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Feb 23, 2009 4:23 PM GMT
Ok, Just getting some feedback. Im 42yo, and this week been seeing a guy 24yo.
Anyhow we spent 3 evenings together and one night together. yes we have ahd sex. Sunday morning in the process of making whoopie, he stops and tells me "I love you" WHAOO Horsie!
This guy is mature in many ways. Good job, makes decent money, not into the bars sceen, nice place etc...However I wonder abotu his emotional maturity. Especially when he says that in one week.
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great).
So some feed back welcomed. I this just immaturity and will he grow out of it? Or is this just plain old emotional insecurity?
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Feb 23, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
Its probably just a crush on his side or he just uses the term loosely. Either way you dont need to take it so serious. Just wait a little more and see how it develops, he will probably pick up on the fact that you don´t when you don´t say it back.
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Feb 23, 2009 6:51 PM GMT
Couple of things...
Maybe he just blurted that out in the "heat of the moment" and therefor it meant nothing at all at this moment...
What did you say with regard to" his need to evade any looks you would have gotten at the mall?" Although, you make it sound like you were looking so great you wanted looks from other guys and/or felt he should covet you.
Just ask him, repectfully, where he is coming from and let him know where you are in this relationship and if he asks why the questions, remind him of these episodes that made you wonder.
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Feb 23, 2009 8:33 PM GMT
I've always followed a "5-up, 5-down" rule regarding age. Whenever I violated it, the relationships failed.
Maybe your rule is broader than mine, and if it works for you, it works. But I think you're fighting an uphill battle when the age difference gets really big.
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Feb 23, 2009 8:59 PM GMT
I think a ten up ten down is realistic. Your not a kid anymore!
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Feb 23, 2009 9:10 PM GMT
MikemikeMike saidI think a ten up ten down is realistic. Your not a kid anymore! 10-up, 10-down is reasonable for some guys. Not what's worked for me, but everyone is different. Approaching 20 years seems a bit much, though, wouldn't you say? Not impossible as an exception, but I think beginning to fall outside the range of possibilities. |
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Feb 23, 2009 10:47 PM GMT
I can relate....I dated a 23yo for 3 months....I'm 42yo. We had great chemistry. But, yes the emotional maturity was not there....within the first week he was txting me that he loved me.........ect...ect...He did alway spend the night...One day....he just disapeared.....  |
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Feb 23, 2009 11:01 PM GMT
Red_Vespa saidMikemikeMike saidI think a ten up ten down is realistic. Your not a kid anymore!
10-up, 10-down is reasonable for some guys. Not what's worked for me, but everyone is different. Approaching 20 years seems a bit much, though, wouldn't you say? Not impossible as an exception, but I think beginning to fall outside the range of possibilities. Sorry folks..I don't look at the number. I look for the muturity. I knwo youth means soem immaturity, but also can bring other great thing to the relationship. I was raised this way. My father loved my mother 25 years til death did they part. they had 19 years difference. |
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Feb 23, 2009 11:08 PM GMT
Cowboiway saidOk, Just getting some feedback. Im 42yo, and this week been seeing a guy 24yo.
Anyhow we spent 3 evenings together and one night together. yes we have ahd sex. Sunday morning in the process of making whoopie, he stops and tells me "I love you" WHAOO Horsie!
This guy is mature in many ways. Good job, makes decent money, not into the bars sceen, nice place etc...However I wonder abotu his emotional maturity. Especially when he says that in one week.
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great).
So some feed back welcomed. I this just immaturity and will he grow out of it? Or is this just plain old emotional insecurity? Well, there is a lot to take into consideration. People are coming out at younger and younger ages. If he's been out for more than five years, he may very well be ready for a relationship. The jealousy thing worries me, though. I do remember when I was a little younger than that, I had "say I lover you too soon"-syndrome. A month later, I'd be bored with the guy. I am only speaking for myself, but I would give it more time before making a major decision. It's very important to be sure to communicate where you stand, so that there are no surprises for him later. The jealousy thing, would be an issue for me. I would worry about control issues surfacing later. If he hasn't been out for very long, I worry about starting a long-term relationship with him. Unless, fo course, he a relationship oriented type. I guess this would be a good time to set your expectations and get his. |
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Feb 23, 2009 11:17 PM GMT
As a younger guy who often dates guys much older than I am, I find myself in these situations. Often, it's not so much a maturity gap as it is a generation thing where younger guys are accustomed to showing emotion and acting differently. I think the best thing to do is discuss these concerns with your partner; if he is indeed mature enough to be in a relationship with you, he will be able to respond like an adult to your concerns and work them out. If he can't come to an understanding with you in a mature matter that reflects the integrity of the relationship you seek, then I say it's time to let this fish go back into the sea.
