How to Get CLEAN

  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Feb 28, 2018 7:37 PM GMT
    Long story short I feel like no matter what I do, I can never get my bum clean. As in I can successfully bottom (or use a toy) without 'incident' maaaayyyybbbbeeeee 1 out of 7 or 8 times. Some stretches is just feels like it's impossible.

    SO many people are having butt sex, and it just seems like I'm the only one on Earth who's crap actually comes out of that hole. Everybody else is so clean as to make me believe it's just a sneezing port. Have you ever watched porn ever? Don't get me wrong, I realize porn is largely bs, but for crying out loud, there are women going down on each others' prolapses!! For the record, this is NOT something I'm trying to accomplish, but the cleanliness factor is. And even out in the real world, people are having butt sex left and right, and most of them don't even prepare? icon_neutral.gif How in god's name are people getting so clean?

    My routine:
    first of all, I have zero digestive issues or health conditions. I eat a ton of fiber in the form of fruits and veggies (I'm practically vegan for 3/4 of every day), and I poop like clockwork twice day. Once a little after I wake up in the morning, and usually once again after some coffee. The next few hours seems to be my golden window. I have the best luck during these three or fours hours. Before bottoming or toying I'll lightly douche 3-4 times (because I often read that doing more than that makes the problem worse, and I can in fact verify it makes things MUCH worse lol).

    This never works. Even if I douche until the water is clear, I will almost ALWAYS leave a little somethin on my partner or on the toy. And by 'something' I don't mean a vague trace of dirty water. I mean a very visual and very off putting something. Don't get me wrong, I'm not dropping a deuce on people's junk or anything, but let's just say it's not pretty, and suffice it to say, it's enough to be a boner killer.

    So bottoms, what are your silver bullet techniques/methods for getting and staying clean?? More specifically, can anybody answer the following questions?

    -How do you stay clean enough for sex throughout the day, so you can have spontaneous sex without worrying that you'll unload all over somebody?
    -If you know you're going to have sex soon-ish, and you have time to prepare, what do you do to get suuuuuuuuper clean?
    -What are some silver bullet methods/techniques/strategies that you swear by?
    -bonus question: I feel like back door penetration feels best when I completely relax everything in that region. should I instead be 'flexing' or trying to keep things tight down there during anal? will that help?


    Also, here is a list of answers I am not interested in, as I've read them 1,000 times already and all of them dodge the issue at hand and/or are of almost no use.

    -"Get over it. A little poop never hurt anybody." I whole heartedly disagree. And to me, this is just a cop out answer. I know that sometimes shit happens, so to speak, but for me it's every time, and it's not pretty.
    -"I never do anything to prepare, and I'm always good to go" Congratulations on being born the Michael Phelps of butt sex. For the rest of us mortals without colon superpowers, the 'no preparation' method is a guaranteed way to scar us and our partners for life.
    -"Just don't use big toys/don't have sex with hung partners because they'll disturb the colon and cause leakage" Again, total cop out. I'm quite sure that clean sex with large units is very much possible. If it requires extra prep, so be it, but the solution to frequent car wrecks is not to avoid bigger vehicles. The solution is to become a better driver. (not a perfect analogy, but you get my drift...)
    -"Just pop an immodium tablet" Don't get me wrong, it's nice having a backup plan/safety net for unexpected sex, but I don't want to make a habit of turning my intestines' contents into concrete every time I want to have sex. It's just not healthy.
    -any other generic or conventional wisdom answers (ie: "sex is just messy" "you're too paranoid" "a good top will understand")

    Bottoms, any help with this issue would be EXTREMELY appreciated, as this is becoming a very stressful thing for me, almost to the point that I just don't want to bottom anymore, and when I do, I can't relax, go brainless, and enjoy the moment, because I'm too busy trying to 'hold things in' and/or worrying about an incident. If you can help me with this (and others who I assume can relate) I'll be forever indebted to you as my butt sex savior.

    Thanks in advance!!
  • metta

    Posts: 44772

    Feb 28, 2018 8:41 PM GMT
    How To Properly Clean Your Ass Before Anal Sex, As Told By A Porn Star

    https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/properly-clean-ass-anal-sex-porn/1541343
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 2181

    Feb 28, 2018 10:10 PM GMT
    I don't have advice on whether to use a large volume enema or multiple successive small douches ( which does not seem to work for the OP).

    But however you clean yourself out, you should use a saline solution, not pure water, so that it is approximately an “isotonic” solution (which is close to “normal saline”, or the same ionic pressure as blood and other body fluids). The salt water is less irritating to the lining of the colon than pure water. If you cut yourself and rinse the cut with ordinary water, it will sting or burn; if you rinse the cut with normal saline solution, it will not. This is because the normal saline solution has the same percentage of sodium and chlorine ions as your blood, and regular water does not. Also, using pure (rather than saline water) can cause water to be absorbed through the colon into your bloodstream, which is not a good idea.

    Without worrying about how “hard” your water is (to be absolutely precise, you would have to know what other ions are in your water – but this is unnecessary if you are not making saline for intravenous injection), 1-1/2 teaspoons of table salt per quart of water is almost the exact concentration to make a normal saline solution. [9 grams of salt in enough water to equal 1 liter]. This is the same concentration of salt in eyecare products – such as contact lens cleaning solutions or artificial tears. Don’t add too much salt – that can be as irritating as no salt.

