Just found out my friend has HIV

  • KevinTruong

    Posts: 23

    Jan 10, 2018 7:16 AM GMT
    Hi!

    I am very confusing after my very goodfriend confessed to me he and his husband have had HIV for 10 years. He is very sweet and friendly person. But somehow i am scare of him now even i know that he is on medicine now, and we have never had sex or made out.
    And one more thing, he always does bareback, right after i know he has HIV i told him stop doing that but he refuse. He said that if somebody want bb that mean they know they will get HIV in the matter of time. But somehow i feel that it is a sin when you have sex bb while you know you are positive.
    I really dont know what yo do. I still want to be his friend but the scareness always around my head when we hang out.

    Sorry for my bad english.
  • mybud

    Posts: 13868

    Jan 10, 2018 8:59 AM GMT
    Often times we're afraid of the unknown. Yes...you know your friend has HIV, but you don't have knowledge of the further implications on impacting your friendship...Learn more about HIV and be a supportive friend and you're not obligated to be more than that.
  • transient

    Posts: 427

    Jan 10, 2018 10:03 AM GMT
    If you cant reason with him that by bb with others is spreading the infection, you should cut him out of your life.

    Im sorry but if he has no concern for his sexual partners health, he wont have much concern for you in your friendship.
  • Kenk

    Posts: 41

    Jan 10, 2018 10:25 AM GMT
    transient saidIf you cant reason with him that by bb with others is spreading the infection, you should cut him out of your life.

    Im sorry but if he has no concern for his sexual partners health, he wont have much concern for you in your friendship.


    Strongly agree with this.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 501

    Jan 10, 2018 11:44 AM GMT
    You should call the CDC/Health Department immediately; you'll probably save some lives.

    He should've been disclosing his status to others (or using a condom at the very least). Even if he's on his meds and supposedly poses little risk to others then he can still be prosecuted, jailed for years and have his face embarassingly plastered all over the news so he also has a lot to lose.

    I agree that you should drop him as a friend. He obviously has zero honor, morals or integrity for anybody. He can't keep a monogamous relationship with his husband and he has zero regard for the well-being of others.

    People like him are the reason why the gay community has so many problems
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2018 12:27 PM GMT
    Happenis saidYou should call the CDC/Health Department immediately; you'll probably save some lives.

    He should've been disclosing his status to others (or using a condom at the very least). Even if he's on his meds and supposedly poses little risk to others then he can still be prosecuted, jailed for years and have his face embarassingly plastered all over the news so he also has a lot to lose.

    I agree that you should drop him as a friend. He obviously has zero honor, morals or integrity for anybody. He can't keep a monogamous relationship with his husband and he has zero regard for the well-being of others.

    People like him are the reason why the gay community has so many problems


    Is it possible that both he and his husband are of the same mindset, hence the reason why both are poz?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 10, 2018 12:35 PM GMT
    KevinTruong said
    Hi!

    I am very confusing after my very goodfriend confessed to me he and his husband have had HIV for 10 years. He is very sweet and friendly person. But somehow i am scare of him now even i know that he is on medicine now, and we have never had sex or made out.
    And one more thing, he always does bareback, right after i know he has HIV i told him stop doing that but he refuse. He said that if somebody want bb that mean they know they will get HIV in the matter of time. But somehow i feel that it is a sin when you have sex bb while you know you are positive.
    I really dont know what yo do. I still want to be his friend but the scareness always around my head when we hang out.

    Sorry for my bad english.

    Socializing with a person who has HIV is not a risk to you. I have many friends who have HIV. I lived with my first partner who had HIV, and I still do not have it today. Sharing blood and body fluids, unprotected sex acts, and unclean medical instruments and needles, can spread HIV; ordinary daily contact does not.

    But you still may have a problem with this friend. His moral values seem very low. We knew a White gay couple here in Florida. We visited at their house, went on trips with them, had dinner together. Then slowly, over time, we realized one of them was a racist, who hated Black people, and other minorities. That is not acceptable to us.

    We stopped seeing them. We judged that this man would not change his ways at age 52. Born and raised in the US southern State of Louisiana, where he owns about 500 acres (2 square kilometers), he goes there to hunt. If your friend does not change his own ways, you may face the same decision that we did with our ex-friends.
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    Jan 10, 2018 8:21 PM GMT
    Happenis saidYou should call the CDC/Health Department immediately; you'll probably save some lives.

    He should've been disclosing his status to others (or using a condom at the very least). Even if he's on his meds and supposedly poses little risk to others then he can still be prosecuted, jailed for years and have his face embarassingly plastered all over the news so he also has a lot to lose.

    I agree that you should drop him as a friend. He obviously has zero honor, morals or integrity for anybody. He can't keep a monogamous relationship with his husband and he has zero regard for the well-being of others.

    People like him are the reason why the gay community has so many problems


    this 10x
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2018 12:28 AM GMT
    KevinTruong saidHi!

