What should I do? (Long)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2018 5:42 PM GMT
    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He is 27, and I am 26. I know I’m in love with him, and as for as I know, he is in love with me. There’s been talk of marriage. There’s just one little problem. We do not have sex.

    At least currently.

    A little information on us, before we met, we were both pretty sexually active. I know I was, and I know he was. When we first start dating, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. We’d have sex twice in a day sometimes. Then we took a nosedive. I got fired from my job right after we moved in together, and had a hard time finding a new one. I found one eventually, but it didn’t pay as well. So, he takes up a huge portion of the financial responsibilities.

    I know have two jobs, and try to help when I can. He works two jobs as well. In a week he probably works 70+ hours. He is also in graduate school.

    I’ve asked all the usual questions:

    Are you not attracted to me anymore? “Yes, I am attracted to you. You’re just as hot as the day I met you.”

    Do you want to open the relationship? “No, I don’t like the idea of that. Besides, we are both too jealous. It would take my time away from you.” (I’ll come back to this later.)

    But the one that set him off...
    Why aren’t we having sex? “Sex is not a priority for me! It’s not that important! I get my intimacy with you in others way! Also, if you really want to know why; I don’t cum when we have sex (wasn’t always the case.) it’s not fun for me, and I have other things to focus my energy on right now! I love you very much, but you make sex a chore, and pressuring me into having it is making it worse!”

    After this argument, my paranoia and anxiety spiraled. (I suffer from really critical anxiety problems. They stem for low self-esteem.) I launched into him about how “I don’t feel like a priority, and I feel like I don’t have a partner, but a cuddle buddy, and how I know he had lots of sex in the past so what’s changed? What makes me different”

    He tells me I’m his top priority, and that he loves me very much. He’s just tired, stressed, and doesn’t have fun having sex right now. He says it’ll get better once he has less to do, but that right now sex isn’t a priority for him.” However, I’ve caught him watching porn a few times. More than I would have liked to. (I don’t mind porn. Everyone watches it, but I know it can become a problem.) when I confronted him about it, his response was “I HAVE TO GET OFF SOMEHOW!” The response shocked, and hurt me. He apologized, and explained it’s just easier to jerk off sometimes. It requires less energy. I accused him of being a porn addict. That made him upset.

    To be honest, I do push for it A LOT. I have a high sex drive. He does put effort into trying, but it’s minimal at best. I am also aware that he is stressed out a great deal of the time, and is tired from working so much. He also has been diagnosed with low testosterone, which I know effects libido. A majority of our sexual encounters come in the middle of the night. He will get off work early, and get handsy, but most of the time it doesn’t get penetrative. I’ve sucked his dick a few times in his sleep too. Sometimes he will stop me, and other times we will let me finish him off.

    I just feel like I’m at a crossroads. I love this man. He has done a lot for me. He got me back in school. He got me out of a house that was in shambles, and gave me a lovely place to live. For the most part our relationship is fine. We mesh well, and just get each other. Normally, we can talk about anything. Just not sex. He says talking about sex ruins the mystique of it, and he is also somewhat shameful of it.

    I love him, and so far as I know he loves me. His actions have definitely shown it in areas outside of the bedroom.

    We recently got into a huge argument over the matter again. He told me he was fine and happy in the relationship, but that obviously I wasn’t, and that if getting “Dicked Down” was so important to me, to go fuck someone else. He doesn’t care. He just ask that I use a condom. I tried calming him down, but it didn’t work. He went on a tyrade saying I’m never satisfied, and that apparently his love wasn’t enough for me. I told him that’s not something I want, and that I know he doesn’t want it either, and that he was just being irrational due to stress.

    So tell me, what do I do?

    Do I continue to stay with a man that I love, and have talked about having a future with, and just accept that sex won’t be a part of it, or at most a small part of it?

    Or, do I leave, and find someone else who I may not click with as well, but has great, frequent sex?

    It seems selfish to me that I’d even think that. Throw away 2 years of a loving relationship away for sex? I feel bad even thinking about it.

    (Side notes):
    1. So far as I know, we are in a mutually exclusive monogamous relationship. (I’ve told him being cheated on is my biggest fear, and he says he doesn’t understand why people cheat. He has told me he’d leave me before that ever happened, but that he understands why I fear it. I’ve also been told by his family and closest friends it’s not something he would do. “It’s not in his character, he’ll leave you before he did that.”)

