How soon before you start planning trips with a guy?

  • jlars12

    Posts: 111

    Feb 24, 2018 5:29 AM GMT
    lol, i've been seeing a guy since December - we really hit it off, and have gone on many roadtrips and outings together. We both wanted to visit Tibet, and have found a decent flight deal for there - we're thinking of going in late august. This guy is really into me, but recently expressed hesitation about the trip - he's worried that in the span between booking the flights and us actually going that trip 5 months later, that I might lose interest in him and we break up. It didn't cross my mind at the time so I quickly assured him that I have no hesitation about us at the moment, but now I'm worried that anything can happen in 5 months!! Any advice?
  • rambi

    Posts: 60

    Feb 24, 2018 6:32 AM GMT
    You cant predict the future, worst scenario you cancel the trip, and get the refund or go with someone else which isnt really bad. Its also somewhere you both want to go and the prices arent that bad, if the price fits your budgets' take the chance of seeing Tibet together.
  • Trevor_B

    Posts: 39

    Feb 24, 2018 3:07 PM GMT
    rambi saidYou cant predict the future, worst scenario you cancel the trip, and get the refund or go with someone else which isnt really bad. Its also somewhere you both want to go and the prices arent that bad, if the price fits your budgets' take the chance of seeing Tibet together.


    I think that's good advice. Who knows, maybe having something to look forward to together will actually strengthen the relationship.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 2198

    Feb 24, 2018 7:30 PM GMT
    Yep I agree with Trevor, planning the trip together may help keep you guys focused on each other and excited about each other.

    It does seem a little daunting to be planning a trip five months in advance with a guy you've only known for two months. But I wouldn't let his hesitation get in the way. If you two can look each other in the eye right now and honestly say you'd love to go to Tibet together, go ahead and book the trip. Too many great experiences in life are missed because somebody says "What if?"

    If you're still together five months from now, but didn't book the trip, you'll surely wish you had.
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    Feb 24, 2018 8:09 PM GMT
    All good advice above... if you're too wrapped up in fearing the worst the future has to offer, you'll never embrace the joys it can bring.

    Live in the moment. Book the trip. Plan it. Together.
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    Feb 24, 2018 10:57 PM GMT
    If he's on any type of medicine for a psychological problem, don't go and don't sleep with him.

    Some of the classes/groupings of psychiatric medications observed to cause an increase in rage, violence, agitation or anger, suicidality, homicidality, and other such symptoms:

    -ADD/ADHD medications (both stimulant and non-stimulant types)

    -Anticonvulsants (often used off-label for psychiatric purposes)

    -Antidepressants (all classes---it is not limited to SSRIs and SNRIs)

    -Antipsychotics (all forms---typical, atypical, and third generation)

    -Anxiolytics (a broad category which is not covered comprehensively)

    -Benzodiazepines (perhaps some more than others, it seems)

    -GABA influencing drugs (which may overlap with other drug classes)

    -Hypnotics (like sleeping medications)

    -Mood Stabilizers (primarily serotonergic or dopaminergic ones)

    -Smoking Cessation Aids (including antidepressants, other serotonergic agents, etc)

    -Various other drugs, including non-psychiatric psychotropics (for example Interferon Alfa, and Oxycodone)
  • 24hourguy

    Posts: 483

    Feb 24, 2018 11:26 PM GMT
    Take the trip!
  • mybud

    Posts: 14221

    Feb 25, 2018 12:47 AM GMT
    You've dating long enough...Enjoy.
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    Feb 25, 2018 2:59 AM GMT
    I agree with all the above. Take a chance. You'll create countless memories by simply exploring new lands together.
  • Happenis

    Posts: 608

    Feb 25, 2018 4:05 AM GMT
    There's no set time limit.

    As long as you know him enough to trust him then you're good.

    And if things don't work out, you should both decide on whether you both will still go on the trip platonically.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 25, 2018 10:16 AM GMT
    jlars12 said
    lol, i've been seeing a guy since December - we really hit it off, and have gone on many roadtrips and outings together. We both wanted to visit Tibet, and have found a decent flight deal for there - we're thinking of going in late august. This guy is really into me, but recently expressed hesitation about the trip - he's worried that in the span between booking the flights and us actually going that trip 5 months later, that I might lose interest in him and we break up. It didn't cross my mind at the time so I quickly assured him that I have no hesitation about us at the moment, but now I'm worried that anything can happen in 5 months!! Any advice?

    Who's paying for the trip? If it's you, why would he be concerned about a breakup? No financial loss to him, nor would you be likely to cancel and throw your own money away. Perhaps he's the one unsure about his own feelings. He could be the kind of guy who doesn't stay with relationships for more than a few months.

    They're not uncommon, especially in your age bracket. Sort of the image of the straight bachelor who keeps getting cold feet about making the commitment to marriage. And an exotic trip of that length and expense is indeed a bit intimidating to consider.

    I see nothing wrong with taking a modest trip with a guy early in a relationship. I've done it myself, and it can be very bonding, while at the same time be a sort of "shake-down cruise", or a "trial run" if you prefer, that demonstrates how well you guys really function for longer periods of being in each other's company on a continuous 24/7 basis. How's it really like to live with each other day in and day out, in all the different moods people go through under different circumstances and stresses?

