Ok, Seriously what the Hell?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 11, 2007 7:06 PM GMT
    Ok, so I came out around June/July. I have always been gay, I just didn’t know how to say it. Basically, I was a freaking huge closet case. I hated it. I must have been like a walking billboard too. So I had it and I decided that A LOT of things in my life were going to change for the better. I came out and only one “friend” made me feel like shit, all of my family either was like “Yes. And?” or “I love you.” I came out at Disney World too, so how much better could that have been? The sad thing is that when my family was told . . . they were in Arizona and since I was living in Florida, it was over the phone. I hated that part, but my dad said I am still coming home to open arms and my mom was excited for me cause I was being me. I am me and I am SOOO much happier now then I have EVER been. I am free.

    Now that the prologue is out of the way, it is time for the main point. When I was a walking closet case billboard, it was like I was the forbidden apple. It was amazing. Princes flirted with me. Guys checked me out. A very famous Disney character asked me out . . . and in character at that. I felt like a god among men. It really helped to boost my self esteem and to make me feel more confident in coming out.

    Now that I am out, everything has changed. I kid you not, this is how I see people looking at me. Girls look at me and know I am gay and would be an awesome friend. Straight guys look at me and know I am gay and then either do the “Ok with it” or the “homophobic/I am a butch” straight guy thing when they are around me. And then gay guys, they look at me like I am a straight and only straight guy.

    What the hell? I thought that I was obvious. I told one of my gay friends that I am gay and he literally said, “Really?” Seriously, what the hell? I finally had free time, so I went to my college’s PRISM meeting. It was shirt decorating day for a march so it was kind-a "eh". I swear, all the gay guys were sitting in the back corner on the floor like they were just there to gather. Now see, I am shy-ish, but getting over it, but there was no way I could just approach that little huddle just yet. I made friends with the lesbians and the trannies. I only talked to two guys. One was just creepy and is too full of himself. The other was too young and it would be like dating my brother. No thanks. And NAU is supposed to be the most liberal college in Arizona. There were like a handful of guys at the meeting and then it is like they are all in hiding when not in the meeting. I feel like the only gay guy here.

    But seriously, what should I do? I know someone that acts like he is straight cause that is what turns us gay guys on. (I am so guilty too, lets face it, they are so appealing) But I refuse to do that cause it is like going back in the closet for me. Those years were hell and I am not going back. Basically, I refuse to be anything other than me. But is it that all the guys I was attracting were just turned on by the idea of “turning” me? Cause seriously, what the hell.

    Thank you. Venting over. Any comments? Questions? Advice? Words of wisdom? Personal stories? I’ll take what ever help I can get.
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    Oct 11, 2007 7:57 PM GMT
    Ok bad grammar but i can work with this. Umm yes many gay men are turned on at the idea of turning a straight man gay even though nobody really becomes that way. SOme men alsoi get a kick out of outing another. Straight acting and gay acting are really non-existant. I put on foundation and i throw a football but yeah arizona is not the most accepting state in the first place and NAU is probably conservative compared to Umass or HCC in Massachusetts. I'm sorry my state is better lol. Yours'll catch up eventually. Thoses gay guys huddling just look like they are huddling. As far as i know we are generally an accepting culture with our flaws like everybody else and all you need to do is throw away your shy approach and simply jump into that huddle like you own it.
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    Oct 11, 2007 8:13 PM GMT
    You are only 19 give it time, I did not come out until I was 25! Gay men like all humans can be cliqueish at times (at least I found that when I came out) so it may take an effort to get to know some of them. Going to groups such as PRISM is a step in the right direction. I found playing sports in gay leagues also helpful. The bars can be a bit of drag especially if you are shy like me. Most guys in bars if you talk to them will think you want to sleep with them (sometimes that is true) which may turn them off if they are not sexually attracted to you.
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    Oct 11, 2007 8:48 PM GMT
    Maybe you need to realise that actually the world doesn't revolve around you and people really aren't bothered by your sexuality and probably don't even figure on their radar. You just need to grow up.
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    Oct 11, 2007 9:16 PM GMT
    Its most probably all in your head. Also, gay clubs are not supposed to be to hook up. They are supposed to be for awareness and being active in the gay community. And looking at your pictures, I doubt many people doubted you were gay. Maybe a handful of naive people fell for your cover when you were in the closet. So just relax and don't worry so much.
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    Oct 11, 2007 9:57 PM GMT
    I knew you were gay right away. Anyone else?
  • cacti