    2. The only problems we have in our relationship is the financial responsibility imbalance, and lack of sex. Other than that, everything seems to be fine. We love spending time together. We talk about the future. We joke. We plan trips together. We do sweet small romantic gestures for one another (i.e. buying flowers, bringing home their favorite treats, etc.)

    3. *Back to the open relationship suggestion aforementioned* I suggested it. Multiple times as well. About 3 or 4 times. I don’t want one, but I suggested it because I know he isn’t sexually satisfied. His happiness is my biggest priority in this relationship. I want him to be his fullest self. I love the guy. I’d try anything for him. He’s told me he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to have sex with other people. Verbatim “No, I don’t want that. It would take away the time I get to spend with you. I love spending time with you, and I don’t get to see you that often (conflicting work schedules. I work days. He works at night.). No honey, I don’t want to have sex with other people. Even if I did, I don’t have the time to do it, which doesn’t matter because I don’t want to. I just think sex is more important to you than it is to me.)

    So, RealJock, what should I do?
    Am I being too pushy, and not taking his situation into account? Should I stay with the man I love, who has gone above and beyond for me, or leave him because our varying sex drives?

    Please help me understand what I should do for us.
  • Chinman123

    Posts: 10

    Feb 12, 2018 7:15 PM GMT
    Have you tried spicing things up like wearing sexy underwear around the house? If he works 2 jobs and is doing college then he seems like a very busy person and probably is just tired at the end of the day plus with his low testosterone, it seems to create the perfect storm of his low sex drive. If he didn't want to be with you he would let you know. And he's probably not staying with you for the money since you said he makes more than you.

    I think you should just give him some space on the matter and he will come around. This is just my opinion and I wish you the best.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2018 7:34 PM GMT
    OP, it's time to see a professional counsellor, rather than seek advice from an internet forum, IMO. The issue is now completely about you, and how you're handling it. It also sounds like you have some significant insecurities that you need to deal with before pointing the finger at your BF. The problem is not about your bf and how he doesn't want to have sex with you. It's really about you.

    Best of luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2018 7:48 PM GMT
    Lesbian_Lover saidOP, it's time to see a professional counsellor, rather than seek advice from an internet forum, IMO. The issue is now completely about you, and how you're handling it. It also sounds like you have some significant insecurities that you need to deal with before pointing the finger at your BF. The problem is not about your bf and how he doesn't want to have sex with you. It's really about you.

    Best of luck.


    I have recently started going to a counselor. I know part of the problem lies with my insecurities and anxiety, and I am taking steps to change that.

    Thank you for you reply. Harsh, but honest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2018 7:54 PM GMT
    Chinman123 saidHave you tried spicing things up like wearing sexy underwear around the house? If he works 2 jobs and is doing college then he seems like a very busy person and probably is just tired at the end of the day plus with his low testosterone, it seems to create the perfect storm of his low sex drive. If he didn't want to be with you he would let you know. And he's probably not staying with you for the money since you said he makes more than you.

    I think you should just give him some space on the matter and he will come around. This is just my opinion and I wish you the best.


    Yes. He is very, very busy. I get worried sometimes that he is stretching himself too thin. He’s ambitious, I’ll give him that. I recently bought my first jockstrap in attempt to pique his interest a little, but I’m afraid that might be in that “pressuring” category.

    We shall see I suppose. There’s a lot of factors that go into his low sex drive. Work, school, stress, low T, body image issues (though he started doing CrossFit a little over a year ago, and I always thought he looked great.), and he’s having to adjust to be a total top. Though in his words “He is the Pennywise of bottoming. He only feels the urge to do it once in a blue moon.”

    I know he wouldn’t be with me if he didn’t want to be. I just think our sex life needs work on both of our parts.
  • gayv

    Posts: 179

    Feb 12, 2018 8:20 PM GMT
    A counselor is a good choice.
    You both need to try to communicate more.
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    Feb 12, 2018 8:29 PM GMT
    gayv saidA counselor is a good choice.
    You both need to try to communicate more.


