How to find an older man? (Someone who takes good care of himself!)


  • Aug 17, 2017 10:41 AM GMT
    I have always been attracted to men a lot older than me. However, as years passed, and the more I was on the dating market, the more I realize that there are quite a lot of young guys (like in the 20s or 30s) who are attracted to mature men, like in the 50s or even 60s.
    Especially here, in Europe, I face harsh competition from other young guys (maybe it´s the AIDS epidemic that killed a lot of gay men who today would have been mature), and until now, I found it nearly impossible to find a date. And the competitors are usually, just like me, going for the well-kept older men, who take good care of themselves.
    Unfortunately, in my subjective opinion, way too many mature men just "let themselves go", and become obese or generally not well-groomed, and some of those men even complain and say "young guys don´t go for older men". Which I don´t think is true.

    My questions are:
    1. Do you know of any gay dating coaches, who are good? Any good advice you stumbled upon in this particular subject?
    2. Any good tips on how one can make oneself more "datable"? Youtube has a lot of videoes on what women want from straight men: traits like masculinity, leadership, independence, etc. Any specific traits, older men pursue in younger guys? What to specifically do to get an edge?
    3. Are there any places in the world, where mature men are not so popular? I heard that many retired gays move to Fort Lauderdale or to Palm Springs, but... I recently heard that there is a number of young guys going to those cities, to meet older men. This implies that it must be extremely diffictult for younger guys to meet older men in big US cities, too, otherwise, why should they be going to FL or PS?
    4. Maybe it´s not even the huge competition to get older men that is the problem... maybe being a bottom is the worst "culprit" (yes, there are way too many bottoms or guys who want to be "taken control of"). Or a combination thereof...
    5. What do you think is the main reason why so many young guys look for mature men? I think it´s because of the high divorce rates, and that many guys grow up without a father. Or due to the globalisation, as older gay men travel a lot, and meet young guys in 3rd world countries.
    6. Do you younger guys (about 18-40) who look for men 50+, see the situation the same way as I do? If not, what place in the world do you live in?

    I´ll appreciate any decent advice...
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4884

    Aug 17, 2017 4:21 PM GMT
    There are as many reasons for younger/older couples as there are guys. Don't try to lump all those guys into any one description because you'd be reducing both guys to caricatures. Daddyhunt is a good dating site and reaches worldwide. I read somewhere that over half of gay couples now find each other online. I'd be surprised if that number isn't really more like 75%. And stay away from the proximity sex sites like Grindr. Look for dating/profile site. Yes, Fort Lauderdale and Palm Springs attracts a lot of older guys but guys are everywhere. Stop trying to make yourself into something other than the genuine you. Older guys want a real person, as should you. Finding a partner is hard no matter what your criteria. Just be honest and open. Being anything other leads to problems and heartache later if you don't.

  • Aug 17, 2017 6:11 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidThere are as many reasons for younger/older couples as there are guys. Don't try to lump all those guys into any one description because you'd be reducing both guys to caricatures. Daddyhunt is a good dating site and reaches worldwide. I read somewhere that over half of gay couples now find each other online. I'd be surprised if that number isn't really more like 75%. And stay away from the proximity sex sites like Grindr. Look for dating/profile site. Yes, Fort Lauderdale and Palm Springs attracts a lot of older guys but guys are everywhere.


    I was on daddyhunt, silveraddies, caffmos, and lots of other sites. Wrote to thousands (yes, thousands!!!) of men through the years. Nothing came out. 95% just don't respond to my messages, and the rest says "no thank you", "too far away", or they just play around, or write back and stop.

    Destinharbor saidStop trying to make yourself into something other than the genuine you. Older guys want a real person, as should you. Finding a partner is hard no matter what your criteria. Just be honest and open. Being anything other leads to problems and heartache later if you don't.


    Sounds very true, but that's what I failed at. This just doesn't work for me. I do work very hard on every aspect of my life and personality, but that's still not enough, in the eyes of others. It's not only about finding a partner, even a good friend, or "just" a sex-friend would be fine, but even that is something I find impossible.