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Feb 23, 2009 11:19 PM GMT
RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i have only told one man i loved him, and he was my first b/f and my longest relationship.
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Feb 23, 2009 11:29 PM GMT
This reminds me of an episode of "How I Met Your Mother." On their first date, Ted (the main character) tells Robin (his future girlfriend) that he loves her. Robin doesn't reciprocate until the middle of the next season, but in between they make it work. I know this is fictional, but I wouldn't be too concerned about his... proclamation. Have you tried talking to him about it? Communicating about what he actually meant? That might give you some insight into him and where he's coming from, and you might just learn something interesting about his past/ brain-state. As for maturity? If you want to get into a relationship with a boy nearly 20 years younger than you, you need to know there will be a maturity gap. That's the downside to this kind of relationship, and you have to accept it. My one word of advice is to never, ever, ever call him immature or try to guide him into not making the same mistakes you made at his age. If he's anything like me, hearing the words "you'll understand when you're older" will cause extreme resentment. You need to allow him to make mistakes and not judge, criticize, or punish him for those mistakes. He has twenty years less life experience than you do and twenty years of mistakes to make before he's as mature as you. If you're serious about him (which, after a week and 3 dates, I don't really see how you could be THAT serious), then you'll need to demonstrate a lot of patience. Cowboiway said
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great). How much of the above is in your head? Did he tell you he was walking behind you for the sole purpose of monitoring your cruising habits? If not, there are any number of reasons he could have been walking behind you. 1) He could be a slower walker than you. 2) He could be checking out your ass. 3) He could be uncomfortable in that mall and using you as a social barricade. 4) Etc... Unless he told you that he was walking "behind [you] to make sure [you] ddin't check out all the guy that were checking [you] out," this comment is strangely off-putting to me... |
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Feb 23, 2009 11:33 PM GMT
Cowboiway said yes we have ahd sex. Sunday morning in the process of making whoopie, he stops and tells me "I love you" WHAOO Horsie! However I wonder abotu his emotional maturity. Especially when he says that in one week. I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great). If you are having sex with this guy, then he will think you are in love with him and he is madly in love with you.... If you don't have sex, then he will probably think you are looking for a friend. Sometime guys have sex, they will go crazy and say "I love you." What is the point of having sex then? He think you are going out with him. To me he seem nervous, worry and wondering what you are hiding from him. Age doesn't really matter... There are some older and younger guys are mature and some aren't mature. |
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Feb 23, 2009 11:52 PM GMT
If it was during sex, then take it with a grain of salt. If it happens over morning breakfast, take it more seriously.
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Feb 23, 2009 11:53 PM GMT
I can only speak from my own experience, but younger guys can tend to use the "L" word a lot easier or faster than an older guy will --- which is not in any way a slam to younger guys --- I just think someone older has the experience behind them to know that it's not a word you use lightly.
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Feb 23, 2009 11:55 PM GMT
Because one has a job and residence does not make one mature. Mature is how one thinks, reacts to situations, makes decisions, treats people and etc...
Age is only important to the 2 individuals involved in the relationship. Yes there is a generational gap for about every ten years, but do not place everyone in the same age group to act the same. If you enjoy him , ride it out slowly, if something like this comes up, ask him or let it go.
Dating is hard, everybody acts differently and we act differently with each one we date - sometimes. Everybody is looking for everything to have meaning, when sometimes it is just words. I really would not seek advise on a 3 day relationship. Give it more time or move on , it sounds like you are looking for us to tell you something. You know what to do for you, not us.