    (For the anal retentive types who need to be precise in everything, who also have an accurate scale for measuring that white powder or access to a chem lab, it would be 8.517 grams of salt per quart of pure water.)

    Also, if while you are logged in to RJ, you do a google advanced search in a different window, for "enema" or douche" and limited to the website www.realjock.com, you will find a lot of past forum discussions of this general subject.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 28, 2018 10:39 PM GMT
    I know you've mentioned you're not open to the idea of using imodium tablets, but even in the light of the arguments you've made, you forgot to mention how often you're having sex. If you're having anal sex sparingly and in a predictable fashion, it makes sense to use imodium around the times you know you will have sex. I don't think they will turn your poop into concrete as this depends on the dose and your normal poop consistency.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2018 12:29 AM GMT
    Vote republican, because they are not full of shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 01, 2018 2:03 AM GMT
    closetfella said
    -"Just pop an immodium tablet" Don't get me wrong, it's nice having a backup plan/safety net for unexpected sex, but I don't want to make a habit of turning my intestines' contents into concrete every time I want to have sex. It's just not healthy.


    Have you ever actually tried Imodium? I would echo what bachian said - I don't use it often, (and haven't used it for this purpose) but I always have some on hand, especially when traveling. I've never experienced concretization, and when I do use it, I take the recommended 2 pills to start with. I have observed that it can take up to 4 hours to really work. Since you are desperate, I would suggest you might experiment with it (not at a time when you are about to have sex) and see how it works, with one pill or two, along with your douching routine.
  • mybud

    Posts: 14218

    Mar 01, 2018 11:25 AM GMT
    two_meninlove saidVote republican, because I'm full of shit.
  • MuchoMasQueMu...

    Posts: 1576

    Mar 01, 2018 12:05 PM GMT
    two_meninlove saidVote republican, because they are not full of shit.


    LOL! This was so out of "left field", I nearly spit up my water as I took a sip and read this! icon_lol.gif
  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2018 4:19 PM GMT
    metta saidHow To Properly Clean Your Ass Before Anal Sex, As Told By A Porn Star

    https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/properly-clean-ass-anal-sex-porn/1541343


    Thanks for the article. I hear pretty frequently that enemas are pretty unhealthy, especially if done one a regular basis. I guess this answer my "how do porn stars get sooooooo clean" question. But what about for everyday sex?
  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2018 4:21 PM GMT
    bachian saidI know you've mentioned you're not open to the idea of using imodium tablets, but even in the light of the arguments you've made, you forgot to mention how often you're having sex. If you're having anal sex sparingly and in a predictable fashion, it makes sense to use imodium around the times you know you will have sex. I don't think they will turn your poop into concrete as this depends on the dose and your normal poop consistency.


    Not that frequently. Maybe a couple times a week at most. Granted, my hesitation with imodium is theoretical, so I'll look into it and see if there are any side effects or potential dangers of using it too much. I actually take pride is how 'regular' I stay. I'd hate to throw a wrench in the works.
  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2018 4:23 PM GMT
    two_meninlove saidVote republican, because they are not full of shit.


    Stay on topic please. I think we can all agree that we're bombarded with enough politics throughout the day without you shoe-horning it into random forum threads.
  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Mar 01, 2018 4:24 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    closetfella said
    -"Just pop an immodium tablet" Don't get me wrong, it's nice having a backup plan/safety net for unexpected sex, but I don't want to make a habit of turning my intestines' contents into concrete every time I want to have sex. It's just not healthy.


    Have you ever actually tried Imodium? I would echo what bachian said - I don't use it often, (and haven't used it for this purpose) but I always have some on hand, especially when traveling. I've never experienced concretization, and when I do use it, I take the recommended 2 pills to start with. I have observed that it can take up to 4 hours to really work. Since you are desperate, I would suggest you might experiment with it (not at a time when you are about to have sex) and see how it works, with one pill or two, along with your douching routine.


    No I haven't actually tried it, so I'l look into it and maybe give it a shot. It would be a good back up chute, but this still leaves the question of everyday preparation hanging. Any tips on that?

    Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 04, 2018 9:51 AM GMT
    ^
    One natural alternative to Imodium is the guava fruit, which has the same constipating effect. Just like Imodium, it’s dose dependent so you should try eating more of this fruit until you reach the desired stool consistency.
  • metta

    Posts: 44772

    Mar 05, 2018 6:12 AM GMT
  • closetfella

    Posts: 6

    Mar 19, 2018 10:32 PM GMT
    metta said


    Thanks for the video, but I get sooooooo tired of these guys who say "Just eat fiber, poop, shower, and you'll be good to go!" Am I the only person on the planet for whom this is a guaranteed recipe for disaster? (this is experience talking btw, not irrational fear).

    I feel like I'm trying to learn how to do 20 pullups, and 9/10 guys are telling me "Just grab the bar with both hands, pull with your arms until your chin is over the bar, and then repeat 20 times. Easy!"

    This is so frustrating.