its a neighbour who has caused you problems - we must help without holding back.

    A friend opened her guesthouse for me and 3 friends lastnight to ensure none of us return seperatly​ to our isolated propertys.


    So sorry to hear what just happened in Portugal! but rest assure that at the end you and your neighbors are going to be ok! I should know, because the Portuguese people I know ( where I live there is a huge portuguese community) they tend to pull together and help each other!

    Helping and be helped is the greatest feeling in the world! thank you transient! all the best.....
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    Jun 22, 2017 4:48 AM GMT
    transient saidA friend opened her guesthouse for me and 3 friends lastnight to ensure none of us return seperatly​ to our isolated propertys.

    Would she have offered you her floor if she didn't have a guesthouse? Just wondering because it's easier to be generous when you have excess resources (though to her credit, she was, and more people should be).
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 127

    Jun 23, 2017 2:11 AM GMT
    A much more effective way of dealing with 'Insults' that passive-aggressively ignoring people is to use assertive communication. If that fails repeatedly document the harassment and use the in house complaints system. If your employer doesn't have an in house complaints system, find a new employer.

    An team leader is going to have a headache both with team members who use insults but equally with subordinates who are ignoring other members of the team.