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Feb 23, 2009 11:59 PM GMT
also, some people say "love " for everything, instead of I like you, i really like you, i like being with you, instead some say i love you, love being with you,,,,,, too much emphasis on the wrong choice of words, but does not always mean they LOVE you. Also, maybe as a young guy, he thinks you want or need to hear that, just a thought
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Feb 24, 2009 12:09 AM GMT
Cowboiway said Sunday morning in the process of making whoopie, he stops and tells me "I love you"
Was he looking at himself in the mirror when he said it? |
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Feb 24, 2009 12:16 AM GMT
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out ( yes I looked great).Well...who is the mature one in this relationship?  |
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Feb 24, 2009 12:47 AM GMT
Well, as an older man, I can't imagine why I'd want to be saddled with the burden of a younger guy.
First, is he working? If not, then what's he want, a free ride from me? No, thank you; I'm nobody's sugar daddy.
If he's working, as he should be, then that's a limitation I don't want. I've been retired for 15 years, can do anything I want, anytime I want, don't need to plan around his vacation time and days off. My present partner is retired, too, as was my late partner. I'd never tie myself down to someone else's work schedule, no matter how cute the guy is.
Now if you can come up with a young hunk who's independently wealthy and free as air, I might be interested. But seriously, would a treasure like that even offer me a second glance?
So give me an older retired guy, like my partner, with whom I can spend all my time, who speaks my generational language, who's as naturally comfortable with me as I am with him. We can both go to the club and oogle all the young eye candy our tired old eyes can handle, and then go home together for some adult snuggling in bed, and maybe, gawd forbid, some geriatric sex. LMAO!!!
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Feb 24, 2009 2:04 AM GMT
Well in my experience it was a little backwards he was older and I was youger but when he said ily I just replied with " yea I think your cool too" needless to say it did'nt go over too well but i told him that I just don't throw that around becuase it means lot to me. You can say it to me and I accept it for what it means to you.But I'll say it when i'm ready and I know you will be happy about it."It seamed to work but I said it back about a month laterIf you think you need to say something do but those young ones can be touchy.Good Luck
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Feb 24, 2009 2:19 AM GMT
Interesting that this topic came up because a weekly goal i've been setting for myself is NOT to get attached to someone so quickly I don't date guys my age for many reasons.. i prefer older men 20s into mid 30s. i know i am young!!!! butit's great the experience they have and A LOT more mature. . I don't really say the I love you thing at all. Until i really mean it, I like the love that grows, anywho, my problem is, i tend to take things too fast such as texting every minute of the day seeing how the day is going,wanting to hang out allthe time, and doing all the rest of the stuffand what not. until one guy I dated sat me down and talked to me about it, i was quite thankful that he did too. He used positive reinforcement by saying im glad you are not one of those guys who says i love you within the first week and whatnot and i learned to not say that, from experience, it's something that kids my age throw around to " appear more mature " when in fact most of us don't really know what love is about. BUT he sat me down and said you act like we are living together and im not so comfortable with it, it's going way too fast.
so the moral of that story is even though at the first 5 minutes of hearing ihm saythat i was pissed, but once i started to realize that i do.....do that, it helped me stop, and so that's what i've been working on, and so far it's been working.
so advice to you cowboiway..and as everyone has already said, let him make his own mistakes, but also communicate with him. if he is as mature as you say he is, he'll get over it fast and take your advice, just don't tlak to him about it in a superior/inferior way.. any young person HATES that.
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Feb 24, 2009 2:39 AM GMT
CowboiwayI also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great). Don't Indian people do that? I would have started making fun of him about it and would think seriously if dating him was worth it. When I was about 33 I dated this guy. When we met I thought he was in his late twenties because he seemed very mature. When we were on our third date I actually asked him and he didn't want to tell me because he had age ruin past relationships. So I asked him if he was at least 21 and he said yes. About a month later I found out that he was indeed 21 years old which was still no biggie. It was stuff he did that just got under my skin way too much. On one occasion we were going to one of his friends parties. We took a taxi and before we got out I gave the driver a pretty good tip. I did that because when we got into the car the guy was obviously on a break trying to eat but said he would take us anyway. As soon as I gave him the money I said keep it and jumped out of the car and crossed the street. So I'm wondering what's taking the guy I'm dating so long to get out of the car. Finally he did, the taxi pulls away, and he crosses the street to me. Then he gives me the tip money I gave to the cab driver saying something about he didn't know why I gave him more than the fare. Eventually I found out that he didn't believe in giving tips because as he said 'they don't do that in Europe' which he is not from. He was from southern California. I could go on but then I'd just be venting over a relationship that died about 7 years ago. Anyway, just because someone seems mature doesn't not mean they are, but since you can't judge a book by the cover then you just have to keep dating until you you do find out. Even older guys can be very immature. |
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Feb 24, 2009 2:59 AM GMT
Cowboi,
I've been that boy - never jealous but definitely quick to the L-Word and even worse are the trust issues. It is emotional immaturity and here's what I've learned: It scares men off. If you really like this guy and want things to work, here's my advice: LOTS OF OPEN COMMUNICATION. I never would've acted the way I did had the guys I'd been seeing just been open and honest. Relationship experience always makes a difference, and sadly you got the raw end of this deal. But that doesn't mean it needs to be ended. You'll just have to have lots of conversations about this stuff. If you cant handle that, get out quickly! Good Luck!
