Help Me! I am Confused about my boyfriend and relationship between us.

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    Feb 22, 2009 4:27 AM GMT
    I have a boyfriend and we have been seeing each other for 4 months now. I love him very much and think about him everyday but somethings he says somethings that makes me confused. Last night he asked me if i will marry a girl and i said No and said i know i am gay and i am comfortable with who i am. When i asked him the same question he said" who know what will happen tomorrow" I asked him what that means and he says the gay thing in his life might be a phrase and who knows if it change tomorrow. I realized he thinks he will become straight. So what am i in his life now? Does he think i am a phrase in his life? Does he really want to be with me? He has gay sexual relationships before and sex between us great but i am confused...Please help me!( He is not an indian)
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    Feb 22, 2009 7:23 AM GMT
    I would guess that he is gay, but has a lot of internalized homophobia. Therefore, he isnt willing to accept and commit to his gay nature. I would say he needs counseling....or time to determine his feelings (but that could be a lot of time).

    For you, dont get financially or otherwise seriously entangled with him until he has stabilized. ...maybe keep him as a friend....but definitely keep your eye out for another boyfriend and your options open. Dont be exclusive with him. Go out and socialize with other guys.
  • zakariahzol

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    Feb 22, 2009 12:18 PM GMT
    Since you are from India , I guess you probably know the answer. Asian (including Indian) are suppose to get married and have children. Even gay men will end up getting married. You bf is behaving the way like most typical Asian gay men . Most gays in Asia will play the field as gay men fo a while and finally will bow to family/society pressure and get married to a women ...like they suppose to. It sad but it true.
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    Feb 22, 2009 12:24 PM GMT
    ugh
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    Feb 22, 2009 12:55 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidSince you are from India , I guess you probably know the answer. Asian (including Indian) are suppose to get married and have children. Even gay men will end up getting married. You bf is behaving the way like most typical Asian gay men . Most gays in Asia will play the field as gay men fo a while and finally will bow to family/society pressure and get married to a women ...like they suppose to. It sad but it true.


    Yeah, I would also guess that he is likely under a lot of pressure from his family to marry and have kids. His future wife might even be selected already.
    So he doesn't even see spending his life together with another man as an option.
    Also it depends on how your relationship is with him, if it is mostly just physical, then you should maybe think about moving on.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Feb 22, 2009 1:21 PM GMT
    Yes Ay

    A lot of my gay friend ended up getting marry. I myself was pressure left and right, by family, friends , bosses to fullfill my obligation to get married and producing children. It not easy for those gays in more liberated Western country to understands. But most Asian are very obedient to their parent and not likely to go against their wishes. Our society is built for straight people and there no place for any strange ideas like gay marriage or two man living together. Most Asian are very devoted to their religion and as far as I am concern no Eastern religion permitted homosexuality. You are constantly told you be going to hell for doing what you are doing. There law and punishment against homosexuality.

    I understand the issue with this kid from India. Marriage is a big deal , arrange marriage is norm . Parent will come to you showing picture of potential girl to be your wife . He have to produce a child . He have obligation to keep everybody else happy except for himself.

    The sad part is a lot of this "obligation" marriage are not a happy one. A lot of them stray behind their wife/kids and have relationship with boys . They became bisexual, play a game of perfect husband at home and straying outside. That why watching Brokeback bring tears to my eyes.
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    Feb 22, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    He is not an indian, and both of us are christians
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    Feb 22, 2009 4:44 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidYes Ay

    A lot of my gay friend ended up getting marry. I myself was pressure left and right, by family, friends , bosses to fullfill my obligation to get married and producing children. It not easy for those gays in more liberated Western country to understands. But most Asian are very obedient to their parent and not likely to go against their wishes. Our society is built for straight people and there no place for any strange ideas like gay marriage or two man living together. Most Asian are very devoted to their religion and as far as I am concern no Eastern religion permitted homosexuality. You are constantly told you be going to hell for doing what you are doing. There law and punishment against homosexuality.

    I understand the issue with this kid from India. Marriage is a big deal , arrange marriage is norm . Parent will come to you showing picture of potential girl to be your wife . He have to produce a child . He have obligation to keep everybody else happy except for himself.

    The sad part is a lot of this "obligation" marriage are not a happy one. A lot of them stray behind their wife/kids and have relationship with boys . They became bisexual, play a game of perfect husband at home and straying outside. That why watching Brokeback bring tears to my eyes.


    He is not an indian.
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    Feb 22, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
    zakariahzol saidSince you are from India , I guess you probably know the answer. Asian (including Indian) are suppose to get married and have children. Even gay men will end up getting married. You bf is behaving the way like most typical Asian gay men . Most gays in Asia will play the field as gay men fo a while and finally will bow to family/society pressure and get married to a women ...like they suppose to. It sad but it true.


    He is not indian
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    Feb 22, 2009 5:03 PM GMT
    romeodsuza saidhe is not indian

    funny pictures


    kitty