Hot Neighbor

  • mdclark91

    Posts: 6

    Feb 07, 2018 9:24 PM GMT
    I have a neighbor who's a firefighter who lives on the floor right below my apartment. He's a single guy in his 30s, good looking, and shares the apartment with another firefighter--I'm guessing for cost reasons. I'd really like to get to know this neighbor--we've lived side-by-side for about 2 years now--but I don't know if he's down like that, or even how I would go about finding that out. Any genuine feedback would be appreciated.
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    Feb 07, 2018 10:22 PM GMT
    Frying pan fire?
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    Feb 07, 2018 10:28 PM GMT
    mdclark91 saidI have a neighbor who's a firefighter who lives on the floor right below my apartment. He's a single guy in his 30s, good looking, and shares the apartment with another firefighter--I'm guessing for cost reasons. I'd really like to get to know this neighbor--we've lived side-by-side for about 2 years now--but I don't know if he's down like that, or even how I would go about finding that out. Any genuine feedback would be appreciated.


    My best advice is to talk to him as if you had no physical attraction to him. Pretend he's a woman if that helps. But you need to disengage that thirsty part of yourself that's making you anxious when you think about talking to him. Then just make casual conversation as you would anyone you'd like to get to know better. Do you know what kind of car or truck he drives? For example, if you know anything about that model of car, maybe make a friendly comment about it such as: "I really like that model you have there; what kind of gas mileage does it get?" Avoid asking questions that can be answered with a quick "yes" or "no." Instead, ask interesting questions about something that requires a real answer, which can lead to a real conversation. Once he answers you, expand on what he said so that you get a volley back and forth. The first conversation will likely be very short, but that's okay because strangers rarely have lengthy first-time conversations. But the next time you see him, he will likely wave at you or say hello because you've broken the ice already. The main thing is not to appear anxious or desperate. Just allow the conversation to get a bit more personal each time you see each other. If you're interested in him for casual sex only, don't ask if he has a girlfriend or anything because most guys with girlfriends will fool around with a guy in the right circumstances regardless. Just wait patiently for the time where you've had enough interaction that you feel comfortable casually asking: "so, what are you up to tonight?" This is a great way to indirectly let him know you're interested in hanging out without coming out and actually saying it. It leaves a bit of mystery, plus it's safe. No matter what his answer is, it's unlikely you will hang-out the first time you ask this question. But keep asking what he's doing later and eventually, he will ask if you want to have a beer or you can ask him (if he's interested.)

    Now, if you think you're interested in him for more than casual sex, you'll want to find out if he's gay as soon as possible. Do you see women coming over at night or leaving in the mornings? If so, don't bother asking. But if after a few weeks you don't see anyone coming or going, this is a great way to phrase the question: "are you single too or do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?" By including "boyfriend" in your question, that tells him that he can be honest with you and you'll most likely get a straight answer (pardon the pun.) It's actually very easy; you're just over-thinking it.
  • mdclark91

    Posts: 6

    Feb 07, 2018 11:53 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 saidFrying pan fire?

    LOL
  • mdclark91

    Posts: 6

    Feb 08, 2018 12:00 AM GMT
    Radd said
    mdclark91 saidI have a neighbor who's a firefighter who lives on the floor right below my apartment. He's a single guy in his 30s, good looking, and shares the apartment with another firefighter--I'm guessing for cost reasons. I'd really like to get to know this neighbor--we've lived side-by-side for about 2 years now--but I don't know if he's down like that, or even how I would go about finding that out. Any genuine feedback would be appreciated.


