Says he isnt gay......

  • Voyager95

    Posts: 3

    Feb 03, 2018 2:58 PM GMT
    Sorry this will be really long. Firstly ill say that im not out to alot of people so that will give context. I have a guy friend that Ive known for a long time and Ive always had suspicions he might like guys even though all the evidence says contrary, meaning that hes in a relationship with a woman and hes very masculine. I was never 100% sure and I dont know if any of my reasons for thinking hes gay are legitimate but ill list some of the ones that triggered the thought process for me. Firstly he smacks and pinches other guys butts and ive even seen him poke a guy in his crack( Through the guys clothing of course), hes pinched and smacked my butt more times than I can count. Hes even verbally face to face said he was going to spank me or he would text me days prior to seeing me and say something like " By the way when I see you im going to spank you.". Most times when hes done it to me or Ive seen him do it to other guys he will say" Good game!", even though no sports are being played and the tone of his voice almost sounds like hes trying to down play the obviousness of why he knows hes really doing it, which is to touch another guys butt. Another butt related thing was when I was sitting on a footstool with my back to him and he was on a couch behind me and using his foot he started to fiddle with the waist of my jeans, like pushing them down ever so slightly. Another thing I observed was that he always seemed particularly enamored of one particular guy that was in our group of friends. There was this one time when a girl mentioned how someone said something about this particular guys butt and my friend said " His butt? What did they say about it?", and once again his tone of voice to me seemed like he was saying "tell me more.", but at the same time trying not to seem obvious. On to other things, once he told me I had "nice skin" and that the woman hes with "probably wished she had skin like mine". Even with the butt touching and some of the odd things hes said to me I was never bold enough to say anything to him about it, until recently. Ive always kind of had a thing for him but it wasnt something that affected me much until recently.I just had to find out so I decided to start testing the waters. The first thing I did was send him a picture of my clothed butt, and I later felt weird about it and apologized for being weird but he said he thought it was funny. We hung out one day and something just came over me and I couldnt take it anymore. I sent him a text the next day saying I wanted to "squeeze his butt". His response was kind of garbled and didnt really make sense in the context of what I said. Once again I just said I was being weird. From that point on I continued trying to test the waters by saying things just to gauge his reaction. One particular text from me said " I meant to squeeze your big butt when I saw you and he said something like " it is pretty big, idk how you missed it.", I played it off saying " I forgot to" and he said " next time ill spray paint it neon yellow so you dont forget.". Another time I hadnt said anything about butts in the text conversation but he used my wording back on me saying " Im gunna pinch your big butt.". Although, Sometimes when I would text him stuff trying to test the waters he either wouldnt say anything back or he would change the subject and I just took that as he didnt like it or because it was text he didnt want me to have any hard evidence I could possibly show someone, but I could be wrong. Like he texted me a selfie once I and said he looked good, he didnt address that but still continued to talk to me about other unrelated things. Ive said a myriad of other things to him like" I wish he could come to my house on his lunch break so I could send him back to work with a smile." Or if we went on vacation together he wouldnt need much clothes" because the only time we'd leave the hotel was to go to the beach."One last thing that stuck out to me was I was texting him and he said he'd just woke up from a nap and he said he was groggy and I said " Is there anything I can do to help wake you up?" And his reply was " No pictures of you please.", which said to me he knew what I meant. I squeezed his butt on three different occasions and he never said anything but " oh my goodness", he never got mad or told me to stop. The more I tested the waters, the more it fueld my attraction to him because I started to believe something could happen. This took place for well over a year and I kept waiting for him to tell me to stop or to tell his girl and things blow up but he never did. All that being said, I hope that gives context to the next part of this. Basically I got so frustrated one day and was just done with trying to figure out if he liked guys or not and I apologized for being weird or if I said anything that ever made him feel uncomfortable. His reply was " I dont know what your talking about.". Something in me snapped I guess and I said " Your either incredibly dense or playing dumb.". Thats when things started to fall apart, he confronted me with it the next day and asked me if I was attracted to him and I didnt lie about it. He told me he had suspected I was gay and said that he wasnt. I didnt tell him I didnt believe him or question him much, except to ask "then why did you touch my butt and why did you continue to talk to me and hangout with me after all the weird stuff I said to you?". To me his answers were kind of flimsy, he basically said he's always touched guys butts but that he'll be careful in the future not to do it to anyone who might be sensitive to it. And he acknowledged the part about things Id say to him by saying that he thought it was just " my filter coming down", and that sometimes he'd purposely try to divert the conversation in a different direction. He also said he'd told the girl he's with to see if she thought I was for sure gay and hitting on him before confronting me. During that initial conversation when he cofronted me he really did not seem that bothered by it and even said dont beat yourself up over this and that he accepted me. He said things may be a little awkward for awhile. A few days later things got worse tho and he basically told me to stay away from him, but after a few months we're back in a somewhat good place albeit a bit distant and awkward but we are communicating .Im just really confused and I want an unbiased opinion as to what you think. For me this is isnt about holding onto some thread of hope, I just legitimately want to know if I was reading into something that really wasnt there.I think im a pretty intuitive person and I wouldnt have just hit on someone if there was no basis to think he might be down for it, especially with what I was risking. I just dont understand how if hes straight and he suspected I was gay even a little bit, that he would touch my rear or continue to talk to me and hangout with me after all the things id said. Hes a smart guy and I honestly cant believe he didnt know what was going on. Does him telling his girl and negative reaction later say it all?
  • mybud

    Posts: 13831

    Feb 03, 2018 8:12 PM GMT
    You killed what was once a bromance..I couldn't count the times my ass was grabbed..nipples pinched...kissed by my str8 buds...You wanted it to mean over...He didn't...Just move on wiser by the experience.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2018 8:29 PM GMT
    He’s not gay. Not in the way you and I are. He isn’t interested in anything remotely romantic with a man.
    You had a friendship/bromance with him and you read too much into it.
    A bromance can occasionally get sexual. Usually if there’s alcohol he can blame it on later. But that’s still not proof he’s gay. He will never have a crush on you the way you had a crush on him.
    Don’t worry, most of us have ‘wasted time’ on an emotionally unavailable “straight” man.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 17868

    Feb 04, 2018 3:41 PM GMT
    He is not gay but he is not totally straight. He sounds like a closet case bisexual. He could also be questioning himself deep down inside. Who really knows?
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1255

    Feb 04, 2018 4:13 PM GMT
    Is kind of sad that some straight men can be ten times more
    loving, playful, affectionate, and even a bit sexually risque,
    without crossing the line...than gay men! generally speaking
    gay men don't seem to value or understand bromance! which
    is kind of sad, actually!

    I have a friend who is a happily married straight man! but
    we are both still very affectionate with each other, and even
    have no issues expressing a deep love for one another! as
    far as rear touching, long heartfelt hugs, caressing, and even
    kissing, it is not an issue with neither of us. It effect it has
    made our friendship more defined and stronger through
    the years. Something that with gay friends I have yet to
    experience, sad!