    But I also know there are younger guys who not only date older men, but also get so much response that they ask for sugar daddies, and get them. So I know there are guys found to be very appealing. I wonder what they do to be/become so appealing?
    I looked at some very attractive models, they do look different from me, but... everyone looks different, and I don't see any defects in my appearance. Even if I honestly wanted to do a plastic surgery to "look better", I don't even know what to change...
    ... and if most people meet online, how come some guys just have "the edge" of getting a constant stream of messages, and some don't? It's an area of life that seems so unknown and complicated to me, but since my own dating life just doesn't work AT ALL, I need to dive into it.

  • Aug 17, 2017 6:13 PM GMT
    woodsmen saidRJ has many of the most handsome, well-kept seasoned tops of anything out there. If you are worthy, they will find you. Lol!


    This means that others don't find me worthy. The ugly truth. I need to train like hell and get ripped, but I still don't know if that will help... usually, bottoms go for the ripped guys, tops usually prefer the slim "boy next door".
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 2003

    Aug 17, 2017 6:32 PM GMT
    You are in a more difficult dating situation than most.
    "What do you think is the main reason why so many young guys look for mature men? " I don't think it's true.
    Most of the more vocal young guys who post on RJ disparage the possibility that any young guy is seeking out older men for sex and relationships. They exaggerate, of course, and try to demean any "older" guy on RJ who says he is seeking younger guys. Of course there are older men who want relationships with much younger men - but many are seeking men much younger than you.

    Destinharbor is right in that you are better off seeking men online on sites like Daddyhunt and Silverdaddies (or even on this site) - mabye OK Cupid - or european dating sites of a similar nature. Grndr and similar sites would be a waste of your time. There are 1,000 "groups" on facebook - many tailored toward gay men - there might be groups directed at older/youger gay men. Worth researching.

    On this site, most of the members are actually here to cruise, and never post in these forums -and maybe never even read any forum posts. You can search the database - but beware, 90%+ of the men in the data base are no longer active RJ members, although their profiles remain. So if you want to use RJ to meet men, do an "advanced Search" periodically, but always select "members online now" and "verified members". Using members "online now" eliminates all the men who are no longer active on RJ; "verified" eliminates all the fake profiles (many). (And get verified yourself.) Since most active members will not be online at any given time, you would have to do this search regularly, and at different times of the day - Take note of who interests you (and whom you can tell from their profile would not automatically reject you) and send them emails. No guarantee of success, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Lykke til!
  • Jeepguy2

    Posts: 242

    Aug 17, 2017 7:45 PM GMT
    Maybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4884

    Aug 17, 2017 8:32 PM GMT
    I do think you need to be realistic about distance. You're a cute guy so if what you say is true, you're doing something wrong for so many guys to walk away. Hard to imagine that in "thousands" of guys, you haven't struck up a relationship. Start with guys you can realistically arrange to meet. Maybe you're coming across as indiscriminate or needy. Your profile reads well. Try focusing on aspects of the guy's profile that interests you or you two have in common. I get hit on pretty regularly by young guys (even though I'm not looking- partnered) but if the conversation is just a bland exchange of pleasantries, I won't keep up the conversation. On the other hand, I have a lot of guys that I chat with online (of all ages). Maybe you just need to relax a bit. Finding "the one" takes a while. Or he wouldn't be "the one."

  • Aug 17, 2017 9:09 PM GMT
    icon_confused.gif
    Destinharbor said You're a cute guy so if what you say is true, you're doing something wrong for so many guys to walk away. Hard to imagine that in "thousands" of guys, you haven't struck up a relationship. Start with guys you can realistically arrange to meet. Maybe you're coming across as indiscriminate or needy. Your profile reads well. Try focusing on aspects of the guy's profile that interests you or you two have in common. I get hit on pretty regularly by young guys (even though I'm not looking- partnered) but if the conversation is just a bland exchange of pleasantries, I won't keep up the conversation. On the other hand, I have a lot of guys that I chat with online (of all ages). Maybe you just need to relax a bit. Finding "the one" takes a while. Or he wouldn't be "the one."