    I am very confusing after my very goodfriend confessed to me he and his husband have had HIV for 10 years. He is very sweet and friendly person. But somehow i am scare of him now even i know that he is on medicine now, and we have never had sex or made out.
    And one more thing, he always does bareback, right after i know he has HIV i told him stop doing that but he refuse. He said that if somebody want bb that mean they know they will get HIV in the matter of time. But somehow i feel that it is a sin when you have sex bb while you know you are positive.
    I really dont know what yo do. I still want to be his friend but the scariness always around my head when we hang out.

    Sorry for my bad english.


    Your english is quite adequate. Finnland is not a backward country, and has an advanced health care system. If your friend is getting treatment, it should be the best treatment available.

    To be more comfortable around him, perhaps you two should stop talking about his sexual activity.

    I have to disagree with the others above. I think everyone who is positive should inform their sex partners. But, unless your friend is having sex with teenage boys, indigenous Samis fresh from the reindeer herd, or immigrants ( who are probably unaware of HIV and AIDS) he is right in thinking that anyone who has bareback sex today is taking their chances on getting HIV. It takes 2 to have unsafe sex. Both men can decline to have bareback sex. And the concept of "sin" has no place outside of religion. Finally, if he is taking HIV medication, the amount of virus in him (the "viral load" ) is probably quite low, and thus not as dangerous to his partner.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 11, 2018 12:01 PM GMT
    You need to work out what it is that is bothering you about him.

    From what I read, it seems like his attitude towards HIV and others is in conflict with your values (it would bother me). Only you can work out where to take this.
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 230

    Jan 14, 2018 2:56 AM GMT
    Be afraid, very afraid.

    You can run but you can't hide.
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 230

    Jan 14, 2018 2:58 AM GMT
    i see the lynch mob is out today.

    It's nobody's business but him and his sexual partner if they decide to have condomless sex.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2018 3:35 AM GMT
    Ubeaut saidi see the lynch mob is out today.

    It's nobody's business but him and his sexual partner if they decide to have condomless sex.


    ...and the taxpayers who get stuck with the enormous medical costs of dealing with their behaviour if the disease spreads.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2018 3:37 AM GMT
    The OP said the guy was taking medicine so maybe a low viral count but it's telling that the friend didn't say that but rather said the BB partners should expect to get it.
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 230

    Jan 15, 2018 11:31 AM GMT
    The OP is a gossip who will say anything to get attention.
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    Jan 15, 2018 2:51 PM GMT
    Ubeaut saidThe OP is a gossip who will say anything to get attention.


    Agree totally coz the story is these two guys are having sex with each other BB so why does that matter. If they are infectious and having BB with other that's a legal issue but otherwise let them be
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2018 7:25 PM GMT
    Ubeaut saidThe OP is a gossip who will say anything to get attention.


    Agree totally coz the story is these two guys are having sex with each other BB so why does that matter. If they are infectious and having BB with other that's a legal issue but otherwise let them be
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2018 12:57 AM GMT
    It's hard to tell for the original post if his friend is only having bb sex with his husband or with people outside of their relationship.
  • transient

    Posts: 427

    Jan 16, 2018 7:10 PM GMT
    How is your friend dealing with the diagnosis?

    How did you decide to proceed?
  • timmm55

    Posts: 16

    Jan 23, 2018 8:17 PM GMT
    KevinTruong saidHi!

    I am very confusing after my very goodfriend confessed to me he and his husband have had HIV for 10 years. He is very sweet and friendly person. But somehow i am scare of him now even i know that he is on medicine now, and we have never had sex or made out.
    And one more thing, he always does bareback, right after i know he has HIV i told him stop doing that but he refuse. He said that if somebody want bb that mean they know they will get HIV in the matter of time. But somehow i feel that it is a sin when you have sex bb while you know you are positive.
    I really dont know what yo do. I still want to be his friend but the scareness always around my head when we hang out.

    Sorry for my bad english.


    Your "friend" should drop you like a hot potato!
    You are scared of him now? Ridiculous if you are not having sex or sharing needles.
    He is on medication. If he and his lover have been HIV for 10 years they were most likely on antiviral drugs years ago.
    HE is NOT infectious if that is the case. https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/library/dcl/dcl/092717.html
    "if somebody want bb that mean they know they will get HIV in the matter of time." That sounds like you are projecting. If they are both undetectable they are not infectious. Perhaps he was talking about BBing with so called Negative partners? "“UB2″ also sets you up for a false sense of security, because as one British study suggests, the risk of sex with someone who thinks they are HIV negative is higher than sex with an undetectable positive person. This is because the viral activity in a newly positive person can be incredibly high, and he may not even know it." https://thethrivetribe.org/ten-things-hiv-positive-guys-want-negative-guys-to-know/
    A sin? If undetectable he is PREVENTING HIV INFECTION.

    Before you say one more word to him, you need to brush up on HIV.