    My best advice is to talk to him as if you had no physical attraction to him. Pretend he's a woman if that helps. But you need to disengage that thirsty part of yourself that's making you anxious when you think about talking to him. Then just make casual conversation as you would anyone you'd like to get to know better. Do you know what kind of car or truck he drives? For example, if you know anything about that model of car, maybe make a friendly comment about it such as: "I really like that model you have there; what kind of gas mileage does it get?" Avoid asking questions that can be answered with a quick "yes" or "no." Instead, ask interesting questions about something that requires a real answer, which can lead to a real conversation. Once he answers you, expand on what he said so that you get a volley back and forth. The first conversation will likely be very short, but that's okay because strangers rarely have lengthy first-time conversations. But the next time you see him, he will likely wave at you or say hello because you've broken the ice already. The main thing is not to appear anxious or desperate. Just allow the conversation to get a bit more personal each time you see each other. If you're interested in him for casual sex only, don't ask if he has a girlfriend or anything because most guys with girlfriends will fool around with a guy in the right circumstances regardless. Just wait patiently for the time where you've had enough interaction that you feel comfortable casually asking: "so, what are you up to tonight?" This is a great way to indirectly let him know you're interested in hanging out without coming out and actually saying it. It leaves a bit of mystery, plus it's safe. No matter what his answer is, it's unlikely you will hang-out the first time you ask this question. But keep asking what he's doing later and eventually, he will ask if you want to have a beer or you can ask him (if he's interested.)

    Now, if you think you're interested in him for more than casual sex, you'll want to find out if he's gay as soon as possible. Do you see women coming over at night or leaving in the mornings? If so, don't bother asking. But if after a few weeks you don't see anyone coming or going, this is a great way to phrase the question: "are you single too or do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend?" By including "boyfriend" in your question, that tells him that he can be honest with you and you'll most likely get a straight answer (pardon the pun.) It's actually very easy; you're just over-thinking it.


    thanks, I appreciate it
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    Feb 08, 2018 1:59 AM GMT
    @Radd advice is good, but I disagree with asking if he has a girlfriend or boyfriend. That's too forward. Just ask, "are you seeing anyone". Don't include special, girlfriend/boyfriend, etc. most straight guys know when a gay guy is dropping hints (my experience)...but it takes a couple hints before they get it.

    Personally though, if it's been two years...and you guys haven't pinged each other on Grindr or scruff or whatever else by now, leave it alone. Too much risk of embarrassment involved. Despite people being more exposed to gayness and coming out, there's still people out there who harbor feelings of "sin" towards gays, and even though it may not result in violence (if it does, that'll make for a nice lawsuit!), sometimes it's just not worth the feelings of shame.

    I once hit on a guy at the gym, where we exchanged numbers and everything. After a few texts over a couple days, he picked up the "hint" and stated he's not (verbatim) homosexual or bisexual (which I thought was kinda degrading despite him trying to use the polite terminology) . I was hurt, embarrassed, and glad I was only visiting and never needed to return to that gym again.

    Not saying every interaction will turn out like that, but in my experience most of them do. If I can make a living as a male-client only escort, AND meet guys for free when I'm not AND never having to approach random men in public, then it's safe to say you're not missing out on anything by not riski your dignity and speaking to him.

    Sorry to sound so harsh, it's just I've had to learn the hard way too many times...most men you come across on a daily base will be straight, even if you never see them with a woman. I even had one guy approach me at my old apartment complex who I swore was gay...until he started going on and on about his girlfriend when we hung out.

    For the straight men who "play around" with guys, most of that is on Craigslist and escort sites. I meet lots of married guys, non of who would probably approach me in real life. If you wish to try it out, do like Radd said and keep it very friendly but non attractive...if he's game or not, you'll find out soon enough. You don't even have to ask the pertinent questions either
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    Feb 08, 2018 3:33 AM GMT
    ∆ You might have a point about not asking if he has a boyfriend. I forget that not everyone lives in such a liberal place as I do. No one here would ever just ask if you had a girlfriend because that would be considered rude and presumptuous here. But probably not in Nashville.
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    Feb 08, 2018 4:49 AM GMT
    I feel a hose reference coming on... icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 08, 2018 5:52 AM GMT
    OH gawd, for the record I don't live in Nashville anymore. Moved out back in May last year lol. That place was only good for some head and a back rub...a lil suck and fuck here and there. Just haven't gotten to update my location.
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    Feb 08, 2018 6:06 AM GMT
    Radd said∆ You might have a point about not asking if he has a boyfriend. I forget that not everyone lives in such a liberal place as I do. No one here would ever just ask if you had a girlfriend because that would be considered rude and presumptuous here. But probably not in Nashville.