    He’s a not the best communicator. He will occasionally communicate his concerns with me, but most of the time he is busy and thinking of other things things. I’ve come to accept that about him. I have a better chance of seeing a UFO, Bigfoot, and The Loch Ness Monster all in that same day than getting him to communicate well.
  • Element1313

    Posts: 130

    Feb 12, 2018 10:38 PM GMT
    He is frigid. Nothing rare or tragic about that in gay or heterosexual relationships. Victorian men had mistresses to deal with it in a socially acceptable manner.

    So find sex outside of your relationship. Getting fucked will balance out your hormonal anxiety. You may begin to see your partner is not Mr Right once you have settled down a bit or you may be fine with having the ideal ,sugar daddy platonic relationship and a fuck bud on the side.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 12, 2018 10:55 PM GMT
    Element1313 saidHe is frigid. Nothing rare or tragic about that in gay or heterosexual relationships. Victorian men had mistresses to deal with it in a socially acceptable manner.

    So find sex outside of your relationship. Getting fucked will balance out your hormonal anxiety. You may begin to see your partner is not Mr Right once you have settled down a bit or you may be fine with having the ideal ,sugar daddy platonic relationship and a fuck bud on the side.


    Sex outside of the relationship is not something he nor I want to do. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Even if he isn’t Mr. Right, I would rather find that out without having to fuck someone else behind his back. That’s just wrong. I know it happens, and for all I know, he may be doing it himself. However, I can not and will not stoop to that. It’s just a value I hold very closely.

    Also, he isn’t my sugar daddy. I pay for my own things. Clothes, food, things around the house, gas/car, cellphone. I also give him $350 every month because it’s all I can afford to do right now. He has a majority of the bills, but he doesn’t pay for EVERYTHING.
  • Element1313

    Posts: 130

    Feb 13, 2018 12:08 AM GMT
    You are trying to impose your will
    on him. You are trying to turn him
    Into something he is not . You are unbelievably fortunate to have a partner this communicative and willing to support you since your aren’t appreciative enough to respect him.

    Since horniness is making it impossible for you to be respectful of him, you need to find an outlet for sex or move on to someone else. You won’t be able to support yourself on $350/ month. You have a sweet deal. There are lots of guys in your same position, generally with older partners, fuck with one of them.


    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    Element1313 saidHe is frigid. Nothing rare or tragic about that in gay or heterosexual relationships. Victorian men had mistresses to deal with it in a socially acceptable manner.

    So find sex outside of your relationship. Getting fucked will balance out your hormonal anxiety. You may begin to see your partner is not Mr Right once you have settled down a bit or you may be fine with having the ideal ,sugar daddy platonic relationship and a fuck bud on the side.


    Sex outside of the relationship is not something he nor I want to do. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Even if he isn’t Mr. Right, I would rather find that out without having to fuck someone else behind his back. That’s just wrong. I know it happens, and for all I know, he may be doing it himself. However, I can not and will not stoop to that. It’s just a value I hold very closely.

    Also, he isn’t my sugar daddy. I pay for my own things. Clothes, food, things around the house, gas/car, cellphone. I also give him $350 every month because it’s all I can afford to do right now. He has a majority of the bills, but he doesn’t pay for EVERYTHING.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1924

    Feb 13, 2018 12:49 AM GMT
    Stress is well known to have a huge impact on your testosterone level.
    And testosterone level is well known to have a huge impact on your sex drive.
    He's working 70+ hours a week and going to graduate school besides? Holy cow! His stress level must be through the roof! (In case you haven't been, grad school is WAY more stressful than undergrad).
    Pressuring him for sex, and forcing him to deal with your issues, sure aren't helping.
    If you think you want to be with him long term, you'll have to back off until his life and his stress level reach some kind of "normal".
    If you want to be his partner, you'll have to realize it's not all about you. He has needs too. Be understanding.

    By the way, he's probably getting off to porn because with everything going on in his life, he just plain doesn't feel horny most of the time. When he does, he wants to jump on the opportunity and take care of it - NOW! It's way easier to do that with porn than it is with a partner whom he'll need cooperation from (even an eager and willing partner needs to be indulged and satisfied) - and with porn, there isn't any pressure for him to perform.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 1:33 AM GMT
    Element1313 saidYou are trying to impose your will
    on him. You are trying to turn him
    Into something he is not . You are unbelievably fortunate to have a partner this communicative and willing to support you since your aren’t appreciative enough to respect him.