    There must be something in it, and I find it very difficult to identify those "blind spots". I've checked my profile text and photos with a few good friends, they all say it's wonderful, and they all say they don't understand why I don't get any responses. The reason I wrote to so many guys is because I almost never get a message from a man who potentially interests me: there are either young guys (overlooking my seeking criteria, or wondering why I look for older guys), or some obese older men, or any other men I simply don't find appealing at all. Anyone I find relatively appealing, just passes by, and there's no reply when I write first. I've tried to come across as not too needy, but not uninterested either, but again, it's difficult to identify those blind spots subjectively.

    Destinharbor saidI do think you need to be realistic about distance.


    Oh, c'mon!!! I live in a city of 150.000 people, and there are not that many men in my city, that both I could be interested in, and they in me. So, let's say, if I write to 20-30 men, and nothing comes out of it, then... I need to search in other areas.
    But on the other hand, I see that other gay men have a rich sex life, and from time to time partners. This somehow never happens for me. Nobody even bothers to initiate a conversation, maybe every 2-3 months someone says "Hi, you're cute" or something like that. And that's it.
    I have a profile on silverdaddies and I hardly ever log on, as hardly anyone writes to me. icon_sad.gif

    And yes, it takes a while for many, to find someone. But 17 years and almost celibate? That's not for many...
    I had a wonderful relationship with a guy (2006-9), and we're still good friends. Before that, I didn't have anything. People used to say: "you like older men, but be realistic, you're way too young. Just wait until you pass 30, you'll be closer to their age, and you'll be so popular". In reality, I'm almost celibate since I've turned 30. Even some older guys write back and say "sorry, but I'm looking for guys under 30". icon_sad.gif


  • Aug 17, 2017 9:12 PM GMT
    Jeepguy2 saidMaybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.



    Well, then I really need to identify some blind spots, as 80-90% of guys writing to me from the US are obese and sloppy. Guys who take care of themselves almost never write, and if they do, they leave a comment like: "nice profile". And if I write back, saying: "thank you, you too, but would you like to meet?" - I never hear from them again.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2017 9:27 PM GMT
    Friendship4Older said
    Jeepguy2 saidMaybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.



    Well, then I really need to identify some blind spots, as 80-90% of guys writing to me from the US are obese and sloppy. Guys who take care of themselves almost never write, and if they do, they leave a comment like: "nice profile". And if I write back, saying: "thank you, you too, but would you like to meet?" - I never hear from them again.

    Well if you were in the U.S. I'd date the hell out of you

  • Aug 17, 2017 9:34 PM GMT
    Suetonius saidYou are in a more difficult dating situation than most.
    "What do you think is the main reason why so many young guys look for mature men? " I don't think it's true.
    Most of the more vocal young guys who post on RJ disparage the possibility that any young guy is seeking out older men for sex and relationships. They exaggerate, of course, and try to demean any "older" guy on RJ who says he is seeking younger guys. Of course there are older men who want relationships with much younger men - but many are seeking men much younger than you.

    Destinharbor is right in that you are better off seeking men online on sites like Daddyhunt and Silverdaddies (or even on this site) - mabye OK Cupid - or european dating sites of a similar nature. Grndr and similar sites would be a waste of your time. There are 1,000 "groups" on facebook - many tailored toward gay men - there might be groups directed at older/youger gay men. Worth researching.

    On this site, most of the members are actually here to cruise, and never post in these forums -and maybe never even read any forum posts. You can search the database - but beware, 90%+ of the men in the data base are no longer active RJ members, although their profiles remain. So if you want to use RJ to meet men, do an "advanced Search" periodically, but always select "members online now" and "verified members". Using members "online now" eliminates all the men who are no longer active on RJ; "verified" eliminates all the fake profiles (many). (And get verified yourself.) Since most active members will not be online at any given time, you would have to do this search regularly, and at different times of the day - Take note of who interests you (and whom you can tell from their profile would not automatically reject you) and send them emails. No guarantee of success, but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    Lykke til!