    Also can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. But it's not about being liberal, it's just about not showing your hand.

    You want to "figure" straight guys out without necessarily letting them figure you out first. Why? Because, you are better off not being dismissed off the bat as a "creepy gay", versus just getting to figure them out first. And ESPECIALLY because in this case it's a neighbor you have to see every day.

    But like I say, even though I really wish it was easier to meet guys randomly, unfortunently nature didn't make enough ACTIVELY gay men. If 50% of men were gay, it would be easier. Because out of the 2 firemen sharing this apartment, 1 would be gay. Instead, it's more like 20% of men are actively gay, 25% are closeted gay (wild guesses here). All together, maybe 1 in 4 men are actively gay. Which rounds to about 25%. And maybe an added 10% are bisexuals.
  • jeep334

    Posts: 530

    Feb 08, 2018 2:22 PM GMT
    You're definitely in a hard place (pun intended). The bottom line is that there is certainly an off-the-wall chance that the neighbors are gay and are very private. Are you in a conservative-thinking area? They might simply need to keep to themselves for their own job security as well as a simpler life style. If your area is more diverse, then in the course of 2 years, there has had to have been opportunities to say hello and strike up a meaningless but important conversation. Meaningless because you wouldn't talk about anything substantial but important because it would be the ice breaker. I can't imagine that they are too scared to reach out even in the most innocent way if they are either gay or gay-friendly. They are in the business of saving lives so they know how to interact with other people in all situations. You've gotten some good advice here which was also safe advice. Heed to it and when it doesn't progress in the way you desire, move on and be satisfied that you might have simply made a couple of new friends.
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 437

    Feb 08, 2018 3:40 PM GMT
    check your motives: Do you just want to get to know him in a friendly neighborly way? ... or are you secretly hoping for something else? My advise; be friendly, wave. introduce yourself. enjoy the eye-candy. Find another obsession.
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    Feb 08, 2018 3:45 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs28 said
    Radd said∆ You might have a point about not asking if he has a boyfriend. I forget that not everyone lives in such a liberal place as I do. No one here would ever just ask if you had a girlfriend because that would be considered rude and presumptuous here. But probably not in Nashville.


    Also can't tell if you're being sarcastic or not. But it's not about being liberal, it's just about not showing your hand.

    You want to "figure" straight guys out without necessarily letting them figure you out first. Why? Because, you are better off not being dismissed off the bat as a "creepy gay", versus just getting to figure them out first. And ESPECIALLY because in this case it's a neighbor you have to see every day.

    But like I say, even though I really wish it was easier to meet guys randomly, unfortunently nature didn't make enough ACTIVELY gay men. If 50% of men were gay, it would be easier. Because out of the 2 firemen sharing this apartment, 1 would be gay. Instead, it's more like 20% of men are actively gay, 25% are closeted gay (wild guesses here). All together, maybe 1 in 4 men are actively gay. Which rounds to about 25%. And maybe an added 10% are bisexuals.


    Totally sincere. If I hit on a straight guy here, they always apologize for not being gay, LOL. Not only do they apologize but they will often tell me about their gay friends and offer to set me up with one of them. And 9 times out of 10, we end up hanging out and becoming friends anyway. So I have zero hesitation about hitting on a guy here.