    Since horniness is making it impossible for you to be respectful of him, you need to find an outlet for sex or move on to someone else. You won’t be able to support yourself on $350/ month. You have a sweet deal. There are lots of guys in your same position, generally with older partners, fuck with one of them.


    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    Element1313 saidHe is frigid. Nothing rare or tragic about that in gay or heterosexual relationships. Victorian men had mistresses to deal with it in a socially acceptable manner.

    So find sex outside of your relationship. Getting fucked will balance out your hormonal anxiety. You may begin to see your partner is not Mr Right once you have settled down a bit or you may be fine with having the ideal ,sugar daddy platonic relationship and a fuck bud on the side.


    Sex outside of the relationship is not something he nor I want to do. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Even if he isn’t Mr. Right, I would rather find that out without having to fuck someone else behind his back. That’s just wrong. I know it happens, and for all I know, he may be doing it himself. However, I can not and will not stoop to that. It’s just a value I hold very closely.

    Also, he isn’t my sugar daddy. I pay for my own things. Clothes, food, things around the house, gas/car, cellphone. I also give him $350 every month because it’s all I can afford to do right now. He has a majority of the bills, but he doesn’t pay for EVERYTHING.


    I’m sorry if I came off as disrespectful. I didn’t mean to if I did. I love the man more than anything. He’s my entire world. That’s why I am asking what I did. If I was being pushy, and apparently I am.

    That’s why I was asking for an outside perspective. The main message I’ve gotten so far is to try and be a little more understand of his situation, and back off. Which I will most certainly do because the thought of not having this man in my life is not even something I want to think about. I wish I could help him more than I can at the moment.

    It’s been eye opening, and I am seeking professional help for my own issues. I feel like a selfish jackass.

    Thank you for your responses.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 1:36 AM GMT
    bro4bro saidStress is well known to have a huge impact on your testosterone level.
    And testosterone level is well known to have a huge impact on your sex drive.
    He's working 70+ hours a week and going to graduate school besides? Holy cow! His stress level must be through the roof! (In case you haven't been, grad school is WAY more stressful than undergrad).
    Pressuring him for sex, and forcing him to deal with your issues, sure aren't helping.
    If you think you want to be with him long term, you'll have to back off until his life and his stress level reach some kind of "normal".
    If you want to be his partner, you'll have to realize it's not all about you. He has needs too. Be understanding.

    By the way, he's probably getting off to porn because with everything going on in his life, he just plain doesn't feel horny most of the time. When he does, he wants to jump on the opportunity and take care of it - NOW! It's way easier to do that with porn than it is with a partner whom he'll need cooperation from (even an eager and willing partner needs to be indulged and satisfied) - and with porn, there isn't any pressure for him to perform.


    Yes, his current life situation is very stressful. Now, I see I’m not making it any better with that way I’ve been acting. I have been focusing on myself a lot. Unknowingly doing so, but that’s no excuse. I love him more than anything, and I want us to work out long term.

    I’m getting help for my own issues, and in the meantime, I need to get off his back. I try to be supportive for the most part throughout all his endeavors (school, CrossFit, work), but I guess turning right back around and trying to make him be intimate with me kind of counteracts that.

    I feel like a fucking prick.
  • Element1313

    Posts: 130

    Feb 13, 2018 7:40 AM GMT
    But for gods sake take definitive action now. I’ve seen this kind of thing fester and turn into run away anxiety, drugs and worse. It not your fault so don’t go down that black hole of self loathing. Concentrate on what you enjoy in the relationship and look elsewhere for your sex fix. This thing is very common. I know and ongoing case that was getting scary since the guy was hitting 50 ( a prime time for male menopause suicide) until he finally broke down and found a fuck bud. He has calmed down a lot. He had not had any sex in 3 years and I know another where he had not been fucked in 8 years.




    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    bro4bro saidStress is well known to have a huge impact on your testosterone level.
    And testosterone level is well known to have a huge impact on your sex drive.
    He's working 70+ hours a week and going to graduate school besides? Holy cow! His stress level must be through the roof! (In case you haven't been, grad school is WAY more stressful than undergrad).
    Pressuring him for sex, and forcing him to deal with your issues, sure aren't helping.
    If you think you want to be with him long term, you'll have to back off until his life and his stress level reach some kind of "normal".
    If you want to be his partner, you'll have to realize it's not all about you. He has needs too. Be understanding.

