Accepting you will die alone at 27

  • onlyawhisper

    Posts: 72

    Aug 12, 2017 1:51 PM GMT
    I turned 27 yesterday and I've never had a boyfriend. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, and I just still have had no luck. I've only been on one date, which was a few months ago and it ended up with the guy basically ditching me. I didn't take too much offense to it because I wasn't really feeling it either. I think a lot of it has to do with my weight/body type. I'm always told that I'm handsome, but clearly not too many other guys think so. My body type is not athletic or muscular and I feel like it just isn't acceptable in the gay community. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am on the huskier/chubby side. I've tried diets and exercise plans and I always seem to go back to the bad eating habits and the weight comes back on. I find it hard to exercise at my weight, as I'm about 225 lbs. My doctor has told me I have a larger frame, and that me being 160 lbs at 5'9" would probably not look very healthy. The goal is to get me into 185-190 range. I got down to about 195 a few years ago and it was only because I was taking Adderall which caused me to lose a lot of weight, which eventually came back on.

    I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I can't afford a trainer at the moment. I'm honestly just considering some form of weight loss surgery, because even when I do eat healthy, I don't notice much of a difference in my body as my metabolism is shit. I'm tired of going through my 20s looking and feeling like this. This isn't a "feel sorry for me" post, but rather just me accepting that this is the way my life will be unless a significant change is made.

    It sucks that I have to change who I am in order to meet someone, but I also want to do it to feel good about myself, which I currently do not. I have no gay friends, and my only way of talking to guys is through apps and "dating" websites. No luck there. I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of being alone.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 371

    Aug 12, 2017 2:10 PM GMT
    Don't give up hope!

    Try OKCupid (if you haven't already). This is where I met my long-term boyfriend and there are plenty of other relationship-oriented guys on there. I live the next town over from you so I can confirm this. Feel free to msg me if you have any questions.

    I'm 25 and also not athletic at all but I still found an awesome, caring and cute boyfriend. It took me 2 years of searching, feeling alone and dealing with crap but it happened! It is harder in the gay community but never give up b/c if I gave up then I never would have what I have.

    Remember to also stay confident. Confidence is the number one most attractive trait in guys and its easy to be turned off by a guy who doesn't appear comfortable in their own skin. If enough guys aren't approaching you then you should initiate...some will respond and some will not but a 50% chance of them responding is still better than 0%.

    Good luck
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    Aug 12, 2017 5:19 PM GMT
    Let's not blame the bullet for the gunshot. Are you tired of being alone or are you tired of not liking yourself? Is it the boyfriend that you need? Or the validation that he brings?

    It is a fragile situation if your well being depends on how the guys you're into see you (especially with your standards) Worst yet is if you dive into self flagellation because of this -- which is what happens when your self love depends on an external validation that isn't there. I consider your overeating a form of self flagellation.

    You don't solve this problem by introducing external validation. You solve it by not needing it in the first place.

    You're not fighting against your metabolism, you are fighting against your mind. Food doesn't fly to your mouth. You can solve your food compulsion with something as simple as changing your macros. You need a dietitian more than you need a trainer.

    You would already know all of that by now if you wanted to help yourself, except you're waiting for the world to help you. How long will you wait until you learn that the only person you can truly count on, the one who will always be there for you unconditionally -- is yourself.
  • Eunuch

    Posts: 266

    Aug 12, 2017 5:59 PM GMT
    You should exercise not just to find a boyfriend, but for your own mental and physical health. I recommend swimming. Ever tried the butterfly? That will make the pounds come off. Weight loss surgery is horrible. Your whole body including your heart needs a regular sport that you love.
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    Aug 12, 2017 6:23 PM GMT
    What's true in your post is probably only that if you die tomorrow, you will die alone at 27. Your face isn't going to break any mirrors. (And you even have compliments on some of your pics). 225 lbs at 5' 9" is on the heavy side. But if that is who you are, and you are not going to engage in regular exercise, then own it. There are tons of happily partnered gay men who are heavy - even fat - and don't fit the jock image you have in your mind. They all somehow found soulmates. I would say, take a hint from Bachian, and do whatever it takes to like yourself more. If you don't like yourself, others are not likely to either.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 371

    Aug 12, 2017 7:21 PM GMT
    A lot of gay men like guys who are huskier/beefier; especially the bottoms.
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 197

    Aug 13, 2017 2:11 AM GMT
    Accepting that I'll die alone at 27... Damn I missed that boat.