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Feb 24, 2009 3:24 AM GMT
This is my bit of advise for what I use on myself.
If I have to ask for reassurance (not guidance), it probably isn't ok. Ask yourself what you were really looking for in that post and go from there.
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Feb 24, 2009 2:32 PM GMT
An update: last night after he got home we talked. Well I talked he cried. I told him how I was spooked hearing the words “I love you”. How I felt they came too early. Heck that I had never said them until at least a month had passed. He cried said he meant them, and he would be lost with out me. Ok, that alone told me enough.
I went on to talk about the jealousy issue. This is where it got ugly. He said I shouldn’t be checking out other guy, only him. Ok, that statement was enough to tell me where things were standing..
While I felt very bad about everything, I hate making any guy cry I told him I was breaking it off. I told him in a couple days after he cooled off if he wanted to talk again we could.
It is about how I expected it to go. He was immature beyond what I wanted in my life. I’m not ready for anyone to be saying those words that quickly and think they could mean them. I hold those words very sacred.
I also will not tolerate the jealous. All of us if we say a hot shirtless guy running down the road would look. To tell me I shouldn’t even look very wrong of him.
Thanks for all the advice guys. Perhaps your words also will help some other guy realize saying those words too early will run a guy off.
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Feb 24, 2009 3:45 PM GMT
You took the right approach with this one, and to be truly honest, you already knew what you needed to do before you hit the "post" button. I'm glad to hear that you were able to sit him down and speak open and honestly with him so that you both knew where you stood on the issue. Sounds to me like you missed what could have been an explosive relationship.
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Feb 24, 2009 4:08 PM GMT
Even if I had already made my decision and knew what was best. i think it is good for all of us to share our thoughts and ideas out here. Maybe allowing others to learn and become better people as a whole. not saying I'm perfect. Far from it. However we can all learn from each other.
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Feb 24, 2009 4:13 PM GMT
As 'mature' as they might be in comparison to their peers, bottom line is that some have YET to have any REAL life experiences to bring them to your level. So it's nothing against 'them' they just need to live more.
Then on the flip side, there are those individuals that just go with their feelings and emotions and ROLL with them....
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Feb 24, 2009 4:17 PM GMT
He's watching you to make sure you're not checkng anyone out? WTF?
If he doesn't trust me enough to tell him if I'm leaving, then I'm not dating him.
I dated my ex for 3 years. People were always amazed I "let" him go to the club without me, where I knew he would be hit on and see hot guys dancing shirtless. But he always came back to me, and if he hadn't he wouldn't have been mine in the first place.
Anyone who has to watch me to be sure I'm not window shopping is on the "Sorry, go take your baggage elsewhere" list for me. I like pretty things, and I'm not going to stop liking pretty things just because I'm dating (or married to) you.
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Feb 24, 2009 4:31 PM GMT
DiverScience said
Anyone who has to watch me to be sure I'm not window shopping is on the "Sorry, go take your baggage elsewhere" list for me. I like pretty things, and I'm not going to stop liking pretty things just because I'm dating (or married to) you. Even though I agree with your post, to many guys, checking out someone right in front of them can seem callous. One of my ex's used to yell at me for that. Of course... I did it all the time... |
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Feb 24, 2009 4:36 PM GMT
Luv the one your with ! If you are not in a eternal relationship at 42 then
you probably aren't in the copy heteorsexual behavior mode anyway.
