Help me understand this guy's behavior?

  • slowprogress

    Posts: 51

    Jan 14, 2018 7:48 AM GMT
    Just had a weird conversation with a guy who seemingly ghosted me recently. I can normally tell when a guy is trying to string along a back-up, or double-booking a date, etc, but this one makes no sense. Gonna get frds to help figure this one out tommrrow, but curious how y'all see it:

    Part 1 - normal flakery but provides context for Part 2:
    A month ago, we've already hung out 3 times (he seemed sweet and normal so far) - I asked him on a wed afternoon if he was free Friday, but it took till thurs evening for him to reply "I should be free icon_smile.gif". I replied an hour later, and again in the morning, but no answer, so I accepted an invite to a party instead and told him I can leave the party early if he turns out to be free afterall. 10 min later he angrily made work excuses for his slow response and said "don't worry about tonight". I tried to mend things by "clarifying" that I was just giving more details about tonight's plans rather than bumping him to plan B, then suggested a time to meet and he accepted, only to change his mind while I was at the party. I tried to dissuade him but he didn't reply, not to a "hi" on monday, but replied immediately on Thurs after I added "didn't see u as the type to ghost ppl". He tried to deny it, citing work excuses.
    Me: oh, u work wknds too?
    Him: Well not this coming weekend, but the next
    Me: I wish I knew sooner, but am already booked up all wknd [since it's 1 day before] and I'm leaving for Christmas holiday monday.
    Him: you wouldn't have changed your plans anyway ;)
    Me: Dunno why you make it sound like I'm the one who lost interest icon_confused.gif
    Him: I don't understand. Are u accusing me of something?
    Me: Seems like u lost interest. If u were interested u would follow up after cancelling Fri

    He explained in a long text that he had been angry about me making him plan B the previous week. I posted a screenshot showing his lack of replies, and said "sounded really noncommittal". He thought his smiley from wed should've offered enough faith that friday would work out despite the subsequent ignores lol. The back and forth went nowhere so I said "if only you were this chatty when making plans =(", he never replied to that, and I went on vacation.

    Part 2:
    I returned from vacation and reached out to him this monday. He seemed normal again; I suggested catching up, and Sat seemed good for both of us. Then he asked "why do you want to hang out", and i replied "Why wouldn't I?" No reply, and I don't do ambiguity, so on thurs I closed this account with a final "lol it's ok to say you lost interest, it's no big deal"

    Tonight (sat) while I'm headed home from a bday party, he msgs me to shoot the shit like nothing happened. Again, denies ghosting me, then added that it's because he didn't know how to reply (but he's 31, not some teenage twink). He asked about my day, I answered "good, why do you care", but he pressed on with more questions and other mundane stuff, to which I replied minimally until I had enough and repeated "why do u suddenly wanna chat?"
    Him: nvm. gnite
    Me: weirdo
    Him: I think calling names is unnecessary
    Me: u gotta be joking
    Him: listen I was just being nice
    Me: lmao how so
    Him: by talking to you and asking you how your night was? You asked if I wanted to hang out this weekend. I said sure, then I message you on saturday evening and start chatting with you. I don't know what's so weird and crazy about that
    Me: lmao, left out a big part there
    Him: (reposts screenshot of that part and tries to argue that it's not such a "big" part)
    Me: no response is a response...
    Him: (more work excuses)
    Me: you always make wknd plans 11pm sat night of? lol
    Him: I didn't take you as someone this rude. Why don't you just say what you mean instead of laughing your ass off at every one of my texts?
    Me: srs... where were u hoping this convo would go?
    Him: (responds with several paragraphs about hoping to apologize and make plans for sunday, but emphasized that it's off the table now that I was a dick to him. His "why do u want to hang out" was merely surprise that I reached out after 3 weeks radio silence.)
    Me: my reaching out has been pretty consistent...
    Him: i don't get it. if this upsets u so much, then why bother taking the initiative in the first place? anyways I have nothing personal against u. Sorry for whatever u're not happy about and if u're not unhappy about anything that's good. I hope u have a great rest of ur weekend
    Me: unhappy about what? Well I used to be interested, but u made it clear you're not, so why are u reaching out now?
    Him: ok good to know. Wasn't aware but i'm clear now.
    Me: lol why would u hv anything against me? i've been responding as a normal person would

    Is this some kind of next-level trolling?
  • Aldente

    Posts: 37

    Jan 14, 2018 1:39 PM GMT
    Don't get too serio
    Plenty of fish out there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 14, 2018 2:47 PM GMT
    Why keep going back? After the events of section 1, you should have sent "I'm moving on" and be done with it.
  • mybud

    Posts: 14095

    Jan 14, 2018 5:14 PM GMT
    Think you found your match...Both are irrational.
  • Element1313

    Posts: 153

    Jan 15, 2018 3:57 AM GMT
    Seems like pretty normal behavior for gay app type guys. It can't be explained rationally since you don't know the circumstance of all of the other guys he is chatting with. If you were on his A list you would get different treatment. When you are ghosted you need dekete on or text him when you need a plan b or C
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 15, 2018 9:07 AM GMT
    I'll never cease to be a amazed at the folly of text-addicted millenials. But if the only way they're going to communicate is via text, they should accept that if a text isn't responded to, there is little interest on the other end. , and move on. People do talk on their phones - I see it every day, as they walk down the street - talking to someone. You can actually pick up a lot of nuance through tone of voice - that is if there is a voice you can actually hear.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2018 4:52 AM GMT
    Too much game there. And your schedule seems kinda busy too. It's like ping pong texting. He seemed a bit flaky, but you seemed a bit pushy. But only because he was being flaky. So, don't fault yourself.

    It is interesting to read other people's text to see where I may have gone wrong in my situations also.

    But like someone said, that's gay app guys for you. Most these my experience from hearing how other men act...they are not only talking to other guys, but some gay men have TOLD me, that they will only meet a guy 2 or 3 times and then not much more. Sad part, they'll string it along until you get frustrated and give you a reason to cut them off.

    It's insecurities, it's gay mentality. Hurts that haven't been healed, stigma, and overall lack of conscience and sociopathic tendencies.
  • trvlmscl

    Posts: 191

    Jan 16, 2018 7:29 AM GMT
    Passive aggression never works - it reeks of insecurity. Instead of "seems like you lost interest" it is almost always better to rephrase as "Hey I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope we can chat/hang out soon!".
  • slowprogress

    Posts: 51

    Jan 18, 2018 4:33 AM GMT
    trvlmscl saidPassive aggression never works - it reeks of insecurity. Instead of "seems like you lost interest" it is almost always better to rephrase as "Hey I haven't heard from you in a while, I hope we can chat/hang out soon!".

    That will simply be passive lol. He's gonna take 3 days to say "yes let's do it!", then no follow-up. What's the point in dragging it out like that?