    I'm more than double your age and singleness and coupledom have come and gone at various times in my life.

    I don't need anyone to complete me. I don't need anyone to validate me, although it's nice if it happens.

    I am complete and my authentic self with or without a partner in my life.
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    Aug 13, 2017 6:14 PM GMT
    onlyawhisper saidI turned 27 yesterday and I've never had a boyfriend. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, and I just still have had no luck. I've only been on one date, which was a few months ago and it ended up with the guy basically ditching me. I didn't take too much offense to it because I wasn't really feeling it either. I think a lot of it has to do with my weight/body type. I'm always told that I'm handsome, but clearly not too many other guys think so. My body type is not athletic or muscular and I feel like it just isn't acceptable in the gay community. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am on the huskier/chubby side. I've tried diets and exercise plans and I always seem to go back to the bad eating habits and the weight comes back on. I find it hard to exercise at my weight, as I'm about 225 lbs. My doctor has told me I have a larger frame, and that me being 160 lbs at 5'9" would probably not look very healthy. The goal is to get me into 185-190 range. I got down to about 195 a few years ago and it was only because I was taking Adderall which caused me to lose a lot of weight, which eventually came back on.

    I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I can't afford a trainer at the moment. I'm honestly just considering some form of weight loss surgery, because even when I do eat healthy, I don't notice much of a difference in my body as my metabolism is shit. I'm tired of going through my 20s looking and feeling like this. This isn't a "feel sorry for me" post, but rather just me accepting that this is the way my life will be unless a significant change is made.

    It sucks that I have to change who I am in order to meet someone, but I also want to do it to feel good about myself, which I currently do not. I have no gay friends, and my only way of talking to guys is through apps and "dating" websites. No luck there. I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of being alone.


    Aww, I feel for you man. I'm (kind of) in the same boat, except I'm IN shape and have the same problem lo!! Anyhow, I agree with most of what Bacchian said, except I *don't* agree you should get together with a dietician.... You need a therapist to help work through why you don't like yourself.
  • Roel_london

    Posts: 57

    Aug 13, 2017 8:42 PM GMT
    Hey feel for you ! Being open to have a BF is the most important in landing one. You are probably not going to land a muscly guy doing gym daily but a normal guy is definitely a realistic option if you open up and go for it. Ok I am not the hottest guy but there are even guys like me out there who wouldn't want to date very athletic guys ;-)
  • dilfforrent

    Posts: 369

    Aug 15, 2017 5:03 AM GMT
    I've seen happy relationships between couples that are both not their ideal weight. You're not even out of shape enough for it to become an issue in a serious relationship. For hookups, sure, it'll be harder
  • transient

    Posts: 374

    Aug 16, 2017 3:51 PM GMT
    If you are happy and confident you will be attractive to others.

    Your not happy or confident because of your attitude to exercise and food.

    Try Intermittent Fasting to kick start your metabolism into burning the fat off & go 75% raw vegan while doing daily cardio.

    Unless you have a underlying health problem, sticking to the above will shred your fat and the fresh food will energise and nourish your body.
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    Aug 16, 2017 4:58 PM GMT
    onlyawhisper saidI turned 27 yesterday and I've never had a boyfriend. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, and I just still have had no luck. I've only been on one date, which was a few months ago and it ended up with the guy basically ditching me. I didn't take too much offense to it because I wasn't really feeling it either. I think a lot of it has to do with my weight/body type. I'm always told that I'm handsome, but clearly not too many other guys think so. My body type is not athletic or muscular and I feel like it just isn't acceptable in the gay community. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am on the huskier/chubby side. I've tried diets and exercise plans and I always seem to go back to the bad eating habits and the weight comes back on. I find it hard to exercise at my weight, as I'm about 225 lbs. My doctor has told me I have a larger frame, and that me being 160 lbs at 5'9" would probably not look very healthy. The goal is to get me into 185-190 range. I got down to about 195 a few years ago and it was only because I was taking Adderall which caused me to lose a lot of weight, which eventually came back on.

    I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I can't afford a trainer at the moment. I'm honestly just considering some form of weight loss surgery, because even when I do eat healthy, I don't notice much of a difference in my body as my metabolism is shit. I'm tired of going through my 20s looking and feeling like this. This isn't a "feel sorry for me" post, but rather just me accepting that this is the way my life will be unless a significant change is made.