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Feb 24, 2009 4:37 PM GMT
Alpha13 saidLuv the one your with ! If you are not in a eternal relationship at 42 then
you probably aren't in the copy heteorsexual behavior mode anyway. Sir...FYI. I'm 42 yes..I came out of my marriage to a woman when I was 33. So I kind of got a late start. |
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Feb 24, 2009 4:38 PM GMT
You should know that young people are vunerable and to ditiguish love fromlust is hard for them,Better make sure to let your feelings known loud and clear..so as not to hurt him!!
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Feb 24, 2009 4:41 PM GMT
I think you handled it quite well, cowboy.
When you date someone younger, you do kind of take a chance that they will become infatuated with you. Some of us younger guys started dating at 15, so for us, we've done all that. I got infatuated with my first boyfriend when I was a freshman in high school and he was my age and totally infatuated with me. I recognize now that it wasn't real love.
I think in the gay world, we're all at different levels, and there are many guys like me who came out when they were in high school and were growing up and gaining experience at the same rate as their straight peers. There also seem to be lots of guys who lived in some bubble pretending to be straight until they were late in college or young adults already. They need a chance to have those experiences too.
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Feb 24, 2009 4:45 PM GMT
DiverScience saidHe's watching you to make sure you're not checkng anyone out? WTF?
If he doesn't trust me enough to tell him if I'm leaving, then I'm not dating him.
I dated my ex for 3 years. People were always amazed I "let" him go to the club without me, where I knew he would be hit on and see hot guys dancing shirtless. But he always came back to me, and if he hadn't he wouldn't have been mine in the first place.
Anyone who has to watch me to be sure I'm not window shopping is on the "Sorry, go take your baggage elsewhere" list for me. I like pretty things, and I'm not going to stop liking pretty things just because I'm dating (or married to) you. The last guy I dated, I let him do what he wanted to. Just like DiverScience. Didn't last longer than a year. Sort of thankful, it ended sooner than later because he probably wasn't ready for a relationship. |
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Feb 24, 2009 4:54 PM GMT
styrgan said
Even though I agree with your post, to many guys, checking out someone right in front of them can seem callous.
One of my ex's used to yell at me for that.
Of course... I did it all the time...
Well I don't do it constantly, but still if you can't trust me on something as basic as that, how are you going to trust me on anything else? |
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Feb 24, 2009 5:01 PM GMT
phunkie saidDiverScience saidHe's watching you to make sure you're not checkng anyone out? WTF?
If he doesn't trust me enough to tell him if I'm leaving, then I'm not dating him.
I dated my ex for 3 years. People were always amazed I "let" him go to the club without me, where I knew he would be hit on and see hot guys dancing shirtless. But he always came back to me, and if he hadn't he wouldn't have been mine in the first place.
Anyone who has to watch me to be sure I'm not window shopping is on the "Sorry, go take your baggage elsewhere" list for me. I like pretty things, and I'm not going to stop liking pretty things just because I'm dating (or married to) you.
The last guy I dated, I let him do what he wanted to. Just like DiverScience. Didn't last longer than a year. Sort of thankful, it ended sooner than later because he probably wasn't ready for a relationship. I find this a bit odd. He was watching me walk down through a mall. Watching my actions to see if I would cheat on him? What was I going to do, grab a guy there and run off to the bathroom? Like diver says, there is a certain amount oof trust one has to give to another. the trust he can go shopping, to the gym or out with friends alone and still stay faithful. If I have never given him a reason to distrust me, then he should trust me. It was clear he has some trust issues. he needs to deal with them. |
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Feb 27, 2009 1:38 AM GMT
Red_Vespa saidI've always followed a "5-up, 5-down" rule regarding age. Whenever I violated it, the relationships failed.
Do you think that since you expected it to fail you may have helped it along or stopped short of true effort? Self fulfilling prophesy and all that mumbo jumbo. |
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Feb 27, 2009 1:42 AM GMT
Cowboiway saidThis guy is mature in many ways. Good job, makes decent money, not into the bars sceen, nice place etc...However I wonder abotu his emotional maturity. Especially when he says that in one week.
