Victim of my own Integrity

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2009 6:27 PM GMT
    So I had this job interview thing today. Apparently it is not going to happen unless I give them three personal references which I have none.

    Over the last couple of years I have come to realize that the people I was hanging around were not the kind of people I wanted to hang around so I dropped them all. Now all I have are a few acquaintances that I would not feel comfortable with putting them down let alone asking them if it would be okay. I can't even get professional references from my last job since we all got laid off and no telling where they are now.

    I feel like just because I put the effort in changing my life for the better it is making it so I can't. I have a solid work history that is verifiable yet it isn't enough. So I am a victim of my integrity and that sucks.
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    Feb 20, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    You are not alone........

    I dated this guy who had a million friends...........we went to millions of parties....everyone loved him.

    Me, on the other hand, have a few select friends who are as busy as I am.

    My ex date began to make jokes about how I "have no friends" I even started to believe him and to think that there was something wrong with me, because as he said..."a person who looks like you should have everyone by the balls".

    Well.....he did get me to rethink some of my attitudes. To be less of a homebody. To put myself out there more and look around to expand my horizons.

    But the prick ended up treating me like a loser.....a simpleton so i dumped him.

    Went home....enjoyed my home.........my books and music and other things and made plans with my good friend Elizabeth to have dinner.

    Even if you have no friends now, if you try...if you stick to your integrity without getting to critical of others (that's the key)......you will make new friends.

    But don't ever compromise your "fun" factor or follow any of those grinning idiots just so that you can say to yourself... "people like me".
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    Feb 20, 2009 7:00 PM GMT
    ... if you really have no one, then I suggest you talk to your acquaintances about your situation and then solicit them for your personal references...

    ... as for professional references, are you on www.linkedin.com? maybe your former co-workers are there as well (or possibly facebook). facebook helped me re-connect with lots of former co-workers.

    good luck.
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    Feb 20, 2009 7:01 PM GMT
    ... oh and yeah, congratulations on changing your life around!!
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    Feb 20, 2009 7:08 PM GMT
    Congrats on the life changes. I see this a lot. I have been there myself. Stuck with only a couple good friends (most livign elsewhere) and needing local help.

    There is no easy answer for you. Just understand it is a beeter life you strive for and burning bridges soemtimes is needed.
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    Feb 20, 2009 7:23 PM GMT
    I have a job opportunity that I really, really want....so I went after references with a vengence and like I have NEVER done before.

    Usually, they just ask to list 3 references. I did that.

    But then I went 411 and found 3 bosses from my past to write letters of recommendations.

    Then I had a colleague write one.

    One from a neighbor with whom I have been close and has 3 young daughters (the position has to do with designing training for school kids....so I thought her saying how well the kids and I got along would help.)

    One from a director of a dept at the Smithsonian....I did free lance work for his dept.....I think the "Smithsonian" will have some cache....maybe?

    Lastly, my neighbor and piano teacher....to show my cultured side.....people are impressed by people who study the arts and can "play" an instrument (no skin flute jokes pls) and she can speak to my character, intelligence, and ability to take instruction.

    I figure the variety of sources would help prevent a possible perspective of old bosses will write nice letters if you just ask...and the variety would show what a great guy I am in and out of the office

    My point for you is to be creative in digging up sources for letters of recommendation. And if you dont have the "traditional" sources of references, then find what sources you can and go with them. You got nothing to lose. ....Think! Dig back into your past....teachers, bosses, colleagues, friends, neighbors....anybody.

    Oh, also, I didnt wait for them to check my references.....I had the people email their letters directly or pass them thru me and I forwarded them.

    P.S. There are still two references on my application that they havent heard from....hey, I wanted to leave something for them to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2009 8:27 PM GMT
    What about family aquaintences that have know you for years and or people from perhaps something you do socially - soft ball legue, volunteer work?
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Feb 20, 2009 8:46 PM GMT
    If you think you are going to lose the job because of this, I would sit down with whoever is doing the hiring, and tell them exactly what you wrote on here. They may see that you are a keeper because of it.

    Another thing, is that you could provide your FICO score. If it is good, they will see that you are a responsible dependable person. More and more companies are using it, and I think it is a good idea, because responsible, dependable people usually have good scores.

    When I was hiring people, I was always more receptive to people who were upfront and honest about their lives. None of us are perfect, and a good employer knows that. Good luck.
  • carew28

    Posts: 661

    Feb 20, 2009 9:22 PM GMT
    If you have a regular doctor or dentist, you could try them, too.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Feb 20, 2009 10:30 PM GMT
    How about former bosses and supervisors? Older friends? There has to be someone who can vouch for you!
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    Feb 22, 2009 2:02 AM GMT
    Well I may have (and it is a strong 'may') found a couple of people who might do it. I emailed them and just waiting on their reply.