    By the way, he's probably getting off to porn because with everything going on in his life, he just plain doesn't feel horny most of the time. When he does, he wants to jump on the opportunity and take care of it - NOW! It's way easier to do that with porn than it is with a partner whom he'll need cooperation from (even an eager and willing partner needs to be indulged and satisfied) - and with porn, there isn't any pressure for him to perform.


    Yes, his current life situation is very stressful. Now, I see I’m not making it any better with that way I’ve been acting. I have been focusing on myself a lot. Unknowingly doing so, but that’s no excuse. I love him more than anything, and I want us to work out long term.

    I’m getting help for my own issues, and in the meantime, I need to get off his back. I try to be supportive for the most part throughout all his endeavors (school, CrossFit, work), but I guess turning right back around and trying to make him be intimate with me kind of counteracts that.

    I feel like a fucking prick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 7:49 AM GMT
    Element1313 saidBut for gods sake take definitive action now. I’ve seen this kind of thing fester and turn into run away anxiety, drugs and worse. It not your fault so don’t go down that black hole of self loathing. Concentrate on what you enjoy in the relationship and look elsewhere for your sex fix. This thing is very common. I know and ongoing case that was getting scary since the guy was hitting 50 ( a prime time for male menopause suicide) until he finally broke down and found a fuck bud. He has calmed down a lot. He had not had any sex in 3 years and I know another where he had not been fucked in 8 years.




    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    bro4bro saidStress is well known to have a huge impact on your testosterone level.
    And testosterone level is well known to have a huge impact on your sex drive.
    He's working 70+ hours a week and going to graduate school besides? Holy cow! His stress level must be through the roof! (In case you haven't been, grad school is WAY more stressful than undergrad).
    Pressuring him for sex, and forcing him to deal with your issues, sure aren't helping.
    If you think you want to be with him long term, you'll have to back off until his life and his stress level reach some kind of "normal".
    If you want to be his partner, you'll have to realize it's not all about you. He has needs too. Be understanding.

    By the way, he's probably getting off to porn because with everything going on in his life, he just plain doesn't feel horny most of the time. When he does, he wants to jump on the opportunity and take care of it - NOW! It's way easier to do that with porn than it is with a partner whom he'll need cooperation from (even an eager and willing partner needs to be indulged and satisfied) - and with porn, there isn't any pressure for him to perform.


    Yes, his current life situation is very stressful. Now, I see I’m not making it any better with that way I’ve been acting. I have been focusing on myself a lot. Unknowingly doing so, but that’s no excuse. I love him more than anything, and I want us to work out long term.

    I’m getting help for my own issues, and in the meantime, I need to get off his back. I try to be supportive for the most part throughout all his endeavors (school, CrossFit, work), but I guess turning right back around and trying to make him be intimate with me kind of counteracts that.

    I feel like a fucking prick.


    I appreciate what your trying to tell me, but having sex outside of the relationship is not something I am willing to do. I just can’t. It goes against what I believe in. Now, what I will do is focus on everything that is going good in the relationship. I’ll focus on new things he and I can do together to achieve intimacy in a non-sexual manner. I’ll step back, step down, and take care of myself, and maybe one day he and I will begin to have sex again.

    But again, because it bares repeating, I can not, and will not ever have sex with another person outside of our relationship. If he’s doing without my knowledge, that’s on him, and I’ll find it out eventually. If that’s the case I’ll just end it, but until that time comes, if it ever does, we are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 337

    Feb 13, 2018 12:37 PM GMT
    If you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1258

    Feb 13, 2018 12:40 PM GMT
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    Element1313 saidBut for gods sake take definitive action now. I’ve seen this kind of thing fester and turn into run away anxiety, drugs and worse. It not your fault so don’t go down that black hole of self loathing. Concentrate on what you enjoy in the relationship and look elsewhere for your sex fix. This thing is very common. I know and ongoing case that was getting scary since the guy was hitting 50 ( a prime time for male menopause suicide) until he finally broke down and found a fuck bud. He has calmed down a lot. He had not had any sex in 3 years and I know another where he had not been fucked in 8 years.