    This could also be a blind spot, yes, as I was usually looking for guys online for the last 30 days. But I've tried different strategies, also with "online now", etc. but nothing came out of it, unfortunately.

    Daddyhunt or SD are dead, I hardly ever get messages, and if I write to someone, I almost always get rejections. Even men in America don't write back to me.
    I'm not veryfied on the site, but am on others. Nothing worked.

    I think I need to get help to identify "blind spots" in my profile text and communication. Or maybe I'm just not the type guys are seeking? I've heard of others (also straight people, where one thinks "there's nothing wrong with them", but they somehow can't get dates, while others feel overwhelmed by others trying to date them)...

    For example, I know of the paradox where straight men sitting in prison get lots of women wanting to date them, while there are other "nice and honest" men who struggle... It's just a fact that some types of people are seen as more attractive.
    However, I don't want to "find peace" with not being seen as "good enough", and accept a life of involutary celibacy. No way!
    I'm willing to work on becoming noticeable, so I can get men I'm interested in. I think friendships/relationships are a healthy part of life, and I find sex/romance (with a right person, no STD) the only highly pleasurable activity that's not destroying one's health!

  • Aug 17, 2017 9:36 PM GMT
    livstud2001 said
    Friendship4Older said
    Jeepguy2 saidMaybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.



    Well, then I really need to identify some blind spots, as 80-90% of guys writing to me from the US are obese and sloppy. Guys who take care of themselves almost never write, and if they do, they leave a comment like: "nice profile". And if I write back, saying: "thank you, you too, but would you like to meet?" - I never hear from them again.

    Well if you were in the U.S. I'd date the hell out of you


    Why "if I was in the US"?
    You never travel?
  • Happenis

    Posts: 385

    Aug 17, 2017 10:42 PM GMT
    I can see 35 being a hard age to date another age group. Too old for the daddies and too young for the kiddies..
  • uncut7in

    Posts: 76

    Aug 18, 2017 10:31 AM GMT
    At 70 I guess I'm falling into the Granddad rather than Dad category, but I do still get a good number of approaches by guys under 35. Of course chatting and getting them to meet are two separate things, but I'm reassured that there are some young guys out there who appreciate the expertise and experience that an older guy can bring to a relationship.
  • Edepic

    Posts: 98

    Aug 18, 2017 11:48 AM GMT
    You may find more dates on an app that shows all the men who are on line and who live close to you, an app like Scruff if you have that in Denmark. Many gay men are into yoga, particularly nude yoga. There are many all male nude camping weekends here in the US, and nude yoga weekends, usually attended by men over 50. Learn how to cook and start having dinner parties and tell gay friends to invite their friends. Get a professional photographer to take some new pics of that handsome face and body of yours. Join a gay men's support group. There is one in Maine that has weekend retreats, I believe it's called Rowe's camp. Wash DC has GAMMA for men interested in men who had been involved with woman. There are innumerable "meet ups" specifically geared to gay men,for example hiking, adventuring, restaurant trips, theater groups, etc. you can also start a group of your own on meet up. As an older man I have found that the vast majority of younger guys have no interest in a much older guy and I know many lonely older gay men. Good luck to you on your search and your new career.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4884

    Aug 18, 2017 4:15 PM GMT
    Friendship4Older said
    livstud2001 said
    Friendship4Older said
    Jeepguy2 saidMaybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.




    Well, then I really need to identify some blind spots, as 80-90% of guys writing to me from the US are obese and sloppy. Guys who take care of themselves almost never write, and if they do, they leave a comment like: "nice profile". And if I write back, saying: "thank you, you too, but would you like to meet?" - I never hear from them again.

    Well if you were in the U.S. I'd date the hell out of you


    Why "if I was in the US"?
    You never travel?