    It sucks that I have to change who I am in order to meet someone, but I also want to do it to feel good about myself, which I currently do not. I have no gay friends, and my only way of talking to guys is through apps and "dating" websites. No luck there. I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of being alone.


    Okay. This is a CRY for Help IF I EVER SAW ONE.

    Immediately, get guidance to be able to look at your Astrological Natal Chart, Your Progressed Chart, and Your Astro-Cartography map. You are CRYING FOR HELP because you do not like your current Fate / Situation / Life. "I'm going to die alone at 27." That is a cry for help if I ever heard one.

    What was your fuckin' major? Hopefully, you had to take Psychology 101 and Sociology 101. Looking at your astrological charts and map are easier if you know a little bit of Jung.

    Second, SWIM OVER TO A GOOD CHURCH before you hurt yourself. Can you get to Manhattan? Go to Marble Collegiate Church by the Empire State Building or maybe Riverside Church up by Columbia University.

    = = =

    Now more about what you have written.

    Yea, you're handsome as FUCK but youtell us that is no currency for you. icon_rolleyes.gif Oh well. Whine: I'm rich but I can't buy anything.
    And you're fucking young.
    First world PROBLEM.
    People can't even deal with that shit! Next.

    I don't have a sexy body because I'm 5'9", 225 lbs and not 5'9" 160 pounds or 195 pounds.
    Dude, I've been there. I was 5'9" 235-240 and could not exercise it off. I exercised so much, I fractured my foot, didn't stop exercise, then broke the foot.

    With our body type, we cannot hold down a full time job with commute and stay under 200 pounds.

    When I was in high school I was 212 pounds and went down to 157. You know how? I had a joyful friendship with a female cousin. I had to ride my bike to her house so she could ride her bike to my house then we rode our bike to their nearest university which had tennis courts. We played tennis for two hours or watched for an hour then played for an hour. Then we road back past my house to her house, then I rode my bike back to my house.

    No fucking gym, no fucking $90/ month, no fucking sauna, jacuzzi, steam room, machines, none of that shit. Just fucking Joy. Happiness, talking, socializing, play.
    No fucking pills of any kind. No Waistline Control pills from Life Extension Foundation which produces Life Extension Magazine. No CLA pills from the body building health food store. No l-Carnitine. No BCAAs. None of that.

    I'm a Taurus. She's a Virgo. I don't get along well with all Virgos. I took piano lessons first. Then she took piano lessons. I gave a piano recital. She turned pages for me. She took a modeling class. I went to her graduation fashion show.

    To this day, decades later, we keep in contact over tennis matches, conversations about health, etc.

    = = =

    As for guy friends. I remember playing tennis with two friends. One of them, we just played for four hours straight. My roommate and I played a couple of times together. He had a little motorcycle and I got to ride back to our place with my arms around his cute belly.

    Another friend noticed I wasn't lifting my knees high enough when I jogged with him.

    Another friend was so good at being playful when we would do tennis warmups, I always had a smile on my face for the joy he brought me. Will love him forever.

    = = =

    You have no idea what you're doing in a gym?

    You don't need a fuckin gym.

    I went to the gym in my 20s to cross train to be more fit on the tennis courts.
    I jogged Central Park Reservoir 1.6 miles, well because the scenery was fuckin amazing, the people watching was cool, and I liked the athleticism it provided. I liked getting out of my winter body into my late spring to early winter body.

    I went to the gym because they had racquetball which is an okay pastime until outdoor tennis season returned. Racquetball helped me be a better net player in tennis.

    = = =

    Enough of tennis. People like riding loops on bikes with crowds of people. They are not alone in crowded parks and single people can live off the energy of public spaces.

    1) Rollerblading in New York around the Central Park loop.
    2) Biking around the Central Park loop.

    Contrary to that? I moved to Plano, TX and I am lonely as shit here. White Rock Lake Park is too fucking far away. I got tired of riding my bike around the mega-high school. That was lonely as hell--no joggers, no roller bladers, no people walking to the Guggenheim, Met Museum, Space Museum at the Natural History Museum, tourists.

    = = =

    Shit, if you're lonely, be lonely in the middle of a crowd of happy ass people. You can thrive in that environment.
    Qualification: Another reason I was happy as Fuck in New York is because that is where my Venus on the Midheaven line is (AstroCartoGraphy concept).
    IF YOU'RE LIVING SOMEWHERE ON THIS GLOBE WHERE THE SOLAR SYSTEM WILL NOT LET YOU BE HAPPY, THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL BE HAPPY BECAUSE YOUR ARMS ARE TOO SHORT TO BOX WITH GOD.