    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    bro4bro saidStress is well known to have a huge impact on your testosterone level.
    And testosterone level is well known to have a huge impact on your sex drive.
    He's working 70+ hours a week and going to graduate school besides? Holy cow! His stress level must be through the roof! (In case you haven't been, grad school is WAY more stressful than undergrad).
    Pressuring him for sex, and forcing him to deal with your issues, sure aren't helping.
    If you think you want to be with him long term, you'll have to back off until his life and his stress level reach some kind of "normal".
    If you want to be his partner, you'll have to realize it's not all about you. He has needs too. Be understanding.

    By the way, he's probably getting off to porn because with everything going on in his life, he just plain doesn't feel horny most of the time. When he does, he wants to jump on the opportunity and take care of it - NOW! It's way easier to do that with porn than it is with a partner whom he'll need cooperation from (even an eager and willing partner needs to be indulged and satisfied) - and with porn, there isn't any pressure for him to perform.


    Yes, his current life situation is very stressful. Now, I see I’m not making it any better with that way I’ve been acting. I have been focusing on myself a lot. Unknowingly doing so, but that’s no excuse. I love him more than anything, and I want us to work out long term.

    I’m getting help for my own issues, and in the meantime, I need to get off his back. I try to be supportive for the most part throughout all his endeavors (school, CrossFit, work), but I guess turning right back around and trying to make him be intimate with me kind of counteracts that.

    I feel like a fucking prick.


    I appreciate what your trying to tell me, but having sex outside of the relationship is not something I am willing to do. I just can’t. It goes against what I believe in. Now, what I will do is focus on everything that is going good in the relationship. I’ll focus on new things he and I can do together to achieve intimacy in a non-sexual manner. I’ll step back, step down, and take care of myself, and maybe one day he and I will begin to have sex again.

    But again, because it bares repeating, I can not, and will not ever have sex with another person outside of our relationship. If he’s doing without my knowledge, that’s on him, and I’ll find it out eventually. If that’s the case I’ll just end it, but until that time comes, if it ever does, we are in an exclusive, monogamous relationship.


    I think you just answered your own questions and doubts, Good for you!
    and don't believe all the hype of how great an opened relationship is, to
    spice up a relationship that is going through a rut! EVERY RELATIONSHIP
    goes through it, even more so the open relationship as well!

    I'll give you a tip that have worked for me in past committed relationships!
    always compliment the good side of your partner, as well respect and
    try to understand the differences between the two of you! believe me that
    alone will awaken the passion! there is no better feeling than being with
    someone who boosts your personna! good luck and all the best!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 1:31 PM GMT
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 337

    Feb 13, 2018 4:47 PM GMT
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 5:19 PM GMT
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 337

    Feb 13, 2018 8:21 PM GMT
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.


    I am sorry that reality is hard for you, but I am in my 30s and I can tell you this, every gay guy loves a muscle guy. The only reason why you wouldn't sleep with me is because you're insecure about your own body, but anybody else would jump at the chance. They will try to take the high ground and say it's more than looks, but it isn't. And don't worry, I would never date someone that has zero ambition and drive like yourself. My domestic partner is another bodybuilder, he is happier than I am in the relationship. Just because I'm Frank about something doesn't mean I'm not sensitive or loving. It probably just means that you're weak in mind and body. Take care good luck, hit the gym
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 10:16 PM GMT
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.


    I am sorry that reality is hard for you, but I am in my 30s and I can tell you this, every gay guy loves a muscle guy. The only reason why you wouldn't sleep with me is because you're insecure about your own body, but anybody else would jump at the chance. They will try to take the high ground and say it's more than looks, but it isn't. And don't worry, I would never date someone that has zero ambition and drive like yourself. My domestic partner is another bodybuilder, he is happier than I am in the relationship. Just because I'm Frank about something doesn't mean I'm not sensitive or loving. It probably just means that you're weak in mind and body. Take care good luck, hit the gym


    You sound delusional, and sad. I’m glad you’ve got life figured out at 30, and that all it took was hitting the gym, and dating someone who sounds like they’re your twin.