Bad juju counting financial stability as a sign of meaningful maturity. What's wrong with bars, is the clientele mostly immature? Is style or the ability to hire a maid a sign of something worthwhile? I wonder if there is a test out there to screen out the 'psycho bitches', as it were. Don't park in any covered parking with overweight attendants and flickering lighting any time soon. |
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Feb 27, 2009 2:09 AM GMT
so basically you are seeing this guy for.....
one night stand x 3.
check out his level of maturity? how about yours? (the feedback you wanted)
talk to the guy you're screwing
nothing wrong with saying he loves you cause next time he may say he hates you.
as far as you comments about your mommy and daddy. that was cute.
are you your own person? separate from your parents?
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Feb 27, 2009 3:36 PM GMT
warren_t said
as far as you comments about your mommy and daddy. that was cute.
are you your own person? separate from your parents?
Takes a brave man to make the comments you made on my thread about dating younger. A brave man that refuses to show his face. Where I come from that's called a coward who does that. Also pretty damn low of you to try to condem a marriage of ones parents that last 25 years til death did they part. You're a real piece of work. |
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Feb 27, 2009 3:44 PM GMT
ya Warren_t, why the hell would you bash his parents? that's both pointless and stupid as it was a valid comparison.
What is it with guys who don't post pictures? Does being anonymous give them an extra set of balls or what?
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Mar 07, 2009 2:39 PM GMT
Red_Vespa saidI've always followed a "5-up, 5-down" rule regarding age. Whenever I violated it, the relationships failed.
Of course, all of your past relationships that fell within the "5-up, 5-down" rule also failed. People worry too much about age differences. Although I generally date people around my age, I did once have a good relationship with someone much younger. |
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Mar 31, 2009 3:27 AM GMT
I was seeing a 23 yo about a month back. I'm 46. This was the youngest guy I ever dated. I usually prefer guys around my age. I found with this guy he was mature and immature at the same time. He may grow out of it, but not until he's your age.
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Mar 31, 2009 5:04 AM GMT
I have been thinking about a response to this post for a few minutes...
I definitely think dating younger is an interesting issue. So many different levels of things influence both the emotional and physical relationship between two men.
As a younger guy that likes to date older 21-32 and never younger. I will offer my perspective.
1.I have goals I want to achieve and understand the sacrifices that go a long with them. I find that men that have commonalities tend to be older.
2. I feel that a lot of younger gay men especially around my age go through a period of "gay culture shock". For perhaps the first time in their life it is acceptable to be/act openly gay. They are drawn to the extreme stereotypes (i.e tanning, clubbing, & A&F). I find that most men have explored and either remained stagnate or become more laid-back. I tend to be more laid-back, and thus am attracted to the men who have explored this phase of gay culture. I don't think this necessarily has anything to do with maturity either.
3. As a kid I always found talking to adults much easier than my peers. In conjunction, a lot of my friends were older.
4. There is nothing sexier than an older man in a suit & tie.
5. I just am? I find them physically more attractive. Sometimes words can't explain things. I think this is one of the cases.
However, I definitely think dating with a larger than normal age disparity is something that takes more patience and understanding than most other experiences.
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Mar 31, 2009 7:00 AM GMT
to start, the age you date is the age you want to be, so i think on the emotional maturity level, you guys are about even, also evidenced by the fact you had to tell us you looked great, I'm sure you did and I don't mean any offence by that, just an observation
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Apr 12, 2009 5:40 PM GMT
sportsjockla saidI was seeing a 23 yo about a month back. I'm 46. This was the youngest guy I ever dated. I usually prefer guys around my age. I found with this guy he was mature and immature at the same time. He may grow out of it, but not until he's your age. Hmmm, I'd be curious to see more posts about dating younger guys and experiences. I'm starting to see a pattern of younger guys wanting to date, hmmm... I get the impression younger guys are more fickle than older guys. Younger guys that I've met ask right out of the gate, "So are you single? Is so-and-so you were talking with your boyfriend?" Makes me wonder if I had a boyfriend, would they not want to be friends? I told one younger guy I met that I probably was not interested in dating (anyone). I thought we had a good time but I've not heard back from him. hmmm.... |
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Apr 13, 2009 9:49 PM GMT
bostudent87 saidto start, the age you date is the age you want to be, so i think on the emotional maturity level, you guys are about even, also evidenced by the fact you had to tell us you looked great, I'm sure you did and I don't mean any offence by that, just an observation Sorry, read your observation, and as an older man, seeing a much younger man,for two years, I cannot agree with your assessment of "the age you date, is the age you want to be"...buddy, I have BEEN his age. Dont want to do it again. I like the older skin that I am in, and just as importantly, he does, too... and I just happen to enjoy younger skin against it. It has NOTHING to do with maturity...or lack of it.. You cannot control how your heart feels toward another man, no matter what his age. Yes, you have your own pre-concieved notions of what you are attracted to, but sometimes, those ideas are thrown to the way-side, when you meet that special person.As you grow older, you may realize this. I hope you do, or you may miss out on meeting someone that could change your world... |
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Nov 01, 2009 3:05 AM GMT
I think you should keep seeing him  Younger guys say what they feel  |
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Nov 01, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
Yeah......what's going on? Is there something in the air that is making hot youngers guys go for older guys lately?
