So much ageism in the gay community!

  • sexy_dad_67

    Posts: 130

    Jan 26, 2018 6:13 AM GMT
    I've been seeing tons of profiles on Grindr from guys saying "no daddies" "<35 only" etc... so rude! Why can't they keep their preferences to themselves? icon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 6:22 AM GMT
    Quit whining and accept reality.

    It's no different with straight guys; they don't want old women. Guys prefer people in their prime and once you're past 30 you're over the hill and no longer sexually desirable.
  • MuchoMasQueMu...

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 26, 2018 6:44 AM GMT
    Seemed like the only ones that hit me up on Grindr were the boys in their mid to early twenties. Sometimes I'd get hit up by someone in his late teens. icon_rolleyes.gif

    It's just not my thing. There's such a skanky quality to Grindr. I deleted my profile recently and got rid of the app on my phone.
  • PocketBear90

    Posts: 8

    Jan 26, 2018 7:17 AM GMT
    I don't date older men because I want to avoid building a life with someone who is going to die decades ahead of me.

    Daddies I don't mind for hook-ups. Not LTR.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 497

    Jan 26, 2018 10:42 AM GMT
    I'm going to be completely honest here.

    When I was 18-23 and single (I'm 25 now), I was ONLY interested in guys around my age.

    1. I was in college at the time so I was mostly around guys that age which influenced my attractions. I had tunnel-vision and my mind was set on getting one of the countless 19 year old cuties that I was seeing walking across campus every day. I wanted a piece of the cake!

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).

    3. Many older men on dating sites came across as desperate. If I wouldn't respond the first or second time then many older guys would endlessly message me until they gave up or I had to block them. This is really not a good look at all and I've only see older guys do this.

    4. Lastly, I felt that it would simply be easier to find somebody in a similar stage of life that I was in.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 11:12 AM GMT
    It's nothing new, and not about to go away, anytime soon.
    Never having been on a dating app, looking for whatever it tiss they look for?
    I'm not exposed to ageism.
    But then I have no issues with being old, in gay years either.
    I just think of those mates, who never made it to 30.
    But I also had a fucking good time, in my youth too.
    I don't feel like I missed out at all, or missing out either.
  • mybud

    Posts: 13838

    Jan 26, 2018 11:24 AM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidI've been seeing tons of profiles on Grindr from guys saying "no daddies" "<35 only" etc... so rude! Why can't they keep their preferences to themselves? icon_mad.gif
    Just because you're full on colonel, doesnt mean you get to feast on dat extra crispy...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 12:10 PM GMT
    Happenis saidI'm going to be completely honest here.

    When I was 18-23 and single (I'm 25 now), I was ONLY interested in guys around my age.

    1. I was in college at the time so I was mostly around guys that age which influenced my attractions. I had tunnel-vision and my mind was set on getting one of the countless 19 year old cuties that I was seeing walking across campus every day. I wanted a piece of the cake!

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).

    3. Many older men on dating sites came across as desperate. If I wouldn't respond the first or second time then many older guys would endlessly message me until they gave up or I had to block them. This is really not a good look at all and I've only see older guys do this.

    4. Lastly, I felt that it would simply be easier to find somebody in a similar stage of life that I was in.



    Well said. I simply do not understand why a 60 year old man would find a 20 something year old of interest except for the obvious predatory/dysfunctional dynamic of the relationship.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 17889

    Jan 26, 2018 12:11 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal saidQuit whining and accept reality.

    It's no different with straight guys; they don't want old women. Guys prefer people in their prime and once you're past 30 you're over the hill and no longer sexually desirable.
    That is not reality that is baseless bullshit. Can you explain all the 18 and 19 year olds that hit on men 10 to 40 years older. That is no myth, that is the truth.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 3:30 PM GMT
    Different guys will have different age preferences for any number of reasons. When we are talking about under 21yr Olds, it's mainly because they have been forced by societies need to place them in a school structure that means they are always with same age peers and while most mature by 21yr old most of them take a few years to adjust to adult world so they stick to what they know. If like me you are older and like younger, before criticising young guys prefernces, think about why you want that age group and would you respect them in the same way you would a partner your own age. I think it's a good thing when young guys so not interested in older because it saves me wasting my time. If you want a younger man, & you believe it's for solid reasons you will find them as many of them are open to be courted by someone with experience and wisdom. Otherwise accept their choice. I don't believe what the OP is describing is actually Agism and often those same people who claim Agism are dismissive of young people as more than an object of lust and when that is the case what more could you expect. Agism does happen, that is obviously true but stating a preference in an online partner is not a good example. What would be is if they add uneccesary extra comments instead of choosing to ignore or say no politely the same way they would some one there age if not interested. I am saying this BTW as an over 40 guy so I genuinely experience those no over ??? Age profiles. That's life
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 4:37 PM GMT
    Charts and Map Global Astrologer - Chinese Astrology

