Meeting Up For Real

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:14 PM GMT
    Hey guys,

    I'm trying to figure out if I've made big mistake. I met a guy online maybe a couple of months ago. We've been chatting by IM and on the phone and seem to get along really well.

    The thing is he lives like 500 miles from where I go to school. A few days ago I agreed to fly out to his place to spend a few days with him. Ideally I would like to stay in a hotel to give us both some space, but I can't really afford that so I accepted his invite to stay at his place. Now I'm worried that this might be really awkward. I guess it's good news that I've been able to tell him how I feel and he seems to understand and says he's sure that, if it is awkward we'll figure out how to deal with it.

    Any thoughts? I'm exactly 50/50 on whether to bail on this. Thanks.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    Tell him you'll stay in the hotel so you're not putting him out.
    If you get along great, you'll have to do that only one nite.

    Heck, if your flite gets in early enough, you may be able to spend enough time with him on the first day to get past the awkward...he'll offer his place again and you can cancel the hotel.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:35 PM GMT
    jprichva saidOh, you're 24. Go, have an adventure.


    Haha, ditto.

    About a year ago, I did the same thing sort of. I took the train to NYC to spend the weekend with someone I'd been getting to know online (from RealJock actually). He met me at the train station, and we got over the awkwardness at dinner before we even went to his place. Luckily for me, I have friends in Staten Island that I could have stayed with if things got weird, lol. At least in your case, you can always go stay at a hotel if needed.

    I took a chance, and it turned out to be one of the best weekends I ever had. I say just go for it.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 22, 2009 10:39 PM GMT
    When I was moving to Austin, I started chatting with this guy like you did. I came out for a weekend to buy an apartment and he let me crash with him since I had never been to the city before. I was afraid it would be really weird once I was there/he would be a psychotic maniac in person, but it turned out to be one of the best weekends I've ever had. Just acknowledge the fact that you or he might not feel comfortable, and it's OK to crash at a motel.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:40 PM GMT
    While life can be an adventure, understand that distant relationships rarely work out in the long term for a long list of reasons.

    If you're prepared to accept that the odds are against you, then, fine, but, it's nearly impossible to build a solid romantic relationship from disparate locations.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:46 PM GMT
    Joecifer said
    Luckily for me, I have friends in Staten Island that I could have stayed with if things got weird, lol.



    People who have actually set foot on Staten Island are rare. I welcome you.

    For me, I like the idea of going someplace with a person you've become online friends with. Right before I came back to America from Japan, I met a great guy and we're still good friends. It's a good experience, puts you out of your comfort zone a bit.

    I have other good online friends I have yet to meet, but wouldn't mind going to theirs or having them over for a drink. Friendship translates pretty well to the real world.
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:51 PM GMT
    I flew 1500 miles to meet a guy I'd known for a year on AOL. We'd swapped photos, talked a lot on the phone, and I felt confident & safe enough to take a chance.

    I arrived in the Houston airport, and was greeted by -- the wrong guy! I recognized his face, but not the guy I was expecting! I tried to keep smiling and be calm, but my mind was racing. What had gone wrong??? Who WAS this guy? He had the same name, and his voice sounded the same...

    Finally I realized the truth: while swapping photos with other guys online and saving them in a folder, I had gotten his confused with someone else's. The result was sorta like when a guy deceives you with a fake pic, but the fault here was mine, not his. I really am a big goof at times. icon_redface.gif

    But the trip was set (he even had a limo & driver waiting outside the terminal), and I actually had a lovely 10 days. Then he visited me at my place for a couple of weeks the next month, and a month later I rode my cycle down to see him again, starting a long-distance LTR.

    Finally he proposed, I accepted, and we became loving partners. All on taking a chance with a trip, and even screwing up about what he looked like at first! LMAO!
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    Feb 22, 2009 10:52 PM GMT
    jprichva saidOh, you're 24. Go, have an adventure.


    Totally.