    Posts: 273

    Oct 11, 2007 9:59 PM GMT
    I think this is cute... I'm very happy for you TiggerHeight. I agree that it's probably mostly in your head, and as long as you keep being yourself, you'll remain confident. And that, my friend, is a big draw... so hold tight. icon_smile.gif
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Oct 11, 2007 11:33 PM GMT
    By the way, Happy Coming Out Day!

    Now as to your issue: I've found that most gay men are afraid of the self-confidence and assertiveness of a newbie. Try not to take it personally and slow down. Live life and have fun. Everything else will fall into place.

  • rusty_dk

    Posts: 29

    Oct 12, 2007 12:44 AM GMT
    woah....redheadguy if I may quote you... "
    redheadguyMaybe you need to realise that actually the world doesn't revolve around you and people really aren't bothered by your sexuality and probably don't even figure on their radar. You just need to grow up"


    nicer ways to say it...wouldnt you agree?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2007 1:26 AM GMT
    Well thank you everyone. I swear, I was just in a mood when I wrote this. Maybe this means I will be able to focus on my studies more. It is not necessarily that I want a boyfriend (but I really do), it is more that I want to fully join the small little gay community here and then possibly meet someone special. I am working on my shy issues too. Slow and steady.

    But thank you again everyone.

    Oh and uh, Redheadguy, take a second to actually get to know me and not judge me. You’ll be putting your foot in your mouth. Maybe read my words?
    (This is the Disney “Fuck You”)
    Have a *Magical* Day Sir.

    icon_wink.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Oct 12, 2007 1:37 AM GMT
    Honestly? Stop being hung up on what people think of you and just be yourself. Don't be the 'straight' acting guy or the 'gay' acting guy. Just be you.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Oct 12, 2007 2:36 PM GMT
    Hi Tigger

    Sounds like you're going through what we all have to go through. Being out and gay is great but sometimes we can find ourselves in isolated situations (even in busy places).

    Just relax and try to enjoy yourself and you'll find people are attracted to being your friend. you don't have to be anything that is not yourself, camp, straight-acting whatever.

    Ignore Redheadguy, he's a bitter old queen. But what he said had a little truth, if not harshly put. You need to remember you are important to you, but other people may not even give you a second thought. Try not to think about what others think of you, but be your own fabulous self, and then the boyfriend thing will come too.

    Good luck

    Lozx
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    Oct 12, 2007 4:40 PM GMT
    Thnk you Laurence.
    And thank you everyone else.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 12, 2007 6:01 PM GMT
    I totally Agree with Redhead and Owl.
    To be 19 again...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 16, 2007 3:20 AM GMT
    I say continue being you and don't change for anyone.
    When you come out, you start to feel isolated because you assume that its going to attract gay things to you. Well actually it does not. When you're in the closet you can say that you're so out of the loop because no one knows, which more people usually do than we thought, but when you come out the realization dawns that it takes a lot of effort to have a decent social life, gay or straight actually.

    You don't have to be straight acting or gay acting, I agree with everyone else. Just act like you. I myself have never identified with the straight acting and camp concepts. I am just me.

    I hear so many people down themselves for being shy. Why? I am shy in many ways, not so much shy as I am one of those people who infiltrate groups and situations at the most opportune moment, but either way I don't feel like I need to work on it, cause its me.

    If anything, those little subtle things you use to read heavily into before you came out, mean a lot less now that you have. Maybe thats whats making you feel this way.