Been seeing this passionate, smart, unbelievably sexy guy almost half my age. Fortunately, we both, at this point, are wonderfully enjoying each other's company with no pressure and no promises of love. But our energy and warmth together is amazing.
We went to a local gay bar recently, and the guys in the bar freakin flipped out. Fortunately, my guy handled himself like a Pro....very classy......which was great because I have my own things to deal with when I am in public. We just looked at each other with confident smiles.....talked to lots of people.....but it was clear to everyone there that we were together.
Mmmmm he says he's in love with you? Oh boy!
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Nov 01, 2009 6:23 PM GMT
Red_Vespa saidWell, as an older man, I can't imagine why I'd want to be saddled with the burden of a younger guy.
First, is he working? If not, then what's he want, a free ride from me? No, thank you; I'm nobody's sugar daddy.
If he's working, as he should be, then that's a limitation I don't want. I've been retired for 15 years, can do anything I want, anytime I want, don't need to plan around his vacation time and days off. My present partner is retired, too, as was my late partner. I'd never tie myself down to someone else's work schedule, no matter how cute the guy is.
Now if you can come up with a young hunk who's independently wealthy and free as air, I might be interested. But seriously, would a treasure like that even offer me a second glance?
So give me an older retired guy, like my partner, with whom I can spend all my time, who speaks my generational language, who's as naturally comfortable with me as I am with him. We can both go to the club and oogle all the young eye candy our tired old eyes can handle, and then go home together for some adult snuggling in bed, and maybe, gawd forbid, some geriatric sex. LMAO!!! Couldn't had said it better myself! as for me I always dated guys within my generational age! I have never dated nor ever took interest on guys younger or older then me! as for my own experience with younger guys most of them have a sinister reason to use older men for financial motives and nothing else! ♥ Leandro ♥ |
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Nov 01, 2009 6:38 PM GMT
Age is just a number.
It's hard enough to find someone who makes the world a better place by just being with them. Who's to say what will work and what doesn't. I think it's great that you were open to the possibility (however stacked the odds were against it) that it might have happened with a younger guy.
I think it's bad form to blatantly check out other guys when you're with someone new. Noticing a guy is one thing to leer is another.
I didn't leer at other men even when I was with my partner of 6 years. I felt it was disrespectful to him and could give the wrong impression of interest.
Sometimes when I wasn't even looking around men would hit on me, right in front of him. Sometimes it was an ego stroke for him, other times he was offended. I'm a one person kinda guy... once I have the attention of the guy I like that's all I need.
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Nov 01, 2009 6:43 PM GMT
Never let the age bother you like others have said. I'm 21 and have been dating a 37 year old that I met off this site for 5 months. And I could not be happier  |
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Nov 02, 2009 5:44 AM GMT
You guys can't resist me when I look to the left and sigh... Because I'm oh so young and.... ta ta ta~ Sexy~  |
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Nov 02, 2009 6:04 AM GMT
An LTR with a big age difference.
I can't help wonder if its success doesn't rest on three extra zeros and a dollar sign.
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Nov 02, 2009 6:04 AM GMT
westporthunk said
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great).
Well...who is the mature one in this relationship?