    If I sent a message to a cute guy in Denmark saying "nice profile" and you wrote back as you describe, I would consider you someone who wants something from me, probably cash, and that probably the profile is fake. Do you really think a guy is going to spend a couple of thousand dollars to fly to Denmark based on a profile and two or three sentences? Besides, what would you expect to happen then? He quit his job and move? You drop out of school to be with him? I think you're pushing too fast. Slow down, have a conversation. How about: "Have you ever been to Denmark?" Find some common ground in interests, activities, get to know him before pressing for a meet. When I met my guy (online), he checked me out by verifying a few things I'd told him. That actually impressed me that he wasn't a flake. I checked him out, too, and was impressed with what I found. We chatted for weeks before we got together because he was two hours away. But when we did, we knew each other pretty well in terms of accomplishments, preferences, grammar!, spelling!, education, sense of humor, fitness, things we both cared about. We were very different in many ways but liked what the other brought to the table. When we met we fell in love almost immediately. Next week will be our ten year anniversary. Slow down, boy! I think you're a good guy who is coming across as desperate. Or a player. That guy you're talking to is a complex individual. Get to know him. No one wants to be a piece of meat or a chump.

  • Aug 19, 2017 6:26 PM GMT
    "If I sent a message to a cute guy in Denmark saying "nice profile" and you wrote back as you describe, I would consider you someone who wants something from me, probably cash, and that probably the profile is fake."

    I never thought that, so this was a possible blind spot. But how can I best go ahead to figure out if someone is interested or not?

    "Do you really think a guy is going to spend a couple of thousand dollars to fly to Denmark based on a profile and two or three sentences? Besides, what would you expect to happen then? He quit his job and move? You drop out of school to be with him?"

    Definitely not for the profile and a few sentences, but... from seeing what a man writes, and how he writes, I feel if there's any interest to pursue a contact that may (or may not) lead to a meeting IRL, or whether it's just chit-chat. If a nice man writes to me something like "nice profile" and I say "thank you, yours is lovely, too", then he may write "thanks" (or nothing) - and that's the end of the conversation.

    "Slow down, have a conversation. How about: "Have you ever been to Denmark?" Find some common ground in interests, activities, get to know him before pressing for a meet. When I met my guy (online), he checked me out by verifying a few things I'd told him. That actually impressed me that he wasn't a flake. I checked him out, too, and was impressed with what I found. We chatted for weeks before we got together because he was two hours away. But when we did, we knew each other pretty well in terms of accomplishments, preferences, grammar!, spelling!, education, sense of humor, fitness, things we both cared about. We were very different in many ways but liked what the other brought to the table. When we met we fell in love almost immediately. Next week will be our ten year anniversary. Slow down, boy! I think you're a good guy who is coming across as desperate. Or a player. That guy you're talking to is a complex individual. Get to know him. No one wants to be a piece of meat or a chump."

    This is something other people told me, too. Not to move too fast. I've been on the dating market for many years, and tried different approaches. I know very well that it's best to get to know a person before meeting, especially if the distance is big. My problem is, that I've corresponded with lots of guys through the years, with a possiblity for meeting "in a few weeks or months". However, it almost never came to anything. A LOT of my time was spent on my side, and then just a frustration. Then this guy suddenly writes: "sorry, but we can't meet. A couple of days/weeks ago, I met a nice guy locally, and it's getting serious now. I wish you all the best". I need to remember that while I chat with a guy, HE still has his profile and is getting responses (YES, older men are popular, they do get a lot of responses - I know it, because I have a few mature gay friends, and they all say how surprised they are about the stream of responses from younger guys. You also say you're getting responses, much more than I do (if more than 1 every 6 months, then you get more). So then, I put everything into corresponding with a guy, while he most probably writes with a few (sometimes I "feel" it, too). Then I get the feeling of "having to compete, and never get there". Now, dating is no fun anymore. It's a chore that I dislike. It wasn't like this before, but it's like that now. When talking on skype or chatting, I feel as if I'm on a job interview: I try to impress him, and am afraid of loosing him "because there are no other options", while he sees me as one of his options. It's very stressful, and I get depressed and frustrated. That's why I need to see a definiteness in the man's interest, and if it's not there, I don't wanna pursue anything. I did it with many, and failed every single time.