    A couple of months ago, I saw this cop who was doing a road detour duty. As my straight friend was bitching to him about not letting us in the next block to quickly pick something up, the cop noticed me staring at him and asked if I needed something as well. I said: "no, I just think you're really handsome" and walked away with my friend. The cop didn't say anything at first, but as we got about 12 feet from him, he yelled out: "thank you. So are you." I looked back at him and he nodded his head and winked at me. Had he not had a line of angry people waiting to talk to him, I would have gone back and talked to him. But I would probably not do the same thing in Nashville.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 20810

    Feb 08, 2018 3:57 PM GMT
    Stalk him! icon_wink.gif
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1912

    Feb 08, 2018 5:42 PM GMT
    I have a lot of friends who are firefighters. Here's the deal:

    Either he's partnered with his firefighter roommate, or he's straight.

    There's no way a closeted gay firefighter would share an apartment with a straight coworker. Way, way too dangerous - the straight guy would obviously find out and tell the entire department. And there's no way a straight firefighter would share an apartment with an openly gay coworker - because the whole department would think he's gay. So, if the two of them aren't a gay couple, they're both straight.

    There is, of course, a third possibility - he may be gay but in complete denial about it. If that's the case, RUN!!!! Nothing good can come of it.
  • rambi

    Posts: 26

    Feb 09, 2018 12:32 AM GMT
    You should ask him for a favor/help with something simple. You guys have been neighbors for two years, I feel this way would be a great way to charm him, and thank him, and maybe you could even mention a situation youre in.. "Hey my blah blah is missing a blah blah with me because she recently found out her sister is close to giving birth" (something really random but sweet) "itd be really cool if you could join me"

    hopefully you have an idea of what days hes usually home so you can invite him for a day hes usually in.


    also invite him that day or another day casually depending on how fast the conversation escalades

    good luck, you got this icon_smile.gif
  • trvlmscl

    Posts: 186

    Feb 09, 2018 1:37 AM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidStalk him! icon_wink.gif


    This. We want pics/calendar
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    Feb 09, 2018 5:01 AM GMT
    If you have been seeing each other in or a round the building for 2 years already, and never talked to each other - it doesn't seem likely that anything will develop. He could be particularly unfriendly. Suggest you consider investing your energies elsewhere. (I think bro4bro has it right.)
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    Feb 09, 2018 6:32 AM GMT
    I'm with Bro4Bro on this one.

    Just check out Grindr. If he's gay and not in a relationship with the roomate he'll probably be on Grindr looking for a BF. You'll know if he shows up 2 feet from your location, I guess.

  • jeep334

    Posts: 530

    Feb 09, 2018 5:03 PM GMT
    The part I most agree with bro4bro's response is : "RUN!!!!" There is too precious little time to spend the amount of your life it would require in trying to get someone to come out of his closet.
  • trvlmscl

    Posts: 186

    Feb 10, 2018 12:51 AM GMT
    bro4bro saidI have a lot of friends who are firefighters. Here's the deal:

    Either he's partnered with his firefighter roommate, or he's straight.

    There's no way a closeted gay firefighter would share an apartment with a straight coworker. Way, way too dangerous - the straight guy would obviously find out and tell the entire department. And there's no way a straight firefighter would share an apartment with an openly gay coworker - because the whole department would think he's gay. So, if the two of them aren't a gay couple, they're both straight.

    There is, of course, a third possibility - he may be gay but in complete denial about it. If that's the case, RUN!!!! Nothing good can come of it.


    We don't know if the firefighter in question is closeted, out, or straight. It is now 2018 though, a straight dude can be roommates with a homo and face little/no homophobia from his coworkers. And IDK what kind of fucked up roommates you've had, but trustworthy roommates don't gossip about each other's personal lives at work.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1912

    Feb 10, 2018 8:26 PM GMT
    As I said, I have a lot of friends who are firefighters. I'm guessing you don't. It's not a standard "co-worker" relationship. The guys in the fire department don't just work together; they live together - sleeping in the same room, preparing and eating meals, working out, and yes, fighting fires and saving lives, for typically four days at a time. Nobody would expect anyone to keep a secret. If one firefighter knows, the whole department knows - that's just the way it is.