    Also, I work two jobs, and I’m in dental school. So, drive and ambition aren’t something I lack, but I definitely don’t focus all of that energy on my looks or hitting the gym for hours a day. Enjoy your looks while they last. I hope you never get a thyroid disease, or that age diminishes your looks or your partner since apparently that’s a deal breaker for every gay man ever. At least, from what I understand from what you’ve told me.
  • NealJohn

    Posts: 337

    Feb 13, 2018 10:28 PM GMT
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.


    I am sorry that reality is hard for you, but I am in my 30s and I can tell you this, every gay guy loves a muscle guy. The only reason why you wouldn't sleep with me is because you're insecure about your own body, but anybody else would jump at the chance. They will try to take the high ground and say it's more than looks, but it isn't. And don't worry, I would never date someone that has zero ambition and drive like yourself. My domestic partner is another bodybuilder, he is happier than I am in the relationship. Just because I'm Frank about something doesn't mean I'm not sensitive or loving. It probably just means that you're weak in mind and body. Take care good luck, hit the gym


    You sound delusional, and sad. I’m glad you’ve got life figured out at 30, and that all it took was hitting the gym, and dating someone who sounds like they’re your twin.

    Also, I work two jobs, and I’m in dental school. So, drive and ambition aren’t something I lack, but I definitely don’t focus all of that energy on my looks or hitting the gym for hours a day. Enjoy your looks while they last. I hope you never get a thyroid disease, or that age diminishes your looks or your partner since apparently that’s a deal breaker for every gay man ever. At least, from what I understand from what you’ve told me.


    I've had life figured out long before 30, but don't kind yourself, you're not half as ambitious as people I know. I know people who have gotten through medical school/ law school , working and studying , and have successfully become doctors/ lawyers all the while maintaining a muscular body. It's not that hard, but like I said , you sound whiny and delusional, and I would be willing to put money on the fact your boyfriend is cheating on you- probably with somebody who looks like me. From what I've seen, he's justified. You're not muscular or fit so why are you on this website? Because you're a hypocrite , you would love a muscle guy but you'll never have one you don't pay for. Take care
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 11:13 PM GMT
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.


    I am sorry that reality is hard for you, but I am in my 30s and I can tell you this, every gay guy loves a muscle guy. The only reason why you wouldn't sleep with me is because you're insecure about your own body, but anybody else would jump at the chance. They will try to take the high ground and say it's more than looks, but it isn't. And don't worry, I would never date someone that has zero ambition and drive like yourself. My domestic partner is another bodybuilder, he is happier than I am in the relationship. Just because I'm Frank about something doesn't mean I'm not sensitive or loving. It probably just means that you're weak in mind and body. Take care good luck, hit the gym


    You sound delusional, and sad. I’m glad you’ve got life figured out at 30, and that all it took was hitting the gym, and dating someone who sounds like they’re your twin.

    Also, I work two jobs, and I’m in dental school. So, drive and ambition aren’t something I lack, but I definitely don’t focus all of that energy on my looks or hitting the gym for hours a day. Enjoy your looks while they last. I hope you never get a thyroid disease, or that age diminishes your looks or your partner since apparently that’s a deal breaker for every gay man ever. At least, from what I understand from what you’ve told me.


    I've had life figured out long before 30, but don't kind yourself, you're not half as ambitious as people I know. I know people who have gotten through medical school/ law school , working and studying , and have successfully become doctors/ lawyers all the while maintaining a muscular body. It's not that hard, but like I said , you sound whiny and delusional, and I would be willing to put money on the fact your boyfriend is cheating on you- probably with somebody who looks like me. From what I've seen, he's justified. You're not muscular or fit so why are you on this website? Because you're a hypocrite , you would love a muscle guy but you'll never have one you don't pay for. Take care