    I met a guy online several years ago in Chicago (I'm in LA). We chatted and talked on the phone for months. Then he invited me to visit. I was scared shitless, but took him up on his offer.
    I had never been to Chicago, so I though at the very least, I could do some site seeing.

    I had the best 4 days EVER!!icon_biggrin.gif

    I saw all kinds of sites and had all kinds of sex! It was awesome.

    I say go for it. If you don't, you'll always wonder "what if".
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 22, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    take hotel
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    Feb 22, 2009 11:26 PM GMT
    I'm in the exact same boat! I'm driving to Atlanta from Houston to meet up with somebody I met on here. I leave in 11 days. What I did is booked a hotel just in case things got awkward. I don't intend on using it, but it's there just in case.

    And in case anybody is wondering, I'm driving there because it's actually cheaper than flying and getting a rental car. It's an extra $37 dollars a day for a rental being under 25. Screw that.
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    Feb 22, 2009 11:28 PM GMT
    KansaiConker said Friendship translates pretty well to the real world.



    Sometimes there just isn't enough vomit in the world is there!







    PL&MB
  • Delivis

    Posts: 2332

    Feb 22, 2009 11:47 PM GMT
    Why wouldnt you go? I'm confused. Of course you should go.
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    Feb 23, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]Red_Vespa said[/cite]I flew 1500 miles to meet a guy I'd known for a year on AOL. We'd swapped photos, talked a lot on the phone, and I felt confident & safe enough to take a chance.

    I arrived in the Houston airport, and was greeted by -- the wrong guy!

    This is possibly the craziest, most romantic thing I have ever read. As a therapist I have to say that the subconscious mind which always knows exactly what it's doing, can be a fabulous thing!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2009 12:51 AM GMT
    In reply to the OP I'm about to do the exact same thing. Yes, I'm a bit anxiouis but I've followed my friends' advice which is to always have an escape route 'just in case'. I do feel though that I've at least established that he's not an axe-murderer and I still plan to talk to him on the phone. It's not a romantic meeting so that pressure's out the window. But I know enough to realise that we may just not click in RL and that's OK. I have plenty of Plan B's to fall back on.

    Go, do it (leave the address with trusted friends) and have an adventure. Be sure to report back to your Realjock buddies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2009 2:00 AM GMT
    You'll never,never know if you never,never go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2009 2:41 AM GMT
    Guys,

    Thank you very much for all the advice. My sense of adventure is now back in the driver's seat and I'm so looking forward to this trip. I'll let you know how it goes. icon_razz.gif

    Thanks

    Chris
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    Feb 23, 2009 2:47 AM GMT

    Please take your laptop and blog in real time with photos!!! ...like what I did last year when RJ member RobbieRob flew all the way from Texas to visit this queen called ZiM! icon_lol.gificon_wink.gificon_lol.gif

    Most of all, have safe fun! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 23, 2009 3:10 AM GMT
    If you feel that there's at least the connection there, go for it. I've driven to Boston to meet someone (off here, of course), and it turned out super swell, and we had a great time. I have other friends in the Boston area I could stay with if things got uber weird, but I wasn't all that worried.
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    Feb 23, 2009 3:19 AM GMT
    Tonyvoyager said[quote][cite]Red_Vespa said[/cite]I flew 1500 miles to meet a guy I'd known for a year on AOL. We'd swapped photos, talked a lot on the phone, and I felt confident & safe enough to take a chance.

    I arrived in the Houston airport, and was greeted by -- the wrong guy!

    This is possibly the craziest, most romantic thing I have ever read. As a therapist I have to say that the subconscious mind which always knows exactly what it's doing, can be a fabulous thing!