LOL I saw that too... was thinking hmm.. someone's really into himself but I'm sure it was just a high level of confidence  |
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Nov 02, 2009 6:13 AM GMT
i'm all for it, but that's because i like older guys, lol |
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Nov 02, 2009 6:14 AM GMT
whats the big deal? I knew a woman who married a man 34 years her senior=I am 55 and have been seeing a 28 year old guy...the chemistry is beyond awesome
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Nov 02, 2009 6:17 AM GMT
on a more serious note, a guy i met at a club who is also on this site is really nice, and great in bed. and i do like him, but from my perspective, still in school and not 21 yet, there are some life experiences that get in the way. i do like older guys, mainly because the guys my age annoy the crap out of me, but there's always that issue not of numbers but experiences.
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Nov 02, 2009 2:38 PM GMT
rtyu saidwhats the big deal? I knew a woman who married a man 34 years her senior=I am 55 and have been seeing a 28 year old guy...the chemistry is beyond awesome true that, one of my closest friends is 66 and last year married a woman of 32y.o. They just had a baby , a little boy. It can work, but it really is a case by case thing. If i like the man, his character, his body, his sensitivity, i won't even look twice at the age. |
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Nov 02, 2009 2:46 PM GMT
xassantex saidAn LTR with a big age difference.
I can't help wonder if its success doesn't rest on three extra zeros and a dollar sign. Most assuredly! |
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Nov 02, 2009 2:54 PM GMT
I don't really see it as being something that a younger guy does. I am a younger guy and I have had MANY older men (15-25 years older) behave the same way as your 24 year old. I've had them tell me that they love me within a week of knowing me, ask me to move in directly after, and become overly possesive. It took me nearly 20 years to really figure out who I was. I doubt that someone else can figure me out in 5 days.
I think there could definitely be some behaviors and points in his character that might not change with time. If you really like the kid, I would wait it out and weigh where he really sits on those issues, but if it is already bugging you enough, his behavior might just be a deal breaker.
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Nov 02, 2009 3:09 PM GMT
Cowboiway said
I also feel a jealous and possesive guy he might be. We went shopping Saturday and he walked behind me to make sure I ddin't check out all the guy that were checking me out (yes I looked great).
ahh i do the same thing... and i also like older men weird lol |
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Nov 02, 2009 3:19 PM GMT
This thread gave me a headache.
At 35, I cannot get noticed by my peers but I have to swat away 25 and under. (It's likely because I don't own a house or condo. In Cincinnati if you aren't a homeowner by a certain age you are frowned upon. Whatever. I need a house like I need gangrene.)
But I couldn't date a 25 year old. He wouldn't get most of my 80s culture reference points!
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Nov 02, 2009 3:28 PM GMT
Is "not into the bars sceen" mean one is mature?
Are you kidding me? Maybe he's too immature to deal with maturity.
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Nov 02, 2009 3:35 PM GMT
First, whatever works for a couple works, period. A big age difference doesn't work for me, but it can work wonderfully for others. But I'll give 3 reasons why I've never strayed too far from my own (now rather advanced) age.
First, a lot of the attraction I find for a guy has to do with similarities. In short, do we like to do the same things together, such as movies, TV, music, food, and so forth. Those things in turn tend to match best within generations.
So that I can have a lively conversation with a guy my age about old B&W movies, but I'm just not gonna get excited about discussing Pokemon characters & movies with some kid. That doesn't mean there aren't young men who are more knowledgeable & enthusiastic about old movies than I am, but that's just a single example.
There will be many other disconnects & discord. Our entire cultural experiences are different, and we'd practically need a translator to communicate. he spks n txt, while I still speak in full words & sentences.
Second involves our physical activity levels. Can we jog, bicycle or swim together? In a few years is one using a cane (as I do) needing lots of care, a tough thing for a young & active man to be pinned down as a caregiver. Better that 2 old basket cases like us be partners, gladly taking care of each other, doing tit for tat (I think of the final scenes in "Death Becomes Her" with Meryl Streep & Goldie Hawn repairing each other's bodies through all eternity).
The third concerns the future. I want a man who will be my partner for an entire lifetime, the two of us. I don't wanna bury another partner ever again, nor do I want my partner to face years of loneliness. Ideally we'll both go at nearly the same time, or within as short a time period as can be reasonably & legally arranged. LOL!
But to each his own...
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Nov 02, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
My previous boyfriend was 9 years older than me. He had the thirty year old equivalent of the 20 year old "I love you's"- commitment issues. Both have to do with emotional capacity and self-awareness. Both are prevalent and transcend decades and both are equally has pathological to relationships.
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