    A Water Tiger person (Chinese Birth Year Water Tiger ) Age 55 in 2017

    Compatibility Rules
    Tiger - Dog - Horse Trine, Cat/Rabbit Peach Blossom, Pig/Boar Soul Mate
    Water Nurtures Wood, Metal Nurtures Water

    Age 55 and Age 83 Wood Dog
    Age 55 and Age 82 Wood Pig/Boor
    Age 55 and Age 77 Metal Dragon
    Age 55 and Age 75 Water Horse
    Age 55 and Age 67 Metal Tiger (for a little while)
    Age 55 and Age 66 Metal Cat/Rabbit (at least here, the Cat/Rabbit would be in the adult role in an adult-child romantic relationship)
    Age 55 and Age 65 Water Dragon
    Age 55 and Age 63 Wood Horse
    Age 55 and Age 55 Water Tiger - - NO-NO, Tigers are solo creatures, not really social with themselves
    Age 55 and Age 54 Water Cat/Rabbit - - NO-NO Tiger is not the Peach Blossom of the Cat/Rabbit, Cat/Rabbit will probably leave Tiger
    Age 55 and Age 53 Wood Dragon
    Age 55 and Age 47 Metal Dog -- BUT if the Dog starts a lot of authoritative barking. Buh-Bye
    Age 55 and Age 46 Metal Pig/Boar
    Age 55 and Age 42 Wood Cat/Rabbit Cat/Rabbit will not be as in love with the Tiger as the Tiger is in love with the Cat/Rabbit
    Age 55 and Age 35 Water Dog {Yea, Portuguese Water Dog)
    Age 55 and Age 34 Water Pig/Boar
    Age 55 and Age 27 Metal Horse
    Age 55 and Age 23 Wood Dog
    Age 55 and Age 22 Wood Pig/Boar

    Check Jennifer and Lillian Too Compatibilities for a given year. With this coming Chinese year being the year of the Earth Dog, I might be able to go outside of my Metal Nurtures Water, Water Nurtures Wood rule of prejudice.

    No need for me to rush to check this out since I'm living under the locational astrology constraint of Saturn on the Descendant which means: isolation, and negative rewards every effing time I seek cooperation. A professional astrologer told me to move away from being under this influence; but, that's complicated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 4:38 PM GMT
    The spirituality and Wisdom of Chinese Astrology is lost on so many.
    The spirituality and Wisdom of Chinese Astrology is lost on Grindr, given the Original Poster's description.
    The spirituality and Wisdom of Chinese Astrology is lost on Match.com.
    The spirituality and Wisdom of Chinese Astrology is lost on craigslist.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 4:44 PM GMT
    PocketBear90 saidI don't date older men because I want to avoid building a life with someone who is going to die decades ahead of me.

    Daddies I don't mind for hook-ups. Not LTR.


    So much for dog lovers and military wives and husbands.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 4:47 PM GMT
    Happenis saidI'm going to be completely honest here.

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).



    So much for parents of children, aunts and uncles, grandparents: Love between older people and young people is all predatory? NOT.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 5:22 PM GMT
    No fatties. No fems. No 1 over 30. No blacks. Just a preference.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1911

    Jan 26, 2018 5:31 PM GMT
    "Keep their preferences to themselves"? Dude, it's Grindr, not eHarmony. People on Grindr are looking to hook up with someone RIGHT NOW. And then never see them again. Stating up front what they're looking for simply saves time - theirs, and yours.

    If that reality hurts your head, you probably shouldn't be on Grindr.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2018 5:47 PM GMT
    Sydneyrugbyjock73 saidmany of them are open to be courted


    Grindr isn't for courting - it's for instant sex.

    The OP would be better off if he tried some of the daddy websites if he wants a LTR. Otherwise just accept the fact that 95% of the young ones he seeks won't be interested in him.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 497

    Jan 26, 2018 7:00 PM GMT
    ChartsAndMapAstrologer said
    Happenis saidI'm going to be completely honest here.

    2. I wondered why a guy 2-3x my age would be interested in somebody so young when they knew that I wouldn't be able to contribute to their lives in a truly meaningful way. I've always kinda looked at an older guy who was interested in very young guys or girls as somebody who was predatory (and looking to take advantage of their lack of knowledge of the world).