    = = =

    OK Emergency Rescue Time is Over.

    RECLAIMING MY TIME.
    RECLAIMING MY TIME.
    (#RECLAIMING_MY_TIME)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2017 5:15 PM GMT
    bachian said

    You're not fighting against your metabolism, you are fighting against your mind. Food doesn't fly to your mouth.


    3 - 2 - 1

    icon_lol.gif

    Well, so much for my giant laughing emoji, but that got me good.
    Funny as Margaret Cho when her humor was BIG.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2017 5:19 PM GMT

    You're not fighting against your metabolism, you are fighting against your mind. Food doesn't fly to your mouth.

    Damn, I've got to share this shit on Facebook and Twitter.
    Should I call VistaPrint and make a t-shirt?

    Jesus,
    You're not fighting against your metabolism, you are fighting against your mind. Food doesn't fly to your mouth.
    Dear Jesus,
    Stephen
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2017 5:23 PM GMT
    Done: I tweeted that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 16, 2017 5:25 PM GMT
    bachian saidLet's not blame the bullet for the gunshot. Are you tired of being alone or are you tired of not liking yourself? Is it the boyfriend that you need? Or the validation that he brings?

    It is a fragile situation if your well being depends on how the guys you're into see you (especially with your standards) Worst yet is if you dive into self flagellation because of this -- which is what happens when your self love depends on an external validation that isn't there. I consider your overeating a form of self flagellation.

    You don't solve this problem by introducing external validation. You solve it by not needing it in the first place.

    You're not fighting against your metabolism, you are fighting against your mind. Food doesn't fly to your mouth. You can solve your food compulsion with something as simple as changing your macros. You need a dietitian more than you need a trainer.

    You would already know all of that by now if you wanted to help yourself, except you're waiting for the world to help you. How long will you wait until you learn that the only person you can truly count on, the one who will always be there for you unconditionally -- is yourself.


    Dude,
    You don't know enough about the diversity of people.
    Some people don't have the self-muscles you're referring to.

    Look at enough astrological charts and you would know that.
    Stephen, Astrologer
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    Aug 16, 2017 5:28 PM GMT
    livstud2001 said
    onlyawhisper saidI turned 27 yesterday and I've never had a boyfriend. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, and I just still have had no luck. I've only been on one date, which was a few months ago and it ended up with the guy basically ditching me. I didn't take too much offense to it because I wasn't really feeling it either. I think a lot of it has to do with my weight/body type. I'm always told that I'm handsome, but clearly not too many other guys think so. My body type is not athletic or muscular and I feel like it just isn't acceptable in the gay community. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am on the huskier/chubby side. I've tried diets and exercise plans and I always seem to go back to the bad eating habits and the weight comes back on. I find it hard to exercise at my weight, as I'm about 225 lbs. My doctor has told me I have a larger frame, and that me being 160 lbs at 5'9" would probably not look very healthy. The goal is to get me into 185-190 range. I got down to about 195 a few years ago and it was only because I was taking Adderall which caused me to lose a lot of weight, which eventually came back on.

    I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I can't afford a trainer at the moment. I'm honestly just considering some form of weight loss surgery, because even when I do eat healthy, I don't notice much of a difference in my body as my metabolism is shit. I'm tired of going through my 20s looking and feeling like this. This isn't a "feel sorry for me" post, but rather just me accepting that this is the way my life will be unless a significant change is made.

    It sucks that I have to change who I am in order to meet someone, but I also want to do it to feel good about myself, which I currently do not. I have no gay friends, and my only way of talking to guys is through apps and "dating" websites. No luck there. I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of being alone.


    Aww, I feel for you man. I'm (kind of) in the same boat, except I'm IN shape and have the same problem lo!! Anyhow, I agree with most of what Bacchian said, except I *don't* agree you should get together with a dietician.... You need a therapist to help work through why you don't like yourself.


    Dude,

    A person can love themselves all they want, there ARE lonely places in this world.