    There’s plenty of people on here who aren’t physical fit, you fucking elitist prick. I came here looking for answers to a question I had, and I wanted an outside perspective from other gay guys. You’re so vain, and it’s disgusting. You think only physical fit or muscular guys can being in genuine relationships in the gay community. Fuck off. Get off my forum if you have nothing productive to add. You’re just being a docuhebag. Go lift some weights, and live your apparent perfect life. Jesus Christ, are you so bored with yourself that you have to pick on someone who is just looking for answers to a problem they are having?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2018 11:22 PM GMT
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn said
    JustAGuyLooking4Answers said
    NealJohn saidIf you guys were consistently having sex and then not , the problem might be attraction. He may love you , but not be attracted to you anymore. If he has lost attraction to you , telling you you are just as hot as the day he met you wouldn't be a lie. I can speak from personal experience that even the hottest of guys become tiresome after a while, no matter how good the sex is. Sometimes you just want something new. Also from personal experience, if he is footing the bills there might be hidden resentment , which would dimismih attraction. It's clear he still has a sex drive if he is watching porn.
    That being said , you need to ask yourself how important sex is to you. Can you live like this for the rest of your life if things don't change ? One tip I can provide , work on your body. One thing all gay men like is a hot body. Forget the underwear, it's what underneath that counts.


    I try to workout when I can. I think it’s a little bit of a generalization to say all gay guys like guys with hot bodies. For the most part, yes, that’s true, and it pushes that gay men’s beauty standard agenda of having some Adonis like body 365 days a year. It’s hard to achieve, and harder to keep maintained. I guess I could try it, but I don’t think attraction is the issue. Resentment may be present because the finances are in a shitty situation.


    Resentment or no, if you were hot he would be having sex with you. Every gay guy like someone with a hot body, after all, why are you on a jock website? Don't delude yourself . You found him watching pornography, pornography is full of beautifully athletic fit men of all sizes. Honestly, you sound like a very whiny person. It may be that your personality turns him off, but if you had a hot body he would at least be having sex with you sometime. Hit the gym


    You may be on to something. You’re pretty physically fit, and I wouldn’t have sex with you because you seem extremely vain. There’s more to a person than just their looks. I’m not ugly by any means. I’m quite slender. It wouldn’t hurt me to build a little muscle, and tone up. He doesn’t look like some “jock”, and I still want to have sex with him. I’ve turned down sex from plenty of conventional attractive men because that had a sour attitude. Don’t deluded yourself, looks aren’t everything. I feel bad for whoever ends up with you. God forbid they fall in love with you, and gain a little weight.


    I am sorry that reality is hard for you, but I am in my 30s and I can tell you this, every gay guy loves a muscle guy. The only reason why you wouldn't sleep with me is because you're insecure about your own body, but anybody else would jump at the chance. They will try to take the high ground and say it's more than looks, but it isn't. And don't worry, I would never date someone that has zero ambition and drive like yourself. My domestic partner is another bodybuilder, he is happier than I am in the relationship. Just because I'm Frank about something doesn't mean I'm not sensitive or loving. It probably just means that you're weak in mind and body. Take care good luck, hit the gym


    You sound delusional, and sad. I’m glad you’ve got life figured out at 30, and that all it took was hitting the gym, and dating someone who sounds like they’re your twin.

    Also, I work two jobs, and I’m in dental school. So, drive and ambition aren’t something I lack, but I definitely don’t focus all of that energy on my looks or hitting the gym for hours a day. Enjoy your looks while they last. I hope you never get a thyroid disease, or that age diminishes your looks or your partner since apparently that’s a deal breaker for every gay man ever. At least, from what I understand from what you’ve told me.


    I've had life figured out long before 30, but don't kind yourself, you're not half as ambitious as people I know. I know people who have gotten through medical school/ law school , working and studying , and have successfully become doctors/ lawyers all the while maintaining a muscular body. It's not that hard, but like I said , you sound whiny and delusional, and I would be willing to put money on the fact your boyfriend is cheating on you- probably with somebody who looks like me. From what I've seen, he's justified. You're not muscular or fit so why are you on this website? Because you're a hypocrite , you would love a muscle guy but you'll never have one you don't pay for. Take care


    Reading quickly through all this - I don't understand where the concern about OP's working out (or not) came from. I really doubt that any BF's concerns about the shape of the OP's body even come into this.

    @OP - Bro4 bro has hit it right on the time/stress factor. And if one works nights and the other days, when are you ever together? You two have to make time to get away for a week/long weekend, or just a weekend. No matter what your schedules, this can be arranged once in a while. Some place to relax and be yourselves again. It doesn't have to be dream vacation on the other side of the world - just away. And if sex doesn't happen in that relaxed situation - well then you really do have problems.

    In the meantime, use your own porn.