    So much for parents of children, aunts and uncles, grandparents: Love between older people and young people is all predatory? NOT.


    I'm speaking in the context of dating.

    And I'm not saying that all intergenerational relationships are predatory in nature; it has just always boggled me why somebody in an advanced stage in life would go out of their way to seek out somebody who could contribute so little to their lives in a meaningful way (besides for superficial reasons). It just seems like a big red flag to me.

    I think the "predatory" aspect can go both ways too. I've seen some smarter younger guys take advantage of older guys and manipulate them into giving them tons of money, paying off tuition, making them always pay for dinner, free housing, etc; while misleading them into thinking they had long term goals with them. Or using them solely to fulfill a father figure role due to "daddy issues". Essentially playing with their hearts..

    I'm not against any relationship as long as its between two consenting adults though. I just find it all fascinating.

  • Hjalmar

    Posts: 106

    Jan 26, 2018 7:15 PM GMT
    sexy_dad_67 saidI've been seeing tons of profiles on Grindr from guys saying "no daddies" "<35 only" etc... so rude! Why can't they keep their preferences to themselves? icon_mad.gif


    Dear daddy, it's not a big deal, don't take it personally. Besides it's not the gay community to blame but the society itself. Just watch Sex and the City and it was fucking decades ago icon_razz.gif

    0ecca67abc4ab2e69436080a8b5918c3a0032cab
  • MuchoMasQueMu...

    Posts: 1167

    Jan 26, 2018 7:34 PM GMT
    My boyfriend is sixteen years older than I am. I will admit that I do sometimes worry about how things will be as we continue to grow older. But for now things are going very well. He's one of the best human beings I know and we love each other. I'm very fortunate to have him in my life. I trust him implicitly with everything. When I was sick with food poisoning and in bed he went into "nurse-mode" and took care of me. He's there for me through thick and thin. Of course it doesn't hurt that he's a ruggedly handsome, silver fox who's hung like a mule and is always ready for action. icon_twisted.gif

    I won't worry about the future. Even if I do eventually become his caretaker in another twenty years from now that is how love works. It's like marriage. You are there for him in sickness and in health. I may get run over by a car and die next week. Or something might happen to him. I'm not going to assume that I'll be around forever. I take things one day at a time and count my blessings for all that I have in the present.
  • Red_wolf87a

    Posts: 133

    Jan 26, 2018 7:47 PM GMT
    This is a good subreddit:
    https://www.reddit.com/r/gayyoungold/

    I prefer guys in their 50's and 60's. I'm looking forward to being that old and maybe dating/marrying another guy the same age.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 17889

    Jan 26, 2018 9:31 PM GMT
    MuchoMasQueMusculo saidMy boyfriend is sixteen years older than I am. I will admit that I do sometimes worry about how things will be as we continue to grow older. But for now things are going very well. He's one of the best human beings I know and we love each other. I'm very fortunate to have him in my life. I trust him implicitly with everything. When I was sick with food poisoning and in bed he went into "nurse-mode" and took care of me. He's there for me through thick and thin. Of course it doesn't hurt that he's a ruggedly handsome, silver fox who's hung like a mule and is always ready for action. icon_twisted.gif

    I won't worry about the future. Even if I do eventually become his caretaker in another twenty years from now that is how love works. It's like marriage. You are there for him in sickness and in health. I may get run over by a car and die next week. Or something might happen to him. I'm not going to assume that I'll be around forever. I take things one day at a time and count my blessings for all that I have in the present.
    Wishing both you and your boyfriend excellent health, prosperity, and happiness. You are truly blessed to have a caring, compassionate older man as your significant other. All the very best to both of you!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 27, 2018 12:20 AM GMT
    Grindr? You mean the company that is now Chinese owned and probably tracking your every move? Ok.
  • trvlmscl

    Posts: 186

    Jan 27, 2018 3:45 AM GMT
    I've had enough young guys reject me when learning my age, who now look older/worse than I do, and NOW want my attention that I get to laugh every time it's my turn to reject. A lot of cute 22 y/o look like shit by 25.

    These days I chill with sexier guys of all ages more often at 32 than I ever did at 22. And who doesn't like to hear "fuck me harder, daddy!"?
  • interesting

    Posts: 817

    Jan 27, 2018 3:48 AM GMT
    jimib saidNo fatties. No fems. No 1 over 30. No blacks. Just a preference.


    Don't forget!! "Vanilla only: That's right, no rice, no spice, no chocolate, no curry"

    C'est la vie OP, it doesn't offend you if you don't let it offend you.