    "You may find more dates on an app that shows all the men who are on line and who live close to you, an app like Scruff"

    almost all the guys are young there, and when I widen my search options for area, there are some older men, but there's a distance of many miles. There are pretty few older men in my area, on those apps. It's mostly the young who are there.

    "There are many all male nude camping weekends here in the US, and nude yoga weekends, usually attended by men over 50. Learn how to cook and start having dinner parties and tell gay friends to invite their friends."

    we don't have many social activities here. They are in big cities. Denmark is such a tolerant country that gay people meet the same way as straight do - at work, in bars, or on a bus stop.
    But inviting gay friends for dinner is a good idea, I'll look into that. Absolutely!

    "Get a professional photographer to take some new pics of that handsome face and body of yours."


    I always thought that the pictures I have a pretty good, but if getting a professional might help, I'll definitely do it!

    I found a facebook group called "Older and Younger Men for Friendship and Relationships". I got in there. Right now, I just became more depressed of all of that. When I scroll down the wall or see the members, definitely most of them are in their 20s and early 30s. So many of the young guys there are really cute and seek a life partner, while attractive older men are far and few between. You can check it yourself.

    "As an older man I have found that the vast majority of younger guys have no interest in a much older guy and I know many lonely older gay men."

    You are from DC, maybe it's different there. Maybe the older gay population is bigger there because of some government jobs (someone told me this). Maybe I shall move to DC.

    "Good luck to you on your search and your new career"

    Thank you!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2017 8:36 PM GMT
    Friendship4Older said
    livstud2001 said
    Friendship4Older said
    Jeepguy2 saidMaybe Europe is different from the US but most younger men here in the US won't even talk to anyone over 30. I have noticed that most younger men's online profiles say "NOBODY OVER 30", some lower it to 25. Once you hit 35 forget it.

    Yeah there are a few that are looking for a "daddy" but not that many.

    At age 35 you would be considered an "older man" here in the US.



    Well, then I really need to identify some blind spots, as 80-90% of guys writing to me from the US are obese and sloppy. Guys who take care of themselves almost never write, and if they do, they leave a comment like: "nice profile". And if I write back, saying: "thank you, you too, but would you like to meet?" - I never hear from them again.

    Well if you were in the U.S. I'd date the hell out of you


    Why "if I was in the US"?
    You never travel?


    Not recently, no..I just know that relationships with guys who are 'local' vs long distance have a better chance of working out in the long run that's all....No offense intended.
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 198

    Aug 24, 2017 1:20 AM GMT
    Good luck

    All that follows is not meant to discourage you, it is to remind you that you are going to have a tough quest. A lot of things are out of your control.

    You are chasing a very small demographic.
    You're looking for someone who is, interested in a relationship but who hasn't found one in decades of being socially connected, fits a rare physiological type, is free of other commitments, wants a relationship with someone who is a different generation.

    The first factor is probably the most significant. If someone is older they have found someone to partner with or aren't available partnering.

    Physiological type. You're chasing muscled up guys, not "who takes reasonable care of himself ". How did I make this judgement? By the guys you have 'hot listed'.
    By age fifties or sixties, a whole range of health conditions can have accumulated.
    For instance I have a permanent spinal injury and a hernia. I'm still active and play sport but weight lifting is a non starter for me. I'm not alone in that most of my friends have one or more chronic health conditions.
    Guys who were young in the seventies and eighties had a completely different understanding of what a male body was like, have look through archives of gay men socializing a few decades back, muscled up is rare, lithe was the look back then. Us baby boomers are not suddenly change our health regimes to compete with guys in their twenties and thirties.
    Their are some muscled up boomers, but they are not common.

    Most of my friends are either deep in careers and working 50+ hours per week, or at the other end of the spectrum are retired and caring for older relatives. Either way the practicality of a relationship is difficult to negotiate.