    It appears the quotation format above got messed up. But, I can assure you, no part of my mind, conscious, subconscious or otherwise, usually knows what the hell it's doing. LOL! Rather, I think, sometimes Fate or Chance plays a hand and takes the initiative away from us. I question whether we're as much in charge as you'd like to think we are, on whatever level of consciousness you propose.
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    Feb 23, 2009 3:20 AM GMT
    I say go for it! Don't back out, you never know what you could be missing out on! If you're really worried about awkwardness make a hotel reservation which can easily be canceled (preferably without a cancellation fee - I think Courtyard by Marriott used to be fee-free). That way you have a room to go to if you don't want to stay with him but can stay at his place if you feel okay with it.

    Also, don't worry about the long-distance relationship issue. If the love is really there it shouldn't be a problem. Personal example: My parents (and this was 35 years ago) met in college since their college careers overlapped by one year, but then my father moved 9,000 (yes, nine-thousand) miles away. Now this was WAAAAY back before computers and e-mail and even a reliable phone connection but they manged to write letters to eachother for 5 years while he finished his PhD and then got married. So it's definitely possible to have a long-distance LTR.
  • Freddo

    Posts: 246

    Feb 23, 2009 3:33 AM GMT
    Oh yeah? I have one better... I am MOVING IN with somebody from this site next week.


    No, we are not dating... he is happily coupled. I am just a new roommate.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2009 3:51 AM GMT
    I have flown to Honolulu, L.A., Portland, Washington DC and Tampa to meet up with guys after having great discussions; and guys have flown out to CA equally. The result became friendship, and enjoyable even over the distance. The context did include an attempt to strike up a relationship, and although that did not happen, there was no commitment or pretense, and no let down.

    I'd stick to the reasons for why you both choose to meet up. It's like a foundation. Enjoy each others company, and remember to be realistic about what you can do together. Go with the flow. Whether or not your experience thrives, the experience itself will give you much to gain.

    In each of the visits I mentioned above, I reserved a room for one night without having to pay for it up front. If your flight arrives early enough (which I planned purposely), as one poster mentioned, and you have time to meet up, you can cancel it (usually before 6 pm I think). For me, I was able to cancel and stay with my friend (or date at the time icon_smile.gif I get the feel from your words that after you meet, you'll be comfortable. Make sure you are willing to risk a night at a hotel, or if worst case to cancel it, and spend time at the airport to get back home - the cost of changing a flight may be worth it - i.e. be prepared to pay a little extra in case it doesn't work out.

    Plan for the worst, and expect the best, in general icon_smile.gif

    EDIT: Mike below is right - make sure you let someone(s) know when you leave and when you are supposed to come back. Casually. Don't be scared icon_smile.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Feb 23, 2009 3:55 AM GMT
    Hopefully you talked on the phone. Let your friends and family know where you're going. Shit I sound like a parent. Have fun, and remember it's not like you have to have sex for your room and board. Ask him to make plans to meet his friends too. If there is no chemistry with him there might be w/ one of his buddies, given he has real friends.icon_cool.gif

    There should be nearby places to stay cheap if it's not working. Have a plan B.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 23, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    I can't believe how common this is. I thought the idea of traveling a long distance to meet someone online was rare but it sounds fairly common. I have not had much luck with online dating so I can't imagine taking such a risk. You guys are brave.

    I met a guy, in person, on a business trip once. We kept in touch for six months via email and then I went and spent a long weekend with him. That led to a passionate distant relationship that lasted about 4 months. In that case we both knew there was a powerful physical attraction before we met. I can't tell by a photo if I'm attracted to someone. I would definately book a hotel.
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    Feb 23, 2009 4:26 AM GMT
    KansaiConker said
    Joecifer said
    Luckily for me, I have friends in Staten Island that I could have stayed with if things got weird, lol.



    People who have actually set foot on Staten Island are rare. I welcome you.


    Really??? I didn't mind it at all...my friends live pretty close to the ferry, and it's nice and quiet there. *shrug* I'm going up again in March for a weekend.

    I actually just got back from dinner with the guy I'd gone to NYC to meet. He's in the area for work for a couple of days...it was really great to see him again. I almost forgot how awesome he is! icon_smile.gif