    I did an 8-day trip within about a month of meeting with this one guy, but only a few hundred miles from home, making it easy to cut it short if it went badly. Instead really wonderful, it remained one of our fondest memories for the 2 years we remained together. But Tibet may be attempting too much too soon, spooking your BF.

    BTW, I finally parted because he was in fact one of those gun-shy bachelors, while I wanted to make us permanent. In our case I thought we were both too old to put it off forever, but he still liked a single guy's freedom, and wouldn't live together. And now I think, last I heard, that he's still single but way past having much choice in the matter, anyway, unless he accepts a gold digger in final desperation.

    Anyhow, the variable here is the relatively long delay of your trip, I presume due to Tibet ideally being a summer destination, plus maybe also best suiting your personal schedules. Can you do a similar thing somewhere else, maybe closer & quicker? That might cement your relationship and THEN you can do Tibet, perhaps a year afterwards, if your relationship is now reliably firm.
  • Dom5

    Posts: 11

    Feb 25, 2018 11:03 AM GMT
    jlars12 saidlol, i've been seeing a guy since December - we really hit it off, and have gone on many roadtrips and outings together. We both wanted to visit Tibet, and have found a decent flight deal for there - we're thinking of going in late august. This guy is really into me, but recently expressed hesitation about the trip - he's worried that in the span between booking the flights and us actually going that trip 5 months later, that I might lose interest in him and we break up. It didn't cross my mind at the time so I quickly assured him that I have no hesitation about us at the moment, but now I'm worried that anything can happen in 5 months!! Any advice?


    Maybe figure out why you're going. It seems like you're more concerned with being able to fuck for free (financially and mentally) while you're there. Maybe go for a different reason and with somebody you actually know.

    But as long as you trust yourself, and him to not steal yo shit, or be a terrible vacationing partner, yolo.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 2198

    Feb 25, 2018 8:33 PM GMT
    One more thing you should consider...

    You may not have realized this yet but take it from a longtime world traveler, you're only going to meet a handful of people in your entire life who have a serious interest in going someplace like Tibet. And with most of them, you just won't be able to get your schedules and finances to co-align. If he's as interested in going to Tibet as you are then you should agree to go as travel buddies in the event you don't work out as a couple. Otherwise it may be ten years or more before you get another chance to go.

    If you want to go places in the world far off the beaten track, a good travel buddy is worth his weight in gold.
  • hazak

    Posts: 13

    Feb 27, 2018 1:12 AM GMT
    Me and my boyfriend traveled on our first trip out of the country three months in. Its six months and we are going on our second trip in two weeks.

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    Feb 27, 2018 3:46 AM GMT
    As long as you both can say now that you think you'd like one another as friends even if you weren't dating, then you should go ahead and book the trip. Hopefully, when the time comes you'll still be romantically involved. But , if not, then you'll have a friend to travel with. But the key is ask yourself -- "If i weren't dating you would I still want to be your friend?"
  • Ubeaut

    Posts: 243

    Feb 27, 2018 9:04 AM GMT
    And I thought this was post about hallucinogens. SIGH
  • jlars12

    Posts: 111

    Feb 28, 2018 1:45 AM GMT
    duluthrunner saidAs long as you both can say now that you think you'd like one another as friends even if you weren't dating, then you should go ahead and book the trip. Hopefully, when the time comes you'll still be romantically involved. But , if not, then you'll have a friend to travel with. But the key is ask yourself -- "If i weren't dating you would I still want to be your friend?"


    Thanks and to others offering similar advice, that's a good approach. I'm going to have that convo with him first.

    To some of the other questions, no, I'm not the guy's sugar daddy nor do I plan on fucking Tibetan monks looooool
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2018 6:50 PM GMT
    bro4bro saidOne more thing you should consider...

    You may not have realized this yet but take it from a longtime world traveler, you're only going to meet a handful of people in your entire life who have a serious interest in going someplace like Tibet. And with most of them, you just won't be able to get your schedules and finances to co-align. If he's as interested in going to Tibet as you are then you should agree to go as travel buddies in the event you don't work out as a couple. Otherwise it may be ten years or more before you get another chance to go.

    If you want to go places in the world far off the beaten track, a good travel buddy is worth his weight in gold.





    +1

    Good traveling companions are very hard to find.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2018 8:07 PM GMT
    On my very first date once but now that I know people can actually invite their death by trusting random strangers on gay dating websites I have left that practice long back.
  • Need1GoodMan

    Posts: 3

    Mar 02, 2018 5:43 PM GMT
    if u both have willing hearts, much is possible...doubt never seems to enter the equation then
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 15, 2018 7:58 PM GMT
    That sounds fun. I love Chinese food!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 18, 2018 6:02 PM GMT
    I normally wouldn't plan anything that ahead of time, especially after having dating for a few months...But again, I'm not a naturally optimistic person...I say DO IT and TAKE A CHANCE. Good luck to you....both.icon_biggrin.gif