    For me I'm at a stage where I'm looking forward to retirement, even if it is over a decade away. I'd be chasing someone close to my age, so we can share working life then retirement together.

    Good luck with it all

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2017 2:49 AM GMT
    Ubeaut saidGood luck

    All that follows is not meant to discourage you, it is to remind you that you are going to have a tough quest. A lot of things are out of your control.

    You are chasing a very small demographic.
    You're looking for someone who is, interested in a relationship but who hasn't found one in decades of being socially connected, fits a rare physiological type, is free of other commitments, wants a relationship with someone who is a different generation.

    The first factor is probably the most significant. If someone is older they have found someone to partner with or aren't available partnering.

    Physiological type. You're chasing muscled up guys, not "who takes reasonable care of himself ". How did I make this judgement? By the guys you have 'hot listed'.
    By age fifties or sixties, a whole range of health conditions can have accumulated.
    For instance I have a permanent spinal injury and a hernia. I'm still active and play sport but weight lifting is a non starter for me. I'm not alone in that most of my friends have one or more chronic health conditions.
    Guys who were young in the seventies and eighties had a completely different understanding of what a male body was like, have look through archives of gay men socializing a few decades back, muscled up is rare, lithe was the look back then. Us baby boomers are not suddenly change our health regimes to compete with guys in their twenties and thirties.
    Their are some muscled up boomers, but they are not common.

    Most of my friends are either deep in careers and working 50+ hours per week, or at the other end of the spectrum are retired and caring for older relatives. Either way the practicality of a relationship is difficult to negotiate.

    For me I'm at a stage where I'm looking forward to retirement, even if it is over a decade away. I'd be chasing someone close to my age, so we can share working life then retirement together.

    Good luck with it all


    UBeaut said it well.

    The demographic sought by the OP would be extremely limited. If the OP can afford to support someone, maybe his best bet would be to import someone from abroad who meets his specifications, and wants to be supported. Probably from a poor country where there is discrimination against gays . Sort of a mail order Russian bride. IF he can find someone even overseas.

  • trixareforkid...

    Posts: 113

    Aug 24, 2017 4:13 AM GMT
    What kind of bizzaro world is this? Plenty of muscle daddies on Grindr - I can barely delete their messages fast enough! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 24, 2017 8:19 PM GMT
    trixareforkids saidWhat kind of bizzaro world is this? Plenty of muscle daddies on Grindr - I can barely delete their messages fast enough! icon_lol.gif

    Seriously. Here is why the previous two people are full of shit. They are totally discounting people have decided later in the life they are gay/bi (like myself).
  • theonewhoknoc...

    Posts: 777

    Aug 25, 2017 5:37 AM GMT
    trixareforkids saidWhat kind of bizzaro world is this? Plenty of muscle daddies on Grindr - I can barely delete their messages fast enough! icon_lol.gif


    lmao

    I'm surprised you have that problem too since you're pretty hot. Usually older guys go after younger guys who are more average looking, like me lol, you know - for more realistic chances
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 198

    Aug 25, 2017 8:41 AM GMT
    With the 'is daddy' filter on Scruff on..

    I looked through 150 profiles, I figure my age +/- 12 years.

    I found 3 hits (including myself) who were single and were open to a relationship. Maybe some other platforms are better.

    livstud200, I don't discount anyone who's come out later in life. One of the 3 I mentioned is the dad of adult children.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 25, 2017 7:53 PM GMT
    Ubeaut saidWith the 'is daddy' filter on Scruff on..

    I looked through 150 profiles, I figure my age +/- 12 years.

    I found 3 hits (including myself) who were single and were open to a relationship. Maybe some other platforms are better.

    livstud200, I don't discount anyone who's come out later in life. One of the 3 I mentioned is the dad of adult children.


    Good, you shouldn't. My point however was to point out the bullshit the previous folks were saying when they said someone will have a hard time finding a guy who is 'older' and 'single.