    Stephen, Astrologer
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    Aug 17, 2017 1:03 AM GMT
    when it comes to losing weight, your diet is far more important than your gym routine. In fact you may even not need gym at all if you eat right.
    And about your feeling of being hopeless, from reading the tone of posts, not saying this to be mean, but probably a shrink is what you need more than a trainer, or even more than a boyfriend.
    I mean of course we know dating can be hard. And honestly, just from your face picture alone, I'm sure many people would consider you attractive. But to a lot of people, looking attractive is not enough. With the risk of sounding judgemental, many people who don't look as handsome as you do, can and do find boyfriends. So maybe there's something to think about. About yourself, or about the type of guys that you pursue to be your boyfriend.
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    Aug 17, 2017 5:32 AM GMT
    I think you have deeper issues that your weight..You strike as having low self-esteem overall...Try to figure that part out first. I know looks are a big deal, especially in the gay world, but there are like a billion "tribes" in the gay community like 'bears', 'otter', blahblahblah.
    It really depends on the type of guys you are attracted to, If you're into fit guys, you kind of have to be on that spectrum as well...most times.
    Personally, I get turned off instantaneously when a guy shows signs of insecurity and low self esteem...codependency is repugnant to me.
    Good luck!!!
  • k15thelement

    Posts: 445

    Aug 18, 2017 11:00 PM GMT
    Im not on here much but I sent you a message OP. I'm in NY so lemme know when you wanna hang out and run wild in the city icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 21, 2017 2:54 PM GMT
    ChartsAndMapAstrologer said
    livstud2001 said
    onlyawhisper saidI turned 27 yesterday and I've never had a boyfriend. It took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, and I just still have had no luck. I've only been on one date, which was a few months ago and it ended up with the guy basically ditching me. I didn't take too much offense to it because I wasn't really feeling it either. I think a lot of it has to do with my weight/body type. I'm always told that I'm handsome, but clearly not too many other guys think so. My body type is not athletic or muscular and I feel like it just isn't acceptable in the gay community. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am on the huskier/chubby side. I've tried diets and exercise plans and I always seem to go back to the bad eating habits and the weight comes back on. I find it hard to exercise at my weight, as I'm about 225 lbs. My doctor has told me I have a larger frame, and that me being 160 lbs at 5'9" would probably not look very healthy. The goal is to get me into 185-190 range. I got down to about 195 a few years ago and it was only because I was taking Adderall which caused me to lose a lot of weight, which eventually came back on.

    I have no idea what I'm doing in the gym and I can't afford a trainer at the moment. I'm honestly just considering some form of weight loss surgery, because even when I do eat healthy, I don't notice much of a difference in my body as my metabolism is shit. I'm tired of going through my 20s looking and feeling like this. This isn't a "feel sorry for me" post, but rather just me accepting that this is the way my life will be unless a significant change is made.

    It sucks that I have to change who I am in order to meet someone, but I also want to do it to feel good about myself, which I currently do not. I have no gay friends, and my only way of talking to guys is through apps and "dating" websites. No luck there. I just don't know what to do and I'm tired of being alone.


    Aww, I feel for you man. I'm (kind of) in the same boat, except I'm IN shape and have the same problem lo!! Anyhow, I agree with most of what Bacchian said, except I *don't* agree you should get together with a dietician.... You need a therapist to help work through why you don't like yourself.


    Dude,

    A person can love themselves all they want, there ARE lonely places in this world.

    Stephen, Astrologer


    Dude,

    What's your point? I'm trying to suggest this gentleman get professional help with his problem.

    Jerrold,

    Assistant RIS Director.
  • spider

    Posts: 331

    Aug 21, 2017 3:29 PM GMT
    U need sum serious therapy as by what you wrote u have a deep seated pschology problem
  • onlyawhisper

    Posts: 72

    Aug 28, 2017 10:18 PM GMT
    spider saidU need sum serious therapy as by what you wrote u have a deep seated pschology problem


    Thanks Dr. Phil.
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    Aug 30, 2017 2:11 AM GMT
    Not every one is meant for relationship and most people who aren't learn it after having braved a couple of relationships. May be you will find someone worth dating but what would you do if you realise a relationship isn't for you? The foremost relationship is the one we have with ourselves. We must learn to live in peace, happiness and comfort without having someone's arm around us, because if we cannot have a healthy relationship with our own self, we most definitely won't have a healthy relationship with anyone else no matter how hot, successful, kind, intelligent the other person is. Men come and go, but one has to live with the self every day.
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    Aug 30, 2017 3:42 AM GMT
    27, huh? Not 28 or 29? At least you have window for planning. Most of us never know exactly.